Chris Bosh is Charmin Soft

This video is roughly a week old which means in the blogosphere it's like Moses old. Either way still gotta throw it out there cause it's fuckin beyond absurd and if David Stern was serious about stopping the flopping he'd start fining these chumps every time they pull this shit...

JBS Text Time

"I had a dream the other day that JBS was sponsored by Arby's"

-JHof

Me too bro, me too. Curly fries remind me of hot chicks and Red Wing hat tricks.

FF to the 1:58 mark to hear Mikey Redmond go curly fri crazy after Zetterberg's hat trick.

Yoosta Be A Yooper: They see me rolling, they hatin. They trying to catch me riding dirty

Fuckin Yoopers. Just shoveling on their scoot like it ain't no thing. Only thing that could make this picture better would be if he had snow chains on.

Ambras Syndrome is the Fuckin Jam

So this 11 year old girl just got named the hottest, I mean hairiest, girl by the Guiness Book of World Records. She's spent years being teased and ridiculed because of the immense amount of facial hair she has but I think she needs to quit her bitchin cause she's coming off as kind of a cry baby. I mean I'd own the shit outta this disease. First off, it's free admission to celebrity super stardom. If you had 1/5th of a personality you'd get picked to be on the Real World in like two seconds and once that runs it's course just jump on the prescription pill bandwagon and book yourself a comeback tour on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Boom, instanly a bigger celebrity than Daniel Baldwin.


Plus it's not like having hair over every part of your face is gonna ever keep a chick from sleeping with you. In fact, it's a fantastic ice breaker and once her curiosity kicks in she's gonna be begging to find out if you have some giant animal dong in your pants. Ambras syndrome sounds fuckin awesome if you ask me.

Best Sports Commercial in a Long Time

Am I the only one who thinks Tubby Smith fist pumping is the funniest shit of all time? I seriously can't stop watching it. He's got that blank stare on his face like an old man wandering around the cafeteria of the old folks home looking for some pudding.

PS - Bruce Pearl's toe touch is a close second.

Morning Wood with Jennifer Lawerence's Red Dress at the Oscars

You can tell this chick Winter's Bone all day long.

Pistons Take a Stand... To Practice Even Less

Huffpo: Vincent Goodwill of The Detroit News reported on Friday that five Detroit Pistons players skipped Friday morning's practice in what a source called a "player protest" of coach John Kuester. According to the report, Tracy McGrady, Tayshaun Prince, Richard Hamilton and Chris Wilcox did not show up to the shootaround. Center Ben Wallace also did not attend, but he has reportedly been dealing with a personal issue for several weeks. Two other players, Austin Daye and Rodney Stuckey, showed up to practice after the media was let in as the practice was ending.

The Detroit News also outlined the players' excuses for missing practice:
According to team spokesman Cletus Lewis, McGrady was out with a headache, Prince had the stomach flu, while Wilcox and Hamilton apparently missed the bus without a reason. A team source confirmed Prince's and McGrady's illnesses, adding Wilcox overslept.

"We'll go with the group that was here," Kuester said. "We got a number of guys that have a bug, but these guys went through shootaround the way it was supposed to. We have some things, some excuses, not excuses, but absences because of headache and stuff like that." Kuester has reportedly been battling with some of his players all season. In November, Kuester and Prince got into an argument during a game and the coach had to be restrained by an assistant.

Good for these guys. I think about not showing up to a job I hate almost everyday. These guys finally did something about. I'd almost rather have the Pistons lose by forfeit rather than getting blown out over and over again. But don't worry, I've seen this move before. This will bring the team together. Brilliant coaching move by Kuester if you ask me. Get everyone to hate you and then use that hatred as focus. I'm going to go get sized for an NBA Championship ring right now...

PS. I'm worried about Tayshaun. What if he doesn't have a stomach flu but instead has been cursed by a witch and is slowly turning into a sock monkey? I mean, look at how much he's already transformed...

I'm on Strike

Protesting seems like the hot thing to do these days so I'm doing it. Taking the day off cause I asked for reader participation and all i got was a one liner from THigs and BMOC pointing out my flaws. So go fuck yourselves and enjoy your cubes bitches, I'm going back to bed.

Just when I think soccer players couldn't be bigger pussies, they go and do something like this and totally confirm they're the biggest pussies around

Jesus, grow a set dude. Like how are you supposed to go home and face your family after pulling something like this. I hope this guy has little girls so he can go have a fuckin tea party or play with Barbies or something cause if he has a son that kid should disown him immediately. And if this shit happens one more time in a soccer game, and I'm talking World Cup, fucking 10 year olds, whatever, I'm officially declaring it not a sport even though it complies with Pzena's if you can play defense then it's a sport stipulation. At this point I'd honestly rather watch women's gymnastics.

Schwartz & Ebert Weigh in on A King's Speech

“Finally got to ‘The King’s Speech,’ ” Lions coach Jim Schwartz tweeted. “Not sure what everyone is so excited about. Well-acted by Colin Firth, and especially Helena Bonham Carter, but I must not be snooty enough to really get it.”

Maybe The Schwartz doesn't like this movie cause it's as boring as one of his press conferences but regardless he's 100% right that it sucks. Everywhere I go people keep talking about how it's the best movie in the history of movies but I was honestly more interested in watching Corky Romano than this piece of crap. In an effort to finally shut everybody up I took the Lady Friend to see it and just as I suspected I fell asleep no short of 4 times. It's seriously just a repeating series of 10 minute boring conversations in dark rooms. Not to mention that the dude's clicking stutter is like Chinese water torture. Just not my cup of tea and I expect an apology from everyone who got on my ass for not blowing this movie cause it's up for a few Oscars. The Schwartz is never wrong, nor am I.

Caption Contest: Housewives of Miami

The new Housewives show is in Miami this season and they're straight bringing the heat with some major hotties. My favorite is this broad who got the "make me look like a toad" special at the plastic surgeon. I want her to have like a million of my tadpoles.

The timely subtitle is just begging for the BlueSkiers to finish. Give it your best shot.

PS - the real question is whether or not you'd bang this thing if it meant a 10 million dollar mansion on South Beach. I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Is Anne Hathaway Doing One of those Ugly Duckling Movies?

Don't know if I've ever seen a chick try harder to not look hot. I wouldn't fuck her with Freddy Prinze Jr's dick.

Last Second Loss to Wisco a Tough One To Swallow for Wolverines

One word, totallyfuckinbelievable. For a guy who didn't give this team a chance in hell of making the tournament earlier in the season I am more frustrated than I ever thought I'd be. The main reason being that this team is a lot tougher than I ever gave them credit for. Not more talented but definitely a lot tougher. And when it came down to Darius Morris hitting the front end of 1 and 1 to get their signature win only weeks before the selection committee decided their tournament fate I could've swore that toughness had finally materialized into a big time win. But the Wolverines' leader, the one who you want on the line in that program changing situation, flat out choked on applesauce.

I feel for him cause a lot of other things happened before and after that missed free throw but bottom line this loss is on Morris. Now the road is even tougher and not only must the Wolverines win their remaining two Big Ten games, but they will most certainly have to make a run in the Big Ten tournament which is easier said than done.

Make-a-Skank

Make-a-Skank sliding puzzle game » sliding puzzle maker

The BlueSkiers have been beyond disappointing with their lack of reaction to Make-a-Skank. I know it's fuckin sweet, but I can't even tell if other people like it. In two days I've had one score sent to me. So either people aren't playing it and I should take it down or they're playing and are just too lazy to send me their scores. Either way I'm underwhelmed. I'm doing my part and it's about time you start doing yours. JoeyBlueSkies is supposed to be an interactive experience but lately I've felt like I'm just jerkin it over here. Now step it up and make this skank.

Detroit on List of Top 10 Most Liveable US Cities

Dailymail - The survey ranks cities based on 30 factors such as healthcare, culture and environment, and education and personal safety.

TOP 10 U.S. CITIES

1. Pittsburgh
2. Honolulu
3. Washington DC
4. Chicago
5. Atlanta
6. Miami
7. Detroit
8. Boston
9. Seattle
10. Minneapolis

Worldwide, the Canadian city of Vancouver topped the list for the fifth time in a row, scoring 98 per cent overall. It was followed by Melbourne in Australia and Vienna in Austria. The rest of the top ten is dominated by other Canadian and Australian cities, with the exception of Finland's Helsinki, at number six, and New Zealand's Auckland, ranked at number ten. Pittsburgh came in at number 29 across the globe.

Really, #7 most liveable you say? That's interesting. I mean if liveability is based on closing half your schools and shutting down entire fire departments then yeah, I'd have to say Detroit is totally liveable. But I have to question the rubric when you're trying to tell me that Pittsburg is sweeter than Honolulu and that Detroit is in the upper echelon of US cities in terms of education and personal safety. Just because you can buy a city block for $10,000 doesn't mean the place is liveable. I mean you have to consider additional expenses like the 10 g's it's gonna cost your for all the dead body removal you'll have to do on your new property. Adds up quick.

But whatever this says about Detroit I'm just glad I don't live in a shithole like Boston, Seattle, or Minneapolis. Man, those places must be like Fallujah. Oh, and there's no way I'm not calling bullshit on Vancouver being #1 worldwide. I mean it's gotta be fricken easy to keep crime down when they bus all your crackheads out of town because you're hosting the Olympics. I'm just saying.

Mid-Morning Wood with Jennifer Aniston

Hey, I know it's late but I'm on break and just got up. Sue me. Here's some JA to get your blood going if your coffee ain't working. I don't care what people say or how crazy they say she is, I still think Jen is top 10 hottest chicks on the planet. Probably will be until she's 50.

Allen Park to Lay Off Entire Fire Department

City Council members approved laying off the 25-person fire department Tuesday night because of budget issues. Fire Chief Doug LaFond said he would be laid off as well. "That is obviously not what we want," LaFond told The Detroit News this morning. "We want to continue to serve the residents."

People are in an uproar about this, but to me it seems reasonable. Christ, just tell people to call the RoboCop statue the next time there's a fire.

Its My Birthday. Grant Me My Wishes Bitches

It's my birthday. I dont like to make a big deal about it. You know, just lay low, play it cool, drink a few hundred beers, throw a small party with a few close friends, sprinkle in some strippers, nothing too raucous, maybe an ice luge that flows into a beer bong that powers a beer fountain, just normal small town stuff.

But I realized today that I haven't used a birthday wish in 5 years. Maybe its spring training, maybe its how shitty the Pistons have been lately, or maybe I'm just all hyped up from listening to Mike & Mike's Two A Day report on the Lions this morning, but I've decided I'm going to cash in all my wishes on Detroits Sports teams.

1st wish: The Detroit Tigers win the Central. Lame I know, but it's the only thing I really want. After the central, the rest is easy.
2nd wish: The Detroit Lions either get cheerleaders OR a corner back with a crazy last name like Amukamara or Asomugha OR Matt Stafford gets an adamantium skeleton like Wolverine.
3rd wish: The Pistons get Darko back. I know he's the worst fuckin person on the planet, but this way, we can get more than 1.8 points per game from a dude we selected before Wade, Carmello, and Chris Bosh. I mean he's scoring nearly 9 ppg and nabbing 1.8 rpg. That easily makes him the 2nd leading scorer on the Pistons at this point (Plus, Mmase can start wearing that Darko jersey without being jeered... well as much anyways)
4th wish: The Detroit Red Wings draft a goal scorer from America. I hesistate to make this wish. I'm worried that it's really two wishes rolled into one. I mean, is there even such a thing as a goal scorer from America?
5th wish: Sienna Miller thinks I'm cool and we do "it". I had to use one wish in 5 years on myself right?

Vanderbilt Mascot Makes Some Ginger in the Student Section Start Leakin

Mascots think they can get away with anything these days and after watching this video I'd say they're pretty much right. This wasn't "goofing around" where the dude accidentally got bumped and started bleeding. He got straight up woodshedded and to rub salt in the wound they just handed him the classifieds to clean it up with. But I'm no fuckin idiot, you better believe I'm not leaving myself open like this next time I'm around Paws.

How did I miss Gerard Butler Goosing Jennifer Aniston's Butt?

I guess this happened close to a year ago and I seriously have no idea how I missed it. Like I'd maybe understand if I just forgot to write a post, but I didn't even know this happened which is inexcusable and I apologize. I was probably just distracted by an "I'm a Celebrity, Get me outta Here" marathon on VH1 or something.

Lady Friend and I are Heading to the Natural History Museum. Oh, and Shake Shack

JFalls has got you this afternoon. And it's his birthday so be sure not to mention anything.

Make-a-Skank

Make-a-Skank sliding puzzle game » sliding puzzle game

Today's puzzle is fixing to be a lot harder with the double bedspread boxes.

Yesterday's Winner

Millen Cozies up to the Idea of Being Worst GM Ever

Freep.com - As she was signing off Monday from "ESPN NFL Live," Suzy Kolber was talking about what a crapshoot it is evaluating talent at the NFL combine. "You can never really predict the intangibles," she said.

"Unless they're a receiver," Matt Millen chuckled. Now he thinks it's funny. Ha-ha.

Hey, you can't hold back a sense of humor like this forever. I mean this is just the obvious progression that Millen had to go through as part of the healing process. The first stage was complete and utter denial that the situation ever occurred and now it appears he's moved on to stage 2 which apparently is a full blown comedic routine about it. The final step is acceptance and involves him being hired back on by the Lions for a starring role in a sitcom called "Ford and Me".

NHL Commissioner Gary Buttman gets shit on by Announcer

When you're the worst commissioner of the four major sports you're gonna be the butt of a joke every once in a while.

Morning Wood with Irina Shayk

Last Blursday there was a heated debate on whether or not she was SI cover worthy. I say assolutely!

New Leader: Me

This might be skank-genius level.

Should Zen Mustache get this dude to replace Kmase?

I know people keep comparing you guys to the Barenaked Ladies but I think it could be way more of a Blues Traveler vibe if you got this fat dude to replace Kmase on lead vocs. Just don't hire him till you hear Patience.

Son of a fuckin bitch, I'm gonna have to go wide on you guys

New leader folks. You gonna let this Bullwinkle bitch beat you?

Is this Gadhafi dude kind of a Pimp?

CAIRO — Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi vows to fight on and die a "martyr," calling on his supporters to take back the streets from protesters demanding his ouster, shouting and pounding his fist in a furious speech Tuesday on state TV.

Gadhafi, swathed in brown robes and turban, spoke from a podium set up in the entrance of a bombed out building that appeared to be his Tripoli residence hit by U.S. airstrikes in the 1980s and left unrepaired as a monument of defiance. The speech, which appeared to have been taped earlier, was aired on a screen to hundreds of supporters massed in Tripoli's central Green Square.

Shouting in the rambling speech, he declared himself "a warrior" and proclaimed, "Libya wants glory, Libya wants to be at the pinnacle, at the pinnacle of the world."

At times the camera panned out to show a towering gold-colored monument in front of the building, showing a fist crushing a fighter jet with an American flag on it – a view that also gave the strange image of Gadhafi speaking alone from behind a podium in the building's delapidated lobby, with no audience in front of him.

"I am a fighter, a revolutionary from tents ... I will die as a martyr at the end," he said. "I have not yet ordered the use of force, not yet ordered one bullet to be fired ... when i do, everything will burn."

He called on supporters to take to the streets to attack protesters. "You men and women who love Gadhafi ...get out of your homes and fill the streets," he said. "Leave your homes and attack them in their lairs ... Starting tomorrow the cordons will be lifted, go out and fight them. From tonight to tomorrow, all the young men should form local committees for popular security," he said, telling them to wear a green armband to identify themselves. "The Libyan people and the popular revolution will control Libya."

Am I the only one who thinks this Gadhafi guy is kind of a pimp? Not condoning the shithouse rat speech that basically calls for bodega warfare or anything, but I just sweat that he surrounds himself with an army of 50 armed, virgin, female bodyguards and would rather go down in a huge drunken, Hugh Hefner viagra infused orgy with Uzis and AK-47s a'blazin than be taken alive. Fuckin Scarface style except he's not trying to bang his sister.


Oh, and how fuckin bonkers is it that old ass schizophrenia men who were alive when the Holocaust happened are holding the world hostage? Like get a hobby bro. Start banging those bodyguards or take you grandkids fishing but for fuck's sake leave the US out of it cause we're already in like 2 wars and just closed half the schools in Detroit.

Legendary Leader! (s)?

Was cruising Ebay for defunct Detroit jerseys as I so often do and came across probably the best trading card of all time. If I could get a Fathead of this I'd do it in a second.

Detroit gets such a Hard-On from putting Clothes on Statues

Don't get me wrong, I love the Wings jersey on the Spirit of Detroit statue whenever they're in a playoff run but I also don't think it's necessary to put a giant Carhartt on the tiger outside of Comerica cause it's a little nipply out. But maybe that's just me.

I Think My Coach Gone Crazy Showdown!!! Who ya got? Hockey Coach Showing Off His Pecks or Basketball Coach Attacking His Own Player At Practice?

Slideshow: Holy Family Incident On Tape: MyFoxPHILLY.com

JoeyBlueSkies Presents: Make-a-Skank

Make-a-Skank sliding puzzle game » sliding block puzzles

Are you sitting down? I hope so cause if you use your computer standing up you probably work at an oil change station or something. Anygay, you need to sit down because I'm about to introduce something that will change your life. JoeyBlueSkies would like to present it's newest lunch time time waster, Make-a-Skank. Each day at noon I'll throw another scrambled ho in your direction and it's up to you to put her together. Send pictures of your high score to lamborghiniliving@gmail.com and I'll keep a running tally on the blog. Best score of the week gets something come Friday. Although there's no chance anyone beats my 1,112,020 score.

Make-a-Skank sliding puzzle game » sliding block puzzle

Quick! Somebody Shoot It!

Oh wait nevermind, it's just Khloe Kardashian. Whewww. Actually on second thought, still shoot it and if you happen to hit Chris Mullin with a through and through I doubt anyone would complain.