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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Classic Matchup: Farters v Bullies

A man accused of stabbing a friend to death and injuring three other people at a party because people were making fun of his flatulence has pleaded not guilty.

The Hartford Courant reports that Marc Higgins pleaded not guilty to murder and assault charges in New Britain on Monday. Police say the 21-year-old Higgins was "very drunk" at a Bristol house party last month and was ridiculed because of flatulence. Police say one woman even slapped him because of it.

Police say at that point he stormed out of the party and returned about 45 minutes later with three knives and started stabbing people indiscriminately. Matthew Walton died of his wounds. Three others were injured. Higgins told police he was angry and wanted to show that people shouldn't make fun of him.

Listen, nobody knows more about untimely farts than myself. With my diet and my inability to control that part of my body, I am like one of those Febreze plug ins, only my fragrence is sewage & shit rather than papaya & mango. But party farting is one of my favorite past times, if done with caution. There are a few rules to follow of course...

1) Fart to the beat of the music

2) Keep moving

3) Limit prefart movements, e$ always calls me out 5 seconds before I release because I have tells

4) Don't drink to excess. You might shart yourself and then the joke's on you

5) Deny to the day you die

With the limited details I have so far, I don't know where Mr Higgins dropped the ball. All I know is once you admit guilt, you're dead. Or they're dead.....

Farters - 1

Bullies - 0

BMOC

1 comment:

  1. probably because it's the only time you ever flex your abs...

    ReplyDelete