Cabrera Arrest Video Released

What a day to be outta the office. With the way the world keeps shitting on me I should've known that they'd drop the Cabrera arrest video the when I'm swamped. But whatever this is a slam dunk blog. Here goes.

First off, I wish I payed more attention in high school Spanish cause I'm pretty sure whatever is coming outta Miguel's mouth is pure gold. I caught something about hermano which means brother and I thought I heard the word chimichanga which I think means fuckin delicious in Spanish but other than that I got no idea what he's trying to say. Secondly, holy shit is this story fuckin for real!? I mean the details coming out are insane. This truly could've gone in so many directions. Think about it. Tiger fans could've very well woken up to headlines reading "Star Miguel Cabrera Shot Dead by Park Ranger Cause He Wanted a T-bone", or "Cabrera Run Over by Tim Tebow Church Bus as he Swills Whiskey and Tells Cops to Shoot Him". Either one would not be ideal for the Tigers' pennant chances.

But even though Cabrera went all Danny Roman in the middle of a Florida highway, there's still no reason to panic.


Sure, he's been announced inactive for tonight's game versus the Marlins but public relations puppeteer Jim Leyland quickly brushed it aside stating, it's not uncommon to give a player a game off here and there during the spring. Riiiiiight Jimbo. Whatever you say. Next you'll be telling me Brandon Inge didn't trade his ALCS ring for those disgusting tats.