American Idol Recap: Birth Year Songs

Now that we're down to the final dozen it's time to start getting serious about Idol. Since the three assclowns they pay to judge the show have turned it into a "who tried the hardest" contest I'll do their job for them.

Naima Adedapo: 1984


-Second week in a row that Naima came out and proved the only reason she's in the top 12 is because she's interesting looking. And by interesting I mean looks like one of those freaks that would be on America's Next Top Model but that the rest of the world finds hideous. Score - 3/10

Paul McDonald: 1984
-This gay love child of Rod Stewart and Elton John basically gave us the exact same performance as last week. Apparently stumbling around the stage doing karaoke is all it takes to get a passing grade now that Simon is gone. Randy was right. He's not Elton he's Paul. Just a shame Paul is a one trick pony that can't sing. Score - 4/10

Thia Megia: 1995



-Boring but I'll never completely hate on anyone singing the Pocahontas Blue Corn Moon song. She gets a 5 for the song and a 0 for the performance. Soooo, 5/10

James Durbin: 1989
-100 times better than the previous 3 put together. I'm not gonna run out and get my hair feathered like Jon Bon but it's nice to finally have somebody perform that's worthy of the verbal bj the judges hand out each round. Score - 9/10

Haley: 1990


-The right song choice. Sexy with three xxx's in my opinion. Fuck the judges Haley and just keep making me wanna bone you no matter what the genre. PS - I think Seacrest just found his true calling as a makeup artist. Gay much bro? 6/10

Stephano Langone: 1989



-It was slow at parts but I think that's just the nature of the song. He did it well and really excelled at certain points. Possibly the best of the night. 8.5/10

Pia Toscano: 1988
-Did Steven Tyler just say "more famouser"? Christ. Anyway, Pia is my pick to take it all. In fact everyone else should head home now. I guess there's a chance she doesn't come home with the title cause the only people that vote for this shit are 12 year old girls and my mom, and in that demographic there just aren't enough heterosexual men. PS - Not sure if what the deal was with jumpsuit. I thought she was going skydiving but BMOC let me know that she was just going for the Jasmine look. Score - 8.5/10

Scotty McCreery: 1993


-Dude looks like a George Bush caricature but at least he finally did something right. After butchering a Garth song last week I pretty much wanted to strangle him with Billy Ray Cyrus' mullet but this was the best I've heard out of him. Don't get it twisted though, this is all you're ever gonna get out of him. Score - 7.5/10

Karen Rodriguez: 1989
-Besides being dressed like a Tijuana hooker, I think she did decent. People will get sick of her Latin flavor soon enough though and send her packing. Score - 6.5/10

Casey Abrams: 1991
-Didn't love it, didn't hate it. Vocally it sucked but I appreciate that he tried it. I just hope someone guts Courtney Love for selling Kurt Cobain's songs to American Idol. Fuckin talentless bitch. Score - 7/10

Lauren Alaina: 1993
-This song had more pitch problems than Joel Zumaya. Still kinda dug it though. Score - 6/10

Jacob Lusk 1989
-Dude's got major pipes but tonight proved that you can't Aretha Franklin every song you do and expect it to still work. I thought it was all over the place and he over sang the shit out of it. Score - 6/10