I'm pissed. Besides that 79 second flurry, the Wings could've won this shit with skate guards on. And on top of it all I busted out to get chicken wings from Pete's Ale House early in the first and come back two minutes later to see Jimmy Howard forgot the point of being a goalie.
But just like they always do the Wings battled back when their back was against the wall and absolutely had this thing won if the referees would've stayed the fuck outta their business. That tripping call on Franzen was probably the most brutal call I've seen blown in years. Like how the hell do you miss a guy falling because of incidental contact and his stick smacks Franzen right in the face drawing blood instantly. Boom 4 minute powerplay bitches. Done and done, right? No, somehow they call Franzen for tripping and give the Sharks guy nothing. What fuckin planet is this? Then 4 seconds later they call Flipula for high sticking, which was a penalty, to put us in a 5-3 situation which resulted in the winning goal. Total horseshit.
Swallow your whistles and let the Wings beat every team 5 on 5 cause I'm tired of this 4 on 3 or 5 on 3 bullshit.
Game 2 is Sunday night because of an Eagles concert at the Shark Tank. I hate the fuckin Eagles, man.
Eminem put out his new single and gave alleged rapist Ben Roethlisberger a shout out. Lyric goes, "I'd rather turn this club into a bar room brawl. Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall". Poetic genius if you ask me.
I gotta commend Jmase for showing the initiative and actually taking this shot but I don't think I explained Asses On Location well enough. You can't get all willy nilly and start taking pictures of any ole ass that meanders in front of your lense Jmase. We gotta be stealthy and pick and choose our spots if we wanna keep this thing under wraps. I mean we'd all like to be cowboys from Arizona or pimps from Oakland but it's not Halloween. Grow up; Peter Pan, Count Chocula.
I gotta keep a tight leash on this thing or before you know it I'll be getting A.O.L. submissions like this.
I'm not gonna call out anyone in particular because frankly I have no idea who it was, but two members of the JBS.com Facebook fanpage decided to decommit from their association with Joeyblueskies. Fuckin traitors
Now don't go thinking that I just spend the whole day sitting around staring at the counter, but yeah I pretty much kinda just sit and stare at the counter all day. It's a weird thing, but there are like a shit ton of endorphins that get released in my brain or something when that thing jumps up. It's like the high you get when you win a bet. But the other day I noticed we were up to 51 fans in the morning and then back down to 49 the next day. Like who the hell abandoned ship? There are Benedict Arnolds amongst us ladies and gentlemen and I want their heads on a silver platter.
I'm not sure if I'm getting to fired up about this but I don't think so. I'm drowning in a sea of smut over here trying to keep asses in the seats and I gotta deal with some shyster acting like he is my friend and then getting cold feet when he realises what kinda shit he's associated with. For all I know it is probably the Lady Friend. But either way I'm going with what the great coach Mike Leech would say "fuck you, fuck me, fuck everybody".
PS - I'm a feminist so save your hate mail about this video. Seriously, I love vaginas.
PSS - Snookie looks like Abdelkader the other night.
Profootballtalk.com - The Lions haven't ruled out bringing in Pacman Jones, but they aren't being aggressive about their interest either. Jones touched base with Lions coach Jim Schwartz this week. "I texted him and just told him that I'm still available, I like what they did in the draft," Jones told the Detroit Free Press. "It was just a simple text message. And he was like, 'Thanks. Keep your head up and keep the faith.' We left it at that." Jones says he's ready to take a minimum-salary, incentive-laden deal and wants to join a team as soon as possible. He also says he won't fall into the same traps that got him in trouble early in his career. "You ain't got to worry about no phone calls at 3, 4 in the morning. I'm here to play football," Jones said. "Partying was what I liked to do back then. I'm pretty much partied out now."
I was totally on board with bringing in Pacman for a league minimum contract before I heard about this shit. Dude says he is partied out? Fuck that noise, I don't even want him anymore. If the Schwartz isn't getting phone calls at 4 in the morning to bail Pacman outta jail because he was throwing dice with Chuck Rogers behind some strip club then whats the point? I thought we were serious about bringing in guys who love Detroit.
Monday: Tigers W, 8-6 vs Texas Tuesday: Tigers L, 0-2 vs Twins Wednesday: Tigers W, 11-6 v Twins (12- 10 overall, 2.5 games back of Twins)
So I missed a game or two there but let me give you a quick recap. We beat Texas and loss to the Twins. Done. On to the headliner.
V
What a game. Wednesday Night Baseball, on ESPN, in front of the whole world (there were in fact only 19,000 people at last night's game in a stadium that holds 34,000... its cold but come on detroit, get your Tiger on!)! Last night the Tigers made their third comeback of 5 or more runs in 2010 and it's all thanks to Denard Span. Any dude that argues with umpires AND hits his own mother with a foul ball should know karma is going to be coming around in a big way and it did, in the form of a 6 run sixth inning. After going down 6-1 (behind what I think was a decent outing by Scherzer except he gave up 3 home runs to anyone who was asking) Tigers fight back to make it 6-5, against Scott Baker who apparently wanted the us to win because he kept walking people. Regardless, neither pitcher was able to get the win because they were pulled before the fifth. Anyways, Jackson gets on base with 1 out. Damon comes up and hits a loooooong fly ball to center. Span catches it and in the exchange (or so the Twins would argue) drops the ball. Error.
Enter the Twins bullpen. With men on 2nd and 3rd, Mags get walked! Bases loaded, 1 out, Cabrera up. Would you believe me if I told you he hit a grandslam? Good, cus he didn't, he got hit by a pitch. Then came the double trouble for the Twins. Boesch, Inge, and Rayburn get back to back to back doubles, knocking in 6 runs and pretty much sealing the Twins fate. All because Denard Span was a bad man. He better go out and adopt a puppy and help an old lady across the street or some real old school boy scout shit, cus the universe ain't having it from him right now. And he's on my fantasy team. Awesome.
The Wings came out burning in game 7 and straight pumped Phoenix all night long. Getting that second goal to go up 2-0 was huge and that Datysuk fist pump was the most excited I think he has ever been. But what a pretty goal that was. The long stretch pass right on the tape from Zetterberg was a thing of beauty and that move was vintage Datysuk. Put Bryzgalov flat on his ass.
The only mistake of the game came when the Wings got walked one to many times off the faceoff in their own zone and Phoenix ripped a shot from the left dot to make the score 3-1. Then came the brutal 5 on 3 kill that was essentially the yotes last breath. Killing that thing was the game for the Wings and getting a last second goal outta the penalty box just sealed the deal. How bout Stuart forgetting how to skate on that goal too. Dude looked like Sue Doepke when she used to skate out. All wobbly legged like a new born deer, but shit went in and that's all that matters. After that this game turned into a fuckin clinic. I actually felt bad for Bryzgalov having to stand in front of this firing squad for that third period. Well, not that bad. Now lets go fishing.
PS - Those Versus announcers fuckin earned their money during this one. They must've figured that no one was watching anyway so they took some flyers out there. I especially liked when he said Jimmy Howard had the fastest clavicle in the game. But not to be outdone, the other guy piped up and described a Wings slapshot from the hash as hitting from the women's tees. Awesome. He also said Bryzgalov was giving a macedonian effort. What ever the fuck that giant word means. I think it has something to do with wolly mammoths.
PSS - Someone needs to tell Zetterberg that there's no 10 cent deposit in Arizona.
You gotta be a little psycho to make it as an NFL defender and over the last year Zack Follett has proven that he needs a god damn straight jacket. I mean this guy is certifiably insane. First it's dying his hair with "Ziger" stripes and building plywood fatheads of his teammates while at Cal and now the dude is climbing into lion cages and going to CVS with his helmet on to buy tampons for his opponents. But you know I absolutely love every second of this shit. Guy wants to play so bad and this year he is gonna get his chance. With zero linebacking help coming through this years draft, it's Follett or some free agent at this point. I'll take my chances with Follett over bringing in an ACL-less Keith Bullock. Let the Pain Train loose baby! The NFL will never be the same again.
PS - I hope it's laundry day in the Follett house cause dude is dressed like a hobo
This is a sweet video of Guillermo from the Jimmy Kimmel Show trying out for the Lions. It's pretty entertaining and I got a woody from seeing the inside of the Allen Park training facility. I'm just worried about how easily Guillermo was able to push Backus outta the way at the 1:00 mark.
NBCnew.com - Former Seinfeld actor Jason Alexander (pictured) got into an accident with a boy on a bicycle. The 14-year old cyclist was struck by a car driven by the Hollywood actor in Los Angeles. Jason Alexander Hits Cyclist - Not Cited, But 14-Year Old Boy to Hospital. NBC LA reports the boy was struck by the "actor's car near the intersection of Wilshire Boulevard and June Street about 7:15 a.m., according to police." The LA Times reports that the boy, who was riding to school, was hospitalized in stable condition. The newspaper adds that LAPD "took an accident report and are investigating the incident, but Alexander was not cited."
Vice President Joe Biden, speaking at a somber memorial service for the 29 West Virginia miners who died on April 5, drew thunderous applause from the Beckley, West Viriginia, crowd when he invoked Rich Rodriguez while describing the miners: “They were fathers, grandfathers, sons, nephews, husbands and fee..onces (sic). They loved hunting, fishing, riding horses and four-wheelers. They hated the way Coach Rodriguez left West Virginia for Michigan (applause).”
Biden is quite the idiot. I'm sure people really wanted the lasting memory of their dead fathers to be that they liked to ride four-wheelers and loved Rich Rod. Someone better just make sure that Biden doesn't show up at my funeral and give Marinelli's "my shovel is sharp, my pick is sharp, and my will is outstanding" speech. Christ.
Huffingtonpost put up this video of the University of Oregon all male acapella team doing a Lady Gaga medley and I'm putting it up for the Lady Friend. She fuckin loves Lady Gaga more than life itself. And as gay as all these dudes are I guarantee you that any of them interested in pussy will be getting a ton of it after this thing.
UofM Club Hockey PS - When did Zussman (pink shirt) and Richards (green shirt) transfer to Oregon?
Well done fellas. I gotta admit I've never thrown or even been a part of a crew that tossed an octopus on the ice but I definitely gotta get that crossed off the bucket list before I go. And you better believe I'm making a sweet ass montage video of the whole damn thing just like these guys. Only thing that disappoints me about their effort was how freakin small those things were. No, if I'm getting fined $500 bucks for this shit you better believe I'm Saran Wrapping a 20 plus pounder to my crotch. I'm talking like basically an octopus diaper under my red and white Zubaz pants.
PS - This mission had a very similar feel to the "Hire Millen" mission that Bmase, Kmase, and I went on at Ford Field two years back. When I saw these dudes running down the stairs to chuck those things I had a flashback of us sprinting down the steps of Ford Field to scream "Hire Millen" at the players before they got into the locker room after getting beat down by the Skins. Fuckin security guard snatched that shit outta Kyle's hand and it took a good 20 minutes of heckling and an escort outta the building to get that sign back. I was 100% prepared to go to jail for that thing.
Freep - Schwartz was as quotable as ever during an interview with yahoo.com writer Michael Silver after the Lions wrapped up the NFL draft this past weekend. Highlights:
On trading up to nab California tailback Jahvid Best: "Minnesota's on the clock, and it's winding down, and Tom (Lewand) is finalizing the trade. My blood pressure is going up and up, and Tom's looking over -- 'Relax, we're good' -- and making small talk: 'So, how are the kids ... ' Tom's very good at what he does, and he played it perfectly. But at that point, I wanted to grab the phone out of his hand and beat him over the head with it."
"Some people watch adult videos on their computer. I go to YouTube and watch Jahvid Best highlight clips. That's what gets me aroused."
On the Lions' war room, after picking Best: "We weren't shy about throwing hugs around."
On Mr. Irrelevant, Tim Toone: "He's a white guy with dreadlocks who looks like Jeff Spicoli."
On wooing defensive end Kyle Vanden Bosch by showing up at his house, unannounced, on the first night of free agency: "He could've turned out the lights and pretended they weren't home, but luckily, he answered and let me in. In that situation, you can't be afraid. There's a lot of people in the world who wish they'd asked that one girl to dance back in school before some other jackass jumped in. That wasn't going to be the case with Kyle Vanden Bosch."
Turns out Gunther Cunningham isn't the only Lions coach in Allen Park with a pulse. Schwartz has been gitty as a mother fucker since the draft ended on Saturday and for a guy who won't tell you the final score during a post game press conference, this is about as raunchy as Schwartz gets. I especially like the "I jerk off to Jahvid Best highlights" comment. Dudes wife has to feel real good about that one. But after watching these clips we all know Jahvid Best penetrates that hole harder than The Schwartz and this is the stuff that Lions cornbread is made of.
If he wanted him this bad I just hope he has the know how to get him the ball in situations where he can make a play. Gonna be a real interesting year.
Not a chance in hell I have sympathy for this dude. Yeah I hope he doesn't die but anytime assholes fuck with large animals that can kill them I am rooting for the animal 100% of the time. I'm talking dudes diving with sharks, guys living with grizzly bears, and flamboyantly gay dudes shoving swords into the backs of bulls. Like get a real fuckin job yelling at kids who suck at dodgeball or something because anyone who thinks they are more badass than a huge ass animal deserves to get their nuts ripped off and sewn back on with a limited chance of fucking ever again. That's just natural selection at its finest.
PS - Is this digital image of this dudes junk an actual representation of him? Cause if it is he wasn't doing to much damage with that thing anyway.
Honolulu Suh is sure to be the best thing to happen to the Lions since Wayne Fontes rolled up to Barry Sanders' pro day, lit his stogie and told everyone else they could go home. Suh is the run stopping, pass rushing, hard working leader that the Lions have been lacking forever. He will undoubtedly see his share of double teams which will limit his production some, but as the team around him gets better Suh will emerge as a top tier defensive tackle in the NFL.
Round #2 - Jahvid Best, RB, Cal
I wanted Best and I got him. Now the Lions have to find a way to get him the ball. I like the pick as long as he doesn't become a one trick pony and the lions only get him in there on a bunch of trick play shit. I want him to me mixed in with Kevin Smith and get consistent runs between the tackles where if he finds a crease he can bust it big. I also think you line him up in the slot and work a lot of quick hits and slants to him. Oh, and the Lions who are the worst fuckin screen team in the world, need to figure out how to run one and get him the ball cause he is gonna be absolutely deadly if he gets some room and some horses to run behind.
Round #3 - Amari Spievey, CB Iowa
Spievey's 2 pick game against Wisco
I don't know a ton about this guy and I was looking for a bigger name here but you can't really go wrong with taking a guy who everyone says is a solid tackler and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Once I saw Javier Arenas go I basically put this one in the hands of the Lions to take whomever they thought was the best corner available. Even if this guy is just a solid nickle back I think I'm happy here and it seemed like he made some really nice plays on short routes and deep balls on his highlight tape that NFL network showed. I'll just be pissed if Brandon Ghee, who dropped late into the third becomes the playmaker I think he will and our boy Spievey goes in and comes out the revolving door that has become the Lions secondary. I think this draft will hinge a lot on Spievey's ability to contribute regularly and make plays on a defense that is looking for an identity.
Our JBS.com Iowa football correspondent Worm says: I already spoke with BMase this morning... I am a bit biased as a Hawk fan but Spievey will be the second best player on your defense for years to come (behind Suh obviously). I wish he would have ended up in Chicago.
I say that if he is better than Delmas I will shit myself with joy.
Sidenote: Proper pronunciation is Spi-VEY
Round #4 - Jason Fox, OL Miami
Another big pick that I think will help define Mayhew as a GM. Because lets be honest here, his early picks over the last two years have have been no brainers and hitting on guys late in the draft will be his crowning achievement in moving on from Matt Millen in the mind of Lions fans.
I like the Jason Fox pick and God knows that I hate the indifference with which we treat our woes on the offensive line (we act like we actually have one) but I still thought that when Thaddeus Gibson from OSU fell to the fourth round that he was a great value pick and we should've taken him to play DE opposite KVB or even as a converted weak side linebacker. But Mayhew decided to go with Jason Fox of Miami instead and I can't fault him for it. I heard a lot of buzz about his athletic ability, he is a converted tight end, and about his technique before the draft.
He is a bit of a raw project but one that I think can compete for a starting spot over the next year or two. And it never hurts to have another competent lineman around in case the O-line still has a lingering case of the False-Start Fosters. Plus I'll take a player from The U any day and twice on Sunday.
Round #7 - Traded to Eagles for 6th round 2011 pick
Not sure about trading a 7th round pick to move up to the 6th round next year. Especially a year after you only win two games. Take a fuckin player and develop him. My pick, Donovan Warren or Blair White for all you State clowns.
Round #7 - Willie Young, DE NC State
I'm pretty high on this guy. Not a ton of production but has a good body to put some weight on and is a pin-the-ears-back and get after the quarterback type player. Plus he wasn't afraid to voice his disapproval of NC State's losing ways so he should fit in nicely with the Lions. With some solid coaching I could see him cracking the lineup this year especially if Avril, White, or DeVries go down injured. And if he does get in he will probably go unblocked because of all the attention Suh and KVB will be getting. Only time will tell on this one.
Round #7 - Tim Toone, WR Weber St.
White dude with dreads. I'm sold. Plus Jmase used to work as an athletic trainer at Weber State so I got a lot of Wildcat shit to get signed. In all seriousness, why the hell didn't they take Legrrette Blount here. Woulda been thunder and lighting with Best in the backfield. Missed opportunity in my mind.
The only reason they didn't take him is they didn't want to give a dude who punched a guy on the field his own Mr. Irrelevant parade. Fuck that noise. Leading float in the parade should've been the Joe Louis fist.
PS - Can Fox Sports Detroit draft that sideline reporter at the 3:25 mark of the Tim Toone video? Guy just replaced Erin Andrews as my favorite sideline personality.
PSS - Did anyone catch Jahvid Best wearing a different jersey on the kickoff at the 1:00 minute mark? Fucker blazed down there and grabbed the ball on the little pooch kick. Jeff Tedford is a God and absolutely should've been UofM's coach instead of Rich Rod. Been saying it for years, just ask Bmase. Lions better be pulling this shit next year.
Friday: Tigers L, 4-5 Saturday: Tigers W, 8-4 Sunday: Tiger L, 4-8 (10-9 overall, 3 games back from Twins) Howdy there folks. This weekend has been wild. It's probably the wild place we were playing. In fact they should probably just call it the wild, wild west. Shit is so wild, they should probably get Will Smith or some other mediocre rapper to talk about it. I know. Enough already. Here's what happened this weekend.
Friday: Shit was looking up. We tie the game in the top of the ninth, 4-4, after AJax and Damon get on and Mags of course knocks them in. Bottom 9. For some unknown reason, probably "this game isn't close to being over cus we just scored two runs so I better not shut them down with my closers," Leyland allows Fu Te-Ni comes back out after doing well in the 8th, so not that questionable. Dude might as well have taken a shit on the mound. Ni walks Rangers ROOKIE Justin Smoak, who's playing in his major league debut (could have bowled these pitches to this guy, he's so jacked up to be hitting in the bottom of the 9th,....). A sac bunt later, he's on second and so Ni has to walk the next guy to put someone on first. Perry comes in. Perry WALKS the pinch hitter, Nelson Cruz, and then gives up the game winning single on an 0-2 pitch to Andrus. So close but so far away. Shit got away from us and it's frustrating. Strange play of the night: The Tigers fell behind, 3-0, in the fourth when Avila corralled the baseball with his mask and was called for an error, forcing Guerrero home from third base. Fielders by rule can't use any of their equipment to stop the ball. It is a two-base error. Avila didn't think home-plate umpire Mike Everitt saw what happened. But first-base umpire Andy Fletcher came in and ruled that Avila's mask had in fact stopped the ball. "That's tough," Avila said. "It's a little embarrassing."Its super embarrassing actually. I'm embarrassed and Im a fan. You're the person it actually happened to. Have a little pride and quit being ok with making game costing errors. Asshole.
Saturday: Tigers won 8-4. We scored more runs than they did. About sums it up. Bonine did a great job throwing some middle relief during the game. That sentence is funny cus its true.
Sunday: This loss is all Porcello's fault. 10 hits and 6 runs in the first two innings. Embarrassing. For me and my fantasy team. Shit son. This is his second shitty start in a row, he gave up six runs in 4 1/3 innings on Tuesday against the Angels. The bigger problem, aside from Porcello sucking at life recently, is the bullpen is now up to 66 innings in 19 games. That's 3 1/2 innings per game, which means the starters on average aren't getting out of the sixth inning. Not this shit again. Guys, come on. Workout. Eat right. Throw six inning of 90 mph fastballs to major league hitters without giving up runs. Your lives are not that difficult. I mean jesus...
This was hands down the best thing about yesterday's game. Besides the brawl this is my favorite Redwings moment of all time. Fuckin cried when I saw Vladi's face during the rewind.
PS - I never noticed this before but look at Gretzky just coasting on the backcheck. Greatness my ass.
What a shitty Sunday that was. First I'm taking Bmase to La Guardia after a weekend of binge drinking and when we get there he tells me his flight is outta JFK. Thanks bud. But even worse I get home and gotta watch the Wings take this steaming pile all over Joe Louis Arena. What a pathetic performance in a closeout game at home. There wasn't even a second of this game after those first three powerplays that I thought Detroit had a chance to win. At one point I even thought Brad Stuart had pulled a Marian Hossa and forgotten what fuckin team he played for. Guy was turning the puck over constantly and continued the series long trend of just giving this series to the Coyotes.
But it all comes down to tomorrow night out West and I like the possibility of Jimmy Howard bouncing back from this bad game because we've seen him do it already in this series. This seven game bullshit is just a little to nerve racking for me. With the way the Tigers are playing these days and the draft being over, I am seriously concerned that I could slip into some type of crazy depression if the Wings go down. But shit ain't gonna happen, Wings win 4-2 tomorrow.
nfl.fanhouse.com - Take a situation where there are hours upon hours of live television time to fill and add in a collection of people not terribly comfortable outside the realm of discussing 40-yard dash times and you have a formula destined to produce an awkward moment. Like, for instance, the one ESPN analyst Matt Millen found himself in Saturday afternoon during coverage of the later rounds of the NFL draft. During a lull in the proceedings, Millen, the former general manager of the Detroit Lions, was engaged in an on-air conversation with Monday Night Football analyst Ron Jaworski. For some reason, the two got into a conversation about fried bologna sandwiches, at which point Millen said, ''Ask any polack from Buffalo how they like them, right Jaws." Jaworski, known during his playing career with the Philadelphia Eagles as "The Polish Rifle," joked back about trying them with fried onions.
So I'm trying to sober up between games of beer die on Saturday and then ESPN tries to fuckin ruin my day with a heavy dose of Matt Millen draft coverage. But it was only a matter of minutes before that retard went ahead and dropped one of his patented racial slurs and gets yanked off the air.
Calling Jaws a polack didn't immediately make me jump outta my seat but it definitely perked up the ears a bit. It just didn't come off right. Especially coming outta the mouth of a guy who called Johnny Morton a "faggot" and called out another player for being a devout coward. I think ESPN needs to consider the possibility that maybe a guy who was the worst GM in the history of professional sports and who is one more draft away from adding the N-word to his repertoire might need to be pulled off air. Dude is more of a liability than Charles Rogers' love of blowing 'er day.
Here is his ESPN forced apology.
PS - I think Mallard says it best in the background of this video. "Welcome to the NFL network buddy."
The Lions are minutes away from their third round pick. I'm sitting with JustBatey, Bmase and Mallard and we have no idea what they are about to do. I want Brandon Ghee, CB from Wake Forest or Navarro Bowman, LB from PSU, or Bruce Campbell the OL from Maryland but frankly I'll take anyone who can step in and play immediately. Brandon Spikes just went to the Pats which woulda been the guy had he fallen a few more picks. But lets be honest, the Lions will probably take a wide receiver or place kicker with this one. Lions on the mother fucking clock bitches. Fuck I love the draft.
Tigers W 5-4, (9-7 overall, 2.5 games behind Twins)
The Tigers scored 5 runs in the first three innings yesterday. Great. After scoring 2 in the 1st, the Tigers scored their 1st second inning run of the season. Great. Two more in the 3rd. Awesome. Then it was white knuckle all the way. Let's stop being polite and start getting real for a minute here. Verlander, you're fucking killing me. 125 pitches in 5 innings yesterday? No tiger has thrown that many pitches in 5 innings or less since 1991 and he's the first Major League pitcher to do that and get a win out of it since Cal Eldred did it for Milwaukee against Detroit in 1997. 86 pitches in 3 innings? 36 in the first? What the fuck? Here's what I picture: Verlander, being a major league pitcher and thus having no responsibility on days he doesn't take the mound, went hard two nights ago, I mean like "bachelor-party-in-Vegas-stealing-Mike Tyson's-tiger-and-marrying-a-stripper-hard." He wakes up, like 10 minutes before the game starts, runs out to his car while putting on his uniform, drives to the stadium, jumps out and leaves that shit running, runs into the ballpark and out to the mound just in time to throw out the first pitch. Then gets killed. Like he has the past three starts. Dude needs to stop hanging out with people like Tiger Woods and Gerald Laird, who only care about drinking and pussy, and get his head back in the game.
"The man's a tomcat."-Jim Leyland (fake quote of course)
On a side note, Carlos Guillen's balsa wood body gave out on him again. After going 2-3 and knocking in 2 RBIs, dude collapsed with a pulled hammie while rounding 3rd. He's been placed on the 15-day DL. Straight sad yo.
Luxury pick baby! That's what Detroit does. Luxury picks and high murder rates. This thing is deep fried in cornbread. Just another lethal weapon for Stafford to go clubbing in Novi with. I equate this pick to putting spinners on your '87 Chrysler Lebaron.
PS - People wanna know if I like this pick and I just tell them give me this fucker cause it's a lot better than the shit we're putting out there.
Profootballtalk.com - ESPN's Chris Mortensen reported this morning that the Oakland Raiders would be open to trading running back Darren McFadden. Now a new report offers the first suggestion of which team the Raiders might trade him to. Tom Kowalski of MLive.com reports that the Detroit Lions would likely be very interested in talking to the Raiders about acquiring McFadden. However, Kowalski reports that the Lions aren't likely to give up more than their third-round pick (66th overall) to acquire McFadden. For as disappointing as McFadden has been, the Raiders might not be willing to give up a talented 22-year-old for just a third-rounder. Kowalski also writes that whether the Lions would trade for a running back could depend on Cal's Jahvid Best is available with their second-round pick. If he is, the Lions would likely take him. If he's not, the Lions might be willing to pull the trigger on a trade for McFadden.
According to Chris Mortenson the Raiders are looking to part ways with their thoroughbred runningback, Darren McFadden and the Lions have openly said they are interested. It's just a matter of how much they are willing to give up. He isn't worth our 2nd rounder and I think Jahvid Best will be as productive if not more so in the NFL than McFadden has been or will be. If Best is available and he is your guy then go get him and forget about McFadden.
But if you don't want Best or he is simply gone at that point, then I think you offer the Raiders your 3rd and 7th rounder for McFadden. Especially if either Brandon Spikes or Sean Weatherspoon are still on the board for us in the 2nd round. Think about this shit, we would have Suh, Weatherspoon, and McFadden after 3 rounds. C'mon, that's god damn amazing! Lions bumaye motherfucker! Lions bumaye!
I'm totally fine with Lawrence Frank dropping F bombs on ESPN during the middle of the day. Only people watching that shit are kids pretending to be sick so they can stay home from school and those fuckers are already going to hell anyway so what does it matter if they hear a fuck bomb or two.
But what amazes me about this line is its versatility. I'm gonna finagle this one into every nook and cranny of my vocabulary. Like the next time some Walmart Wolverine starts talking shit about how the Spartans blow, i'm gonna intervene with a "give me that fucker instead of some of the shit we putting out there". Boom. Case closed.
In fact, Im pretty sure that's basically my entire draft motto. "Just give me that fucker instead of some of the shit we're putting out there."
Todays the fuckin day baby! The magic hour is quickly approaching. It's basically Christmas morning, St. Patty's Day, and March Madness all rolled into one. We got all ends covered. The bar knows we're coming, the Joey Blueskies jersey is pressed and folded, and the cornbread is in the oven. Bmase arrived late last night and I got him setting up the War Room as we speak while I slave away for the man. But believe you me, my head is elsewhere. I got endless scenarios flying through my skull with the possibilities of players that may be reporting to Allen Park come Sunday. I'm so jacked I can barely get this blog out. I think the best way to tackle this is on a day by day basis.
As far as today goes, I see one of three things happening. They take Suh and hope a linebacker, ala Brandon Spikes or Sean Weatherspoon, drops to them with the #34th pick tomorrow. They decide to trade down and stay in the top 7ish and go after Okung, who would be Stafford's bodyguard for life. Or they trade down to 12-16 and then slide down again looking to pick up a big playmaker late on day one while stockpiling missles to launch from the 2nd and 3rd rounds tomorrow. Personally, I want Suh, no shit. But if they do trade down and can get 3 defensive starters, then I think you consider that a success as well. I just hope they don't overthink this thing and end up taking a tight end.
Last Years Picks
1 Matthew Stafford QB 6 ft 2 in (1.88 m) 223 lb (101 kg) Georgia 1 20 *[17] Brandon Pettigrew TE 6 ft 5 in (1.96 m) 263 lb (119 kg) Oklahoma State 2 33 Louis Delmas S 5 ft 11 in (1.80 m) 202 lb (92 kg) Western Michigan 3 76** DeAndre Levy OLB 6 ft 2 in (1.88 m) 236 lb (107 kg) Wisconsin 3 82*[17] Derrick Williams WR 5 ft 11 in (1.80 m) 197 lb (89 kg) Penn State 4 115*** Sammie Lee Hill DT 6 ft 4 in (1.93 m) 329 lb (149 kg) Stillman 6 192*[17] Aaron Brown RB 6 ft 1 in (1.85 m) 196 lb (89 kg) TCU 7 228 **** Lydon Murtha OT 6 ft 7 in (2.01 m) 315 lb (143 kg) Nebraska 7 235 ***** Zack Follett OLB 6 ft 1 in (1.85 m) 238 lb (108 kg) California 7 255 Dan Gronkowski TE 6 ft 6 in (1.98 m) 255 lb (116 kg) Maryland
Snapped this photo of Bmase setting up the living room before I left for work this morning.
LongIslandPress.com- Chain store 7-Eleven has come up with a brew of their own, a store-brand beer marketed as a premium beer priced for those on a budget—Game Day Beer. Game Day comes in two varieties. Game Day Light is 3.9 percent alcohol by volume and 110 calories per 12 ounces. Game Day Ice is 5.5 percent alcohol and 155 calories. The price is between $6.99 and $8.99 for a 12-pack, depending on local taxes and distribution costs, and 24-ounce singles are available for between $1.49 and $1.89.The beer is being made by the 150-year-old City Brewery in La Crosse, Wis., one of the country’s largest contract brewers.
Are you even able to fathom how happy this makes me? Finally, I won't have to go into my favorite store and buy crappy beer that they already sell like Natty Light and Keystone, I can buy crappy beer from my favorite store by my favorite store! And it's got the sweetest name ever! Game Day. The name alone makes me want to drink it and is awesome for two more reasons: First, I now know what to drink on days when I'm watching sporting events and second, since it is called Game Day, once you chug it, you can basically call yourself a professional athlete! Game Day!
I haven't been this excited since Miller Life produced the hunter orange cans. Shit was safe and delicious.
Tigers W 4-3, (8-7 overall, 3 games back in AL Central behind Twins) Shit is ridiculous. Cabrera is ridiculous. Another 9th inning home run to tie it up, followed by a Santiago blooper that scored Laird and that was the differnce maker. This season, Carebrera is 9-for-20 with three home runs and 11 RBIs from the seventh through ninth innings, including 4-for-7 with two homers in the ninth. What? What? Might as well call him the Dark Knight cus the dude only comes into save the game when the lights are low. He's a utility belt away from being a superhero.
Here's the most ridiculous paragraph from the recap of yesterday's game:
The number of comebacks through just three weeks are getting more difficult to believe. The Tigers are now 5-5 when trailing after six innings. They've erased three ninth-inning deficits, winning two of those games and losing another in extra innings. They now have a better record when the opponent scores first (6-5) than when they do (2-2). -Detroittigers.com
And props to Gerald Laird for some good base running yesterday. Yep, you read that correctly, Gerald Laird, good, and base running in the same sentence. It's kind of a big deal. Bondo also gave up 3 runs in like the first three batters, but settled down to allow just 2 more hits in the rest of the game. Good job.
Your first Carstache™ ranks with your first kiss, cold beer, snow cone, and slow dance. It's glorious!
It just feels good. It feels powerful. Your car has been naked until now.
So strap a 'stache, buckle up, and enjoy the ride!
This is so sweet, but I don't know how much it costs... I might just save my own hair after shaving and paste it to the front of my car. Save a couple of bucks ya know? Check it out here
As if I needed another fuckin reason to love Subway, here it is. I could seriously eat there 3 times a day for a straight month and bathe in their southwest steak sauce without getting remotely sick of that shit. The only problem I have with Subway is that they didn't put Suh in a Lions jersey because after Schwartz telling a frenzied pro-Suh crowd of Lion's season ticket holders that they won't be disappointed, there is no question the Lions will be going to the Suh-per Bowl.
I've been a failure. I was a failure, I get very sad and depressed about it and I can’t be that no more. I really feel like I betrayed myself, big time. I know when I was growing up I had all the potential in the world. Now I'm back to being [JUSTIN] who has a beer in his hand, thinking about the great American [SPORTS BLOG] and the great American [PASTIME]. This time I cannot fail, I won’t fail, it’s not in me. You don't get second chances and mess them up; you'd be a fool to. Not just finishing [POSTS] or in the long run getting some money... This time it’s most important not to fail, not just to drink and to dream but rather to create and complete.
Sincerely, -ME I'm the worst. I know I say this a lot, but I now possess empirical evidence to prove my point. I've failed to provide even an ounce of coverage of the Tigers over the past week and subsequently, we've gone into the shitter. When I left, we were 5-2, about to head out on a western road trip as comeback kings. Since then we've gone 2-5, our pitching has blown, our offense is unreliable at best, and honestly man, this whole thing is turning into a theatrical mockery. You understand that, right? So all I want to say is I apologize. I'll try not to let it happen again. But with my history of mixing prescription drugs and booze and wandering off for days at a time, I'm not in any position to make promises.
Here are the top 3 things you need to know about the Tigers at this point:
1. Our Offense Can Hit (and that's it....) Guess what, the Tigs have the 2nd highest batting average in the AL (.275). We're hitting for the same average as the Yankees in fact who are 10-3. La-di-frickin-dah. Cus guess what? The Yankees aren't second to last in HR (8) and in last place for stolen bases (3). I mean we're second in total hits (134) but can't do anything once men get on base, as shown by finishing 9th in RBI's with 55. In our last seven games we've been outscored in our losses 30-13 and in our wins we're just barely getting by 10-7. So we need more production in clutch situations. 2. Our Pitchers Are Choke ArtistsI mean really Verlander? Really? You're really going to cash all those endorsement checks from those video game commercials and go on and on about how you can dominate Evan Longoria, even when your sporting a 6.88 ERA and giving up 13 runs in 3 starts? Really? We're 10th in th AL in ERA (4.39), given up the 3rd most hits, and we're second to last in strike outs. We need our bats to produce its true, but we need our starters to settle in and start striking some people out. I'm looking for a little fire. Maybe I should just give Kenny Powers a call and sit all you guys down. " I'm the man who has the ball. I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick... everyone."And by the way, Fuck you Phil Coke. I did not give you permission to shave that mullet. Even Jared Allen, the dumbest man on earth knows his power comes from his hair. Get with the program please
3. Fielding was Not Named After Cecil Fielder... So Stop Playing Defense Like Him We are LAST in fielding percentage right now. I mean sure, .974 doesn't sound so bad, until you notice we lead the AL in errors (14) and we give up the 3rd most stolen bases. What the fuck? we are 2nd in double plays turned, so I'm not going to rag too hard on the infield, but I'm almost positive Laird wants to sit the bench the way he has been playing. If he wasn't on steroids last season, he should look into them, cus dude couldn't stop a guy from stealing with a neon vest and whistle. Come on! So maybe the reason I haven't written is because I'm in doom and gloom mode at the moment. My Tigs aren't showing up, and honestly, I just didn't want to talk about it. But fuck that, if they don't show up, from now on I'm going to call them on it, because if my family has taught me anything its that the only way to learn from your mistakes is if everyone you know tells you what an idiot you are for making them in the first place. Tough love fellas, tough love.
JBS.com is sad to announce that our Tigers Beat reporter has apparently gone missing. With zero insight over the last few games, many Tiger fans have left JBS.com in search of greener pastures that actually tell them about sports. If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of our reporter please contact us immediately. He is about 5'10", 180lbs, orange hair with black stripes. He loves buying lottery tickets, playing in the sun, drinking whisky, and eating pieces of raw meat. Please bring our beat reporter home, we miss Whiskers and I've fallen fuckin asleep every night of this West coast trip so I have no clue what the hell is going on. Rumor has it Phil Coke even shaved his mullet. For fuck sakes, someone please restore some order.
While I was not at this tennis match, I was watching it on TV because T-Higs was there right behind the baseline and was getting major face time on each serve. I'm pretty sure he had a huge chaw in too. Luckily, I stayed focused and when this pretty little thing went down with a sprained ankle I was there to pounce on the footage. Injuries put people in compromised body positions. Journalism 101.
Hot Damn, Howie! People were giving you the Osgood treatment after your shitty start in this series and what do you do? You go and dick slapped them right in the face like Ozzie would've with a 3-0 shutout performance. Well played sir. And even though I was at a bar watching on some little ass TV with no sound, I could still tell that game was won entirely by you. I especially liked when you got your bucket popped off and still made the second save. That was about the time I got the text from Bmase saying "Howard, you got the heart of a lion, baby!" which is straight retro footage from the movie "Return To Hockeytown".
But would it kill the Wings to put a game away earlier for once in this series. This 1-0 shit for the entire game was killing me and that bullshit 5-3 was too close for comfort. Now it's time to get to work and go steal this next one in Phoenix.
The Detroit News has released the Lions schedule for 2010 and the NFL ain't doing the Lions any favors. Starting the season on the road in the first 3 out of 4 is a rough road to hoe. Unless they get game one in Chicago, the Lions are staring 0-4 in the face a month into the season.
After that they have winnable games against St. Louis, Washington, Buffalo, Dallas, Tampa Bay, and I'm thinking they can steal either the Giants or Miami game. But my hopes of going 7-9 are looking far fetched this year with this gauntlet.
So I've just been burning through draft research today and have absolutely fallen in love with Navarro Bowman from PSU. Look for his first round talent to slip into the late 2nd or even early 3rd round as off the field issues have caused some suitors to back off. If the Lions could snatch him up with 66th pick he would be a great value pick and an immediate starter next to Deandre Levy and fill the void left by Ernie Sims.
What's not to love, right? This guy seems perfect. Well, that's what I though until the 6:00 mark of this video. Straight knocked the wind outta me. Any true Lions fan knows that voice and the kiss of death that endorsement carries with it. Keep this kid as far away from the Lions as possible. He's got the stench of Millen all over him.
PS - His off the field issue was him beating someone within an inch of their life and smokin a little of the reefer. Lamborghini Living baby.
T-Higs inspired me this weekend with this on location ass shot that he snapped while at some tennis match in South Carolina. So voila. Introducing the newest segment to JBS.com - Asses On Location. Now this will only work if all the Blueskiers start busting out their camera phones and get to work. I don't wanna hear about anybody being at a major sporting event without sending me an Asses On Location shot. It's your providers fee for reading JBS. T-Higs set the standard. Who can do better?
PS - Although that looks like a great ass, it's hard to tell behind this bald dude in the visor. I give the ass an 8.9 and the picture itself a 4.5
A.O.L. Total - 13.4
PSS - Pictures of asses on TV at sporting events also work
So I go and make one too many Bmase fat jokes and google.ads declares all out war on me again with these stupid advertisements. Fuck this shit. When will these guys get the picture? Anyway, at least I can get a caption contest out of it. So blueskiers, hit me with it. What is your 1 weird old tip to get a tiny belly?
PS - I'm serious about this. I need your help. I'm guaranteed fatter than Bmase right now.
Well shit, one minute I'm browsing www.freep.com and the next I'm dousing myself in ice water to quell this chubby that's taking over my midsection...
Straight from Detroit.Momslikeme.com
Let's hope there isn't a repeat of last year. I planned this and then got pregnant. I just wanted to get the date out, so you could all mark your calendars. We can throw around ideas, details and such on what exactly we want to do besides take turns soaking our bodies in the hot tub!"
UPDATE!
Place: Jamies house ( PM me for address and phone no.)
Time: 6:00
What's Happening: hot tub, swapping, drinking, eating, gabbing, cards, games, music
Jeezus, this animal can't even PLAN a sexy get-together without getting knocked up. Props to her for jumping right back on that horse...only a few months after popping out a kid, she's ready to get all wet and wild with her gilrfriend-moms again. Just list your address and remove "eating, gabbing, cards, games" from the "What's Happening" line and we've got ourselves a party! Shit, I wanna show up if only to find out what "swapping" entials...and how awesome is this website?...an online gathering place for smokin' hot, lonely moms is exactly what every city needs.
Jmase
PS - Mmase - So you show up at this party for sure, but the real question is which two do you tag team in Jamie's guest bedroom upstairs?
In the right corner you have a freakish Khloe Kardasian clone and the classic dirty girl who's just ugly enough to do anything you ask. Tempting indeed, but I'm scared that manimal Khloe clone will rip off my dick with her lips so I think I gotta pass.
But in your left corner you got the powerhouse combo of the 6'5" All-American volleyball player and the typical I'm so drunk I'll take it all blondie. Look at those eyes, man. Chick is ready to hoover some pole people. So it's definitely gotta be these two right?
Or maybe, just maybe it's the two goth chicks in the way back just creeping outta the fog with that deprived, yet curious look on their faces. You go upstairs with them you're liable to get some hot wax all over your junk and a gerbil up your ass. But hey, to each its own.
For all those who don't know what getting Doepke'd is, it's when your playing in a hockey game and your goalie is shit. The name originated from my playing days, when I had this lesbian tender as my backup. She would be picking splinters out her breezers, while I stopped pucks and got all the bitches she wanted. But when she would get her time to shine in a practice, she would continue to blow vag and we couldnt even have a competitive scrimmage.
"Man, im sick of getting doepke'd on tuesdays and thursdays" - Lance Unger
Osgood is a straight pimp and a closer. Dude may let in goals from the parking lot, but he aint giving up goals in the four crucial minutes of the game. First and last minute of the period. And the minute after a goal is scored by either team. In these crucial minutes, howard has simply puckered. He has sat there and choked on apple sauce. Ozzie has the world swinging from his nuts, and howard is getting oxygen masked by holmstrom in the locker room. You pick the tender you want in net during the stanley cup playoffs.
ps - for those of you who dont know what an oxygen mask is, here is how Urban Dictionary describes "joxygen"
The air supplied when a sweaty jock is held up to someones face (similar to an oxygen mask). Most effective if a struggle ensues and the assailant can maintain a proper seal over the mouth and nose. In the locker room after the hockey game, Tim forces his sweaty cup over Dave's mouth for a second and threatens, "You done being a bitch or you need more joxygen?!"
Freep - The Lions have acquired tight end Tony Scheffler and a seventh-round pick from Denver and sent linebacker Ernie Sims to Philadelphia as part of a three-team trade, the Eagles have confirmed. The Eagles sent a fifth-round pick (137th overall) to Denver. The seventh-rounder the Lions received is the 220th overall pick. They now have four seventh-round picks in the draft. Scheffler, 27, played at Chelsea High and Western Michigan, and when reached by the Denver Post this morning, he answered by saying: “Restore the roar!" "It’s going to be surreal walking into that locker room and putting on those clothes for the first time,” Scheffler told the Post.
Another Matt Millen first round dream pick went by the wayside this morning. It's truly amazing how long the ripple effects of Millen will still splash onto the shores of Detroit. Oh Ernie, your lack of tackling ability and almost undecipherable dialect of English will be missed greatly. As will your crippled body that can barely go a preseason without crumpling under the daily pressures of the NFL. Enjoy your new digs in Philly my man. Sorry it didn't work out.
But lets look on the bright side. I like this move for a number of reasons. One, Sheffler is actually a good ass, pass catching tight end who is only getting bounced from Denver cause he was boys with Jay Cutler. Our two tight end sets near the goaline should be pretty lethal with Sheff and Pettigrew.
Secondly, dude is a hometown boy from Chelsea, MI who is jacked to be on the Lions. Guys like that are hard to find. Dude even answered his phone this morning saying "Restore the Roar"? Damn I fuckin love that.
And lastly, this is absolutely, 100% a move to make way for the emergence of Zack Follett as a monster in our linebacking core. The dude is probably running around the Allen Park parking structure right now just putting his head through windshields, Lattimer style. Seat at the head table baby! Seat at the table! The Schwartz knows it, Mayhew knows it, and JBS knows it. Zack is gonna be blowing up backs all over the place behind King Kong Suh and Vanden Bosch. Oh, and don't forget that with Sheff comes another 7th round pick. I ain't good at math but I think that puts us on the clock 4 times in round 7 alone. Just come outta there with 4 more Zack Folletts and I think you can call this draft a raging success.
PS - This picture of Ernie is like a gorgeous oil painting. Stunning.
Email Lamborghiniliving@gmail.com & tell what size and quantity you want
JOEYBLUESKIES.COM DICTIONARY
Joey Blueskies-A derogatory nickname for Detroit Lions' quarterback, Joey Harrington which came about as fans realized that, no matter how badly he played, Harrington always characterized his performances, and the situation in general, in an extremely positive or "blueskies" manner. Lions Bumaya!- translates to English as "Lions kill him!" and is the rallying cry of any true Lions fan. "Ali Bumaye" was the local's chant before and during the "rumble in the jungle" fight between Mohammed Ali and George Foreman in Zaire in 1974.
Totallyfuckinbelievable- my life sucks so bad that this bullshit is totally fucking believable, hence it's totallyfuckinbelievable. From the root, unfuckinbelievable.
Eating the Cornbread- the undying and undeserved optimism Detroit Lions fans bring to the beginning of each season. If you think the Lions are winning more than 6 games this year you're eating the cornbread.
Rap Videoing- The act of pouring or spraying an alcoholic beverage onto the head or chest of a friend in a celebratory fashion, all the while yelling "Rap Video!".
Lions Sisu!- translates to "Lions need strength of will, determination, perseverance and to act rationally in the face of adversity." Joe Paquette brought the Finnish message with him when he walked from the U.P. to Detroit in order to tell the Lions they need Sisu.
A.O.L.- asses on location. Whenever a blueskier sees a smoking hot ass walking down the street, as a readers fee, it's their responsibility to take a photo of said ass and send it to me at which point I will post it and grade it.
Blursday - drinking so much on a Thursday night that it becomes blurry.
Michigander- the preferred nomanclature when referring to anyone from Michigan. Beat out Michiganian in our official jbs.com poll
