Man its gotta blow being an otter trying to get your hot rock therapy on

Fuckin otters. Always trying to do yoga or relax a bit on the shoreline with some hot rock thereapy. Jesus, just go drink your wheatgrass juice broseph and call it a day.

Homeless Packer Fans Win Super Bowl Trip

I call bullshit. There aren't homeless people in Green Bay. Especially ones with dyed red hair and sweet APEX Packer jackets.

PS - If they are in fact homeless, they should be disqualified from this contest because the rest of us have shit to do. I'm just saying.

PETA Understands Advertising

Let's make one thing clear. I would never in a million years ever stop hunting, slaughtering, or eating meat no matter how much smut Peta throws in my face. But shit, that being said Peta understands advertising. You could put free porn on TV from 4-5 AM on a Tuesday morning and it would still get the best ratings in the history of the world. Forget the Super Bowl, forget a Celtics/Lakers game 7 final. We're talking satellites exploding because of the amount of traffic free porn would get. And Peta ain't no fool. They know smut is huge, they want not killing animals to be huge, so obviously you start making vegetable porn. Duh. Hitting a homerun with the "I'd rather go naked" ad campaign was big, but this new commercial of sluts going down on zucchini might beat the Emancipation Proclamation as the best idea in the history of mankind.

Would "Jerry the Great" be the Best Movie of all Time?

I'm a sucker for movie trailers. They're the reason I thought Hot Tub Time Machine and True Grit would both go down in history as the greatest movies of their time. And even though I'm starting to realize that a good trailer only means 2 minutes and 53 seconds of the movie are good, I'm still thinking Jerry the Great would be the greatest movie of all time. What you think?

Searching for Leonard Washington

It's been a long time since Leonard Washington rolled his last die and slipped off into the sunset. Some think he's hiding out behind the Soviet block while others doubt he's even alive. Regardless, I never thought I'd see another like him during my lifetime. That of course was until I met Jiggaboo Jones. This new kid is unlike anyone I've ever seen. He commands the die with such precision that some even believe he could be Leonard's adult child from his first baby momma. All I know is that I'm saddling Jigga up and heading to the World Series of Dice. Ashy Larry, you fucked son.

Courtney Love Looks Great

Must be auditioning for Saw 8.

The Ole Saran Wrap Across the Hoop Trick. Classic

This is a lot less messy than when I trick the Lady Friend and put Saran Wrap over the toilet.

Bose Wins Joeyblueskies Hat for "A Bronx Tale" Trivia Answer

Bose was the first one to correctly identify this picture from "A Bronx Tale" last week and got a free JBS hat for his efforts. Nice work.


Here's the full scene. "Bose, I'm the one who did this to you. Remember me."



PS - This is the movie that taught me how to eye fuck.

Brittany Murphy's House up for Sale

TMZ - The house both Brittany Murphy and her husband Simon Monjack died in has gone into foreclosure and will be auctioned off tomorrow. The house, located in the Hollywood Hills, is 8,000 square feet on 1.29 acres. According to docs filed earlier this month, $4,035,666.92 is still owed on the home and an auction is set for Monday morning at 10:30 AM at the courthouse in Pomona, CA.

Hmmm...4 million sounds reasonable. You think her heroin stash is included?

Anything is Possible! Except Channing Frye Having Kids

Just remember KG, dick slappin's my game!


Love,

Ashley Shaeffer

Morning Wood with Brooklyn Decker

I know Brooklyn was a wood back in July but she's on TV every two seconds cause of that new Sandler movie and I can't take it anymore. I think I'm gonna stalk her and try and pull some Wendy Peffercorn type shit. She's just too good damn hot to not take a shot.

Tracy Morgan Calling Sarah Palin Good Masturbation Material Gets U 2 Monday

Charles knew exactly what the fuck he was doing tossing up this softball to Tracy. That's why he's the best in the business.

Crazy Inbound Pass

I got a big 5th grade basketball tournament tomorrow and I gotta draw this up in the pregame. They'll never see it coming.

Novak's Intensity Key to Michigan's Huge Win over Sparty

Novak was angry that day my friends. Like an old man trying to send soup back at a deli. And it was that anger that kept Michigan in this game early and kept them ahead down the stretch. It's awesome to see Michigan finally put it all together against Sparty. After starting 1-6 in the Big Ten a win like this is great to boost morale and convince some future big time recruits that choosing MSU over UofM is not automatic. Here's some thoughts from Izzo and Beilein following the game. Someone needs to put Izzo on suicide watch.

Video of Detroit Police Station Shooting is Real Fuckin Rowdy

You think this dude was a running back in college? That swan dive over the counter was no joke. And I think somebody needs to send out a search party for Maurice Clarrett cause I'm pretty much convinced this was him.

Mark it DPD - 1, Armed Gunman - 0

Does this Two in the Pink, One in the Stink Sticker get this Dude any Ass?

Dudes who love the shocker are awesome at life. It's basically a fact. They're seriously probably in the 95th percentile in almost everything they do. Like I remember this kid I played hockey with when I was 12. The dude was all about the shocker. Flashing it to girls at dances, in the pool at the hotel, and was even on the front page of the paper doing it after we won a tournament. He was absolutely reckless with it. Of course he eventually went to play hockey for the Badgers, could bang any Morning Wood he wanted, and somehow got the sweet ass nickname, Smokin Joe. It's hard to discern whether or not his success came from doing the shocker or whether or not the he liked the shocker because he was successful. But either way one thing is certain. Guys who love the shocker are always gonna be knuckle deep in pussy and ass.

I never would've guessed this was the face of a guy found dead in a Boxcar

Huff - A University of Minnesota student recently arrested on charges of child porn distribution has been found dead, the Minnesota Daily reports. Keaton Patrick Murphy's body was discovered in a boxcar near TCF Bank Stadium. The Daily reports a gory, chilling scene where the student's body was found: Several hours after the body's discovery, frozen, black blood coated the platform at the end of the boxcar, and was spattered in the snow surrounding it. Blood stains reached as high as several feet on the wall of the car, and were smeared on a ladder rung leading into it. A single handprint was visible in the blood-stained compartment.

Shit, did someone say boxcar? I love a good mystery! This one has it all too. Kiddie porn, a frozen body, and a lone bloody handprint. I just hope that little fatass Benny doesn't mess this up.

Morning Wood with The Victors!

Just a fan-fuckin-tastic day all around yesterday. Snow day from work, beer die tournament, and a huge win over MSU in East Lansing. Hail! Hail!








Debated long and hard on whether or not to put this butterface in the mix but that hip don't lie.

NHL '94 Celebration

Not a lot to say about this. Just flat out brilliant. The guy who separates from the pack and does the squat move should get brought up to the NHL immediately. Check out barstoolsports for Manzo's full write up. He nailed it.

Someone get me this Weed Catapult

I'm gonna take this thing to Hash Bash in Ann Arbor and just start littering the Diag with dime bags.

Kendra Sex Tape #2,457,998 Revealed

RadarOnline.com reports that Wilkinson, whose sex tape with high school boyfriend Justin Frye hit the airwaves in May 2010, is in another sex tape from the same era -- this time a lesbian sex scene -- with high school friend Taryn Ryan. The video is shot by Frye himself. "Kendra and Taryn started fooling around and then Kendra wanted the light turned off," a source told RadarOnline.com. "But the camera that was recording them had night vision, so it looks like the Paris Hilton porn tape. Everything is completely clear.

I used to get so pissed any time something Kendra related hit the news, but at this point I almost enjoy it. All I have to do is think about what it's like to be Hank Baskett and wake up each morning just terrified that another video of your wife getting plugged is gonna surface and I grin ear to ear. I mean I really have no desire to ever watch any of them cause she's fuckin gross, but if I hear there's a video of Hugh Hefner hittin that on one of his 24 hr Viagra binges then I might take a peak. What?! You know you're curious.

Dog Found Frozen in Block of Ice

DAWSON, British Columbia (AP) -- Authorities have launched an animal cruelty investigation after a dog was discovered encased inside a block of ice on a British Columbia man's front lawn. The dead dog was discovered by the homeowner on Jan. 15, said Marcie Moriarty, a spokeswoman from the British Columbia animal protection society, adding that the man did not know the dog or how the block of ice arrived on his property. "It's a bizarre and very upsetting case," Moriarty said Wednesday. "Inside the block of ice, which looks to have been made from a large rubber bin, was the frozen corpse of a medium-sized black dog."

Guarantee if you thaw this guy out, he gets up, gives a good shake, starts walking around, and then lays down to lick himself. Know why? Cause dogs are the shit.

Hide ya Kids, hide ya Momma, hide ya Husbands cause DJO is Raping Everybody Up in Here!

I love how rape jokes have taken over the comedy world without even asking. I mean they're absolutely crushing it. Tosh.O even set up a rape trap on his show the other day and accidentally caught Big Ben. I just hope Antonio Dodson is making royalties every time this gets used cause he created a whole new genre of comedy. Prediction, abortion humor will be the next to blow up.

Follett Can't Keep his Name Outta the Papers

It's been nonstop Follett news coming outta the D lately so of course we need him to weigh in on the Cutler situation in Chicago too. Not sure what his comment actually was but it got him on the list of guys drinking that Hatorade. But hey, anytime a 7th round pick can get his name on a list with the likes of Maurice Jones-Drew, T.O., Phillip Rivers, Jeremy Roenick, and Deion Sanders I think he's doing alright for himself.

Is this Piano Prank Cool?

A 16-year-old looking to beef up his college application says he's responsible for the grand piano that mysteriously showed up on a sandbar in Miami's Biscayne Bay. The Miami Herald reports that Nicholas Harrington — son of "Burn Notice" production designer J. Mark Harrington — planned to make a promotional video using the piano. The plan went awry on New Year's Eve when partygoers lowered it into a canal and set it on fire. The next day, the family placed it on a 22-foot open fisherman and dumped it on the sandbar. The teen says he is "super happy" about the attention the piano has gotten in recent days.

The quick answer is no, this is not cool. For a second I thought that being on a boat and using this piano island as a landmark would be kinda sweet but then I realized that was gay. And not the gay that means you love other men, no, the gay that means dumb as shit. The only way putting a piano on a sandbar becomes cool is if you don't torch it beforehand and the thing is still playable. Hop on some wave runners, grab a floating cooler, and bring some bikini clad hunnys cause once you sit down and start hammering out Paparazzi it's an instant orgy.

Morning Wood with Casey Durkin

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies, "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

"Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

Bahahahahaha! Now show me your ass.

Michigan Reconsiders its Ban on Guns in Churches, Arenas, and Bars

Mlive.com - Legislation to do away with the list of places where concealed weapons are banned in Michigan – including churches, arenas and bars – was introduced today in the state Senate. Sen. Mike Green, R-Mayville, the bill’s sponsor, said the restrictions, enacted as part of a controversial change in concealed weapons law a decade ago which made licenses easier to obtain, are cumbersome and unnecessary.

About god damn time! I'm done leaving my fuckin gat at home everytime I wanna praise the lord, go to the Palace, or rip back a few at the Pirate's Cove. With this law Michigan officially becomes the best state in the Union because seriously, the only thing missing from the Malace at the Palace was armed fans.

Free hat and JBS shoutout to the first person who can name the movie this picture is from...

It has nothing to do with the state of Michigan

Best Random Tits in TV History

"You boo puppets. You hiss villains in silent movies!"




How this chick never got a pilot about absolutely nothing I'll never know

Korie Lucious Suspended from Spartans for Remainder of the Year

Mlive.com - Michigan State announced late Tuesday night that guard Korie Lucious has been dismissed from the team for the remainder of the season. "Unfortunately, Korie Lucious displayed conduct detrimental to the program,” Spartans coach Tom Izzo said in statement. “My focus is on this team for the remainder of the season.” Lucious played in 18 games this season, averaging 6.5 points and 4.1 assists in 24.4 minutes.

“I didn’t live up to the standards of the program,” Lucious, a junior, said in a statement released by the school. “Unfortunately, I let my teammates, my coaches and myself down, and wish the best for the rest of the season.”

MSU is always so hush hush with all these suspensions. For once i'd just like to hear outright that Korie knocked up the university president's daughter or snorted a line of coke of a midget's ass like Jeff Smoker. The truth will set you free Sparty.

Is this what Follett meant when he called Stafford a Chyna Doll?

Cause if he did then I'd consider it a compliment. Look at those forearms.

Happy 174th birthday you Water Winter Wonderland you

The great state of Michigan is celebrating it's birthday so here are some great facts for you.

The State motto is "Si quaeris peninsulam amoenam circumspice," which means if you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you. Only beef here is that the slogan should've been "Si quaeris DOS peninsulams amoenam circumspice" cause the UP ain't taking a back seat to anybody. There are also 38,575 sq. mi. of Great Lake water area and 3,126 miles of Great Lakes shoreline, more fresh water coastline than any other state. Cali and Alaska go fuck yourself with that nasty salt water. To boot Michigan has 19,000,000 acres of forest cover, 11,000 inland lakes, and 36,000 miles of streams. Seriously, 11,000 lakes? Suck on that Minnesota. But my favorite straight up factoid is that no matter where you go in Michigan, you are always within 85 miles of one of the Great Lakes. Just Great Lakes, great times, all the time. So be sure to wish your Water Winter Wonderland a happy birthday bitches! Wouldn't want to be from any other state and if I was from Ohio I'd kill myself.

Follett suits up in the armor of God to fight Tom "Killer" Kowalski

Zack Follett - Response to my comments made from zack follett on Vimeo.

Zack, baby, chill. Let the haters hate man, cause in reality nobody gives a shit about what Killer Kowalski is tweeting. The dude is the softest insider in the business and hasn't asked a tough question of a Lions coach ever. He fricken gave Rod Marinelli a free pass on 0-16 cause he thought his shovel was sharp. I mean shit, you slipped up and used the wrong choice of words. No one is dumb enough to go out and say that shit if they actually mean it. That's retarded. So him implying that you think you're too fuckin cool for school or somehow better than Stafford is ridiculous. Anyone who's got their panties in a bunch over this needs to get ass pounded by Satan. Or by God, or whatever Follett is saying here, I didn't really get the whole God analogy. Either way bro just pop one of those painkillers you got when you blew up your neck and do some rehabbing with JP in the recliner. And truth fuckin be told, even though you didn't mean it, what you said about Stafford is the truth. If you don't think so you can't see the forest for the trees. I'd put even money right now on you having a longer career than him.

Oh, and screw those assholes over at ESPN and just give me the interview next time. I would've woven this whole china doll thing into some type of geisha advertising campaign. You'd be huge in Asia.

Morning Wood with Julia Stiles

Happy Hump Day!
I'm going to take you back in time a little bit...


Ice Cube - You Can Do It found on Hip-Hop

You know you were so into Julia back in the day when she was rocking those green and orange ensembles in Save the Last Dance.


I hope JP's rents don't read this website. Lord knows they don't approve of this.

Waaaait for it...Waaaait for it...Boom!

Wii Luge gone wrong is the best video of a kid getting destroyed since the breakdancer dethroned the full court shot. I can't stop watching it.

JoeyNoSkies

I've had a few people tell me about this thing that keeps popping up when they hit up JBS. Pretty sure it had something to do with that Schwartz video which kinda sucked anyway so I took it down. If you see this again shoot me an email at lamborghiniliving@gmail.com and I'll pay e$ some overtime to get it fixed.

Thanks to Rachel and MPkow for looking out.

Follett Calls Stafford a China Doll

Freep - Asked what he thinks of Stafford in an interview on ESPN Radio (1430 AM) in Fresno, Calif., linebacker Zack Follett said the Detroit Lions' starting quarterback is “a china doll right now.”

“Stafford, good guy,” Follett said. “He’s a china doll right now. Anytime he gets hit, he goes down. But the kid is -- hopefully, it’s just patiently waiting for him, because the kid is an awesome talent. He has a tremendous arm. The throws that he makes during practice when no one can touch him, he looks like an All-American quarterback, but put him in a game, and you hit his shoulder. So hopefully, say a couple prayers, keep him healthy next year, and the Lions can do some damage in the NFC."

I'm kinda pissed. I seriously can't believe Follett didn't give me this story. Would've broke the shit out of this and put JBS on the map. ESPN probably would've even picked up my "Follett looks like Jim from American Pie" story. But nope, I'm still stuck here making wise cracks about little kids getting hit in the face.

PS - About the comment, not sure if a dude with a broken neck should be calling anyone a china doll, but you know what? I kinda see the resemblance.

Dude Fired for Wearing a Packers Tie in Chicago

 

I don't claim to know what the emotional state of a Webb Chevrolet general manager is immediately following an NFC championship game loss, but I think it's fair to say this guy probably burned his Jay Cutler jersey and was on fricken tilt Monday morning. I can't really imagine I would've been in any better shape though. Like if John Falls came walking into JBS headquarters wearing a fuckin Crosby jersey after game 7 of the '09 Stanely Cup finals i'd be writing this from death row.

Porn Star Dies During 6th Boob Job

Huffpost - German porn star and "Big Brother" participant Carolin Berger a.k.a. "Sexy Cora" died last Thursday after her sixth breast enlargement operation to go from a 34F to a 34G, Sky News reports. She was 23. Cora has been in an artificial coma since January 11 at a clinic in Hamburg. Sky News explains, "She went under the knife for the last time at the Alster Clinic and was having 800g (28oz) of silicone injected into each breast. But her heart stopped beating during the operation. She suffered brain damage and was put into an induced coma." Cora's husband Tim Wosnitza remarked, "The doctors told me that she wouldn't make it. The brain damage was too big." According to CNN, two of the doctors who performed the surgery have been charged with negligent manslaughter.

Jeez, you do everything by the book your whole life and then boom it's all gone. What a cruel, cruel world.

Good night sweet princess.

Big Ben Gets a Taste of his own Medicine

Get ready Ben. No means yes and yes means anal.

Morning Wood with Megan Burgess

Former Miss Arkansas Teen Megan Burgess, 19, who passed her crown to her successor a mere two weeks ago, was arrested over the weekend at the University of Arkansas for public intoxication. University police received a call from someone concerned about Burgess at 1 a.m. Saturday morning, KSPR reports. Police found her outside, sitting in the snow. Cops said she was "unstable on her feet and a danger to herself."

I can't believe the cops turned her in. Personally, I would've gone with a finders keepers, losers weepers policy.

PS - It snows in Arkansas? Hmm, I thought dogs laid eggs and I learned something today.

Is Follett Jewish?

Dude's rockin the Jim look real hard and I'm not talking that pussy from The Office that every chick's in love with. Nope, talking about the Jim that fucks pies.