Call Social Services or Parent of the Year?

This is how you parent right here. "Don't wanna walk fast enough to keep up little Johny Alabama?" Well then, how does Cam Newton's dick taste? Bam! Game over. Kid is so terrified he'd rather clean his room for a month than go back to the mall.

PS - I had a similar amount of discomfort around Packers stuff growing up. That and cooked carrots. Those mother fuckers are gross.