How Am I Not Making Darko Money?

Darko Milicic, the former No. 2 overall pick signed this month for four years and as much as $20 million with the Minnesota Timberwolves, despite averaging 5.6 points a game over seven injury-riddled seasons. Among the 442 people who played at least one minute last season in the NBA, only six have earned more career dollars per-minute and per-point than Mr. Milicic. In his career, Mr. Milicic has made about $37.8 million—that comes out to $18,251 per point and $5,843 per minute. Timberwolves general manager David Kahn raises a valid point that last season, when Mr. Milicic joined Minnesota for 24 games, he played the best basketball of his career and "showed why we think he has upside." Upside, though, doesn't always equal dollars. For as steep as Mr. James's new $110 million, six-year contract seems, he has made a much more reasonable $4,067 per point.

I grew up in a world where if you worked hard and did an honest days work then you had a decent shot at making something of yourself. If your old man wanted better for you than what he had for himself, then he could get it for you with a little blood, sweat, and tears. These were the values I was raised on, but somewhere between then and now the world gone flipped, turned upside down. Enter Darko Milicic...

This guy must be the most charismatic mother fucker on the planet. How else does he get people to keep giving him millions upon millions of dollars for doing absolutely nothing? Since the age of 18 he's been a professional check casher. Look at these numbers. He raked in $5,800 every minute he wandered around aimlessly on the floor and made a cool $18,200 for every point he scored. Think for a second about all those lay-ups during mop up duty in Detroit against D-league talent. Each one of those brought Darko over 36 g's. And never mind that he makes more on a 3 pointer than I make all year teaching little rugrats. It's totallyfuckinbelievable. Imagine if I was on the Darko pay scale here at JBS.com. Shit, I put out 11 posts yesterday. At $18,000 a piece that's almost $200,000 grand from just yesterday alone. Someone get me the T-wolves G.M. on the line.