Lou Holtz Has Straight Diarrhea of the Mouth

What the hell did he just say? I've watched this thing like 5 times and still can't figure out what is coming outta his mouth or why it's funny to me but I'm sitting here cracking up and I love it. I'm thinking it's because anytime Lou opens his mouth I instantly picture the squeegee team rushing out during commercials to wipe down the entire desk and all the cameramen.

PS - It also might be the fact that I think Lou Holtz is mildly retarded.