How Did I Not Notice Barry in the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl Last Year?

This has gotta be some sick, twisted joke right? We go 31-81 over a 7 year span, the worst run in NFL history mind you, and you can't even find the fricken guy. Face of the franchise just up and vanishes like a fart in the wind with nothing more than a fax to the Wichita Eagle saying, "peace bitches, I'm out". And through it all, all the losing, all the unqualified head coaches, all the quarterbacks, all the wideouts, oh fuckin hell the wideouts, not even a whiff of Barry. I kinda just figured he was off on some desert island sipping mai tais with Bobby Fischer, Tupac, and the Easter Bunny.

But oh no. Turns out the son of a bitch has been living in West Bloomfield the entire time. Just sitting back waiting for us to get good again so he can reemerge and lather himself up in all the butter The Schwartz has been baking our cornbread in. Well guess what buddy? Seats fuckin takin'. If anyone's getting back in the door it's gonna be Herman Moore. Dude could probably still play opposite Calvin today. Can't teach 6'4"

PS - I love how he decided to pick the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl as the vessel for his glorious return. Christ, Eli Manning was his coach and had him playing fucking defense. Greatest running back to ever walk the planet and I honestly don't think he touched the ball one time the entire game. Just sat back and got picked apart by Turtle from Entourage like he was Wes Welker or something.

PSS - Just spent about an hour of my snow day watching the replay of this game so I could get a decent picture of Barry. Probably took a dozen shots and there's not one where he's not creepin on some hottie. Look at him straight spanking that bitch with his eyes.

Is this Guy Who Called in the Bomb Threat When the Lions Went Down by Two Scores Against the Saint the Greatest Lions Fan of All Time?

FREEP.COM - A Jackson man, who coincidentally shares the name of the New Orleans Saints head coach, admitted to calling in a bomb threat and another hostile phone call to the Superdome during the Lions' loss on Jan. 7, according to the Times-Picayune. Shawn Payton, 34, admitted to an FBI agent on Monday that he indeed made at least two phone calls as the game was getting away from Detroit. When Jimmy Graham scored a touchdown to put the Saints up by 10, a man called the Superdome and said "I will blow your building up," according to an affidavit filed in federal court. About an hour later, another message was left, saying: "Hi, I want ot relay a message to the sideline. If your stupid Southern team keeps winning, there will be reper ... severe consequences. OK?"

The Times-Picayune was able to reach Payton for comment and he said that between his near-fatal car accident three years ago and his custody battle with his daughter's mother in Alabama, he's long-past frustrated. "I don't drink, and I don't do drugs. From time to time, I do get frustrated and go off without meaning it," he said. "I let some words fly out of my mouth, and I sincerely apologize. I will never ever, ever, ever do anything like that again."

Aaaaaand this is exactly why the Lady Friend confiscates my phone prior to kickoff. She straight up knows that if I had been allowed social media capabilities this season I would've threatened to blow up the Metrodome, Jerry's World, Soldier Field, the Superdome, Lambeau Field, and probably even Ford Field a couple of times. I mean this year was fucking straight bonkers if you were a Lions fan. A lot of ins, ya know, a lot of outs, a shit ton of what have yous.

But still, I can't really condone what Shawn did here. I mean I give him bonus points for having the same name as the coach of the team he was threatening to murder, that's a nice touch, but c'mon we all lived through the Millenium. We've all got scars and I can't really bring myself to care that your "wife divorced you and took your kid", or that you were in a "near fatal car accident 3 years ago". And you better just go ahead and get the fuck outta here with the whole "long past frustrated" story cause we all bleed Honolulu Blue my friend. It's like you're that guy trying to steal Costanza's apartment from the tenant board cause he's an Andrea Doria survivor. Cry me a river dude. Like 51 people died. That's it. What do you lose on a normal cruise? 30, 40?

Anygay, if all it takes is a little suffering to get bomb threat immunity then, well, maybe I'll tell you the "Astonishing Tales of JoeyBlueSkies". I mean, my body of work in this field is pretty much unparalleled. Bottom line is, I appreciate the passion, I really do, but for reals Shawn, rope that shit back in. You're making us all look bad. You don't see Packer fans taking headers off the Tower Drive Bridge now do you.

Ahhh. Did I Catch a Brain Tumor in There?

Just heard the reason Jerome Harrison failed his physical was because of a brain tumor? Is this real life?

NEWS ALERT: Dom Fathead Available on Ebay

I thought it my duty to inform everyone that there is currently a Dominic Raiola fathead available on Ebay. It's going for $99 bucks which is about $98 bucks more than it's worth but still, the fact Harrington hasn't bought up every one of these in existence is shocking.


My only complaint is that this fathead should've been from the ass end so I could practice taking snaps from him all day.

Anyone Else Bored as Shit Today?

I honestly don't know what to do with myself today. A fall Sunday without the Lions is about as rare as an Alex Avila post season hit. And now that the Tigers' game just got postponed till tomorrow I need some direction for the rest of the day. Here is a list of things I might try in order to get through the worst Sunday ever.

1 - Get all my Lions Jerseys Dry Cleaned: They're covered in years of beer and various condiments. Good day to wash away all that losing.



2 - Book Club: Been dying to curl up with this one.



3 - Shower. Finally



4 - Get off the Fantasy Football schneid: Despite Jason Hanson and Sebastian Janikowski I'm still a combined 0-8 in my 2 leagues. Who knew you weren't supposed to draft kickers early?



5 - Recycle all the Empty Blaze Orange Camo Busch Cans that have Piled up in the Pantry Since Week 1



6 - Play Beer Die



7 - Go to Mass



8 - Make Love



9 - Get Lions 16-0 Tat



10 - Grab a Camera and go AOL Cruising



11 - Finally Forgive Barry



12 - Pretend the Lions are on and get all sorts of Drunk-Lions-Chick blackout anyway.



13 - Put Celebration on Repeat



14 - Eat the Rest of Last Nights Hot and Ready.



15 - Just Sleep till Monday

Suh Still Clinging to Hopes of Being Named Lions Place Kicker

Time to let it go big fella. I mean Hanson is absolutely killing it this year which means you've got about a zero percent chance of getting another shot at an extra point this year. Unless of course he goes down with a serious injury in which case I'm screwed. Jason is easily the best player on my fantasy team. Check out the gong show I'm running out there this week.




PS - Suh is lucky Vanden Bosch didn't rip off his head for making it rain Gatorade all over him. That shit is sticky.

I Don't Even Know Where to Start

Based on the number of emails I've received the last few months it's pretty evident that my extended summer vacation is not going over well with the Blueskiers. My abrupt disappearance has elicited cat calls of Bin Laden, Bobby Fisher, and Barry Sanders and I can't say these comparisons were misdirected. But regardless of my past transgressions I can't maintain the silence any longer. Bmase has stepped up in my absence and done a noteworthy job but it's time to give the people of Detroit what they crave.

To anyone with a pulse and a 313 area code it's evident that we're on the cusp of the biggest few weeks in Detroit sports history. We're talking about the Tigers taking the series over the Evil Empire and our Dad's Fathers Day bet of $100 on the Tigers to win the World Series at a 20-1 shot is looking pretty damn good! Dude better buy me a gold plated JoeyBlueSkies jersey if that shit pans out.

We're also talking about the Lions getting off to their best start since 1980 and going into the biggest Monday Night Football game we've ever seen in Detroit! Word is they're gonna break the all time NFL attendance record and after weeks of getting double teamed, I predict Suh finally breaks out with a 2 sack night.

And although it may not seem like it, we're also talking about the Wings kicking off another season which means it's time to put on the white gloves cause another Cup is on it's way.

Now, can you expect me to crank out 10 posts a day like the prized shih tzu at a puppy mill? No. But you can definitely count on weekends full of uncompromising opinion about all that is Detroit and a few weekday posts about anything I feel you need to hear about.

If you're looking for a game recap I suggest you go to the Freep.com cause you aren't gonna get it here. But if you want to find out what true fans are itching to say than this is your place. If you don't agree, I encourage you to tell me about it. If you like it, then tell me about it. Most importantly if you're a fan of JBS and know someone who's into Detroit sports you better toot my horn otherwise you can S my coney dog.

To get things kicked back off I want to just give all BlueSkiers a reminder why I am who I am.

Was listening to a lot of Detroit sports talk radio this week and the one resounding theme amongst all the Lions enthusiasm was that nobody saw this amazing start coming. I beg to differ...

Let me take you back to April 20th 2011, the day this year's NFL schedule came out.

Don't really have much time today cause I'm back in Michigan with the Lady Friend looking for a place to get hitched but thought I'd just let you know that the Lions are going to the playoffs next year. NBD.

Now, normally I'd spend the better part of the summer going through each game and calculating our chances to win but it's not even necessary this year. The football Gods have finally pardoned us following year after year of absolutely brutal schedules. With a win in Dallas there's a chance the Lions could be 4-0 going into the Monday Night game and even 6-0 before they face the Falcons. This is the year to restore the roar! Lions Bumaya!!!

Sept. 11 at Tampa Bay - Win.

Sept. 18 vs. KANSAS CITY - Crapshoot. They're basically us. But still, Win.

Sept. 25 at Minnesota - Do they even have a stadium? Win.

Oct. 2 at Dallas - Suh knocks out Romo. Win.

Oct. 10 vs. CHICAGO (Monday Night Football)- Lions to the Playoffs hype starts. Win.

Oct. 16 vs. SAN FRANCISCO - No QB, Suh stops the run. Win.

Oct. 23 vs. ATLANTA - Ryan exposes a still weak secondary. Loss.

Oct. 30 at Denver - I'll be at this game and I'll be a mile drunk. Win.

Nov. 6 Bye

Nov. 13 at Chicago - Win.dy City blows.

Nov. 20 vs. CAROLINA - Win by 30.

Nov. 24 vs. GREEN BAY (Thanksgiving) Playoff pressure builds. Lions choke. Loss.

Dec. 4 at New Orleans - Drew Brees. Loss.

Dec. 11 vs. MINNESOTA - Win.

Dec. 18 at Oakland - Al Davis takes Usain Bolt in draft. Win.

Dec. 24 vs. SAN DIEGO - Jose sucks. Win.

Jan. 1 at Green Bay - Win if it matters. Loss otherwise.


Give or take a few games, that's basically how our 10+ win season is gonna shake out. Mmmm...draft is only a week or so away folks. You smell that cornbread baking?

Megatron - You are Dirty!

This issue is going to get more playing time than the Victoria's Secret catalog my mom kept under the sink in the laundry bathroom. I almost feel bad posting smut like this at work.

Lions 4-0 - POW!!!!!

Great idea by 971, but some pretty poorous fist pows. How the hell does Stoney get paid to talk about sports (for those who don't know, he's second in the video)? Thats the type of fist pow that gets you beat up in middle school and eating lunch by yourself like your fucking Stephen Glansburg.

Text Time

"jim schwartz is my tiger."
- Art Reyes III

Bet Suh Could Get Through That Glass

Unless Jay Cutler and all the other NFC North QBs install one of these unbreakable glass walls in front of them this upcoming year they're fucked. Suh and Fairley gonna eat your children.

Lions Hit The Links For Charity

A lot of Lions hit the links yesterday in the 21st annual Detroit Lions Invitational golf event at the Michigan TPC course in Dearborn, Michigan. All the money forked over went to benefit Detroit Lions Charities and Joeyblueskies' moving fees. I covered the event from a bush just off the 8th green. Here are my minutes from the day.


Stafford looked great off the first couple of tees but went down on the back nine and had to be replaced by Shaun Hill. Hill was then immediately replaced by Drew Stanton.


Stanton was up and down but played as well as could be expected for a guy out of MSU. His mind is obviously on Dantonio bolting to OSU.


The Schwartz brought his usual mental intensity to the round and also the worst tattoo you've ever seen.


Lost a lot of respect for him after I saw this.


Dre Bly once again crashed the party. This guy is harder to get rid of than gonorrhea.


As expected, Tim Toone raised some eyebrows when he walked into the country club and the members asked, "who's the rasta?". I also think I overheard someone tell him, "the help must enter through the side entrance".


Obviously Tom Lewand was shitcanned before the golfing even started and decided to skip it altogether. Spent the rest of the day as master of ceremonies at the karaoke booth.


And it appeared that Jeff Backus spilt some mustard on his shirt.

Mikeal LeShoure Gets Lion Tat

The ink on Mikel Leshoure's massive left forearm is a few days old and barely dry. And if he has his way, the tattoo of the Lions' logo and the date he was drafted -- April 29, 2011 -- won't need touching up anytime soon. "Regardless if I get traded or leave, this date will never change," Leshoure said. "This is by far the biggest day of my life. I've accomplished a lot of things in my life, but to be drafted to the Detroit Lions is definitely the biggest step of my life, especially in my career."

That's funny. Pretty sure that's the same tattoo Reuben Droughns, Luke Staley, Artose Pinner, Kevin Jones, Brian Calhoun, Kevin Smith, and Aaron Brown all have.

The Schwartz Anoints Lions D-Line: The Silver Crush

Detroit Lions coach Jim Schwartz’s quest to nickname his team’s talented defensive line via Twitter ended today when he announced the winner: Silver Crush. “Acknowledges tradition/history of 'Silver Rush' with slight update," Schwartz wrote, adding that about 100 people submitted the suggestion. On Twitter, Schwartz said the Dis-Assembly Line was a close second. Of the Silver Crush, he wrote, "I think it fits but time will tell if it sticks ... don't want to force it."

Alright, I can't be the only one a little disappointed with this nickname. I'm not gonna say the Silver Crush is terrible but I'll go ahead and say it's pretty much terrible. I still think they should've fed off the bloodlust of Detroit sports fans and gone with "The Ghost and the Darkness".


Also wouldn't have been terribly upset if they went with my second choice "Sack Lunch".

Forget Suh. Forget Fairley. We've got Kung Fu Master, Andre Fluellen, Coming off the Corner

I'll go ahead and say it, this isn't Kung Fu. If it is, then I'm Bruce F'n Lee. I mean c'mon. I can slap fight chicks with the best of them. Where's my black belt?

In More Nate Burleson News: Dude, Your Elbow Pad Is Supposed To Go Over Your Skin

For a guy who just became a 3rd WR he sure knows how to keep his name in the news. Most recently with this picture he tweeted of his ballooned up elbow. F'n gross.

Do Nate Burleson's Comments About Detroit Piss You Off?

 


"Seeing about 35 guys there working out — this time of year, in Detroit is not the most desirable place, so you got guys flying in, paying for their own hotel, paying for rental cars — so that just kind of shows the dedication and really the direction of our team right now.”

Sports talk radio is abuzz with Nate Burleson's comment about Detroit not being a desirable place to be. I for one wasn't offended by his comment and barely took note of it when I first watched the clip. He's obviously just making a statement about how Detroit is down on their luck, which is no secret, and how the team is making sacrifices for a fanbase that is itching for a winner. I'm just happy that they're working together to be prepared for when the season starts and aren't pussyfooting around like some other guys I know.

Suh Lands in London for Gumball 3000 Road Rally

Freep - Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has hopped the pond to Europe to prepare for the start of the transcontinental Gumball 3000 road rally. He's one of several celebrity drivers in the event. Today, he tweeted the attached photo with these words: "Yo yo yo twitter fam made it to London and checked out Trafalgar Square and found this."

So for those of you who don't know, the Gumball 3000 is an annual 3,000 mile international road rally which takes place on public roads, with a different 3,000 mile route around the world each year. This year they're going from London to Istanbul in 7 days, via Paris…Barcelona…Cannes Film Festival…The Monaco Grand Prix…Venice…Belgrade…Sofia and Istanbul. It's the same race that had to be cancelled in in '07 because of two deaths and countless run-ins with the police and it's obviously the last lockout hobby we want the face of our franchise to take up. Dude should be somewhere playing chess with The Schwartz. Fuck this lockout.

"Is That Costanza Over There?"

The Detroit Lions got a surprise visit from an old teammate at their third of four player-organized workouts today: “Granddaddy” Dre' Bly. Laying low since he was released by the Lions last September, Bly went through a strength-and-conditioning circuit and did defensive back drills with about 30 Lions during a 75-minute workout at Birmingham Detroit Country Day. “Just getting a workout, keeping my body fresh, just in case I get a call -- a good call,” Bly said. “I still feel like I can play the game. If I do get a call after the CBA and all that stuff works out, I feel like it’s sort of in a veteran’s favor like me, because the undrafted free agents, them guys can’t really get signed right now.

Bmase nailed this right on the head when he said Dre is pulling a Costanza. Getting fired and then just showing up at work the next day, like nothing ever happened. Classic.

Weirdest Picture of Jeff Backus Ever

This is either the weirdest photo ever taken or some kind of surrealist painting that Follett did of Backus.