Scientists Worry About Cell Phone Radiation and Your Brain. I Say What About My Nuts?

Each time a cell phone user makes a call, low levels of radio-frequency (RF) energy are emitted as the phone’s antenna generates radio waves that transmit people’s voices from one phone to another. The amount of radiation depends on how long a person stays on the phone, how he holds the phone to his head, and whether he uses it in the city or the country.

By 1996 various committees of scientists and engineers had reviewed numerous epidemiological studies and research on lab animals exposed to RF radiation. Two of these committees independently formulated exposure recommendations for cell phones. Their findings were used by the Federal Communications Commission to develop a standard for exposure, set in 1996 and still in place today. The standard - 1.6 watts per kilogram of tissue - is called a specific absorption rate.

There are basically only two things I want scientists to spend money on. The first is growing organs in jars so that when my liver gives out I've got another one on deck in the glove box. The second is finding out what cell phones do to our bodies. But these idiots are going about it all wrong. I don't give a flying fuck what it's doing to my brain while I talk on it, I wanna know what it's doing to my nut sack while it's in my pocket the other 99% of the time. Like, I need to know asap whether or not it's doing any serious damage cause I've had a game of Angry Birds on pause all day and I don't wanna fry my little swimmers.