I Just Got the Ole "My Dog Ate My Gym Shorts Excuse". Classic

This kid Kye showed up the other day with possibly the most ballsy excuse note of all time. I mean we've all heard the dog ate my homework excuse but this is taking it to a whole new level. Mom even left 2 phone numbers for me to call if I had any questions, just basically daring me to call her. I almost did just to let her know she's the greatest mom ever.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

"What does akimbo mean?" - William

"Read the rest of the sentence, what do you think it means?" - Me

"I don't know, I've heard of Akimbo Slice but that's it." - William



William - 11 years old
Bed Stuy Do or Die, Bitches

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

"Yo, Mr. Mason! Can I go get my moneyball outta my locker?" - Jaylin

"What's your moneyball?" - Me

"It's my lucky ball." - Jaylin

"Alright, go get it." - Me



I should've known.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

Sadat - "Hey look, it's a kitten named a kitten."

Me - "You mean the kitten's name is Kitten?"

Sadat - "No, its' name is A Kitten"

Me - "Huh?"



Sadat - 7 years old
Bed Stuy Do or Die Bitches

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

I was teaching some tumbling to a group of first graders and this smart phone came flying out of some kids pocket. I confiscated it in accordance with school policy and that's when he yelled...

"My mommy is gonna be mad at you. She doesn't like it when she can't reach me."

Yup, this is somehow real life. Kid's fricken 6.

"Shit Kids in Brooklyn Say"

I was sitting with about 20 kids or so in detention the other day when we heard this woman shriek from outside the window. William, a smartass sixth grader with a decent sense of humor looked up and said...

"Lottery?"

William - 12 years old
Bed-Stuy, Do or Die

How Fuckin Badass Are These John Cena Socks?

I would've murdered for some Vader socks back in the day.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

I walked up to Genesis who was taking a hit of his asthma pump. He gave me a thumbs up and had this to say.

Genesis - "It's got hemorrhoids in it."

Me - "You mean steroids?"

Genesis - "Yeah, that's what I said."

Better Role Model - John Legend or Nelson Mandela?

We've got these posters up all over my school about "Winning!" on the state test. The poster up top says "winning takes humility" with a picture of John Legend and all his Grammys. The poster below says "winning takes virtus grit" with a picture of Neslon Mandela in prison. Don't know how I feel about putting John Legend and Nelson Mandela in the same category.

"Shit Kids in Brooklyn Say and or Cut into their Hair

At least I won't forget Mike's name anymore.

"Shit Kids in Brooklyn Cut into their Hair"

I'm calling this kid the Black Widow from now on and that has nothing to do with race. It's seriously just a very common spider themed nickname. Case and point, Jeanette Lee has been known as the Black Widow for years in the professional pool circuit and she's as Asian as they come.

"Shit Kids in Brooklyn Say"

Got this worksheet from 5 year old Qadaffi today. I asked him what he wrote on the name line.

"Yeah, that's my name. Q-money."

"Shit Kids in Brooklyn Say"

Sean - Age 7

"I wish they made real chill pills cause I need one for my heart right now."

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

Jamel (2'nd grade) to a boy who was "IT" during a game of tag

"Come get your flapjacks son!"

You better believe I'm gonna be using this constantly from now on.

"Shit Kids in Brooklyn Say"

Zakiy - "Mr. Mason you look like Kevin Love"

Me - "Oh really?"

Zakiy - "It's cool he has like 100 double-doubles"

Fair enough, Let's let my 7th grade picture make the call. That's me creeping in the red polo.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

I was walking out of the building after work yesterday and this 6th grader bolted past me with this portable mixing board in his hand and screamed...

"I can't wait to listen to my beats" - Jakhi, 12 years old

Only in the Stuy - Do or Die, Bitches.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

Christopher and Nathan approach SGaf

"Christopher just said he's too sexy." - Nathan

"Why would you say that?" - SGaf to Christopher

"I heard it in a song. You know, I'm too sexy for my shirt" - Christopher

"Go sit down" - SGaf



PS - I would've bet my left nut that he knew the word sexy from the Shaun Michaels entrance music. When I put on the instrumental version in the gym kids immediately bust into the stretched out full body flex.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

"My abs hurt." - Jonathon

"Really, why?" - Me

"Cause I got absma" - Jonathon



Jonathon age 7

Bed-Stuy Do or Die, Bitches

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

This is how you customize your gym, folks. I finally put up this Granderson Fathead I got for 5.99 on clearance the other day and kids are going bonkers over it. One kid even ran in pointing to it and screamed, "I love Tom Brady!".

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Cut Into Their Hair"

Kid watches Avatar every day after school.