Spring Hill, Florida - Hernando County Sheriff's deputies responded to a crash at the intersection of Northcliffe Boulevard and Deltona Boulevard early Monday morning. But a crash, an injured driver and an alleged drunk driver weren't all they had to deal with. According to an arrest report, the at-fault driver defecated in his pants during the DUI investigation. Brian Matthew Collins, 35, had a "very strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from his breath, slurred speech and bloodshot watery eyes," when the deputy approached his car, according to the arrest report. Collins told deputies he'd had four vodka and cranberry drinks at the Mermaid Lounge. He agreed to cooperate in a DUI investigation and during said exercises, "I did observe that Brian did defecate his pants," the arrest report read.
This isn't funny to me in the least bit. I'm in a constant battle every minute of every day to not shit my pants. I mean it's a hard thing to bring up in a public forum like this but I guess now is as good a time as any. I need to address these demons. I mean I can't be the only one living like this right? I, no joke, take probably 5 shits a day, 3 of which aren't even remotely solid. Now I know that my superman diet of 12 Bud Heavys and half a pack of Camels per day ain't helping anything but I can't believe my body has just mailed it in like this. If anyone has any tips to help me out with this i'd be much obliged. In the meantime I'm gonna cut back on the drunk driving cause I don't wanna end up like my boy Brian Collins here heading to jail with a load of thai food in my pants.
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