"Free Lohan!" Friday

Fuck, knew I should've been a bailiff.

PS - Just went to ehow.com and found out it's easy. Turns out it's only a 7 step process.

Step - 1
Apply if you are at least 21 years of age.

I'm older than I wanna admit. Check.

Step - 2
Obtain or prove United States citizenship.

Being a Yooper is equivalent to being Captain America. Check.

Step - 3
Meet educational requirements--they vary from state to state. Some require applicants to have degrees in criminal justice or a related field, while others require no more than a G.E.D. There are several states where you must be a sheriff or a police officer. To be sure, please check with your city government or your local police department.

G.E.D. Check

Step - 4
Gain law enforcement experience.

I'm basically a one man neighborhood watch. Check

Step - 5
Shadow a bailiff to observe what he or she does. Contact your county courthouse to make arrangements.

Love job shadowing. Do I get a gun? Check.

Step - 6
Get into shape by keeping physically and mentally fit.

I'm a fricken greek god over here. Check

Step - 7
Pass a drug-screening test.

Ahhhh shit. So close.