Dom Being Dom After The Big Win In Miami

You think Dom knows that the Lions WON!? What a fuckin weirdo.

Romanian Dude Attempts Suicide In Protest of Parliment. Don't Worry It's More Funny Than Tragic

The US ain't got nothing on Romania. Seriously, all these tea party pussys need to take a lesson from this guy and start protesting like they got a pair. If you're not willing to take a header into congress then keep your mouth shut about Obamacare. This is why I don't vote. I'm not willing to go the full distance.

The Ticker Is Back!

Woke up this morning and the ticker is back after being reset. Life can be pretty cool sometimes. I gotta go though cause it's almost time for the airing of grievances and then I gotta mentally prepare to wrestle the Lady Friend during the feats of strength. Happy Festivus everybody!

Why Are The Lions Trying To Ruin My Christmas?

The Lions placed Stafford on injured reserve today, three days after the quarterback visited Dr. James Andrews for a check-up on his second separated right shoulder of the season. Lions coach Jim Schwartz confirmed the announcement at his news conference today. Stafford suffered his most recent injury when he was tripped from behind with 5:19 to play in the fourth quarter of a Nov. 7 loss to the New York Jets. He has played in parts of just three games this year, completing 57 of 96 passes (59.4%) for 535 yards with six touchdowns and one interception. Stafford also finished his rookie season on injured reserve, with knee and left shoulder injuries.

I'm not devastated by this news cause I certainly didn't want him to start another game this season. There is really no point in risking further injury but for moral I also didn't want the Lions to rap up the news of him going on IR and put it under the Christmas tree for all of us to unwrap tomorrow morning. Just another classic Merry Christmas from the Ford family.

"THE" University of Tattoos

Huffpost.com - Five Ohio State football players, including quarterback Terrelle Pryor, must sit out the first five games of the 2011 season for accepting improper benefits, the NCAA ruled Thursday. A sixth football player must sit out the first game in 2011 for receiving discounted services in violation of NCAA rules. Pryor is the team’s star, while Herron is the leading rusher and Posey is the second-leading receiver. Adams is a starter at left tackle and Thomas a top sub on the defensive line. Pryor must repay $2,500 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring, a 2009 Fiesta Bowl sportsmanship award and his 2008 Gold Pants, a gift from the university for players on a team that beats arch-rival Michigan. Herron must repay $1,150 for selling his football jersey, pants and shoes for $1,000 and receiving discounted services worth $150. Posey must repay $1,250 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring for $1,200 and receiving discounted services worth $50. Adams must repay $1,000 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring. Thomas must repay $1,505 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring for $1,000, his 2008 Gold Pants for $350 and receiving discounted services worth $155. The players are eligible for the bowl game because the NCAA determined they did not receive adequate rules education during the time period the violations occurred, Lennon said. The NCAA also said that Ohio State did not receive a competitive advantage in the incident.

Well, well, well look what we have here. Turns out Ohio State is a bunch of cheating asshole fuck bags. Imagine that. I seriously need a second while I catch my breath cause this shit is shocking. Never would've thunk it. I mean how could a university that pays its players, takes their tests for them, and lets them steal shit, let them get free tattoos after selling every NCAA keepsake they got as a student athlete?

All I know is that Tressel needs to get punished for this. The guy has run the dirtiest program in the country for years but nobody seems to give a shit because he is raking in money for the Big Ten and the BCS. Now that Tattoogate has come down and there are no more sweater vests to hide behind it's time to start treating him like he works at a university with standards and suspend them for a minimum of two bowl games. A lot of people will probably claim, like the NCAA did, that tattoos didn't give OSU a competitive advantage and therefor shouldn't be punished with bowl sanctions, but to those people I ask, did Chris Webber's free SUV give him a competitive advantage or did the house that USC bought Reggie Bush's parents give him a competitive advantage? Obviously the answer is no but the sanctions still came down and the records were erased. If we are gonna play in a world where rules are rules then it's time that all universities, regardless of academic or moral stature play by the same ones. Suspending Pyror and company for 5 games is bullshit when half of them will declare for the NFL draft in light of the news anyway.

Regardless, it's officially the best day in a long time for UofM fans. Pryor is out at OSU and Denard is now officially the most prolific QB in the Big Ten. I just hope that he hasn't been getting free cheesesteaks at Mr. Spots the past two years cause with the way that the NCAA gets a hard on for investigating Rich Rod the repercussions will probably mean demolishing the Big House and dig up Fielding Yost's grave.

PS - I want receipts for every dime that Pyror makes to pay back the $2,500. Dude better be running bake sales outside of The Shoe.

PSS - Straight bullshit these guys get to play in the bowl game. The NCAA is a bunch of hypocritical ass clowns.

Ricky Better Run Cause Gunther Is Gunning For Him

The Lions' defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham issued a strong warning to the Dolphins running back Thursday and said he would personally go after Williams if he uses the illegal block against a Lions defensive back Sunday. "All I can say to Ricky Williams -- I want him to know this -- if he hits one of our DBs in the back on a crack block, then I'm coming on the field," Cunningham said. "I mean, he's had a couple of knockouts, but they've been nonlegal. I'll just put it as that."

Each week I basically tell myself that I couldn't love Gunther Cunningham any more than I currently do. And then he goes and says shit like this and totally bumps himself up another notch. With the new influx of coaches/players making devastating hits from the sideline Ricky better seriously take note of this comment. Cause if you thought Sal Alosi was a prick wait till you meet Gunther Cunningham. Dude is more surly than the Lady Friend's uncle Pat who berated me in front of the whole family when I got up to go get seconds at Christmas Eve dinner.

Happy Holidays From JBS Headquarters

I've spent the last two days traveling and visiting with the Lady Friend's family so I apologize for no new material. After that we're going to Colorado for some more holiday festivities and then it's Mustache and Turtleneck or bust in Chicago. I'm gonna do my best to drop a line here or there and I'll definitely be covering the New Year's Eve Beer Die Tournament which is the most prestigious beer die tourney anywhere. I'll also probably win it again, but with that being said I most likely won't be back in regular rotation until January 3rd. Trust me it pains me more than you. So cuddle up with the in laws, grow out that mustache, and hold serve until I return cause once I'm back, it's on like donkey kong. Merry Christmas and happy M&T everybody!

JP Gets 4.0 this Semester at Michigan

Facebook - J******* P*****
‎"4.0 at Michigan... Feels TOO Good..."

I roped in a solid 1.7 GPA my first semester at UofM so I'm guessing JP just isn't quite living life to its fullest. I mean sure, the UGLI is a great place to get A.O.L's but if you haven't been picked up by the AAPD after passing out between parked cars on South Forest then you might as well have gone to Eastern and just spent your time with the bar flies at Theo's. I think I gotta take a trip back to A2 and show JP some of my tricks of the trade. Most notably how to bypass the line at The Jug by sneaking through Backroom Pizza. All you gotta do is be hot and tell them JBS sent ya.

Rip Responds to the "He Quit" Comments

Guard Richard Hamilton, a mainstay during the Pistons' run of six consecutive conference finals appearances, is upset with his role on the team and has become a distraction, team sources said. Hamilton's non-participation in Saturday's practice, along with his upset stomach that caused him to miss Sunday's game and complaints about his diminished role have led some in the organization to wonder if Hamilton has quit on the Pistons. "He quit on us," one team source said. Another team source said Hamilton is acting out of emotion and should adjust. On Sunday, just before a game against the New Orleans Hornets, Hamilton, who was replaced in the starting lineup over the weekend by Ben Gordon, told the team he had an upset stomach and could not play. After the game, a number of people associated with the team questioned his "upset stomach."

"If I need to have a long talk with him, I will," Dumars said Monday on WDFN. "I'll see how Rip is doing tomorrow when he gets in here. Rip's been good for me." Hamilton is averaging 26.4 minutes and 13.6 points, but at times has appeared disinterested on the court.

I like and respect Rip a lot. He was the spark plug of the '04 championship team and has forever earned respect in my mind with the way he went about his business on a daily basis. Still, it's evident to everyone that the trade rumors over the last two years have taken their toll and he's looked like a lost puppy ever since the trade of Chauncey Billups. If Joe D could trade him now, I imagine he would, but with the team up for sale all bets are off. So at this point we're still stuck with players who know they're gone eventually and a team that doesn't have the right guys at the right spots. I don't blame Rip for that but what I do expect is that a guy making 12 million plus will play hard. As long as he does that I won't have a problem with him until he eventually gets traded.

PS - the conversation between Joe D and Rip probably went something like this...

Joe D - "I understand your frustration but we need you to play hard regardless of your situation."

Rip - "I will."

Joe D - "You better cause if you don't nobody will want you."

Rip - "Yes sirrrrrrr!"

Fans Vote Suh #1 DT for Pro Bowl

Freep - Detroit Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh finished first in fan balloting at his position and first among all rookies, the NFL announced today. Suh, who's tied for the team lead with eight sacks, received more than 405,000 votes -- about 100,000 more than St. Louis Rams quarterback Sam Bradford, who was second among rookies. He more than doubled B.J. Raji of the Green Bay Packers as the leading vote getter among defensive tackles. Coaches and players across the league are casting votes today and Thursday, and the Pro Bowl rosters will be revealed at 7 p.m. Tuesday on the NFL Network.

Duh, have you been watching this year? In a matter of months the guy has put together a highlight reel longer than Joey Harrington's incomplete pass compilation. He's won the hearts of his teammates and Lions fans alike all the while striking fear into the minds of offensive coordinators and opposing quarterbacks. Straight recipe for the Pro Bowl.

In case you needed more evidence take a look at a rare stat the NFL has been keeping since 1997. In need of a more effective way of measuring defensive line production they developed a stat called "Defeats". Think of it like the amount of times Suh has made an opposing guard or tackle his bitch. It's the sum of sacks, tackles for loss, turnovers, and stops on 3rd/4th down. At this point in the year Suh has 25 defeats. The next closest rookie DT drafted in the first round was the Saints Sedrick Ellis with 12 in 2008. Former Lion slacker Shaun Rogers (not drafted in the first round)held the previous rookie record for defeats with 23 the year after Millen ruined his life and made him a Lion. Outside of rookies only five DTs, have posted 25 defeats in a season since 1997: Darrell Russell (32 in 1998), Warren Sapp (29 in 2000), LaRoi Glover (28 in both 1998 and 2000), John Randle (27 in 2007), and Cornelius Griffin (27 in 2004).

How do you like d'em apples? Cause Suh likes his in the mouth of a pig during a luau in Honolulu. Book your flights now bitches.

More Proof The Izzone Sucks

These two old dudes will probably pull a Dantonio and keel over ten seconds into the first half.

Silent Night Game = Sweet Idea

Fuckin Hoosiers. Only in Indiana

Would You Hit This Chick Addicted To Chalk?

I'm definitely sweating her a little bit. I mean of course I'd like to see her take down that cock, I mean chalk, a little further but you gotta start somewhere right?

Taylor Brayton Fined $15K For Out of Bounds Cheap Shot

How is it that Taylor Brayton only got fined $15K for this vicious cheapshot on the Falcons gunner, yet James Harrison was set back $75K for his hardnosed hit on Mohamed Massaquoi. I'm fine with the NFL taking a tougher stance on player safety, they just gotta be consistent. And this minimal fine for a play that you should never see in a professional game is ridiculously outta wack. Or at the very least make a rule that if a gunner runs over the white line he's fair game for anyone on the bench.

Dreamboat Drew Has Grade 3 Separation In His Shoulder. Lions Consider Starting Joey Blueskies!

The Lions played on Sunday so of course we had a QB go down with a shoulder injury. This one seemed less severe in-game because although Shaun Hill warmed up and had his helmet on like he was gonna go in, he never did. The Schwartz acknowledged that Stanton has a grade 3 separation of his non-throwing arm but is being his usual coy self and not tipping his hand on who will be the starter come Sunday. I'm guessing at this point Drew and Shaun are probably about the same level of healthy and although I'd normally say Hill should start over Stanton hands down, you can't ignore consecutive wins. Give him the experience and see if the Lions can ride out this lucky streak.

BJ Cunningham Out For Capital One Bowl

MSU suffered a pretty significant blow this week when BJ Cunningham broke his foot in practice and as a result will miss the upcoming bowl game. This is terrible news for an MSU team that in my opinion will have their hands completely full with a pissed off Alabama team that feels like they should've repeated. I always root for The Big "We Suck At Naming Our Newly Formed Divisions" 10 during the bowl season but I don't know if I'd hate to see State get stomped here cause the slappys have been out in full force screaming about how they got jacked out of a BCS bid. Truth be told they lost their shot after getting spanked by Iowa who then eventually tanked there last three games against Northwestern, OSU, and Minnesota. Combine that with the fact Wisconsin was putting up scores that would make their basketball team jealous and State was destined to be left out in the cold. That being said I still think this is one of the most intriguing bowl games this year.

Another Speed Fly Video

Superior, Speed Fly from Marshall Miller on Vimeo.

God damn, this is bonkers. I mean I can barely ski without shitting myself, let alone factor in a lift component.

PS - this song is bad ass.

Hurdle Showdown - Who da F u got?

The reigning champion in the Hurdle Showdown is obviously this chick. We featured her epic hurdle meltdown a few months back and I still go back and watch it every now and again after a Lions loss to bring my spirits back up. Take a trip down memory lane and give it another look, just don't trip over the hurdles.



Wow, that video is really, really special. I love her coach at the end. Dude barely want's to claim her.

Not to be outdone, our contender is as incapable, mostly because he appears to be an asian midget, and also as stubborn to finish as our champ. This guy might even have the edge because he finished a lane over. Awesome stuff.

"What the heck is that? That's not toys, that's books!"

If this was my kid I'd take that Wii and shove it straight up his ass. Call me old fashioned but I was the sweetest god damn kid to my parents over the holidays. I remember pretending to love every little thing my parents got me cause I felt bad they spent money, even those gross ass popcorn balls they always stuffed in my stocking. And the Lady Friend never lets me live down the video of me when I was like 8 asking my mom if Santa brought her what she wanted cause I prayed he would. Seriously, probably the best thing a mother could ever hear right? Shiiiit, I was a sweet JC loving kid, so fuckin sue me.

Could You Imagine If This Pussy Giants Fan Was From Detroit?

Cry me a fuckin river bud. Seriously, imagine where you'd be if you were a Lions fan? Probably would've straight eaten yourself to death during the 0-16 season. Throw in the shitty economy in Michigan and this blubbering fat sack of fat wouldn't stand a chance. I can hear him now, "oh, wah wah, we don't have any jobs, wah, my heat got turned off, waah, they found a dead body in the vacant lot next to my house, waah, my kid has a 1/4 chance of graduating, waah, Matt Stafford is hurt again, waaaah!"

Jesus, go jerk it to your 2008 Super Bowl DVD and shut the fuck up dude.

Morning Wood with Michele Monaghan

Dear Santa,

I know its been a while since we talked, but I figure you have to visit every single person on the planet in one night, which means you probably want to be left the fuck alone the rest of the year. I hear that, I can barely gather the will to go to my girlfriend's parents house on Xmas, let alone every shitty kid on the planet. Regardless, I'm writing you today because I actually want something other than booze and socks for Xmas this year. I want Michele Monaghan dressed as Mrs. Claus. I know, I know, that might sound strange, but she's been in a ton of movies, she's probably rich, and honestly, look at this picture. Let alone these pictures. She's a smoke show. So stuff her in your sack and get her down the chimney, because if I don't get what I want this year, we're going to have serious problems. I know where you live you fat s.o.b. I asked your lackey look-a-like down at the mall. 1 Rudolph Lane, The North Pole. Scared yet? You should be.

Thanks Santa,

John Falls

Does Troy's Punter Have The Best Look In Sports?

How does the Vikings mascot Viktor still have eligibility. Dude's like 1000 years old.

Asian Chicks Are Rowdy

This is how you grab hair folks. This chick was like a fuckin pitbull. Latched onto that bitch and just dragged her all over the damn food court. Oh and the boot to the face was genius. Never saw that coming.

Base Jumper Eludes Cop

Base Jumper Escapes Arrest - Watch more Funny Videos

Nice work Deputy Dewey. Like why'd you even stop? You had zero intention of ever touching this dude cause if you did you were probably gonna get a free ride to the bottom without a parachute. Should've just rolled by and honked your horn.

PS - It's retarded that this is illegal.

Golden Girls Gone Wild

Blanche actually has some pretty decent moves. I'm just surprised her hip didn't pop out when she did the tornado at the :32 second mark. And how bout that dude at the end in the UCLA gear actually putting his dick in her? Bro definitely has some grandma fucking experience.

PS - that spare tire on the guy at the beginning is like whoa dang.

Here's The Pump Heard 'Round The Greater Tampa Bay Area

BMOC is claiming that The Schwartz's fist pump was weak but I couldn't disagree more, I loved the awkwardness of it. It was so quick and violent, like he was just punching his time card. Boom, days work bitches!


Brian: that fist pump was so not badass. he had the right idea. terrible form

me: no way. loved every awkward second of it

Brian: you ever see josh mcdaniels fist pump? guys in a whole nother league

me: guy doesn't have a job

brian: truth

me: best fist pump ever? scotty bowman


PS - down the road I'm gonna put headphones on the belly of my expecting wife and let the soothing sounds of Dan Miller brainwash the shit outta my unborn child.

I'm Getting Everyone Dave Rayner Jerseys For Christmas

Jeez, Harris was so excited he couldn't even wait to get in the locker room before he started blowing Rayner. Can't really blame him though. After ending the 26 game road losing streak I was basically ready to felate Maurice Morris and his 106 yards rushing.

Morning Wood with Scarlett Johansson

She's back on the market, but you guys might just wanna give up now cus I've got a two prong attack plan to win over Scarlett Johansson. First, I'm going to buy a lottery ticket this Tuesday and thus win the MegaMillions jackpot of $120 million dollars. Second, I'm going to use that money to pay for other girls to make out with me, thus making Scarlett jealous, thus sending her right into my arms (Where I'll reveal the third prong of my plan if you know what Im saying... so yeah, its a three prong plan). Sounds sweet right? So enjoy these pictures fellas, cus they're about as close as your going to come to ever getting a hold of this chick.

BOOM! Suck On That Bucs! Lions Win 23-20 in OT

Greatest 4 seconds of my life.

2 In A Row, Somebody Hit The God Damn Music!

Mickey Redmond Doing His Best Emerald City Guard

Jacked Up Red Field Gets U 2 Monday

This field is more fucked than me heading to this power hour after drinking a warm up six pack of tall boys. But it's all good cause the bowl season starts tomorrow. Sidenote it's college night over at 151 and I'm bringing my freshman year A game. Expect copious amounts of Jack Daniels and a pony tail from me, yeah I used to have a pony tail in 2002.

PS - These Eastern Washington clowns would've been better served to paint their field with a collage of fumbled footballs.

Buy A Lucky JBS Michigan Hat Now

THigs won a free putter last night while rocking his JBS hat. I'm not saying you'll win a putter wearing this thing but I guarantee you'll get some serious pussy in the process. Buy them now cause Christmas is right around the corner and we all know our dads, brothers, grandpas, moms, and sisters want some serious pussy over the holidays. I got limited quantity. $20 plus shipping. Email Lamborghiniliving@gmail.com and tell me which one you want. Tigers, MSU, UofM.

Lidstrom Nets First Career Hat Trick As Wings Dominate Blues. This One Was Fun

A few quick notes from Wednesday when the Wings used the Blues as a stepping stone to get back on track.

-Wings were controlling play but looked like shit after St Louis scored their second goal halfway through the third.

-Helm blocking a shot on an empty net when Howard found himself completely outta position was huge.

-Late in the 2nd David Backes took a dumb penalty against Holmstrom. Cleary scored on an incredible hustle play after he fell down on the resulting powerplay. It was a thing of beauty and was the only way I ever scored when I played. The goal made it 3-1 and was the eventual game winner.

-Zetterberg took an open ice hit that was brutal. He got up and kept plugging. The guy is a gamer.

-Datsyuk put on another stickhandling clinic with a dangle in corner that had about 15 different moves and later took a shot through his legs after a lengthy stretch pass from Zetterberg.

-Lidstrom is among the top 5 in offense among defensemen. Bringing him back is proving essential. Without him we'd be in trouble on multiple fronts.

Ultimatley Zetterberg had 4 pts, Cleary had 3, and Lidstrom got his first career hat trick in 1442 games. A stat line like that will mean victory 99 times outta 100.

The State of Michigan is Bad at Math

Guinness World Records has certified the crowd for the Michigan vs. Michigan State game at Michigan Stadium at 85,451 people, far short of the announced attendance of 113,411. It still was enough to beat the previous attendance mark of 77,803, set during the opening game of the IIHF world championships in May, when Germany hosted the United States.

Math is for fuckin nerds. It's just not our thing here in Michigan. We're about muscle cars, great lakes, and going 0-16. See no math necessary with that one. But even with our lack of numerical prowess, I still can't believe people are giving the Big Chill a free pass after being 28,000 off on their attendance number. I know that UofM takes into consideration all the concession workers, ticket takers, and media folk in their attendance number but there is no chance there was 1 worker for every 3 people in attendance. Sometime during the first period while I was still semi sober they cut to a shot from the student section at the top of the bowl. There were what seemed like 20 empty rows of seats. It's not the first time I've seen the Big House sorta empty and still heard a PSA stating that 112,000 were in attendance. Kinda sketchy if you ask me.

Even worse was The Palace of Auburn Hills claiming that this crowd was 12,000 plus against the Hawks. Maybe 5,000 people were there max. I suck at math and the Lady Friend is a math teacher but I can still smoke her in a times tables test. Time for the State of Michigan to get their shit together.

JBS Wishes You A Very Merry Morning Wood With Automotion

JBS wishes you a very merry Christmas or happy Hanuka or Kwanzaa or whatever weird holiday you celebrate that doesn't automatically come with an X-box. I can't take John Falls falling flat on his face anymore with the morning wood and if I ask e$ I'll probably end up with this. Sooo, here's Automotion. They're the only thing in the Palace that gets me off since since Chauncey left for Denver.





Oh! Ohhh! Ohhhhhh!

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

Christopher and Nathan approach SGaf

"Christopher just said he's too sexy." - Nathan

"Why would you say that?" - SGaf to Christopher

"I heard it in a song. You know, I'm too sexy for my shirt" - Christopher

"Go sit down" - SGaf



PS - I would've bet my left nut that he knew the word sexy from the Shaun Michaels entrance music. When I put on the instrumental version in the gym kids immediately bust into the stretched out full body flex.

G$ Signs With Cardinals For 1 Million

St. Louis — Free-agent catcher Gerald Laird and the St. Louis Cardinals have reached agreement on a $1 million, one-year contract. The 31-year-old Laird hit .207 with five home runs and 25 RBIs last season in a part-time role with Detroit. He's expected to be a backup to Yadier Molina with the Cardinals.

This is addition by subtraction. Nice work by Dombrowski but G$ will still be missed. He's one of those guys that's so easy to make fun of cause he sucks real hard but you still gotta love him cause he's always down to talk mad shit.


Good team guy to have around but his lack of ability at the plate outweighed his defensive attributes.

Farewell sweet prince.

PS - The Tigs sold pitcher Alfredo Figaro to the Orix Buffaloes of the Japanese Baseball League today but it's hardly getting any press because of Magglio and G$. Dude with the sweetest name in the history of the Tigers just got Jim Joyced on what should've been the happiest day of his life. Totallyfuckinbelievable.

Tigers Sign Samson To 1 Year Deal Worth $10 Million

Veteran outfielder Magglio Ordonez has reached agreement with the Detroit Tigers on a one-year, $10 million contract, a baseball source confirmed to ESPN.com. Ordonez, 36, hit .303 with 12 home runs and 59 RBIs in 84 games before suffering a season-ending ankle injury in July. He is expected to return to right field for the Tigers in 2011. Ordonez has 289 career home runs in 14 seasons with the White Sox and Tigers.

Mags tested out the free agent market and rumor has it that he had a few 2 year offers but decided to stay in Detroit because of his loyalty to Illitch. I'm pretty sure he was just worried a long distance relationship with his boyfriend wouldn't work.


PS - This move was necessary and as long as Mags' bat doesn't go limp the Tigers can live with his lack of range in right field. Now if they bring in a real solid starting pitcher we could actually be a contender for the division.

HS Basketball Player Attacks Ref

This is why I ref hockey and not basketball. If some goon comes after me on the ice because I slapped him with a 10 minute misconduct for not wearing his mouthguard, well then at least I know I can hold my own. Being on skates is truly the ultimate equalizer. But if one of these 7 ft tall 15 year olds decides to knock me out from half court there ain't really a damn thing I could do to stop it. I just hope Larry Brown is there to get on the mic and plead with the guy to let me go.

Hula Hoop Porno

This video shouldn't be called Hula Hoop Basics it should be called get me to explode all over his keyboard. S-Hof sent me this last night claiming he was having a hula hoop contest with his girlfriend. Right bro, there's not even a hula hoop in this clip.

Detroit Burger King Lets Old Man Have It His Way

DETROIT -- Detroit police say a 20-year-old Burger King employee who was arguing with a customer punched the 67-year-old man, who fell and later died. Police spokesman Yvette Walker says the older man was reportedly causing a disturbance Thursday afternoon at the restaurant on the city's east side, tried to hit the employee and the employee swung back. WJBK-TV reports police say the punch may have caused the elderly man to choke on his dentures. The man died at a hospital.

That's how Detroit rolls. Bitch about your Croissan'Wich get your dentures punched down your throat and die. Is seriously anyone surprised by this story? Like Moe from the Simpsons said, Detroit is livin in Mad Max times.

Wolverines Take A Number On The Endangered Species List

Wolverines were trapped, poisoned and hunted out of existence in the lower 48 states decades ago, and now that they've begun to regain the thinnest of footholds in this country, they face an even greater challenge: climate change. Federal wildlife officials believe the species deserves protection under the Endangered Species Act, but with this caveat: Wolverines are going to have to get in line. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service on Monday assigned wolverines a "warranted but precluded" status under the ESA, which means the species warrants protection but the service is "precluded by the need to address other higher priority species."

Those "higher priority" species include some of the 251 other species that were already official "candidates" for ESA protection. They range from the Arizona treefrog, Yosemite toad and Tucson shovel-nosed snake to the Lanai tree snail, the Mardon Skipper butterfly and rare plants like the Florida prairie-clover.

When there's not a single wolverine left in the Wolverine State then I'd say you're pretty much fucked as a species. But having to stand in line behind the Lanai tree snail and the Mardon Skipper butterfly is complete bullshit. It's kinda like being worse than MSU and PSU at football.

I Suck Ass

Worst day I've ever had. I can't get shit to go right. I feel like the fuckin Pistons. That's my story, I don't know why John Falls balked on the morning wood. Let him know how bad he sucks in the comment section.

Who Told You To Fry The Gnocchi? I Didn't Tell You To Fry The Gnocchi

Two different people have sent me this clip today and both of the emails came with very serious warnings to not ever fry gnocchi. Like who the fuck do you think I am? Besides the one night a year when I take the Lady Friend out to a nice restaurant I don't ever even try and pretend like I know what gnocchi is. I mean my dinner schedule is pretty much set anyways. It's McGangbang Mondays, Taco Bell Tuesdays, Whopper Wednesdays, Thursday is now Blursday and on my way home I usually stumble into the pizza joint below my house and pass out in my chicken roll until closing, and then Friday is Funday which means I usually just substitute an all liquid diet with maybe a Tums or two mixed in. Yup, I'm the last guy who has to worry about this exploding gnocchi epidemic so chill out with the emails bros.

PS - I might hire this guy to just sit behind me and laugh as I write. Dude's laugh is amazing.

Zen Mustache Playing "Hey Jane" Live on the Radio

So I thought I'd made the big time with this whole smut slinging thing but it turns out I'm not even one of the top two most successful Mason brothers. Jmase and Kmase are blowing the doors off of the folk music scene in Denver. Even been compared to the Barenaked Ladies more than once, not sure if that's a good thing. But either way I dig their music and you should give a listen. I just thank god I have BMOC clinging to the bottom of the telemarketing ladder otherwise i'd be making a serious push for least valuable Mason.

AHHH! WTMFS

What the mother fuckin shit were the Lions trying to pull last night? I mean fine, be a good samaritan and accommodate the Vikings' cheerleaders, but for fuck's sake nobody said a god damn thing about painting over bubbles.


You think the Pats would let the Jets come into Gillette Stadium and deface the place like that? Jesus, I'm suprised we didn't let Calvin play wideout for them too or had Gridiron sing their fight song. This entire franchise is gutless. My jaw is still hanging.

Holiday Gift

I hope this gets stuck in your head today.

my favorite comment on the video, "where can I get the lyrics?"

Wings "Quick"ly Lose Control of Game in 3rd Period, Lose 5-0

The Wings managed to get 40 shots on goal in the first two periods against LA last night but still found themselves down 2-0 going into the third. The Kings came out flying to start the next period and put 3 past Howard in a matter of minutes. LA goalie, Jonathan Quick completed the shutout with 51 saves. After winning two impressive games to get things back on track, the PP looked lackadaisical and the big guns couldn't figure out a way to crack Quick. Hopefully we can work the kinks out against a real shitty St. Louis team.

The rest of the week looks like this...

Wednesday - St. Louis @ Detroit
Friday - Detroit @ Chicago
Sunday - Dallas @ Detroit

Overall Detroit is 1st in the Western Conference with a record of 19-7-3 and 41pts

Lions Recap - A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

This picture is my Lions recap. Pretty much sums up everything I wanna say about this game. Shit was ugly, funny, and beautiful all at the same time.

Rowdy Communist Hockey Brawl

I've got a raging hard-on over here pretending this is the Redwings. You gotta use your imagination a little bit but there's Datsyuk #13 and Helm #43 both just woodshedding their guy and then of course #92 is pretty much a Bob Probert clone, especially the way he stands over and taunts the guy whose just leaking everywhere. But that's not even what blows my mind about this whole thing. The most shocking thing about this fight isn't the way the white team jumped the other team 6 seconds into the game or even the fact that every one of these guys will probably be murdered by the KGB in retaliation. No the real thing that keeps mind fuckin me is the way the one dark defenseman gets turtled, lets his goalie get popped in the mug and then gets up and just C-cuts all over the ice while asking the bench for advice. Hey fuckstick. Your buddy is over there getting free facial reconstructive surgery from #61, you should probably take that stick in your hand and take the doctors head off. I'd rather have Sue Doepke on the ice during a brawl than this pond rocket.

Morning Wood with Cintia Decker

There's something about a guy (John Falls) saying "can you help" in the most desperate, needy way that really gets a girl going. Especially when he is slacking on his Wood duties and then I become a hero in turn.

Here is Cintia Decker, she has appeared in advertisements for Ann Taylor, Macy's, Victoria's Secret, L’Oréal, and Yves Saint Laurent. She is a December baby and just turned 24! Happy Belated Cintia!