Mounties Gone Wild

OTTAWA -- From masturbating in a cruiser and surfing porn on the job to drunk driving and sexual assault, Mounties from all ranks have been busted for bad behaviour. An internal report on the RCMP disciplinary process -- the first of its kind produced by the national police force -- reveals 56 cases of "formal" action in the 2008-09 fiscal year.

While the bulk of formal sanctions were levelled against constables, there were also cases involving higher-ranking officers, including an inspector who was docked three days' pay for making "inappropriate remarks" to a co-worker, a corporal who lost a week's wages for driving while under the influence and a sergeant who forfeited eight days' pay for improper use of a government credit card. The report shows 231 cases of informal discipline in 2008-09, and a total of 1,737 incidents since 2000. Those breaches include publicly criticizing the force, improper attitude or language, mistreatment of others, mishandling or improper care of prisoners, uniform or dress violations, uttering threats, using excessive force, violating the witness protection program and acts for personal or financial gain.

Canada needs to chillax. Who cares if the guardians of the north are surfing pornhub for smut and tugging away on the job? Not me. Cause you can't in good conscience make them wear these ridiculous fuckin outfits and not expect them to end up in some weird ass fetish type of behavior. It's the same principle that makes chicks turn into massive sluts when they get dressed up for Halloween. You put some prude in a funny hat or leather boots and BOOM, all bets are off. It's 100% guaranteed that they'll end up getting double teamed in the shower by some dudes dressed as Mario and Luigi. That's just Halloween protocol.

The real question I have is how exactly does jerking off on a horse work? That shit is dangerous. I mean you're risking getting your dick stomped to smithereens if you pull the reigns too hard or slip outta the stirrups, right? Plus you gotta worry about getting frostbite on your dick during those cold Canadian winters. Shit, if these Canucks wanna risk all that just to shoot their load then I say all power to them.