A Southern California man has been charged with ejaculating twice into the water bottle of a female co-worker. Orange County prosecutors charged 31-year-old Michael Kevin Lallana with misdemeanor counts of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault, with sentencing allegation for committing a crime for sexual gratification.
The first incident allegedly occurred Jan. 14 when Lallana and the woman worked in the company's Newport Beach office. On that day, he left a semen-laced bottle of water on the victim's desk, and when she returned later, she drank from it. She fell ill and threw the bottle away, prosecutors said.
Three months later, prosecutors claim, Lallana repeated the act at the Northwestern office in Orange, where the two had been transferred. The woman, whose identity was withheld by prosecutors, again felt ill. Suspicious of the water’s contents, she sent it to a lab for analysis. In June, the private lab warned the woman that the bottle contained semen.
Barstool somehow beat me to this one but here's a woman's perspective on it all. Right off the bat, the funniest part of this article is that the woman complained of feeling ill after drinking the sperminated water. CAN I USE THIS EXCUSE?!?!?!? It's like how every time my sisters get NEAR ketchup they declare that they are allergic and refuse to eat it. This is a fail proof way to get out of swallowing.... BMOC, I'm allergic to sperm. In general it's like the faintest thought of not swallowing a man's love juice is out of question. Why wouldn't you swallow it, you may be wondering. Well maybe sometimes I don't feel like having a sticky substances all up in my molars.
I've further investigated into why exactly its insulting to not swallow and found that "it's just rude, those are my babies" Ummm herrroo? Your "babies" are dying no matter where you put them. The fact is, you would rather have your babies shoot into my deathtrap vagina and be killed off by murderous hormones than have them wither in a soft, aloed kleenex? It makes no sense to me.. totes bogus dude!
...Shoot. I got a little off subject. Sorry for the semen rant. Now I'm just plain fucking worried that everytime I taste something a little off kilter that someone may have jizzed all over it. I know my office partner Jason is just dying to blast a load in my coffee one day with how much I bug him with my oldies. I guess I'll just have to start carrying my drinks around with me claw-over-opening style like I'm at a college party and pray no one tries to slip their dicks between my fingers.
xoxo,
e$
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