Overt Bearage Getting You Through Memorial Day Weekend

I wish I grew up in the movie "Country Bears" and my parents would've adopted this bear instead of having Bmase. Cause this kung fu bear gets laid a lot more than Bmase and his devil sticks routine ever did.

PS - Bmase can't sing like this...



PSS - Yo hablo espanol for my friends of Brock Martinez

Gary Coleman Falls Over, Just Not All That Far

Freep - PROVO, Utah — Gary Coleman, child star of 1970s show “Diff’rent Strokes,” has died after suffering an intercranial hemorrhage. TMZ.com further reports that his wife, Shannon, made the decision to pull life support early this morning. It also says Coleman, 42, was conscious and lucid until midday Thursday, when his condition worsened and he slipped into unconsciousness. Coleman was then placed on life support. Utah Valley Regional Medical Center spokeswoman Janet Frank says life support was terminated and Coleman died at 12:05 p.m. MDT. Coleman suffered the hemorrhage Wednesday at his Santaquin home, 55 miles south of Salt Lake City.

Woah, woah, woah...how long did Shannon wait to pull the plug? I guess she couldn't even wait a full day to get at that Gary Coleman fortune. Well let me just state for the record that if I'm lucid and conscious on Thursday and then unconscious on Friday, at least give me 24 hours to come out of it. I mean I understand if you've got some hobo on the table with no one around to claim the body and an Obama death panel dictates his execution, you go ahead and get it over with, but we're talking about Gary Coleman! Dude is a child acting legend, most known for his work in the 2'nd season of the "Surreal Life". Pay your respects and say with me...

Goodnight Sweet Prince.

Friday Night Boners

I almost feel bad making this post. I know this show has been around forever and it has a large following, but there is still a shit load of people who have never heard of it. It's like the girl in middle school who gave the best hand jobs, but it was too hard to keep your mouth shut about it, and before you know it everybody is getting there turn under the blanket. But I still haven't learned my lesson, and will let the BlueSkiers know, THIS IS THE BEST SHOW ON TV. It doesn't make any sense, but it doesn't have too. The story lines are absolutely atrocious. Landry killed some guy a few seasons ago, but the chick he was dating was the bigger reach. Tim Riggins has fucked every girl in town and made the fullback position relevant again for the first time since Cory Schlesinger.


Dude doesn't know what "taking a play off" means. You get blood on the back of your jersey you're a straight gansta.


And while we lost some of our favorites from seasons past, most notable the chick Derek Jeter is currently fucking, the females in this show are drop dead. Not to mention they always have the sweaty Texas look to them, like you just got done banging them when the AC was broken. Try just the tip and see what you think...





Bmase

Apparently, I Taught Him Everything He Knows

AP- MURFREESBORO, Tenn. — It's now a 51-game hitting streak for Florida International's Garrett Wittels. The sophomore infielder singled in the first inning off South Alabama's Garrett Harris on Friday, moving within seven games of matching Robin Ventura for the NCAA Division I record. Wittels and the Golden Panthers needed a win Friday to remain alive in the Sun Belt Conference tournament and extend their hopes of getting an NCAA berth.

Wow. I've never been so proud of someone I barely affected. I mean, yes, I was Garrett's camp counselor in 2004, and yes, it was at that point I taught him everything he knows about handling press, hitting line drives, and girls, but I take very little credit for his recent amazingly ridiclous acheivements. He did what I was never able to do: go out there and make it happen. I mean basically, Garrett and I are the same person, same physical attributes such as speed, power and skill, but Garrett has the intangibles, the things I just seem to lack, like killer instinct and likeability. So I'm going to be tracking him the rest of the way and celebrating when he does finally break Robin Ventura's (who Ive always kind of hated) record of 58 games. When he succeeds, I feel like I succeed.


So I'd like to end this post by addressing Garrett directly for just a second and say: Garrett, can you please send me an autgraphed baseball as soon as possible? You know, so I can sell it on Ebay in 5 years. I'd appreciate it and we will finally be able to call it square from that time I let you keep that extra bag of licorice in Bago 5. You still owe me. Thank you and good luck.

Tempers Flare At OTAs

Freep - Offensive line coach George Yarno had been yapping at his men during practice. Coach Jim Schwartz said they hadn’t been protecting well. Guard Stephen Peterman said Yarno felt “guys were just a little relaxed mentally.” They turned up the intensity during the two-minute drill. Peterman and defensive tackle Landon Cohen tussled to the ground. Their teammates flew in, offense vs. defense. Offensive tackle Gosder Cherilus and defensive end Jason Hunter paired off, too. But there were no punches thrown. “Just a wrestling match,” Schwartz said. “Guys were hot, and guys were competitive. It crossed the line a little bit too much, and I think they all know that in OTAs I can’t fine anybody. So they didn’t miss their opportunity to get a free one in.” Schwartz was right in middle of the pile. Asked if he should have been in that position, he cracked: “I’ve been working out. I was in the middle of it, but I think everybody knew not to tackle the head coach.” He said most of the people in the pile were laughing, and there were a lot of smiles in the locker room afterward. Peterman, who fired his helmet to the ground after the scuffle, joked about what Schwartz had said about no fines.

I love how this started as a little tussle between Peterson and Cohen, a.k.a. Suh 2.0, and then Gosder gets all fired up and turns it into a full on brawl. Schwartz is just lucky he didn't get chop blocked being in the middle of all this with Gosder on the loose. Anyway, I kinda buy into the whole you gotta fight with your teammates in order to win thing. While playing for DePere in my senior year of high school hockey we had at least one throwdown at every practice and that was the best and tightest team I ever played on. Going at it in practice means you give a shit. Which is something we haven't been able to say in Detroit in awhile. Lions Bumaya!

PS - Piss off Gosder and he will do this with your head.

A.O.L. - Asian Persuasion

I got some more subway ass coming at you and this one is of the far east variety. But before we get started I just wanna commend those who have sent in some ass shots over the past few weeks. But It ain't enough.

Right now I'm scouring the streets of Brooklyn, leaving no ass unturned looking for these A.O.L.s and this shit is getting dangerous. I can't be the one out on the streets risking it all with every click of the camera. You ever watch "The Wire"? When the dope dealers in Baltimore are selling their drugs, you never see the big guy getting his hands dirty. Avon Barksdale doesn't ever stand on the corner slinging his product. He's got soldiers on the corner taking the money, then hes got a runner to go grab the goods, and then has another guy to deliver it. He ain't putting himself anywhere near the dope or the money but he reaps all the benefits. It's like playing 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon just to get your fix. And that's what we're trying to get going here. You're the soldiers, I'm the kingpin. The people want ass, you have the ability to get the ass and I have the ability to get the ass to the people. Enough said.

This ass is about to Pearl Harbor those jeans. Hiroshima, eat your heart out cause this thing is da bomb! Yeah, you take it outta that hammock and this thing probably drops all the way to the floor but you never really know. Skinny legs usually mean tight asses so this thing could actually be the perfect apple bottom that stays right in place. Score - 7.5

My heart was pounding while perving this dish. Probably the reason for the slight blurriness - Score - 7.0

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

I have this picture of Pat Riley's head on a Popsicle stick in my office, don't ask me why, and this first grader Elijah wanted to know about it.


Elijah - "Is that Mayor Bloomberg?"

Me - "No it's Pat Riley."


I can see it.

Bed Stuy - Do or Die, Bitches

Red Wings Raising Season Ticket Prices

Freep - The renewal forms went out Friday to season-ticket holders. But they will get some new incentives: a hockey stick autographed by some of the players, an earpiece radio and the ability to extend the payment plan from six months to eight months. Price configurations have been revamped across the board. "Two-thirds of current season ticket-holder seats are going down, staying the same or going up $2," said Steve Violetta, Wings senior vice president of business affairs. "We held on as long as we could, eight years of no season ticket increases. We held out as long as we could but eventually we have to adjust prices." Of the tickets going up, Violetta said the average increase is 11%. There is a $10 reduction in the corners of the upper bowl, from $25 to $15. There are now nine different pricing levels for season tickets — $15, $24, $35, $46, $56, $80, $85, $90, $125.

I understand that after eight straight years of not raising ticket prices, Illitch had to eventually make a move here, cause Crazy Bread don't pay all the bills and I hear Ceasar has quite the nose candy habit.


It also doesn't seem like it's gonna be all that bad of an increase either. 2/3 of tickets don't go up more than 2 dollars? That's pretty solid, and for all the broke slobs who sit in the corner of the upper bowl next to me, well we're actually getting a $10 decrease in ticket price. It's essentially taxing the haves while giving the have nots a break.

My real concern though is the insane number of empty seats that you can see at any given Wings game over the last few years. And I'm not talking the shitty seats for regular season games. I'm talking playoff tickets on the glass. Like where the hell are these people? Those tickets have to be owned by somebody, right? I don't have more than a few hundred bucks to my name but you better believe I would use all of it to get into those seats.

But game in and game out the Joe looks empty. You watch these games in Phoenix and San Jose and people are climbing over the glass and shit. Why isn't it like that at the Joe anymore? I know for a fact that some of it has to do with the antiquated bathrooms at the Joe that can handle a max of about one shit at a time, which helps explain the lack of fans at the beginning of each period. But a lot of those seats stay empty the whole game.

Maybe it's just hard to stay excited about every regular season game and non elimination game in the playoffs after being there for 19 straight years, but I don't think that's it. People absolutely love hockey in this city. No it's something weird that I can't put my finger on. My guess is those tickets are owned by corporations who feel guilty about sending their CEO's to playoff games while they lay off half the workforce. Nothing else makes sense. If you know what's up please let me know cause I for the life of me can't figure out what the empty seats are about.

PS - Maybe we should just move the Wings to Pontiac and everyone can have their own section of the Silverdome


PSS - How much would you pay for these top row WrestleMania seats?

Shat on the Floor

I get home from the grind today, and not only did stella shat on the floor, she stepped in that shat and tracked it throughout the house. She also found time to shat on the couch. And when I say shat, I mean poop stew. So I could sit her and tell you how I felt about cleaning up someone elses shat, but I'll let my buddy Mark break it down.

Times are Tough as a Telemarketer

FML. My roommate is sitting next to me eating a steak, vegetables, and smashed potatoes. I got Fiber One and a beer. This is why he can tell broads he works in operations, and I tell them I'm a starving artist/entrepreneur because I'm ashamed of what I do. In case you wondering, that beer is a Blowing Rock Amber Lager, from the Boone Brewing Company. Suck it.

91 Year Old Man Catches Thief At Detroit Casino, Then Dies

An elderly man died after he was robbed at Greektown Casino and followed the suspect to reclaim his winnings Wednesday afternoon, police said this morning. The 91-year-old, mad that a man had snatched his $240 prize ticket, trailed the 56-year-old outside and pointed him out to a police officer, who arrested the suspect, Detroit Police Department spokesman John Roach said today. Then, the older man collapsed and was rushed to a local hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

You charge this thief with murder, right? If you leave this guy to himself, no way he dies, but get his blood boiling by snatching his $240 prize ticket and boom! You got an old dead guy on your hands. Just another classic Detroit homicide. At least this one is solved.

PS - What a day for this guy. First he hits it big and is up $240 and then he gets jacked up by some dude on a motorized cart. That's a lethal cocktail of excitement for such an old dude.

PSS - Saw this "Shipwrecks of the Great Lakes" sweatshirt when I was at the MGM a few months back. I almost offered him the Boss Bailey jersey off my back for it.

A.O.L. - US Cellular Field

As much as I hate writing about anything that has to do with the city of Chicago and all the shitbirds that live in it, I still figured I can't let an A.O.L. shot go to waste. I debated even putting this one up because of the fact that this chick is 100% lesbian. And I'm not talking the hot lipstick kind you wanna see have a go at each other, no I'm talking the beat your ass down in the beer line of a Melissa Ethridge concert kind. You need proof? She's got one of those MLB bracelets with the seam of the ball on it. Only gay 12 year old boys and full grown butch lesbians would be caught dead in one of these things.


I caught a little flack for my leniency over the last few asses so the hammer is coming down on this broad. I can't stand when chicks stick their cell phones, or in the case of this lumberjack, their chewing tobacco into their back pocket. Totally messes up the image of me bending them over. Get a fanny pack or something cause your lumpy cell phone ass ain't working. Plus you're all ass dialing everyone you know the whole game. Bushleague. Score - 3.5

The picture doesn't do much for me either. I would've at least liked to see what jersey the guy next to her was wearing. You can tell its not a Buerhle jersey which is wierd cause I would've given you 10/1 odds that it was. Sox fans are such losers. Score - 5.0

June 22nd - Homophobia & Vicodin Are Back

With “Recovery” due June 22, the Detroit rapper released a pair of artful, cryptic cover images today, creating an inevitable stir across the Internet.
Of more interest, though, is a striking image set in downtown Detroit that seems rife with symbolism. It’s a sleek, surreal shot portraying Eminem inside a transparent cube — a glass house? — on a deserted Hart Plaza, the Renaissance Center looming behind him. The 37-year-old star is seated on a leather couch, book in hand and glass of milk within reach.

The crisply composed, modernist image will adorn what is likely to be of one of the world’s top-selling albums this year. And it’s ripe for interpretation, which Detroit art connoisseurs were happy to engage in today.

I have no idea what this means. All I know, if I ever got a glass house, it sure as hell wouldn't be a studio. And with that parental advisor sticker, that CD will never make it into the Mason household. I remember my mom taking away MMase's Alanis Morissette disc cause of the word "chickenshit". He was the real chickenshit when he balled like a bitch and threatened to run away.

Who's The Boesch?

Dude just keeps doing amazing things.I can't help myself. Tony Danza, eat your heart out.

"Don't Let Nobody Talk About Yawz Boi"

This makes me totally forgive Kwame for everything he ever did to this city. Every penny he ever took and every stipper he had killed are all water under the bridge after King Woodz just laid it down for him. In fact I'm headed out to the White Castle on 8-mile to meet King right now to go spring Kwame from the slammer. You in?

PS - You guessed it. That's Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick, of the U.S. House of Representatives in her famed "don't let nobody talk about yawz boi" speech. I wish my mom had my back like this.

Tiger Beat: Mondo Bondo And Fairy Perry

Tigers L 5-4, 25-21 overall, 1 GB on the Twins

What? We gained half a game last night with a loss? Well sweet. Wait, how did we lose? In the eighth inning? After being up 4 runs? Well shit.

So Bonderman was pretty nasty last night, he pitched 7 innings with 94 pitches. He gave up just 5 hits, 2 BB, 1 ER and had 6 strike outs. Everyone was talking about how good he looked. How he looked more like a finesse pitcher than the speed guy he once tried to be. And then he handed it over to the bullpen. Now, I learned something really awesome about the bullpen today: That the Tigers hadn't lost a game all season after leading through seven innings, thanks mainly to the fact that our bull pen has led the American League with a 2.33 ERA. Let me say that again, OUR BULLPEN HAS LED THE AMERICAN LEAGUE IN ERA! Not in most runs allowed in the ninth inning, not for most blown saves, but in ERA! Wow. I feel genuinely proud to be a Tiger and totally approve of the job Dombrowski and Leyland have been doing out there. Wait. What's that again? How did we lose again? In the eighth inning? With Ryan "Ghost Faced Killa" Perry pitching? After being up 4 runs? Well shit.

Perry has been the right handed set up man all season and in no way do I blame Jim Leyland for going to the pen, even though Bondo said he could have gone some more, but I've had a sinking suspicion about Perry all season. Yes, he has one save and nine holds this season, but I haven't really felt comfortable with him on the mound. The chin strap beard, the "I know a rapper and he gave me this necklace and when I'm not pitching it has a diamond encrusted AK-47 pendant on it, what up homey?" necklace, all in all, I just don't trust him. And he proved my suspicions right, giving up 5 hits and 4 runs in 0.1 innings. 0.1 innings? Shit, get out of my way and I'll get the mom from Rookie of The Year to jump in there and throw some Tim Wakefield floaters and get through 0.1 innings. Whatever, if the team isn't mad, I'm not mad. Cabrera comes back tomorrow, all should be right. Hopefully.

Now checkout maybe the greatest JBS.com post ever. Yes, we're linking to it. Get the most out of this 24 hours.......

In Case You Doubted That Jim Harbaugh Is Coming Back To Clean Up This Mess At U of M

Unless Les Miles breaks his contract at LSU and comes back to U of M, Jim Harbaugh will without a doubt be taking over in Ann Arbor after Rich Rod misses another bowl and gets canned. Mark it down.

Kwame's Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard

Thanks for fucking up Detroit bro. Enjoy the next 5 years of this....



p.s. - See ya, chump, dick, wuss, douchebag, asshole, prick, cheater, bitch, whore, sluttttttttt!

Is My Girlfriend Shaking Her Ass Cool?

So I was down in the dumps today. I paid for my first haircut in nearly 6 years and it cost $42 bucks (parking ticket included). I was all fired up and pissed at the gf for everyday issues, and she reaches into her bag of forgiveness and straight kills it. I get an email with a link to a video that will for surely put a smile on my face. It's a clip from 2006 of her and her sister shaking their ass over christmas break. While comical, I'm still pretty proud, and convinced her to give it 24 hours on jbs.com. She claims she put it on youtube and got 4000 views back then, and then buried the youtube link in the backyard. Well my shovel is sharp, and I dug that shit up, and we got 24 hours to spread this like wild fire.

P.S. - My girlfriend is the redhead. Please watch her ass all day, and be jealous it's mine.

The NBA - Where Unnecessary Technicals Happen

Welcome to my Life - BMOC style

To blog like a champion, you must fuel like a champion. What the hell are you doing?

PS - you gotta drink these hurricanes in like 90 seconds ice cold, or they taste like piss.

KFC's Double Down Review

Originally the sandwich – bacon and cheese surrounded by chicken filets – was to have been available through Sunday. But KFC said Wednesday that the sandwich will be available now for as long as customer demand remains high. The Double Down came onto the market on April 12 and was supposed to have lasted about six weeks. But it tapped into Americans' fascination with quirky food and became a viral-marketing sensation. KFC said it has been one of its most successful sandwich launches ever. Later this month, KFC expects to sell its 10 millionth Double Down. They cost about $5.

Awhile back on draft day weekend, I got fed up with the hype and decided that we needed to give this Double Down a try. We posted about it awhile back and besides the whole heart attack thing, decided that it had to be f'ng jam. So Bmase, Mallard, and I hopped in the car, we weren't gonna walk of course, and picked up three of these bad boys to see what was up. They took a solid 20 minutes to make so you knew they were gonna be good.

Initially my reaction was mixed. They are about as half the size as the commericial indicates and the sauce is not a nacho cheese sauce which would've set this thing off, but rather a type of chipotle mayonaise. Upon the first bite though I was pleasantly surprised by the texture and the moistness of the Double Down. The chicken was delicious and the bacon was crisp. Each bite was slightly more cholesterol than my arteries could take but it just seemed right. I wouldn't have hated some toasted bread on either end of this thing but I know what they are going for. If you but bread on a sandwich these days those carb hating mother f'ers will rip you apart. But the Double Down was delicious. So all in all the Double Down did its job. It filled me up despite not being as large as I wanted and allowed me to write this blog post so I'm happy.

A.O.L. - Spring Time

It's spring time and the birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming and the Wings and Pistons are deep into their playoff runs. Ohhh wait, never mind. Anyway, spring does mean that hot chicks in dresses are back and I just got this delicate flower sent to me from Ann Arbor. It's truly a great day when I get emails from dudes I don't know sending me pictures of girls' asses. My guess is this chica was on her way to Dominic's to drink sangria in which case you should follow her to the ends of the Earth cause she has it figured out.

Besides the lack of definition this dress allows us to see, you can tell she's packing something back there. I'm basing this score entirely off of potential. Kind of like Darko. Score - 7.5

The picture has good contrast of colors and the shadows are kinda playing with my mind. Her ass is also perfectly centered in the frame and it's a close shot. Well done. Score - 8.0



Send your A.O.L. shots to lamborghiniliving@gmail.com

Tiger Beat: Tiger's Lost, Verlander's Lost, And Lost is Lost... Did You See What I Did There?

Tigers L 5-3, 25-21 overall, 1.5 GB from Twins

Well I'm back. After taking a few days to process this Lost finale, I'm finally ready to reenter the land of the living, unlike the lost characters! (Did you see what I did there?) The reason I've waited until this game to come back is because I have a crazy idea I want to ask you guys about. Why don't we get Matthew Fox to play Justin Verlander in my upcoming biopic, "The Verlander: There can only be one"? I mean look at those beards! They're practically twins!

Anyways, Verlander got all Jack Shepard like last night, thinking he was all legit until the ultimate evil, a smoke monster that looked like Milton Bradley, got all up in his ish in the very first inning. The ball was wet (Safeco does have a roof right?) and Verlander gave up a cutter which turned into a two run homer. He actually gave up the go ahead run in the 8th inning to Bradley as well, just solidifying the fact that these two guys are opposite sides of the same coin: On any given day, one is good and one is bad (most days Verlander is good) but Bradley decided to show up yesterday. I was so disgusted I wanted to float Verlander's body down a river into a mystical cave of light! (Did you see what I did there?) Regardless we didn't have our A Team in there. Cabrera and our new 2nd basemen *Spoiler alert* Guillen (yep looks like that is actual going to happen) should be back soon and then we'll let loose on those asshole Twins that can't seem to fall back to earth. Its like their prechosen candidates (did you see what I did there?) to win the division. I say, we got em right where we want them. Now watch this video.

Chubby Kids Soda Is What's Wrong With America

I'm not a health nut, not in the least. In fact I do more harm to my body on a day to day basis than anyone I know. If you add up the 5 bags of goldfish I eat at work, the burrito I eat when I get home, and then the dozen or so beers I put away at night it's easy to see why my body hates me. But for some odd reason I just couldn't get over this Chubby Kids soda I saw at CVS this weekend. Not that it's just bad for you but rather that they put it in the name of the thing they are trying to sell. What marketing god, and yes this dude is a god, said "well fuck it, everyone's already talking shit about our soda making kids obese, so if you can't beat em, might as well join em"? Whoever came up with this is a god damn genius, Lloyd. Truly a stalwart moment in marketing. The cigarette companies should get this guy on board to make a grim reaper cigarette that has a "minutes lost off your life" calculator on the side of the pack. Would sell like hotcakes.

PS - Someone please find me this kid on the right, cause I got Chubby Kids Soda on the line right now and they want him as their spokesperson.

"Boo Hoo, My Teammates Are Importing Chicks!"

No one, at least inside the organization, wants to talk about Bowe's story, the one he told to ESPN The Magazine for last week's edition. He said teammates arranged for women they met on social networking sites to meet them at a hotel during a road trip to San Diego in 2007, his rookie season. Calling it "importing," Bowe said the women were flown in three or four days in advance and took up the entire floor of the hotel. He said the women knew just about everything about the players. "You hear stories about groupies hanging out in hotel lobbies, but some of my teammates had it set up so there was a girl in every room. The older guys get on MySpace and Facebook a week before we go to a city; when a pretty one writes back, they arrange to fly her in three or four days in advance," Bowe told ESPN The Magazine.

Is this real life?? Where the hell have I been?. Granted I was blacked out the entire weekend and asleep by 8pm, but how did I not know about this? Anyway, this is too good to be true. "Importing"!!! Good damn brilliant. Doesn't this blow the sex boat out of the water (pun intended).

Truth is, these stories will never stop. Girls are way to slutty these days for these stories to go away. How embarrassed are you if you are one of the whores waiting in the hotel lobby to get a piece of Dwayne Bowe, only to find out he already imported enough girls to fill every bed on the entire 30th floor, all because they poked him on facebook. Get with the times bitch! Social networking is changing everything. I can't even keep up and I'm 24, fuck. I just hope my hockey brethren stick with the simple system of "hogging" which has worked for so long and ignore this new trend of importing. What the hell every happened to a 2 is a 10 on the road???



Bmase

Is 8 A.M. Too Early For Mashed Potatoes & Gravy From KFC?

On my commute into work this morning I noticed these two psychopaths just going to town on individual tubs of KFC mashed potatoes and gravy. They were like crack addicts huddled in the corner of the platform at Jay St/Borough Hall just shooting that shit into their bloodstream. Don't get me wrong, I'd absolutely be doing the same thing if it was socially acceptable but unfortunately it's not, so I'll stick to eating my mashed potatoes at midnight on the shitter like a normal person.

PS - These people were 100% sure I was taking a picture of them.

ESPN Is A Bunch Of Retards

Godosh just sent me this picture of ESPN's front page. In case it's too small to read, it says...

"Red Wings icon Yzerman named Lighting GM"

Apparently he's running a utility company.

Stevie Y Flies The Coop

Freep - Yzerman, who turned 45 earlier this month, will be taking over running the Tampa Bay Lightning, the team is set to announce this afternoon. Yzerman will be the club’s sixth general manager. Yzerman was not immediately available for comment. From the time he was drafted by the Red Wings in 1983 to his retirement at the end of the 2005-06 season to his taking a job in the front office as a team vice president, Yzerman never has known any other NHL club. His number, 19, was raised to the rafters of Joe Louis Arena on Jan. 2, 2007, and last December, he was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame. With general manager Ken Holland well entrenched in Detroit, however – he’s due to sign an extension this summer, even with a year still left on his current deal – Yzerman knew he’d have to eventually align himself with another team if he wanted to run his own club. Last fall, he told the Free Press he was giving the matter a great deal of thought.

Well if this isn't just a massive kick square in the nuts then I don't know what is. I mean the writing has been on the wall with this one for awhile so I can't say it really came as a surprise but it still stings. Stings bad. Stings like a bad case of the clap. It stings cause Yzerman IS Detroit. Like that 15 story billboard says, Born: Cranbrook, BC 1965. Adopted: Detroit, MI 1983.

Yzerman is special because he reminds the people of Detroit who they are. He's been the consummate leader and warrior through good times and bad. The more dire the situation the more steadfast Stevie Y became. If he thought it would be okay so did I, so did Detroit. He was Detroit's savior and alongside Scotty Bowman, the father, and Ken Holland, the holy ghost, it was always easy to have faith in Detroit's sports trinity.



Now I completely understand Steve's desire to make this move and tackle a different type of challenge in a sport where he has already reached the pinnacle. And to be completely honest the only way this was gonna happen, short of Ken Holland and his #2 Jim Nill getting crushed by that giant octopus at Joe Louis, was for Yzerman to seek employment elsewhere. Ken Holland is and has been the best GM in professional sports over the last decade and a half and he isn't going anywhere. So Yzerman was left with little choice if he wanted to pursue this opportunity. And not a single person in Detroit should blame him. In fact we should all be lining up to kiss his ass for inspiring Hockeytown, cause you can't tell me that shit wouldn't have hit the fan in this city a lot earlier if we didn't have the Wings raking in cups. Imagine the Lions on ice. FML.

It's just sucks to see him go cause he's always been there. Since before my birth, Steve Yzerman has been a Redwing. Before I was born! That shit is crazy. Loyalty like that is nonexistent in sports today. And don't be surprised if you see Stevie Y head to Tampa for a few years, build up a winner, maybe even a cup or two, and then come rolling back to the D just in time for Ken Holland to hand over the Blackberry.

A.O.L. - JFK

My boy Mugatu was flying through NYC on his way to ride some hippos or something in Africa and took the opportunity to snap an A.O.L. at the JFK airport.

I just wanna know, since when has it been acceptable to wear jeans as a ticket agent at the airport? What happened to the high wasted pant suit? Anyway this chick seems more cut out to be on the tarmac with huge earmuffs and those glowing sticks than behind a counter. Get this chick a hard hat cause this is a straight construction site ass. Score - 4.5

The picture gets much higher marks from me because of the balls it took to take. I can't believe they didn't throw your ass in the holding tank with the rest of the terrorists they snatch up at JFK - Score - 9.0

Mama Allen In The House

You think that the Celtics lost last night because Rondo is fuckin Ray Allen's mom? Just a thought.

PS - Mama Allen looks a lot like my 70 year old lover, Ms. Maam.

Gearing Up For American Idol Finale

Come Wednesday night, the nightmare that has been this season's American Idol, will finally come to end. From Tim Urban gayfully sliding across the stage, to Big Mike absolutely destroying a pair of skinny jeans, this season has been an utter mess. What the hell happened?? America took a shit on the pretty ladies this season. While my girlfriend is sitting there fingerbanging herself to Casey and Lee all season long, I'm sitting there with a pen and paper trying to develop a series of events where I could potentially fuck Crystal. Here's what I've come up with.....

A) Junior year, Tuesday night at the RIV in East Lansing, I just got done watching Deal or No Deal and I'm all horned up. Crystal is playing open mic, I'm dropping Labatt mugs down my throat, I don't have class in the morning, my roommates are out of town, and she plays an acoustic version of "the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" that brings tears to my eyes.

B) Camp Laurel, night moving debut, in the sweetwater

C) Motay's in town


The only other eye candy on the whole show was that little chubby girl from out east, but I think she was 12. She also oddly got hotter as she got fatter during the season, and that's no good. I don't know what to think anymore. America has me perplexed. What's next, fat broads working at Hooters?

Prediction - Lee wins this shit hands down and steals my girlfriend

U of M Walks The NCAA Tight Rope Of Self Imposed Sanctions

Freep - The University of Michigan has acknowledged that it committed four major violations in its football program and self-imposed the following sanctions: The school has docked itself approximately 130 hours of practice and training time over the next two years — two hours for every one hour of violation, which is common in these cases. The school said it already had reduced its quality-control staff from five members to three and prohibited them from attending practices and games for the remainder of 2010. It also will keep those staffers out of coaches’ meetings, despite a new NCAA bylaw that allows them to attend.

David Brandon and company have come out and admitted they were guilty of 4 outta 5 major rules violations that the NCAA threw at them back in February. Although this is a little bit of a black eye on the football program, it is essentially nothing more than a slap on the wrist and a stern look from the NCAA. Michigan walked the tight rope and imposed adequate enough penalties to keep the NCAA happy while not shitting on themselves to the point where they could no longer be competitive on the field. Not like we have been lately anyway. A hearing will be held in August where the NCAA will determine if the self imposed sanctions were enough. My guess is Brandon did a good enough job and will get the benefit of the doubt.

As much as "the sky is falling, the sky is falling" Rich Rod haters would like you to believe this hiccup will drastically change the face of Michigan football, the fact is this whole thing will have little to no effect on the Rich Rod saga or the team in general. You won't see the hour less of practice time each day, or the fewer coaches patrolling the sidelines at them. You won't ever see inside the coaches meeting where staffers aren't allowed in and the fact of the matter is that any kid who would've played for Rich Rod before this will still play for him after this.

He's no angel, never has been, never will be. The damage to U of M's squeaky clean image was done the second he was hired and not when we all found out he is an asshole to people and doesn't care about the rules. Rich still has the potential to define his legacy. Right now it's in the shitter and it's gonna take a lot to climb outta there. No bowl equals no Rich Rod next year, which would be fine by me. You gotta win at U of M if you wanna stay. But things could get really sticky if he somehow beats OSU and makes it to a bowl with say 7 wins. Then what do you do? Love him or hate him, Rich sure makes shit interesting.

PS - When's the shit gonna come down on USC for paying Reggie Bush to play football? Seems slightly worse to me.

Lima Time Is No More

As I am sure you all have heard, Jose Lima passed away this weekend. While he never did much during his two stints in Detroit, it's hard not to love this guy. He was one of baseball's true "good guys" and a part of a dying breed of athlete who genuinely seemed to care about the fans. And behind every good man is a smoking hot wife...



PS - Puma would be shit without lima time. I wanted those cleats more than I wanted airwalks.

AHH! Venus Williams Turns Some Dicks At The French Open

Venus Williams rocked a crazy corset outfit, that I've never even heard of before, in her first round match up at the French Open over the weekend. I know it got eveyones panties all in a bunch but I for one think female tennis players should be allowed to play in the nude if they so choose cause it is one of the few sports where the women's version is almost better than the men's version and it is solely because of the fact that they are bending over a lot and are allowed to wear next to nothing.

With that being said, this outfit makes it obvious that we need some type of governing body to oversee who is wearing what and keep this shit in check. Because as much as I'm for women wearing slutty stuff while they play sports, I don't need to see Venus' flytrap all out in the open. Trust me, if this was Sharipova, you'd have no complaints from me. So, if the ITF needs a man for the job they need look no further than yours truly to lay down the law.

The real issues that this outfit brings into question is which William sister are you behind? No pun intended. I've always been a Serena man cause if T&A are important then Serena reigns supreme, but i've definitely heard some legs guys side on the Venus end of things. I say give me the catsuit every day of the week and twice at the Australian Open.


PS - Lets be real. No way I could handle Serena. Chick would break my dick off.

Was Gonna Post This 2 Weeks Ago Until I Found Out My Mom Reads The Blog. But What The Fuck, Eh?

Vivid Entertainment, however, says a hardcore sex tape featuring the former "Girls Next Door" star -- who is now married to football player Hank Baskett and a proud mother to a 5-month-old son -- is being prepped and will be ready for release by the end of May, OK! Magazine reports. According to a statement released Wednesday by Vivid's cofounder Steven Hirsch, the footage for "Kendra Exposed" was brought to the porn empire by a third party and attorneys have granted the green light to distribute the flick. Hirsch also says he's tried to contact Wilkinson Baskett, but hasn't been able to reach her. Kendra's reality TV home E! is reporting the footage was shot when she was 18. She has launched an aggressive, legal campaign to stop the public from seeing the film.

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Turns out you can take the girl outta the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park outta the girl. I've always had a deep seated hatred for Kendra because of the level at which she functions mentally. But don't get me wrong, I understand that the rules of life dictate that if you're hot you can get away with anything including being dumb as shit, but I just never thought she was that hot. Christ, if you attached a huge pair of tits onto the front of me, people would wanna fuck me too. Anyway, I'm just not really impressed.

You also gotta consider that she is a gold digging whore who fucked a dinosaur in exchange for fame and never having to work a day in her life. I just can't believe Hank Baskett wanted anything to do with her. Yeah sure, it's common knowledge that you suck at football and kinda look like an alien, but you're still in the NFL dude. That means you get your pick of litter when it comes to broads. It is essentially a license to fuck anything that your dick desires and Hank goes and knocks up this slam pig? Wow man, take a look around the league and tell me you made the right decision.


This is what having a Michigan educated dick gets you. I rest my fuckin case.