Can anyone name the starting lineup for "The Sandlot"? We're trying to do it right now and we have serious discrepancies in our answers. Hit me with it.
**UPDATE** - Looks like Justin beat you all to it. This is what hes got...
I'm kinda worried that this lineup might be able to beat the Tigers this year. Ham is probably the most prolific hitting catcher of all time. Dude could straight mash.
The Dec. 30 arrest of Tigers catcher Gerald Laird and his younger brother, Brandon, stemmed from an incident at a Celtics-Suns game in Phoenix, Ariz. after Laird’s grandfather allegedly groped the wife of Celtics guard Eddie House, according to a police report released Tuesday. House's wife Charlsie accused Laird's 70-year-old grandfather of touching her inappropriately while watching the game from a lounge at the U.S. Airways Center. A bartender told police House claimed she was being harassed prior to the fight, The Arizona Republic reports. Officers who responded to the fight said Brandon, 22, shouted derogatory remarks toward House and other women at the lounge before taking a swing at one of the women, according to the report. The Yankees' prospect was booked on suspicion of misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Phoenix police said the 30-year-old Tigers catcher was booked on suspicion of misdemeanor assault for allegedly striking a security guard in the head from behind during the brawl. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I heard about this story awhile back but the details were really sketchy so I held off writing about it until my inclination that G-Money's Grandpa started it all by groping Eddie House's wife was confirmed.
I really have no problems with this story except for the fact that if G-Money hit that security guard with the same .220 average that he hit the ball with than he had no shot at doing any actual damage and shouldve stayed the fuck out of it. We all know you dont get into a fight without having at least a .333 average and a third of your shots are gonna land. I do like the fact that 70 year old Grandpa Laird is still fighting off Alzheimer's enough to know that grabbing some tit is where its at. I wish my Grandpa had balls like that.
But lets be real, Brandon Laird is on a whole new level of Laird. He isnt into gropping like Grandpa, striking out like Gerald or just watching the basketball game like a normal person. Dude just wants to yell racial slurs and swing at ladies. Sounds like the Yankees got a real winner in that kid.
So last night got a bit out of hand. It started innocently enough, with 8 pitchers of Brooklyn Lager at Brooklyn Bowl for "The Boys" 10,000 day of life party. Once I realized my bank account was bone dry we decided to wade through the sea of hipsters and headed to Brooklyn's most efficiently priced watering hole, Rosemary's Greenpoint Tavern. After throwing back several 32 oz. Styrofoam Steveweisers, I noticed my girl Ms. Ma'am chilling at the end of the bar. She is without a doubt the hottest, baldest, most feisty 85 year old black woman you'll ever meet. We've had an on again, off again thing for the last year and a half since I started going to Rosemary's and once she put Maria Carey on the jukebox we fell right back into our old song and dance. I just wanted to hear that she missed me but once I asked for a picture this cougar tried to take advantage of me. Contrary to popular opinion our lips and tongues never touched and my trip to the clinic this morning was just my annual checkup and nothing more.
PS- I cant really blame her for making a move, I mean my homeless person look is pretty much irresistible and the Valentines Day motif in Rosemary's was straight electric.
Despite being out shot 47-29 the Wings managed to avoid a four game losing streak and stayed within reach of Nashville and Calgary for the eighth and final playoff spot. Goals from Jason Williams, Nicklas Lidstrom, Drew Miller and Henrik Zetterberg helped keep Detroit ahead even though they flirted dangerously with blowing another late two goal lead. Jimmy was up to the challenge and looked solid in net. Its just a fact though, that the wings gotta be a lot better down the stretch if they want to hold onto that last playoff spot and make a run into the summer months. And things aren't about to get much easier here with a 5 game road trip starting in Pittsburgh today. But again, the winged wheel aint scared of the road and if the Wings come outta this road trip with 3 wins I wouldn't be surprised. If one of them comes today against the Pens than that wouldn't hurt Detroit's confidence either.
Today is the day ive been dreading for a long time. For the last eight months I have been completely in denial that the finals shook out the way they did. I was happy for Pittsburgh, sort of, but there is no doubt that the cup they've been toting belongs to Detroit. We had it. Just go out and get it. The only thing that couldve derailed the inevitable was the chance the Wings took it for granted that if we play our game we will win. Cause that's what the wings did and it left the door wide open for a younger, hungrier team to come in and fuckin steal it. And that's what the Pens did. They Wings didn't play bad, they just didn't go out and grab it. So even though the cup has Sidneys ballsweat all over it, make no mistake about it, that shit is coming back to Hockeytown. In fact, I want the 8 seed. Give me Chicago. They aint got shit on the Wings and its just so cute to watch them think they have a chance to make this an actual rivalry. Only problem is that both teams have to win once in awhile for it to be considered a rivalry and Chicago aint had the edge since Ed Belfour was rocking that eagle paint job & mullet combo.
But today's game should be therapeutic. I need it to be, cause Ive buried last years game 7 loss deep inside me. Somewhere near where I keep the 2005 game 5 Stones loss to the Spurs. Fuck Sheed, why you doubled Manu in the corner and left a red hot Horry wide open for that 3 was totallyfuckinbelieveable. Cause make no mistake about it, the Pistons Dynasty was blown on that one play and its the reason I have an ulcer. A win today wont ease the pain but mixed with 6 Steveweisers it will taste pretty damn good.
5:05 mark
Interesting Note from Fridays Game
A season-ticket holder interviewed during a second-period break took a shot at benched goalie Chris Osgood, saying in an interview that was broadcast to the crowd, “It’s so good to have a goalie again.” The stunned crowd started booing and broke into an “Oz-zie! Oz-zie!” chant.
Ive been telling you, you better not sleep on Ozzie and his 2.02 playoff goals against last year. Guy plays when its time to play.
Miami better watch its ass. Scratch that, the children of Miami better watch their ass. Pete Townshend of "The Who" is coming to town to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show and I wouldn't take my yet to be born child to this game even if I had one of those wrist leashes that my Mom used to put on me at the mall. Dude claimed that he used his credit card to access a site that had images of child pornography for research purposes in his crusade against child pornography. Likely fuckin story Pete. Guy reeks of a Catholic priest preaching that he needs alone time with a choir boy to teach him about temptations of the flesh. I get it, Pete went with the playbook of if you want to do something repulsive and totally against all social and moral norms, than you just gotta pretend you give a serious fuck about stopping it. But I'm fuckin on to you Pete. You gotta wake up pretty early in the morning to fool old Mmase. The first thing the Super Bowl halftime selection committee should have done was check his recent computer history and I bet they woulda found a shit ton of images of Bart Simpson getting his dick sucked by Lisa and Velma getting pounded by Scrappy Doo (lets ad beastiality to the charges), although in his defense their ages were always remotely ambiguous on Scooby Doo, so maybe the guy is actually just a saint that plays a mean ax.
PS - Velma was always asking for it in that little skirt and those glasses. Nice work Scrappy.
Ive been getting tons of help from all sorts of people who have been sending me articles and clips over the last week or so. Keep it up. In fact my inbox is taking a pretty hard hit living in the fast lane like this so joeyballgame is stealing a page out of Charles Rogers' playbook and has opened up its own email address
lamborghiniliving@gmail.com
"Yeah I blew, I blew 'evr day. Ya know living in the fast lane, ya know Lamborghini Living."
-Charles Rogers
I'm pretty sure Christmas has come early in 2010. Like I've checked 20 times in the last 5 minutes but my calendar keeps telling me its January 28th and not December 25th. I mean I've already put together the business plan to secure my WrestleMania chair and now I get gift wrapped Carrie Underwood singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. Man, life can be pretty cool sometimes. I think Carrie does it for me because she reminds me a bit of the Lady Friend. I got that thing for blonde's and I got a good one. But enough about me dominating the universe, I have a sixth grade basketball game to gameplan for.
Wings lost again last night. Ive been holding off on posting cause I'm basically at a loss for words. I had a great little piece about the rebirth of Chris Osgood but he sucked last night so I got nothin. I'll save that piece for the playoffs. The only takeaway from last night was that Brad Stuart noticed an empty bed in the infirmary and decided to go down with a shoulder injury.
My buddy, co-worker and overall hetero life partner James, started up a badass fitness tracker about a year ago that has been kicking peoples' asses all over the country. The basic premise is you go onto the tracker, log any physical activity that you do that day and compare and compete against others on the tracker. My favorite feature is the challenge option that lets you bet your months rent or a drink, if your a pussy, on any type of physical challenge that suits your fancy.
James and a lot of other people have been doing this all last year and are looking cut these day, while I have managed to not work out once in the last year and am still carrying around 2 hams and 3 Cornish game hens worth of Christmas weight. Get you and your friends on it cause its a great way to stay motivated and win some money on something other than Arizona St. -4 at home against Cal tonight.
The Pick Arizona St. -4
PS- I think im gonna just keep slipping picks in like this. Keeps you fuckin honest.
detroitlions.com - Lions’ linebacker Zack Follett is not just talented when it comes to making plays on the football field, he also has other talents off the field. He is using that talent to help raise money for victims of the earthquake in Haiti. Follett is auctioning off two tickets to Super Bowl XLIV and included with that is an original handmade wood carving made by Follett himself (see photo). The money brought in by these items will be donated to The American Red Cross International Relief Fund to assist efforts in the wake of the tragic earthquake in Haiti.
If you're a Lions fan you know who this guy is, if you aren't than just consider yourself forewarned and stay the fuck outta his way. Guy is part train wreck, part Picasso and apparently part Mother Teresa. The lions straight stole him outta the 7th round of last years draft, too. Fans loved his nose for big hits and his Cal highlight reel soon created something of a cultlike following in Detroit. His first preseason tackle was a monster on some random colts dude.
His legend only continued to grow after he stopped Danny Amendola's heart during the Rams game and the hit was named the NFL Networks Hit of the Week. I'd give him another year or two before his special teams hit list is all crossed off and he switches his focus to becoming an every down linebacker.
Other Reasons We Love Zack Follett...
1. Favorite Hobby - Handcarving Wooden Likenesses Of Himself and His Teammates
2. He's A Quote Machine
"When I put those pads on, I put my jersey on, it's all nice and tight. I feel kind of like, I just kind of put my armour on, like a Superman suit. I can just go out there and fly, and hit people as hard as I can. I mean it's my only time...I mean I'm an aggressive kind of dude, I mean my personality when I'm off the field is kind of laid back, but I definitely have that alter-ego, and that time I'm in that game is my only time I get to release that inner-beast in me, I guess. Just let him out and let him run wild."
"They're gonna pay for it, I'm gonna go out there and hit their players and take them out of the game. But I'm excited. They're going to give me a good shot over at the Lions. They're the ones who put their neck out and drafted me."
3. His Nickname - Ziger
4. His Favorite # - 56
"Growing up, Terry Tate, No. 56, the Office Linebacker, he was my hero watching those commercials. I tried to emulate him when I was out there. ... Junior year of high school, I went to Champs Sports and they sold a Reebok Terry Tate number 56 jersey, and I bought one immediately. We watched all his YouTube clips and he's bringing the 'Pain Train' and doing the 'whoop-whoop' sound and I used to do it in high school, and I used to blow the horn. It kind of stuck with me a little bit."
VS In getting this thing going I've been neglecting some of my testicular duties towards the Lady Friend. She's been hella supportive and I thank her for still getting down with me even though I fall asleep with the computer on my lap most nights. But Ive come to the conclusion that if we are gonna do a good job of keeping you updated on all that is the D and other trashy news worldwide, then I need to bring on help.
Introducing my boy, MarcUM. I met this guy on a patio deck in Maine and we bonded over our love of Todd Jones, no joke. I have no idea what he does for work, in fact I don't think he does any, so that should give him plenty of time to get you inside Joe D's head. I do know that he still rocks it in A2 and he is the perfect guy to help me keep my finger on the pulse of the city. Shit ain't easy to do from 700 miles away. So pull out your teal Grant Hill jersey and your Jerome Williams knee-highs cause MarcUM is your new Stones writer.
Man, DVR really saved my ass last night. I had to choose between watching the Huskies reunion party at the Palace or the State of the Union and I went with Barack. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those poli-sci nuts that creams their pants every time Obama speaks. I just hate feeling like a jackass when everyone else on the planet has something to talk about the next day.
But DVR really saved me by letting me watch that game in fast forward, which is pretty much what I did for the second and third quarters. Don’t take that as a cop out, it was just obvious that Zach Randolph was going to keep bitch slapping every Detroit defender on the offensive glass. You could just tell that the 5 point lead the Grizzlies had was too much, no matter how efficiently our offense played.
And the offense did play efficiently. Hamilton and Stuckey had 21 assists between the two of them, and Big Ben and Maxiell combined for 26 points after only averaging 5 apiece on the year. But those efforts tend to get wasted when you’re 15-29.
The only thing more frustrating than the game was hearing Greg Kelser talk about making a second half run at a playoff spot. Yeah, that’s what this team needs. Lets work our way out of a lottery pick so that we can get dick slapped by LeBron or the Celtics in the first round. Fuck that noise.
I nearly shot PBR out my nose when I saw this ad. This has to be one of the greatest give away promotions that's ever existed. This chair is fuckin amazing. I cant tell for sure who all is on it cause the pictures is kinda fuzzy, but I could make out Stone Cold, The Rock, The Undertaker and Triple H for sure. That's enough to make my boys tingle. If I had this thing I would be an unstoppable blogging machine and if anyone ever gave me shit I would just calmly stand up, fold up the chair and tomahawk the a-hole over the head. Then go back to reporting about some washed up athlete and the slut he's banging.
Two things though...
1 - Being the low-life, gym teaching blogger that I am, there is no way in hell I can afford 3 pay-per-view events of this magnitude. I need to timeshare this bitch. I'm definitely ordering the Royal Rumble, cause I've been straight addicted since '97 when Paul Bearer two timed the Undertaker with Vader and crushed the urn over his head. If you want to order either the Elimination Chamber or WrestleMania Ill give you the chair for a week. And if you want to parlay this and get both, then Ill bump up your visitation time to a month. Pretty fuckin sweet deal if you ask me.
2 - I don't know what the hell the deal is with the whole "qualify to receive" nonsense but you better believe that if I pay for all 3 pay-per-views and don't get this chair, then ill be Pearl River Plunging people's asses all over the place.
PS- Did anyone make it through this whole video? Cause I did and yeah, its the same shit the whole way through. Fuckin hilarious. Im still obsessed with Ahmed Johnson to this day. I wonder if he has a fathead?
Now I'm not one to normally get tied up in minor details but i cant fuckin get over that no call that went down in Chrysler on Tuesday night. You cant convince me the jersey grab wasn't a foul any more than you can rip the noose out of my hands after this Michigan loss. Yeah its embarrassing that all we have left is rivalry wins, a shot at .500 and a NIT bid, but a loss to MSU never sits lightly with me.
I was slightly shocked that Michigan showed up at all considering we've already fucked up several must wins on the way to grabbing a March Madness birth. Most notably, at Wisconsin where the Wolverines were up 10, and an unconscionable lost to Northwestern where we had a 17 pt lead. But lets let bygones be bygones and our shitty team be our shitty team.
Quick Notes From Last Night's Game:
I liked the way Blue started by leaving Manny on the bench and going with the lineup we've been rocking the last two games. Michigan actually came out on their game and took care of the ball. This was undoubtedly the reason it came down to a blown call at the end and we weren't forced to see Michigan getting pumped all night long. Winning the turnover battle was huge.
What was up with Morris hitting the top of the backboard with that 3 from the corner? I thought this guy was supposed to help round us out. That was 5th grade basketball shit. Kid's gotta grow up a bit.
The Kalin Lucus elbow and the Manny Harris elbow from last year were the same fuckin play! Yeah, it woulda been bullshit if Kalin was tossed like Manny but Lucus-Perry got straight jacked up. At this point in the game i'd already destroyed about 7 Bud Heavys and got belligerent cause there wasn't even a flagrant foul. Only difference between the two plays was that Lucus-Perry didn't bleed a drip, and that pussy Kramer from Purdue had his nose explode like Tiger on a first date with an NY socialite. Lucus-Perry needs to take a note out of the NHL playbook and carry around a razor blade in his sock for just such a situation. "Cut me Mick, Cut me!"
Man, when I saw Jalen Rose I thought this shit was a lock. He was fired up. Webber gets all the hype but Jalen was definitely the ring leader of the Fab Five and probably the most badass. His story about getting busted in a shady drug house in Ann Arbor and then going to play Illinois where they chanted "Craaackk Hoouussee, Craaacckk Hoouussee" is fuckin priceless.
That ref going down was the end of us. I knew it. I just fuckin knew it. Like why did we have douches in the Maize Rage holding this guys face on a stick? Had to be planned right. I'm guessing they had a dime on MSU moneyline and were shooting poison darts into his rib cage. There was such a sense of impending doom when I saw him have a fuckin back spasm running down the court. Things were just going too well. And the fuckin rub of it all was that had he been in that game there is no way the officiating crew misses that jersey grab. Totallyfuckinbelievable
Michigan is definitely owed one. In fact I think they're owed two. Not a chance I'm over that extra second MSU got so Smoker could spike the ball in 2001. That shit was criminal.
This is obviously fake. There is no way his dick isn't already busted into like 100 million pieces. You know that thing snapped like a twig a long time ago under the rigors of the day in and day out pussy that comes with being in the nba. So save it Greg. No one believes that Louisville Slugger you're holding between your legs is actually your dick. The more I think about it there is absolutely no way this is real considering how much more playing time his junk probably got compared to the rest of his arthriticly riddled body.
PS- A Question for the people - If Oden is finished with his career, which he is, do you consider him a bigger bust than Darko?
Jesus, I knew there was a reason we weren't winning. These two cant even keep their dicks outta each other. Fuckin foreigners. Concentrate on the game.
I for one am on board with bringing the Geiko Caveman to Detroit. I love his left handed bat and would expect him to be a doubles machine because of the vastness of Comerica. I know he isn't the blazer that he once was and has a t-rex like throwing motion but he can still help with the load at all 3 outfield positions and take some of the pressure off Austin Jackson, who contrary to what I've heard from the Tiger's slappys, probably will not be the second coming of Willie Mays. I just don't think Cashman woulda been shopping him like 5 cent lemonade if he was. They were definitely off him for whatever reason. And if that isn't enough then the icing on the cake is Lloyd McClendon saying Jackson has an almost perfect swing. Ohhh Shhiiittt, Man! If Lloyd is saying that, dude probably cant hit Tila Tequila
Of course this all hinges on being able to get a 1 or 2 year deal real cheap. Getting some production for your money would be a nice change of pace after maxing out the credit card paying for Dontrell's shrink, Bondermania's doctor appointments and Magglio's haircuts. But I really dont know if this is relevant because I can't get a handle on whether or not the Tigers are even trying to be competetive this upcoming year. Dombrowski needs to either go at this hard and get guys who will produce(Valverde) or continue the firesale(Polanco) by burning down Comerica and collecting the insurance money.
PS- If this doesnt work out I hear we are going after Jim Edmunds who killed it last year with the..., oh wait, who did he play with last year?
This is starting to get a bit absurd. The wings are in a full fledged free fall right now and are just hemorrhaging points left and right. Seriously, this team goes into the locker room between periods and just comes up with new and creative ways to fuck shit up. I mean FUCKIN NICK LIDSTROM scored twice in the 3rd and had the Wings up two, with less than two minutes to play. Dude hasn't had a two goal night since Sergei was rocking the winged wheel and they celebrate by letting the Coyotes score two goals with the tender pulled to force OT. Unfuckinbelievable, or as I've been saying a lot lately, totallyfuckinbelievable.
vs Introducing my brother Bmase into the mix. Dude is real funny and jerks it to Detroit sports more than me. Thanks for the post.
After getting ass raped at the casino the past 2 weekends, Vegas throws up a softball even Neifi Perez could hit out the ball park. There is probably one student section worse than all those sober fags that fill the Izzone, and its the Maize Rage, and it breaks my heart to say it. I'm sure it will actually be filled tonight and Michigan wont have to suffer the embarrassment of seeing empty bleachers in their student section on national TV. But without the A.I.R. Georgia sign and that black chick in the front row grooving like shes on Soul Train, there is nothing to see here. If Izzo lets these boys loose, this is a 20 point victory. This game is also as segregated as a Birhmingham bus and you gotta look deep down that state bench to see those white boys, while I'm gonna be forced to watch Douglass, Novak and Gibson's gumpy ass launching 3's to try to keep UofM within double digits. Damn I miss Courtney Sims. Never knew what his heritage was.
This clip is great. Brings me straight back to the glory days of youth hockey. There was nothing I loved more than just laying kids out and making old dad proud. When I became a PeeWee and checking was allowed, I moved to defense so I could just train track kids who tried to cut across the middle with their heads down. I even got in a scrap or two, most notably in Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin when I threw down with a kid towards the end of a three goal performance by yours truly. As I got escorted off the ice, some crazed woman in the stands kept yelling "see ya, bye goon" at the top of her lungs. Those were the fuckin days. But man I don't ever remember anything this rowdy.
There are about a million little, dirty cheap shots in this clip so I went ahead and highlighted the most notable three for the non hockey viewer. Cause if there's one thing I hate its hearing people bitch about how hockey doesn't translate to TV. So shut up and enjoy. Don't say I never did anything for you.
3rd Best Cheap Shot: At the 25 second mark, near the bottom left of the screen, you can see a little guy just taking the whole thing in. He's the kinda kid who wants to get involved but doesn't want his pussy dad chewing him out all the way home about sportsmanship and representing your team in a positive light so he just stays near enough to get the adrenaline rush, without the lecture. But then survival of the fittest kicks in and this kid gets picked off from the edge of the heard like a baby wildebeest. Kid is just cautiously looking on one second and then has his neck in the mouth of a lion the next. This shit shoulda been on Planet Earth.
2nd Best Cheap Shot: 47 seconds in, top of your screen, just above the referee. We got two guys Donald Brashearing each other into submission. What kind of psycho takes a full cut at another dude with a hockey stick, just disgusting behavior. I'm gonna be damn sure to teach my kids honorable stuff like butt ending and nut shots, not this gay crap.
#1 Cheap Shot: Just when you think this thing is all but done at the 1:17 mark you got your number 1 cheap shot of the brawl. I don't think this did hardly any damage but I just love it cause my little brother Bmase was basically a carbon copy of this little shit in net. He pulled this stuff all the time. Blocker shots to the back, kicking out peoples feet at the top of the crease and you can fuckin bet that if he was in this melee he undoubtedly woulda rolled in once it was calming down and karate kicked a dude in the back of the knee. Woulda been fist pumping all the way to the penalty box too.
DETROIT (AP) -- An unidentified man was taken down from a conduit above a catwalk during a Detroit Red Wings game on Saturday night. Almost an entire section of stands in the lower bowl was cleared out when the man was noticed during the second period of the Red Wings' 3-2 loss to the Los Angeles Kings at Joe Louis Arena. After he was removed from the area, fans were allowed to return to their seats. "We didn't know what was going on until somebody pointed it out," Red Wings captain Nicklas Lidstrom said. Photographers have remote cameras stationed on the catwalk, but no one is usually there during games. "He got in through one of the storage cages and came out through one of the cable traps used for show cables," arena audio engineer Ricky Gopigian said. The players were certainly surprised."I don't know what the guy was trying to do or anything," Los Angeles forward Anze Kopitar said. "It's the first time I've seen that." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- So this is really a non story except for the minor fact that this dude was probably trying to kill himself because he lost his job at Ford and his Babies' Momma has student loans and no prospects. Chick is most likely trying to be a nurse or public schools' teacher and that means season tickets ain't in the future no more. It is also relevant because some chick reporter from LA commented on the incident by saying "Only in Detroit", implying we got some crazy epidemic of assholes getting shitcanned and climbing stuff. Give me a break, this is always the type of shit that Detroit gets pegged for. Lets be real, there is a 99% chance this dude is white and from the suburbs considering he's at a hockey game. The media needs to get off Detroit's jock.
PS - Ilitch can definitely cash in on this by offering The Catwalk Ticket Combo:
I got hit exactly like this once in college by a gorilla from Davenport and my cage caved in breaking my nose in half. I cant imagine taking this one with only a visor. My guess is Havlat is still eating his food through a straw.
When looking at tonight's game I see the beginning of a rejuvenated wings team that looks to get a lot healthier in the next week or so. They played tough against LA in their last contest and with Kronwall back on the blue line our D is sure to be more physical and more active in joining the rush. Jason Williams and Homer are also a skate or two away from returning and will have to be slipped back into the lineup by Babs, but will without a doubt give us a lift with 10 games left before the Olympic Break.
I like the wings tonight to win this one at home and get things rolling a bit. Shit has been rough this year but I ain't scared. Just need to stay in contention until Franzen gets back in early March, make the playoffs and then run a train on the Western Conference. Cause we are the god damn Red Wings and when the weather starts getting warmer in Detroit we start making plans for that Parade down Woodward.
PS- The fact that Kronwall got a 5 minute major for interference and a game misconduct for this hit was totally bullshit. Puck in the skates = fair game. Not to mention no call was even made until they realize Havlet would probably be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
I get Paul Allen being pissed that Favre blew his shot at a Super Bowl because he decided to Wrangler one off his back foot right to Tracy Porter instead of just jogging into position for a 50 yd field goal attempt, but c'mon man leave the Lions outta this. We didn't do shit to you. In fact we gift wrapped two wins for you by blowing a 10 pt lead in week 2 and letting Adrian Peterson get the FedEx ground player of week in week 11. So your'e welcome. If you played in a real division I have my doubts you would even be a playoff team.
What a fuckin low blow. You know the Lion's D-coordinator, Gunther Cunningham, was sitting at home in his lazy boy watching this one and just went ape shit. Woulda loved to have him mic'd up. NFL Films could've probably just aired a continuous high pitched beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep for 6 1/2 minutes while he flipped over his TV dinner tray and ripped apart the couch pillows.
I also love that this dude subconsciously flipped the best play-by-play call in sports history into a lyrical Favre pinata. I only hope this one lives on as long as the last one has.
Jump to the 1:40 mark cause this shit gets real weird in a hurry. Like why did this happen? It must go back to some old school beef between two Pittsburgh boys. This totally came out of nowhere. Im guessing Calipari took offense to that Moon County jab during the introduction. Like maybe there is some type of great divide in Pittsburgh that seperates the haves and the have nots. Sort of like 8 mile. In fact, the only way to work this out might be for them to rap battle it out at The Shelter with Future as M.C. and if that doesnt work Buccigross needs to take a lesson from John Chaney and kick his ass the next time he sees him.
Last night was the hopeforhaitinow.org telethon and your favorite celebrities were out in full force doing their part. There were definitely some big hitters but I think the front runners gotta be these 3
1. JT hitting us with a sweet, sweet rendition of "Hallelujah". Dude's voice makes rainbows grow
2. Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow & Keith Urban had me crying tears into my whiskey with this version of "Lean On Me"
3. Madonna singing possibly her best song "Like A Prayer". This one only got consideration because this song kicks major ass. It had nothing to do with how Madonna sounded. What happened? Chicks voice is beat.
If you don't believe me just take a listen to what she used to sound like.
PS- Little know fact, I used to be obsessed with this song when I was younger. I'm talking, fuckin run home from little league practice and lock myself in my room waiting for the video to come on VH1, obsessed. I even had a Madonna folder that I used to rock in Catholic school. Not sure if it was a physical infatuation with Madonna or if I was just mesmerized by the "League of Their Own" montage but I couldn't get enough of this song. But ah yeah, that was a pretty weird phase in my life.
Well, we all know and love us some Deanna but I'd like to welcome young Brittany onto the scene. Girl is coming correct. You think Favre has a hard time not wanting to bang his own daughter? I mean she is a younger, hotter and cancer free clone of his wife. I'm sure it has crossed his mind after about 10 vicodin and Bud Heavy coctails.
Reggie Bush's instinct near the pylon is as good as Tiger near a stripper. If he gets within striking distance, you know he's gonna stick it in. This just really hurts cause I was on a Saints -4 double or nothing mission to not end up down and out on the weekend. And here I am, down and out. i needed a TD so bad in that OT. At least the Saints are in the Super Bowl and I dont have to listen to the media give Brett Favre sloppy head for the next two weeks
Yo, Cheese is in town and we're throwing back some cock and coke. The cock on its own tastes kinda nasty in your mouth, but throw some coke into the mix and you got yourself a party. I know it sounds kinda gay, but its not.
Jets D is gonna dominate, Thomas Jones will get in the end zone and we're gonna have another liquored up Indy kicker running his mouth about how Payton drags his teeth when giving head. Gonna be awesome. I can't fuckin wait for the Jets to be in the Super Bowl, just validates my philosophy about football. Run the ball, stop the run, win rings.
Lucy wasn't privy to the fact that Manny was smoking weed or banging strippers at practice and is suspended by the team for unsportsmanlike conduct for today's game. She needs a big game from Deshawn and the 1-3-1 zone.
This one is tough to call. Lucy doesn't think the boilermakers are a fraud at all and if E'Twaun Moore goes off, the Wolverines are probably toast. Lucy Bones just still likes Blue because of the fact they only seem to show up to play when staring into the eyes of a giant. Michigan can definitely cover 13 pts if Sims establishes himself as an inside presence, Fresh plays with energy and ability, and the ambiguously gay duo of Douglass and Novak don't miss every 3 they take.
Lets Go Blue! Lucy has 100 milk bones riding on this one.
Contingency Plan 101 - If all else fails get Wright involved from the outside.
Here at Joeyballgame we focus our attention on the great state of Michigan and its dominance in the world of athletics. Remaining focused on all that is "Great Lakes and Great Times" from the East Coast can often times be a challenge for me. But then all of a sudden the long arm of the Menominee Maroons football dynasty just slaps you in the face as you're taking a piss at a dive bar in Brooklyn.
UP POWER baby! Sometimes this shit just writes itself.
PS - I scoured the rest of that wall looking for "Single Wing It" to no avail.
Can we get Obama to pass some sort of legislation demanding women have a Shake Weight in their hands at all times if they aren't currently working on an actual dick? It truly would be a watershed moment in his Presidency and would sweep this whole health care fuck up under the rug.
Plus, I think the ladies are totally down. Who wouldn't love the fastest, easiest, and most effective way to get a beautiful upper body without getting cum on you. So ladies call today and start J-ing O, D after D.
Just throwing this out there cause I havent watched it in about 10 hours or so and Im running on empty so here it goes. But truth be told its only a matter of time until Kim leaves that loser Reggie Bush and hooks it with a real man.
Single most *SHOWTIME* moment of the Lions' 2009-2010 season begins :44 seconds in. Stafford slides up in the pocket and straight laced that ball 50 yards and landed it on the horns of a galloping antelope wearing #81. Then Megatron goes all Darko on the goalposts. Fuckin awesome.
PS- Who is the old man jumping off the highdive at the 1:56 mark? Definitely not the man we payed 41.7 mill guaranteed money to...right?
Preview the clip of Kimbo taking it hard http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/22/kim-kardashian-punched-in_n_432995.html
I can't believe they put Kim Kardasian, our sweet, adorable, wanna just crawl up inside her vagina until the end of time Kim Kardasian, in the ring with this killing machine. All I here about these days is conserving natural resources and we go out and risk rupturing the two most tittie-fuckable resources we got, just so we can raise a couple bucks to build some bratty kids a new Boys and Girls Club. Fuck that noise.
This has to be the worst idea I've ever heard of. This thing was over from the word go. I'm guessing in the future Kim will just cut a check for charity instead of taking battering ram shots to the ribs while she open hand slaps some manbeast wearing headgear.
At least baby girl has the heart of a lion and refused to take a dive. I half expected her paper plate faced sister Khloe to come in and crown Rambo over the head with a steel folding chair a split second before Kim got Apollo Creeded. And whats up with Bruce Jenner just loving the shit out of this whole thing? Dude almost choked on some of his fake face he was laughing so hard.
PS-I sprung wood when I heard her say "Oh my god, I've never been hit this hard
I'm sure you all know whats going on at NBC between Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno so I won't go into that. But I just gotta say dude has large balls for doing this. But I guess my balls would be hanging pretty low too if I just cashed a check for 45 million dollars to do nothing. Fuckin A.
PS- Taking a break for now. Gotta go teach some 7 year olds how to not throw like girls
So what I got from this story is that this slut Brandi was sexting her boyfriend on the way to school, drops her cell phone and is worried that it might jam the gas or break pedals so she reaches down to pick it up and ass rapes the back end of a school bus that her little sister was currently on. Wait, what?! This shit makes no sense. First off, what kind of phone does this chick have? You gotta be rolling with the old school Zack Morris phone if you are worried the thing is gonna jam up the gas or break pedal! There is just no way a Blackberry Curve or Motorola Razor is slamming down the gas or break pedal. And another thing, did this chick forget she was on planet Earth where an object in motion tends to stay in motion until acted upon by an equal and opposite force? Your telling me she bends down and forgets that the car is still moving forward? Really? Not to mention that school buses have like 4000 flashing lights and mini little retractable stop signs that shoot out from all over anytime the bus is even thinking about stopping and she still got Scott Stevensed by it.
Best part about it all is that her little sister Amber was on the bus, weird? I guess Brandi didn't want to lose any of the cache' that comes with rolling into the school parking lot in that drop top Lebaron by having to drop off her little sister at the elementary entrance before hand. Shit would be social suicide.
DETROIT — Ford Motor Co. swept the 2010 North American Car and Truck Awards at the Detroit auto show yesterday, marking only the third time in the 17-year history of the award that a single automaker has claimed both titles.
A panel of about 50 U.S. and Canadian automotive journalists named the Fusion Hybrid car of the year and the Transit Connect, a European-style delivery van, truck of the year.
The Fusion beat out the Buick LaCrosse and the Volkswagen Golf/GTI for the car title, while the Transit Connect edged out the Chevrolet Equinox and Subaru Outback for the truck title. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ford just pulled off a miracle. Its like winning a college football national championship the same year you come out of March Madness on top. With an improbable combo of a serial rapist van and the old man hybrid of the year, ford managed to beat all other non bankrupt and still currently running US car manufacturers out for the nod. Not to mention they absolutely destroyed all the asian rice burners and queer foreign shit by marketing to a classic yet untapped American demographic, The Old Man Serial Rapist.
April showers bring May flowers ... and apparently a new logo for Michigan State University. The classic Spartans gladiator helmet will get a makeover this spring, according to Heather Swain, Assistant Vice President for University Relations, and the school will make an official announcement in April. Swain confirmed that she wrote the memo, but would not go into detail about the new logo, including whether the change would entail a switch from the school's color scheme of green and white. "There will be a variety of different elements," Swain said. "I'm sure they'll be released in April. "It will be a comprehensive package for the athletic department." The logo redesign is "the result of a two-year collaboration between MSU Athletics and a team of top designers from Nike." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bunch of people have their balls all in a twist about this new logo and I just don't get it. Besides the fact that it is just a "300" makeover of their current logo, I actually think it looks a bit more fierce and menacing. It is essentially the exact same thing the lions did with their logo and it skyrocketed our winning percentage from .000 to a respectable .135 which, all in all, is more effective than drafting a wideout in the top ten.
But for my money I'll take the classic spartan S logo. Shit is official, down to business and carries a certain solidness that screams don't fuck with us. But I kinda get what people are saying. They are worried that this is just the beginning and with the brainchilds over at Nike running the show it's only a matter of time before Sparty takes the field in green and white camo uniforms. The real wild card is that MSU has indicated that their may be a change to the color scheme which means black is on it's way in and it's only a matter of time before they start resembling the lions during Big Mike Williams' tenure.
So what do you think? Will this logo change spark a .135 boost in winning percentage or are the Spartans taking the field in green tutus with pink trim?
A part-time Fraser High School track coach and former Detroit Lions receiver was arraigned today in Roseville’s 39th District Court on four counts of criminal sexual conduct after he allegedly had sexual encounters with a student. Tommy Boyd, 38, was charged with two counts of second degree criminal sexual conduct and two counts of accosting a child for immoral purposes stemming from an arrest in Fraser and two counts of first degree criminal sexual conduct from an arrest in Roseville. Boyd’s name also is spelled Tommie according to court records. Boyd, who lives in Shelby Township, is being held in the Macomb County Jail on a $300,000 cash bond. He is to appear in 39th District Court at 8:15 a.m. on Feb. 3 for a preliminary hearing. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So...this is disturbing. Its not so much the fact that this 38 year old dude had sexual relations with a Shelby Township hottie that just got her permit, but rather I'm pissed that this guy is trying to steal the title of "Most Cracked Out, Sexually Promiscuous, Waste of Space Former Lions Wideout" from our buddy Chuck Rogers.
Well, good luck Tommy. You better bring it. You gotta wake up pretty early in the morning to get all liquored up, drive to a Mexican restaurant, slam 12 margaritas and pass out by 2pm. Because that's the type of shit you got yourself into. That's how the big dogs roll. Even with all this shady business of his name actually being Tommie and not Tommy, I'm not convinced. Fuckin "ie" ending, give me a break. Its really no contest. cause when your in a competition to see who is fuckin crazier, you better hope the other contestant isn't Charles Rogers. Dude falls asleep behind the wheel of his Benz more often than the normal person brushes their teeth. And that is the shit psychos are made of. "You wanna get nuts? Lets get nuts!"
It's that time of the year again and we're within 100 days of the NFL draft. I basically have to destroy a 6-pack of Budweiser Silos everyday after work just so I can get a few minutes of shuteye. I'm as gitty as they come these days and with the possibility of Suh being available when the Lions get on the clock at #2 I really think the Lions have a shot at nailing this. With the run stopping ability of Suh in the middle and the addition of a downhill pass rushing threat off the end, ala Brandon Graham at #34, I think our defense begins to resemble something not sliding out of my ass after dinner at No Thai. And that brightens my day because if theres anything ive learned from this year, besides don't fucking bet on the ponies once your trashed, is that D wins games.
Just look at the fuckin Jets. Their gameplan was to draft a QB with an arm worse than my paperboy and just let Dirty Sanchez hand the ball off a million times a game. And it works because their defense is untouchable. Revis is fuckin awesome, they got a great value pick with Harris in the second round, four picks after we moved up to draft home state hero Drew Stanton and they got a coach that has an "Us Against the World" attitude. Shit is perfect and inflicts fear in anyone they play. You cant tell me Payton Manning is excited about playing that Jets D. They blitz constantly, their opponents know they are gonna blitz, and the shit still works. I mean the lions D couldn't get to a quarterback if they were playing against an 8 man Wyoming football team.
We still carry the stank of Marinelli's D with us onto the field each sunday and I need a change. Gunther knows what I'm talking about, he just needs some players to make it happen. I want to go out and make things happen, even if there are mistakes, at least we aren't just sitting back and getting picked apart. That shit doesn't work, we've seen it for the past 9 years and its gross. Get after someone, make them react instead of just letting them inflicting their will on you. And Suh is that type of player. Fuckin King Kong in the middle is guaranteed to help us win games. We just need the media to fall in love with one of these QBs and sell him to the Rams as the next coming of Matt Stafford, oh wait only the Lions fall for dumb shit like that. Christ
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JOEYBLUESKIES.COM DICTIONARY
Joey Blueskies-A derogatory nickname for Detroit Lions' quarterback, Joey Harrington which came about as fans realized that, no matter how badly he played, Harrington always characterized his performances, and the situation in general, in an extremely positive or "blueskies" manner. Lions Bumaya!- translates to English as "Lions kill him!" and is the rallying cry of any true Lions fan. "Ali Bumaye" was the local's chant before and during the "rumble in the jungle" fight between Mohammed Ali and George Foreman in Zaire in 1974.
Totallyfuckinbelievable- my life sucks so bad that this bullshit is totally fucking believable, hence it's totallyfuckinbelievable. From the root, unfuckinbelievable.
Eating the Cornbread- the undying and undeserved optimism Detroit Lions fans bring to the beginning of each season. If you think the Lions are winning more than 6 games this year you're eating the cornbread.
Rap Videoing- The act of pouring or spraying an alcoholic beverage onto the head or chest of a friend in a celebratory fashion, all the while yelling "Rap Video!".
Lions Sisu!- translates to "Lions need strength of will, determination, perseverance and to act rationally in the face of adversity." Joe Paquette brought the Finnish message with him when he walked from the U.P. to Detroit in order to tell the Lions they need Sisu.
A.O.L.- asses on location. Whenever a blueskier sees a smoking hot ass walking down the street, as a readers fee, it's their responsibility to take a photo of said ass and send it to me at which point I will post it and grade it.
Blursday - drinking so much on a Thursday night that it becomes blurry.
Michigander- the preferred nomanclature when referring to anyone from Michigan. Beat out Michiganian in our official jbs.com poll
