Imported From Detroit Superbowl Commercial

Uhhh, lame. Where the fuck was Suh?

Pure Detroit

Not a bad Detroit tat but I've always said that if I'm gonna go ahead and get the Olde English D on my body that I'll go the whole 9 yards and get Cecil Fielder's entire jersey done. Olde English D on the front left chest and name and number on back. Probably get free McDonalds for life.

Rainn Wilson Feels the Wrath of Detroit After Twitter Remarks

(WXYZ) - Actor Rainn Wilson has touched off a minor firestorm on Twitter over a tweet he posted on the reaction of some Vancouver Canucks fans to their team's loss in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. The loss touched off riots in the Canadian city, with 150 people needing treatment at the hospital and another 100 being arrested.

In response to the riots, Wilson posted "Vancouver is now the Detroit of Canada." on his Twitter account .

The response to that tweet was such that Wilson felt the need to respond to it two hours later with "Wow, I pissed off a lot of Vancouverites and Detroit folk. In penance I'm going to tip over my Prius and set fire to it." Wilson further responded later Thursday with another tweet saying "Man, I have a new-found respect for Detroit after the angry shellacking Ive taken from my crack this AM. U guys sure rally to yr city!"

Vancouver wishes they had 11 cups. Eat a dick Rainn.

Germany Totally Wishes they were Detroit

Freep - A German auto commercial is hitting a little too close to home for some folks in Eminem's camp. Eight Mile Style, the Ferndale company that handles song licensing for the Detroit rapper, alleges that a new Audi ad uses an unauthorized interpretation of Eminem's "Lose Yourself." The firm says the Audi spot appears to borrow in general from the Chrysler 200's "Imported From Detroit" campaign, which uses "Lose Yourself" as its centerpiece and has been widely lauded for its uplifting portrayal of Detroit. Eight Mile Style filed a motion in German court this week to quash the Audi ad, which shows a driver touring an urban landscape in a 2012 A6 Avant.

The Germans are a bunch of unoriginal bitches. First Milli Vanilli and now this. This unchecked aggression can not stand man. Time for Chrysler to pull out the big guns and fire back with a Du Hast ad.

Kid Rock Paddles Out to Belle Isle with Nick Lidstrom and Chris "not like he has anything better to do" Chelios to Announce Concert at Comerica

Kid Rock’s Aug. 12 concert at Comerica Park will be a daylong celebration of Detroit, the hometown star said today while announcing the show. Rock revealed details at a media event this morning at Belle Isle’s beach, after paddle surfing across the Detroit River with hockey pals Nick Lidstrom and Chris Chelios — introduced by Rock as “my new security detail.” Sammy Hagar & the Wabos have been enlisted as show opener, and will link up with Rock and his Twisted Brown Trucker band for a night-closing jam. “I look it as an excuse for people to come down and enjoy the city,” he said. “I kind of look at it like a (Tigers) opening day.” Before paddling off, Rock pointed journalists to a nearby cooler. It was packed with his Bad Ass Beer.

God damn I wish JBS had a financial backer. I would've kayaked out right behind these clowns singing "All Summer Long" through a bullhorn the entire way. Of course it wouldn't be cheap, i'd have to get some sort of Jim Joyce wetsuit made and you'd have to pony up for a night at the airport Ramada but shit small price to pay if you ask me. Only thing that could've made this picture better? Me slaying walleye from a kayak in the background.

PS - turns out Kid Rock was supposed to have a Comedy Central roast but he told them it's off when they suggested a venue outside of Detroit. Direct quote - "I'm not going to go to L.A. or Las Vegas to get teased,” he said. “If they come to Detroit, the roast will be on.” Fuckin love this guy.

PSS - If this isn't a massive play by Kid Rock to get Lidstrom back for another year I don't know what is.

Detroit Cop Gets Caught Banging Transgender Hooker in his Squad Car

Freep - Detroit Police are investigating allegations that an on-duty officer had sex in his squad car with a transgendered prostitute, a department spokesman said Friday. Details were scarce, but police said internal affairs investigators are looking into the allegations that the officer engaged in sex acts with the prostitute in his police cruiser about two weeks ago while it was parked somewhere in the Northeast District. The officer was on duty when other officers approached the car and found him engaged in sexual activity, police said. “Right now the officer is suspended with pay,” Officer Dan Donakowski, a police department spokesman, said Friday. “It is under investigation.”

What does a guy gotta do to get in trouble around here? First these hoodlums, aka geniuses, from Pioneer get the last month off of school cause they shat all over Huron High's football field and now Officer Far-frombeingstraight-va gets busted getting it on with a tranny whore in his squad car and he's suspended WITH pay? Man, guess it's time to start deucing where I please and boning trannies again.

PS - Good news for Tressel, eh? If he gets canned he could always get work as a cop in Detroit.

Bigger Story? - Detroit Needs More Immigrants or Death of Osama Bin Laden

Bahahaha! Look at AM New York nailing it with their top story this morning. I feel a Pulitzer Prize on the horizon for the guy who rushed Bloomberg's "Detroit Needs More Immigrants" story to press minutes before Obama killed Osama Bin Laden.

Can't tell if I should be pissed or relieved that I missed this Kid Rock cruise

It's pretty obvious that missing this cruise is gonna be one of those things you tell your grand kids about. Like passing on tickets to Woodstock or something. Just four solid days of nonstop music, sunshine, and more STDs than you could shake a dick at. I mean think about it, you've got the entire shady acres trailer park pretending their P-Diddy for the weekend, smashing Bud Heavys, and fucking like bunnies in the hottub on the lito deck. Plus everybody knows cruise ships are giant petri dishes that brew up new superhuman diseases which are immune to modern medicine. Rumor has it that on the third day, Uncle Kracker started an airborne outbreak of herpes that swept clean through the ship.

Would you have guessed this was a baby from Detroit crunk on margaritas and talking to walls at Applebees?

When Detroit local Taylor Dill-Reese noticed that her 15 month-old son was acting funny at Applebees last Friday, she took a pull from his sippy cup and faced every mother’s worst nightmare: instead of the apple juice she ordered, her son’s cup was filled with tequila and super cheap margarita mix. “He was “saying ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ to the walls,” she later told a local news station. “He eventually laid his head down on the table and we thought maybe he was just sleepy.” Dill-Reese rushed little Dominic to the hospital and found he had a blood alcohol level of .1,which is .02 above the legal limit to drive. Applebee’s maintains that this was an accident, not a sadistic prank. But it does mean that the bartender either mistook the sippy cup for for a margarita glass or a margarita machine for a jug of apple juice—either way, pretty confounding. “Nobody at the table ordered alcoholic drinks,” said Dill-Reese. “So, he definitely shouldn’t have received one.”

I can't tell you how many nights I've sat at the bar begging for a buyback that never comes. It pretty much consumes my every thought while I'm there. Turns out though, all you gotta do is be a baby and belly up to the bar with your sippy cup on Applebees' 2 for $20 night. Before you know it you'll be blacked out on free apple margaritas and running your mouth at an autographed picture of Mike Henneman until you eventually pass out face first in your maple butter blondie. This actually is starting to sound like a BMOC Friday night.

Donna F. Edwards (D-MD) Lays into Republicans White Stripes Style

And with that I yield mother fuckers.

Kwame Bunking with Convicted Killer

Detroit— Kilpatrick is sharing a cell with a convicted killer from Wayne County who was sentenced to 23-40 years in prison, state Corrections spokesman Russ Marlan said Thursday. Kilpatrick's 28-year-old bunkmate, whose name was not released by state prison officials, has served 10 years in prison for second-degree murder and a felony firearm offense.

Oh c'mon dude, what's one more murder? Pretty pleeeeease!

Charlie Sheen Bombs in Detroit Harder than Obama in Lybia

Asked last week why Sheen chose Detroit to launch his month-long, 20-city tour his publicist Larry Solters said, "Why not?" Maybe his handlers thought that out in the boondocks, he'd get a soft reception. The show Saturday night at the Fox Theatre got off to an inauspicious start with a comedian so rambling and unhumorous that Sheen had to come out and ask that people stop booing and let the fellow finish. The energy picked up when the actor and his two "goddesses," miniskirt-clad, live-in girlfriends Natalie Kenly and Rachel Oberlin (aka Bree Olson) strolled out to a standing ovation. This was the charming, elegantly wasted, fast-talking Charlie we wanted to see. He had the goddesses burn his "Two and a Half Men" shirt, and he donned a Tigers jersey (with "Warlock 99" imprinted on the back), to great cheers. Alas, the good time didn't last long.

It was an evening of catcalls and cries of "loser!" but one fellow managed to be heard when he booed loudly during a brief lull when everybody else was silent. With lightning-fast timing, Sheen snapped, "I already got your money, dude!"

Some of the pre-recorded video bits were well-paced and funny, although the inclusion of "RPG," the short film Sheen wrote, directed and produced years ago was inexplicable. During the times Sheen had to speak and hold the audience's attention, things really fell apart. He was the reason the audience was there, they wanted to see their gruff, charming bad boy, the folk hero who never said "sorry," who told his boss to take his cushy job and shove it. Sure, over the years he never grew out of the Beverly Hills, rich brat persona but there was a self-deprecating charm underneath the caustic humor. Wasn't there?

Sheen's monologue was full of his usual poetic metaphors, pop cultural references and gruff egotism, but instead of lasting for the one or two minutes we were used to on TV, the piece went on and on, making the audience fidget and then explode in boredom and rage (the time between boredom and rage was frighteningly short). He was reduced to stop reading (yes, he was reading) and say, "Come on, let me finish...this is all leading to something!" when the boos became more insistent.

At one point, Sheen sat on a park bench answering questions from the audience (solicited from his website). After answering one or two, he repeatedly asked the audience, "What do you want me to talk about? Do you want me to talk about my car being stolen? And if it involved crack?" As the fellow behind me pointed out, don't ask if you can tell a story, just tell it. When the grumbling and boos from the audience rumbled continually through his "speech," Sheen complained, "Well we all can't talk at once!" like an irritated substitute teacher.

Then he tried to pull off a joke about Detroit's dwindling population —"Detroit, population 5,000...and it looks like all of you are here tonight!" — bad move. An already ugly mood turned darker. The show ended abruptly after a short rap by Dirt Nasty and a video of Snoop Dogg's much-vaunted "Winning" rap. The houselights came on and nobody came out to say goodnight.

I can't imagine anyone is shocked by this. I for one knew the second that Charlie Scheen announced he was gonna do an hour an a half long, one man show and open with Detroit that it would most likely blow up in his face. I mean as outrageous as his life is and as amazing as the nation's fascination with him has become, you still can't really ignore the fact he's not funny in the stand-up comedian sense. Like, in case you forgot he had writers on Two And A Half Men. And in case you forgot again, he was fired from that show. I highly doubt the two porn sluts he's banging got far enough in their acting classes to cover comedic timing, although them making out was universally the most enjoyed moment of the show.


Not to mention you send out some no-name opening act that sucks and gets everyone booing and going apeshit. Then when everyone in the crowd is bored as nails and booing you, you decide it'll be a good idea to fire back and make fun of Detroit's declining population and crack problem and then wonder why people were pissed. Combine all that with the fact that hard working Detroiters value their money and tickets were something absurd like 70 bucks and you're gonna have a crowd just looking to explode. #Losing. Duh

Robo Cop Saga Continues in Detroit

I understand what these "artists" are trying to say but all this really proves is that when you ain't got no job to be at, then you end up with way too much time on your hands. Instead of building crappy Robo Cop statues in order to make statements about why we shouldn't build Robo Cop statues, we should probably just focus our energy on actually fixing things like schools, the crime rate, and anything else that would add value to living in a city which has lost 25% of its population in the last 10 years. I mean there are only 4 major sports and once you move the Stones downtown you're basically outta upgrades.

Mayor of Philly Suburb Dies in Skydiving Accident

`
A Delaware County lawyer who was mayor of the tiny borough of Rutledge died Friday while skydiving in Gloucester County, authorities said. Carter Scott Shields, 45, plummeted into woods about 4:25 p.m. in Williamstown after his main parachute failed to open, said Bernie Weisenfeld, spokesman for the Gloucester County Prosecutor's Office. County detectives determined that Shields' emergency chute activated automatically but failed to open completely, Weisenfeld said. On Friday night, his Facebook page was filled with stunned comments from family and friends, many repeating a reference to his love of skydiving: "Blue skies."

First off I'd like to send my condolences to Mr. Shields. Blue skies, sweet prince. Blue skies.

On another note, life is straight fucked. I mean if a mayor is gonna die jumping out of a plane how is God not gonna pick you-know-who.

No Big Deal, Nothing To See Here Folks. Just George Clooney Destroying a Bowl of Mulagatani Behind a Dumpster in Detroit

I'm not gonna sit here and pretend I know what's going on with the movie industry in Detroit. I've heard a few whisperings that Gov. Rich Snyder thinks it makes financial sense to cut back on the incentives that originally enticed film studios to come to Detroit in the first place while others argue that if they do the industry will die altogether in Michigan. It seems like a compromise would probably be the best way to make money for the state while still keeping jobs for the Michiganders who run the cameras and do the clap thing. I just know that Clooney has never spent more than a day in Detroit until he started filming his new movie "The Ides of March" and if they cut incentives he'd probably never return again. He sure ain't coming back for the scenery.

Take a Tour of the New $221 Million Dollar Cobo Center

Damn, I could get used to this new Detroit. You've got huge ass Carnival cruise ships chilling in the Detroit River and the People Mover flying past Cobo at the speed of light. Ballin! It's about damn time too cause I've always thought it sucked that I couldn't cover the 400 yards from Greektown to the Renaissance Center in 3.4 seconds.

Who Pulls More Ass? My Pit Lucy or this Baby Aardvark at the Detroit Zoo?

This one's tough cause when Lucy puts on her party outfit she pulls more tail than Spuds MacKenzie. But lets be real, even though this baby aardvark looks like a giant testicle with legs, rabbit ears, and a snout, it's still so fuckin cute that any chick would drop her panties the second she laid eyes on it. Word on the street is that Charlie Sheen even had one of these little guys but he had to get rid of it after it snorted his entire stash. Not Winning!

Is Eminem Boning Porn Star Sasha Grey?

MTV.com posted pictures Friday from this week's three-day video shoot for "Space Bound," the next single from Em's "Recovery" album. Shot in Los Angeles, the video features him and adult film actress Sasha Grey as star-crossed lovers. Grey appeared in HBO's "Entourage" last season as the love interest of Vincent (Adrian Grenier). "Space Bound" will be the fourth video from "Recovery," which was named best rap album at Sunday's Grammys before losing out in the album-of-the-year contest.

Just when you thought Charlie Sheen had the market cornered on professional cock suckers, Eminem comes outta nowhere and decides to hitch his wagon to this knob slobber's star. I just don't get this move though. Not really sure he should give up on things with Kim.

Detroit on List of Top 10 Most Liveable US Cities

Dailymail - The survey ranks cities based on 30 factors such as healthcare, culture and environment, and education and personal safety.

TOP 10 U.S. CITIES

1. Pittsburgh
2. Honolulu
3. Washington DC
4. Chicago
5. Atlanta
6. Miami
7. Detroit
8. Boston
9. Seattle
10. Minneapolis

Worldwide, the Canadian city of Vancouver topped the list for the fifth time in a row, scoring 98 per cent overall. It was followed by Melbourne in Australia and Vienna in Austria. The rest of the top ten is dominated by other Canadian and Australian cities, with the exception of Finland's Helsinki, at number six, and New Zealand's Auckland, ranked at number ten. Pittsburgh came in at number 29 across the globe.

Really, #7 most liveable you say? That's interesting. I mean if liveability is based on closing half your schools and shutting down entire fire departments then yeah, I'd have to say Detroit is totally liveable. But I have to question the rubric when you're trying to tell me that Pittsburg is sweeter than Honolulu and that Detroit is in the upper echelon of US cities in terms of education and personal safety. Just because you can buy a city block for $10,000 doesn't mean the place is liveable. I mean you have to consider additional expenses like the 10 g's it's gonna cost your for all the dead body removal you'll have to do on your new property. Adds up quick.

But whatever this says about Detroit I'm just glad I don't live in a shithole like Boston, Seattle, or Minneapolis. Man, those places must be like Fallujah. Oh, and there's no way I'm not calling bullshit on Vancouver being #1 worldwide. I mean it's gotta be fricken easy to keep crime down when they bus all your crackheads out of town because you're hosting the Olympics. I'm just saying.

Allen Park to Lay Off Entire Fire Department

City Council members approved laying off the 25-person fire department Tuesday night because of budget issues. Fire Chief Doug LaFond said he would be laid off as well. "That is obviously not what we want," LaFond told The Detroit News this morning. "We want to continue to serve the residents."

People are in an uproar about this, but to me it seems reasonable. Christ, just tell people to call the RoboCop statue the next time there's a fire.