Girl Falls From Balcony At WMU Frat Party. Has A Major Headache

Kalamazoo -- Western Michigan University has suspended Sigma Pi fraternity Wednesday and city officials condemned the fraternity's house as an investigation launches into how an 18-year-old woman fell from the house's second-story balcony and fractured her skull. Officers who already were in the area clearing out a number of loud parties early today came across a number of people crowded around the teen on the pavement. The Portland, Mich., resident was rushed to ronson Hospital, where she was listed in critical condition. This morning, the Kalamazoo fire marshal, a building official and fire inspector went to the house at 1714 Fraternity Village Drive, west of campus. They found a number of safety violations, including disabled fire alarms, sprinkling systems and unsafe deck and stairs, said Tim Meulenberg, Kalamazoo code administration manager. "The place was trashed," Meulenberg said. "It's been ordered to be immediately vacated. They (residents) will not be expected to be there tonight. Public safety will be keeping an eye on it to make sure nobody stays there." Classes at WMU start on Tuesday.

What a fuckin buzzkill. I mean I remember when WMU was the party capital of Michigan and the absolute best place to buy mushrooms in the entire state. Now it's gone to shit and the god damn campus police are running amuck and crying about disabled fire alarms, broken sprinkler systems, and unsafe decks like it's an issue of life or fuckin death. And before you freak out and start bitching about how I'm so crass, just take a chill pill cause this chick didn't even die...yet. I just can't believe that a chick from Portland, MI "the city of two rivers" didn't have more party savvy than this. Seriously, act like you've fuckin been there before. If I ever hear my boy MarcUM, who's from Portland, talking about how great it is again, I'm gonna push him backwards off of a balcony.

PS - If you're hanging out on a road called "Fraternity Village Drive" then you might as well sign a waiver saying you're down to get roofied and go home with a fractured skull. I'm just saying.