1. Homeruns Are King and The Yankees Are Pussies
Who builds a right field wall that's only 314 feet away? The Yankees. Why? That way they can pay premier left-handed hitters (and A-Rod who sucks) to tap fastballs over the short porch. Oh and cus they're pussies. I thought Mark Texieria was supposed to be terrible in April? Well I had to watch him hit two 2 baggers over Mags head the first day and Pasada hit two the next day in a freakin wind tunnel that carries a routine fly ball out of the park. Absolutely absurd. Just want to give my first shout out Cabrera this year, two huge shots to deep left field (388 ft if you're wondering). They were sweet. We saw 12 home runs this weekend (7-5 Yankees) but most of them my 5th grade teacher Mrs. Compora could have taken yard without breakin a sweat. Yankees suck.
2. The only person who sucks more than the Yankees may be Alex Avila
I mean dude had 5 passed balls in 2 games. He's made of Swiss cheese apparently. And he sucks at hitting. I had to watch him time and time again come up to bat with runners in scoring position and just strike out. It was embarrassing. Why doesn't Brookens have a kid we can draft and play catcher? Dude could teach him how to grow a great mustache and run the bases. Someone get this idea to him please. By the way, to all you Brandon Inge haters, he's having another great start. Embrace this guy the first half of the season because come the All-Star break, he'll be a shell of a human being.
3. Don't eat french fries with a fork even if they're covered in ketchup at the bottom of the cup, no matter what Steve says
Yankees fans will call you out. Repeatedly. Also, citing that you learned it from the Seinfeld episode where George eats a Snickers with a knife and fork will earn you no respect.
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