EAU CLAIRE — Two northwestern Wisconsin men are accused of sexually assaulting a woman with a live snake. Twenty-four-year-old John Bullock of Altoona and 25-year-old Domonta Jones of Eau Claire pleaded not guilty to the assault Monday in Eau Claire County Circuit Court. Each man is charged with first-degree sexual assault. A criminal complaint says the woman told police she was knocked out in the bedroom of Jones’ home on Nov. 11. When she regained consciousness, Jones was holding her while Bullock assaulted her. She says Jones then got his snake and used it to assault her. Bullock says the sexual contact was consensual. The men are jailed on $30,000 cash.
I'm calling bullshit on this whole story. My friends call me Jack Hanna because of how much animal kingdom knowledge I drop and I'm telling you that this is physically impossible. Snakes are covering in thousands and thousands of scales that link together like a plate of armour. Rub your hand from head to tail and they feel smooth and soft, but got from tail to head and they're rough and almost sharp. Assuming that these guys didn't shove a python head first into this chicks vagina, I'm thinking that it's highly unlikely that she could've taken this thing in tail first. Even with a ton of lube it'd be like getting fucked by the business end of a pineapple. Just not possible.
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