Anyone Catch Magua on Idol's Final 3 Last Night?

I get the whole Last of the Mohican thing cause there will only be one left when it's all said and done, but Naima Adedapo is taking the whole thing a bit too far.

I Almost Forgot That Randy Said Scottie McCreery Was On Garth Brooks' Level Last Night. Right Randy, And You're Flea

I almost punched my TV in the face when Randy said this. Yeah, he's on Garth's level alright. Only missing the 128 million records sold.

What Was Up with J-Lo's Hammer Pants on Idol?

This wardrobe choice defied logic. With a body that fine, why would you ever wear pants like this? Those things were so baggy it looked like she had a 60 lb vagina under that tarp.

Idol Recap

Real simple. Lauren Alaina will win American Idol and become a monster country star. She's straight up Carrie Underwood in training.

Top 3 performers of this week...

1 - Lauren
2 - Stefano
3 - Jacob

Predicted bottom 3 this week...
1 - Haley
2 - Paul
3 - Durbin

Oh, and American Idol Sidenote: I'm Creeped the Fuck Out by How Scottie Holds the Mic

Pia Sent Home From Idol. Bawhaaaaaaat!?

I watched Idol last week and once again I thought Pia was the top performer. She easily has the best voice among the group and is as polished as they come on AI. But as per usual I missed the cast off on Blursday cause I was, well blursing. To my surprise I just realized that Pia was sent home. I mean I knew she wouldn't win cause she was way to polished for the 12 year old girl and 60 year old woman crowd to fall in love with. The judges acted shocked and helpless, as well they should've, cause they wasted their "save" on that no talent ass clown Casey way too early. Which brings us to the biggest problem with American Idol in general now that Simon Cowell is gone. It's turned into a "who you love more" contest, opposed to a singing competition. There have been more karaoke worthy performances this year than I can remember in years past and the only criticism week in and week out from the judges is of Pia and Lauren who are the best two singers in the fuckin bunch. Meanwhile you walk up there with a stand up base or look like Charlie from It's Always Sunny and boom! You're gonna be in the top 3. What a joke.



PS - Rumor has it Pia already has a record deal with Interscope. How do you like them apples?

Idol Observation of the Night

Christian Slater loves Pia and Lauren too.

Casey Abrams and Haley Reinhart are an American Idol Couple. Bwwhhhaaaaat!?

Haley is dating Casey? Yeah right, next you'll tell me the Lions won their final 4 games last year. Ha!

Now, I know that being a successful musician sometimes trumps being an athlete when it comes to getting laid but this is straight outta left field. I mean there are a ton of other better looking dudes right there on Idol for her to bone. Yet she's still with this dude? The math just doesn't add up. Only thing I can think of is that she must be a beard man and according to the transitive property (A=B, and B=C, then A=C) then if A, Haley, will bone B, Casey, and B, Casey, equals C, Me (see beard below), then A, Haley will in fact bone C, me. Trust me folks, it makes a lot of sense if you don't think about it.

Is Steven Tyler wearing women's clothes tonight?

Top 3 from this week in my opinion...

1. Pia Toscano
2. Lauren Alaina
3. Haley Reinhart

Worst 3 in my opinion this week...

1. Naima Adedapo
2. Thia Megia
3. Stefano Langone

Factoring in previous weeks, my two guesses for the double elim today would be Naima and Stefano.

American Idol Recap: Birth Year Songs

Now that we're down to the final dozen it's time to start getting serious about Idol. Since the three assclowns they pay to judge the show have turned it into a "who tried the hardest" contest I'll do their job for them.

Naima Adedapo: 1984


-Second week in a row that Naima came out and proved the only reason she's in the top 12 is because she's interesting looking. And by interesting I mean looks like one of those freaks that would be on America's Next Top Model but that the rest of the world finds hideous. Score - 3/10

Paul McDonald: 1984
-This gay love child of Rod Stewart and Elton John basically gave us the exact same performance as last week. Apparently stumbling around the stage doing karaoke is all it takes to get a passing grade now that Simon is gone. Randy was right. He's not Elton he's Paul. Just a shame Paul is a one trick pony that can't sing. Score - 4/10

Thia Megia: 1995



-Boring but I'll never completely hate on anyone singing the Pocahontas Blue Corn Moon song. She gets a 5 for the song and a 0 for the performance. Soooo, 5/10

James Durbin: 1989
-100 times better than the previous 3 put together. I'm not gonna run out and get my hair feathered like Jon Bon but it's nice to finally have somebody perform that's worthy of the verbal bj the judges hand out each round. Score - 9/10

Haley: 1990


-The right song choice. Sexy with three xxx's in my opinion. Fuck the judges Haley and just keep making me wanna bone you no matter what the genre. PS - I think Seacrest just found his true calling as a makeup artist. Gay much bro? 6/10

Stephano Langone: 1989



-It was slow at parts but I think that's just the nature of the song. He did it well and really excelled at certain points. Possibly the best of the night. 8.5/10

Pia Toscano: 1988
-Did Steven Tyler just say "more famouser"? Christ. Anyway, Pia is my pick to take it all. In fact everyone else should head home now. I guess there's a chance she doesn't come home with the title cause the only people that vote for this shit are 12 year old girls and my mom, and in that demographic there just aren't enough heterosexual men. PS - Not sure if what the deal was with jumpsuit. I thought she was going skydiving but BMOC let me know that she was just going for the Jasmine look. Score - 8.5/10

Scotty McCreery: 1993


-Dude looks like a George Bush caricature but at least he finally did something right. After butchering a Garth song last week I pretty much wanted to strangle him with Billy Ray Cyrus' mullet but this was the best I've heard out of him. Don't get it twisted though, this is all you're ever gonna get out of him. Score - 7.5/10

Karen Rodriguez: 1989
-Besides being dressed like a Tijuana hooker, I think she did decent. People will get sick of her Latin flavor soon enough though and send her packing. Score - 6.5/10

Casey Abrams: 1991
-Didn't love it, didn't hate it. Vocally it sucked but I appreciate that he tried it. I just hope someone guts Courtney Love for selling Kurt Cobain's songs to American Idol. Fuckin talentless bitch. Score - 7/10

Lauren Alaina: 1993
-This song had more pitch problems than Joel Zumaya. Still kinda dug it though. Score - 6/10

Jacob Lusk 1989
-Dude's got major pipes but tonight proved that you can't Aretha Franklin every song you do and expect it to still work. I thought it was all over the place and he over sang the shit out of it. Score - 6/10

I Fuckin Miss Simon Cowell

It usually takes a lot to creep me out, but Steven Tyler is already there. Just blowing kisses to 14 year olds like it's his job. Well, I guess it kinda is.