It's my birthday. I dont like to make a big deal about it. You know, just lay low, play it cool, drink a few hundred beers, throw a small party with a few close friends, sprinkle in some strippers, nothing too raucous, maybe an ice luge that flows into a beer bong that powers a beer fountain, just normal small town stuff.
But I realized today that I haven't used a birthday wish in 5 years. Maybe its spring training, maybe its how shitty the Pistons have been lately, or maybe I'm just all hyped up from listening to Mike & Mike's Two A Day report on the Lions this morning, but I've decided I'm going to cash in all my wishes on Detroits Sports teams.
1st wish: The Detroit Tigers win the Central. Lame I know, but it's the only thing I really want. After the central, the rest is easy.
2nd wish: The Detroit Lions either get cheerleaders OR a corner back with a crazy last name like Amukamara or Asomugha OR Matt Stafford gets an adamantium skeleton like Wolverine.
3rd wish: The Pistons get Darko back. I know he's the worst fuckin person on the planet, but this way, we can get more than 1.8 points per game from a dude we selected before Wade, Carmello, and Chris Bosh. I mean he's scoring nearly 9 ppg and nabbing 1.8 rpg. That easily makes him the 2nd leading scorer on the Pistons at this point (Plus, Mmase can start wearing that Darko jersey without being jeered... well as much anyways)
4th wish: The Detroit Red Wings draft a goal scorer from America. I hesistate to make this wish. I'm worried that it's really two wishes rolled into one. I mean, is there even such a thing as a goal scorer from America?
5th wish: Sienna Miller thinks I'm cool and we do "it". I had to use one wish in 5 years on myself right?
this was hilarious
ReplyDeleteIf only it was John Falls birthday everyday, e$ is right, you straight killed it. Way better than the useless dribble you put out every other day.
ReplyDeletemusic to my ears!
ReplyDelete