Turns Out Bin Laden Bin' Spending Some Time On Redtube

Huffpost.com - An extensive stash of pornography was found in Osama bin Laden's compund in Abottabad, Pakistan, according to a report by Reuters. Citing anonymous U.S. officials, Reuters reports that “the collection consists of modern, electronically recorded video and is fairly extensive,” The officials specifically told the wire service they did not know if bin Laden “himself had acquired or viewed the materials.

Besides the whole killing thousands of innocent people thing, the main reason I never got into the terror game was because of the lack of porn in caves. Just never thought I could go years on end trying to make out nipples on scrambled Cinemax or going at it to the same busted Playboy from '87. I mean I'm pretty damn good at hunkering down for long periods of time and all, but that's only if I've got a few snacks, maybe some Bud Heavys, and most importantly a steady supply of HD smut.

But we should've known not to underestimate OBL. There's just no way Bin Laden was half assing his masturbation game. You know dude had just mountains of burqa porn.

MSU Aircraft Carrier Game Could Be Played On Ship That Buried Osama Bin Laden At Sea

In case the prospect of the first-ever college basketball game on an aircraft carrier isn't intriguing enough for fans, the ship North Carolina and Michigan State will play on next November may be especially noteworthy. Mike Whalen of the Morale Entertainment Foundation told WRAL that the carrier that will host the event in San Diego will either be the USS Ronald Reagan or the USS Carl Vinson. Of course, the USS Carl Vinson is the ship the body of Osama bin Laden was brought to in order to be buried in the North Arabian sea. That choice of aircraft carriers would only heighten the patriotic atmosphere for a game that will be held on Veterans Day in front of a crowd of mostly military personnel.

If MSU can make this happen it would easily be the best thing they've ever been a part of. Playing on the ship that tossed Osama Bin Laden's ass overboard is more patriotic than transporting that little rink in Lake Placid into the heart of Red Square for some pond hockey. Might even look into getting Hacksaw Jim Duggan to officiate the whole damn thing.


He could be just what this game needs to amp up the fact we're playing a college basketball game on a boat that put cement shoes on the world's most wanted man. I say if you really wanna make a day of it, you float that sucker up the St. Lawerence River, through the great lakes, and park it infront of the Mighty Mackinac just for effect. Then sit back and watch Izzo make it rain pasties after the victory. America! Fuck yeah!

Dude Vows To Not Shave Beard Until Osama's Capture. Time To Bust Out The Clippers

EPHRATA, Wash. -- A middle school teacher vowed after the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001, that he would not shave his beard until Osama bin Laden was caught. Gary Weddle kept his word Sunday evening. "I spent my first five minutes crying and then I couldn't get it off fast enough," Weddle, 50, told the Capital Press. Weddle, who lives in East Wenatchee and teaches in Ephrata, had wanted to cut his beard for years. The gray stringy growth actually made him look a bit like bin Laden, the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks who was killed by U.S. forces.

Weddle said he was so absorbed in the news that he neglected to shave. A week or so later, he decided not to shave until bin Laden was captured or proven dead. He figured it would just be a month or two. At the start of each school year, Weddle told students the beard was a reminder of the attacks. After all these years, Weddle figured he'd still be wearing the beard next Sept. 11, the 10th anniversary of the attacks.

He was working in his garden Sunday evening when news came that bin Laden was dead. Weddle wasted no time finding scissors and razors. He had cut the beard and was shaving the stubble before President Obama addressed the nation. Friends and neighbors watched him cut the beard. He cut himself while shaving for the first time in 3,454 days.

If ever the US was in the market for a new mascot, it's now, and they need look no further than our boy Gary Weedle. Forget Uncle Sam, this guy has what it takes. Who among us saw the Twin Towers go down and without hesitation decided that a razor strike was the thing needed to bring Osama to justice? Not me.

Shit, I've been growing my beard since Jan 1 just for shits and giggles and not a day goes by that I don't fight the urge to shave this shit off. Some days I even consider taking the straight edge to my jugular cause it's so unbearable. But not Gary. He was a rock. I mean this guy straight up bleeds red, white, and blue, shits bald eagles and exclusively fucks apple pies. Just America through and through. I'd even bet that Captain America wears Gary Weedle pajamas. With that, I think it's about damn time we give credit where credit is due and salute Gary Weedle for taking down Osama Bin Laden. Without his dedication it never would've been possible.

AMERICA, FUCK YA!

Everybody Ate Their Lunch Already, Right?

Disclosed Facts - Shot through the left eye. Buried at sea almost immediately after.

JBS Translation - Not Osama Bin Laden at all, but rather Lisa Left Eye Lopez and a massive government cover up. Seriously, how photoshopped does this picture look?