Beckham Snags Kid Running Around on the Pitch

What is Beckham thinking here? There are responsibilities that come with being the sexiest man alive. You can't just go around tackling people when they run on the field cause now we're looking at an epidemic of bitches jumping outta the upper deck for a chance to get felt up by Becks. The league should probably just institute a policy that anytime someone runs on the field you cave in their face with a bicycle kick square to the dome.

Is this Penalty Kick Legit?

Just another classic example of why soccer sucks. Even when they're doing awesome shit it's barely noticeable. I had to watch this video 5 times before I could even figure out what I was supposed to be looking at.

Correction: Playing Soccer is for Pussies but Being a Fan of Soccer is for Hardasses

A 17-year-old fan of Colombian side Cucuta Deportivo was shot dead while playing in a neighborhood park on Saturday -- allegedly by hired assassins. So on Sunday, his fellow members of the Barra del Indio fan group took a coffin supposedly filled with his corpse to the club's match against Envigado. Seriously. After his wake, friends from "Barra del Indio" took the cadaver from the funeral home and paraded it around and then into the stadium in an attempt to pay homage to the slain soccer fan. The medic for the soccer club, Julio Rivera, told the press, "They don't let in the "barras" (fanatics) but yes, a cadaver. This is the only part of the world where this has happened."

Well I'll tell you what, this sports story is FANtastic! Too bad you don't see this type of passion in the NBA. Actually, maybe that shit Lebron throws in the air before every game is his cremated grandpa or something. Who knows?

Soccer Player destroys Borat Streaker and then gets a Red Card

Wow. You got one guy in the entire world of soccer not being a pussy and you punish him for it? Totallyfuckinbelievable.

Even Dogs Think Soccer Sucks

I live by the principle that any sport where dogs can beat humans is dumb. Think about it, dogs on skates? I don't think so, hence hockey is a real sport. A dog in a 100 yard dash against a human? Human gets smoked, therefore running not a sport.

Just when I think soccer players couldn't be bigger pussies, they go and do something like this and totally confirm they're the biggest pussies around

Jesus, grow a set dude. Like how are you supposed to go home and face your family after pulling something like this. I hope this guy has little girls so he can go have a fuckin tea party or play with Barbies or something cause if he has a son that kid should disown him immediately. And if this shit happens one more time in a soccer game, and I'm talking World Cup, fucking 10 year olds, whatever, I'm officially declaring it not a sport even though it complies with Pzena's if you can play defense then it's a sport stipulation. At this point I'd honestly rather watch women's gymnastics.