Our Mother Should've Aborted You

God Damn, I was excited yesterday. I was up before noon and set up my war room, ready to blog minute by minute all day about Bmase's bet of 20 beef patties in 24 hours. I had on site reporters to document every bite, life coaches to keep the troops motivated and a cardiologist on call just to make sure everything was gonna go according to plan. Dude had a legitimate chance at immortality if he pulled this one off and when I got a picture text of him eating 4 mashed up patties at 2:30am on Sunday morning I knew his head was in the game. I woulda put my mortgage on the line that he destroyed at least 16 before Sunday was all said and done. It would've easily been his biggest accomplishment in life, well besides getting this new girl to hang out with him for more than 2 days, and I woulda put it right up there next to the "the save" as most talked about Bmase moments.




But just as my excitement was nearing its peak I get a call from B-Rock telling me Bmase is just reeling and has already thrown in the towel. Fuckin unbelievable. After a solid start of four patties and a few hours sleep, Bmase woke up and told me he would definitely die if he ate anymore of these things and I could be held liable cause FDA agents were all over his apartment screaming about ecoli or something. I wasn't scared though, screw the "the man" always interferring with my right to make my brother eat dangerously old, frozen meat products.

But Bmase made up his mind and swapped out the 20 patties in 24 hours for 4 frozen pizzas in a row. Thats weak shit, I mean frozen pizzas are fuckin delicious and I used to eat at least 4 a day while playing ping pong in Unger's basement. This is just classic Bmase, getting everyone's hopes up and then completely shitting the bed. But considering his past history of getting his ass kicked by food challenges, I'm not suprised he pulled a Barry, and just decided not to show up yesterday. Lets look at some of his other former moments of historic failure. It is noted that although he succeed in reaching his goal during some of these challenges, they undoubtably pushed him towards the losing end of life.

Big Mac Challenge - Easily The Most Delicious Challenge, MMM, I'm Lovin It
The Bet: Finish 8 Big Macs in one sitting
Result: Finshed 3/8 and looked like he was one bite away from a heart attack
Notable Moment: Stella had to help finish them off
Parting Words: Later stated he could have easily eaten 3 more





Big Bear Challenge - 120oz of Fun
The Bet: Finish 3 40s of Big Bear on the 4 hour ride home from Michigan
Result: Finished 3/3
Notable Moments: Halfway through the 2nd 40oz he leaned out the moving car and threw up all over the interstate. His brand new $40 Tigers hat blew off and Brock absolutely refused to go back and look for it. The last 40oz was finished in the parking lot of a Ponderosa. Celebrated by slamming the bottle on the pavement 60 seconds prior to entering the establishment. Bmase hit up the buffet and drowned his mac and cheese with additional scoopfuls of nacho cheese. Taking a closer look at the car, B-rock noticed the thing was covered in puke. Bmase paid for brock to get his car washed, slept in the car the rest of the day and ended up outside his door passed out at the end of the night flopping around like a fish. Had 35 missed calls from the day and was a no show for our live Fantasy Football draft.
Parting Words: "I can't believe Brock didnt go back for my hat"






Roast Beef Challenge - I'm Thinking Arby's
The Bet: Finish off 12 roast beef sandwiches
Result: 7/12
Notable Moment: threw in the towel in total disgust, and then polished off Chad's wings
Parting Words:



The Beer Belly Challenge - Took at least 3 years off Bmase's life
The Bet: Finish 24 beers in 24 hours
Result: Finished 24/24 and then shotgunned a 25th
Notable Moments: Finished the majority of the beers at the local bar, removed shirt and "took a lap" around the bar in a very Tom Selleck and Pastrami Sandwich kinda way, puked the rest of the night
Parting Words: Called in sick to work the next day, and claimed he was done drinking





Hold Stella for 10 Minutes Challenge - Who Takes Care Of Who In This Relationship
The Bet: Hold 85lb Stella in his arms for 10 minutes
Result: Completed the 10 minutes
Notable Moments: After counting down the final 10 seconds, Bmase chucked Stella across the room in celebration
Parting Words: Woof


The Bet: 20 beef patties in 24 hours
Result: Ate 4 patties after the bar and called it quits at noon the next day. Ate 3 frozen pizzas as pennance
Notable Moments: None
Parting Words: "It was just a real laid back, fun, chill day."

I think his roommate Chad said it best, "Something needs to be done about the food bets. Today he had the neighbors, girlfriend, roommates, Haiti, and the survivors of Katrina supporting the cause and he called it quits at 4 patties. Enough is enough."

Agreed




Special thanks to Chad for the pics and details