AVENTURA — An Aventura man was arrested on Friday and charged with having sex with his dog, a Great Dane named Christie Brinkley. Armand M. Pacher, 64, a former insurance executive, was booked into a Miami-Dade jail on a charge of animal cruelty, a third-degree felony punishable by up to five years in prison. Pacher's veterinarian in Gainesville reported him to police after an office worker called him to reschedule eye surgery for the 2 ½-year-old dog and Pacher talked about sex, according to an arrest warrant. "She doesn't seem to enjoy it as much when we have sex. Maybe it's because I haven't been as energetic lately and that's why she's not enjoying it," he allegedly told the staffer when she asked about the dog's health, the arrest warrant said. Later, at the clinic, a veterinarian concluded that the spayed dog's body had evidence of forced sexual activity, the warrant said. The doctor said the evidence could not have come from another dog, the warrant said.
Pacher's attorney, Jeffrey Weiner, said his client denies making the comment, and the allegation. He said the employee misunderstood a wisecrack. "I'm quite familiar with the evidence that exists, and I'm really disappointed that Aventura police would make an arrest based on unsupported evidence and conclusions," Weiner said. "I expect my client will be full vindicated."
Note to self: wisecracks about fucking your dog are not well received at the vet. Am I the only guy who thinks he's innocent? Not only would you never tell your vet that you're fucking your dog, but admitting that you're doing a poor job on top of it. That has hilarious joke written all over it. Unfortunately he named his dog Christie Brinkley, so he's definitely fucking it.
PS- Oddly enough, my dog Stella has a vet appointment next Wednesday for her lack of energy. I guess I can no longer use the I'm not fucking her right joke, and have to blame it on the dog days of summer or some gay shit like that. Fuck you Armand, you know nothing about comedic timing and delivery.
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