Monday, April 25, 2011
Ann Arbor Man Quarantined After Eating Rat Poison Gave Him Toxic Farts
Ann Arbor— Officials at an Ann Arbor hospital have declared an end to a hazmat situation that developed when a patient swallowed rodent poison, leaving authorities to fear he would emit harmful gases. Officials at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital today isolated the patient to one room, where Washtenaw County hazmat teams monitored air quality. Hospital spokeswoman Lauren Jones said a machine would take environmental samples over the following 24 hours. "The levels are not at explosive or flammable levels," Jones said in a statement earlier in the afternoon.
The folks over at the UofM hospital are the best in the business. Trust me, I got my schnoz reconstructed there after some juicehead gorilla from Davenport caved in my cage and half my face with an elbow during a club hockey game. But Jesus guys, act like you've seen a dude with a radioactive ass before. Straight bushleague. I fricken keep one of these suits around the house for the Lady Friend to wear to bed after I eat Thai.
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