A sincere letter from me to You guys:
I've been a failure. I was a failure, I get very sad and depressed about it and I can’t be that no more. I really feel like I betrayed myself, big time. I know when I was growing up I had all the potential in the world. Now I'm back to being [JUSTIN] who has a beer in his hand, thinking about the great American [SPORTS BLOG] and the great American [PASTIME]. This time I cannot fail, I won’t fail, it’s not in me. You don't get second chances and mess them up; you'd be a fool to. Not just finishing [POSTS] or in the long run getting some money... This time it’s most important not to fail, not just to drink and to dream but rather to create and complete.
Sincerely,
-ME
I'm the worst. I know I say this a lot, but I now possess empirical evidence to prove my point. I've failed to provide even an ounce of coverage of the Tigers over the past week and subsequently, we've gone into the shitter. When I left, we were 5-2, about to head out on a western road trip as comeback kings. Since then we've gone 2-5, our pitching has blown, our offense is unreliable at best, and honestly man, this whole thing is turning into a theatrical mockery. You understand that, right? So all I want to say is I apologize. I'll try not to let it happen again. But with my history of mixing prescription drugs and booze and wandering off for days at a time, I'm not in any position to make promises.
Here are the top 3 things you need to know about the Tigers at this point:
1. Our Offense Can Hit (and that's it....) Guess what, the Tigs have the 2nd highest batting average in the AL (.275). We're hitting for the same average as the Yankees in fact who are 10-3. La-di-frickin-dah. Cus guess what? The Yankees aren't second to last in HR (8) and in last place for stolen bases (3). I mean we're second in total hits (134) but can't do anything once men get on base, as shown by finishing 9th in RBI's with 55. In our last seven games we've been outscored in our losses 30-13 and in our wins we're just barely getting by 10-7. So we need more production in clutch situations.
2. Our Pitchers Are Choke Artists I mean really Verlander? Really? You're really going to cash all those endorsement checks from those video game commercials and go on and on about how you can dominate Evan Longoria, even when your sporting a 6.88 ERA and giving up 13 runs in 3 starts? Really? We're 10th in th AL in ERA (4.39), given up the 3rd most hits, and we're second to last in strike outs. We need our bats to produce its true, but we need our starters to settle in and start striking some people out. I'm looking for a little fire. Maybe I should just give Kenny Powers a call and sit all you guys down. " I'm the man who has the ball. I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick... everyone." And by the way, Fuck you Phil Coke. I did not give you permission to shave that mullet. Even Jared Allen, the dumbest man on earth knows his power comes from his hair. Get with the program please
3. Fielding was Not Named After Cecil Fielder... So Stop Playing Defense Like Him We are LAST in fielding percentage right now. I mean sure, .974 doesn't sound so bad, until you notice we lead the AL in errors (14) and we give up the 3rd most stolen bases. What the fuck? we are 2nd in double plays turned, so I'm not going to rag too hard on the infield, but I'm almost positive Laird wants to sit the bench the way he has been playing. If he wasn't on steroids last season, he should look into them, cus dude couldn't stop a guy from stealing with a neon vest and whistle. Come on!
So maybe the reason I haven't written is because I'm in doom and gloom mode at the moment. My Tigs aren't showing up, and honestly, I just didn't want to talk about it. But fuck that, if they don't show up, from now on I'm going to call them on it, because if my family has taught me anything its that the only way to learn from your mistakes is if everyone you know tells you what an idiot you are for making them in the first place. Tough love fellas, tough love.
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