Obama Says Ya To Da UP, Eh?

Washington— President Barack Obama will make his first trip to the Upper Peninsula as president — and his first trip to Michigan in six months. The White House is to announce today that Obama will travel to Marquette on Thursday to tout wireless Internet access. He will note that local businesses in Marquette have been able to grow as a result of broadband access, with particular benefit in exporting goods to new markets around the world.

I'm pretty sure Obama thinks the U.P. is a third world country. Just clinging to our religion and dial-up Internet. But let me help you out here bro, forget the WiFi pep rally and figure out how to get us some mother fuckin jobs. I'm just begging to move back to Michigan but the only work I can find is reffing youth hockey. And the real rub is that I let my certification expire so I gotta start over at level 1 doing 6 AM mitey mite games.

PS - I'm taking odds on what kind of pasty Obama eats while he's here. And I'm not talking what brand, cause he's obviously going to Colonel K's in Menominee, but rather what's in it. I got beef and rutabaga.