Meet JBS' Newest Color Man

The second Ted opened his mouth I jumped on the freeway and headed towards Cleveland cause you just don't find this kind of homeless talent everyday. I mean you could probably get him to do color commentary on your entire life for like a tombstone pizza and a Mad Dog 20/20. I might even dangle a doughnut on a string and have him pull me around on a rickshaw. Shit, I'm so fuckin fired up right now I can barely stand it.

I got my whole sales pitch ready too for when I roll up to the corner of I-71 and Hudson. No chance in hell I'm gonna pussy foot around and risk losing him like David Brandon did with Harbaugh. Nope, I'm putting on the full court press like The Schwartz showing up with a bag full of cash on Vanden Bosch's front lawn at midnight the day free agency started. I've seriously never been so sure about anything in my life, including my engagement. I can't wait to have that velvety voice ear fuck me to sleep at night. Christ, I'll probably never lose another beer die game in my life with this fucker chirping about how great I am. Plus, the guy's from the Mike Schank school of recovery and knows that when you use drugs and alcohol, especially drugs, you always lose. Dude is the dream employee. Take some notes John Falls.