Chelios Hanging On Like A Barnacle

The Atlanta Thrashers have signed Chris Chelios, 48, and plan to keep him for now at their AHL affiliate, the Chicago Wolves where he has a plus-35 rating. After that, "You never know," Thrashers GM Don Waddell said.

What is Chelios doing with his life? He has become a sideshow attraction these days. The P.A. announcer for the Chicago Wolves should give the Barnum and Bailey intro when they introduce him before each game, "Step right up ladies and gentleman and feast your eyes on the one and only skating dinosaur!". Christ, the guy has become a real life Reggie Dunlop from Slapshot, bouncing around in the depths of minor league hockey. Fuckin embarrassing. The first time Cheli had to get on a bus and ride to Scranton he should have reevaluated his life immediately. My advice to him, hang it up while you still have a shred of dignity left and go make me some chili. You don't wanna end up like Joe Namath riding the pine for the LA Rams or like Willie Mays falling all over himself in the outfield for the NY Mets. You need to go out on top. Like I did after hitting .489 with 37 stolen bases in Little League.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

"Today is like the best day of my life."

"Why?" - (me)

"It's Dr. Seuss' birthday!"


Ryan - Brooklyn, NY - 5 years old

Bed Stuy Do Or Die, Bitches

Tigers Up 10-0 On Florida Southern In The 8th

Notable Mentions As Of The 8th

Austin Jackson: 0-2

Johnny Damon: 0-1

Don Kelly: 2-2

Clete Thomas: 2-3

Magglio Ordonez: 1-1 (1 RBI)

Carlos Guillen: 1-1 (2 RBIs)

HR - Strieby & Wells

Coke: 2 IP, 1 H, 1 BB, 3 SO

Zumaya: 1 IP, 1 H, 2 BB, 2 SO, 1 HBP

Solo Sex Game Act Is The New Hottness

Huffingtonpost.com - BBC presenter Kristian Digby was found dead in his apartment On Monday morning. Cause of death is still "inconclusive," however, a belt and bag were taken away by forensics, and police sources told the Daily Mail that they believe Digby died during "a solo sex game which went tragically wrong." Police say that there are no suggestions of suicide. Auto-erotic asphyxiation, a dangerous sexual practice which involves depriving the body of oxygen to increase arousal and heighten climax, has claimed lives before. Last June, actor David Carradine was found dead with a rope tied to his neck, wrist and genitals.

Ohhh boy. Looks like the old jerk off with a plastic bag over your head and a belt around your nuts routine went awry once more. Seen it a thousand times. This had to be real awkward when the police investigators showed up cause nobody wants to be the first guy to be like "oh shit, he was auto-erotic asphyxiating himself", that's basically a confession to having a belt and plastic baggie collection under your bed at home.

Note to self: Better put a hold on the S&M session I had planned with the Lady Friend tonight. Oh wait ,never mind, if shes there she can just undo the belt and take the bag off my head. Duh, I guess this is only dangerous if you are alone.

PS - In all seriousness I've never even heard of anyone doing this, other than Mac from Super Troopers, but its gotta be the jam, right? Fuckin famous dudes are knocking themselves off left and right with this shit. Hell of a way to go out. I give Charles Rogers one year before we find him in some seedy, down river hotel room with a Lions pro shop bag over his head and his pants around his ankles. Lamborghini living baby.

2:13 mark

Are We Really Not Gonna Pull The Trigger On Cromartie Cause They Want Maurice Morris?

OR

Detroitnews - The Lions have discussed a potential trade with the San Diego Chargers involving cornerback Antonio Cromartie. But the Chargers' initial asking price for Cromartie may have included running back Maurice Morris, in addition to a fourth or fifth-round draft pick, a league source said. And while Lions are in the market for a starting cornerback, the Chargers, who have been actively shopping Cromartie for weeks, aren't having much luck finding a buyer. That includes Detroit now, as the Lions are unlikely to make a deal for the former Pro Bowler, NFL.com reported Monday. Cromartie, 2006 first-round pick out of Florida State, clearly has worn out his welcome in San Diego, with off-field issues and a sharp drop in production since a breakout year in 2007 when he led the NFL with 10 interceptions. He's scheduled to earn at least $1.225 million next season in the final year of his rookie contract. Morris, signed by the Lions as a free-agent backup a year ago, is scheduled to make $1.3 million and $1.6 million in base salary the next two seasons. The Chargers are looking for help at running back, with the release of veteran LaDainian Tomlinson and the expected departure of pending free agent Darren Sproles.

This has to be a joke, right? We seriously aren't gonna go after cornerback help cause we think Maurice Morris is too valuable? Don't get me wrong, I think Maurice is just fine as a change of pace back but to not get a starting corner, possibly our greatest positional need, because we think Morris might have to take over for an injury prone Kevin Smith is downright outrageous. Have the Lions seen themselves play fuckin defense? I'd rather watch ice dancing every Sunday for the rest of my life than have to watch this secondary continue on without added help.

How's this for a plan. Get Cromartie, who will be trying to make plays as he goes into a contract year. Pay him the 1.225 mill next year, which is less then Morris will make this upcoming year. Then sit back and watch him make 6 picks because people are afraid to get decapitated by Delmas over the top. Done and done.



PS - Don't give me any shit about losing that 5th round pick. Nobody in the NFL wants to touch Cromartie with a 10 foot pole. We could probably trade them Morris and Roary for him at this point. Oh, and I love the fact that he has 26 kids by 26 different mothers. Just a side effect of Lamborghini Living.

Kobe At It Again

I knew Kobe was getting a little upset with Tiger receiving all this attention for his sexual exploits and dude just had to get his name back in the news. After racking his brain for a month or so I heard it came down to a toss up between a ski/rape trip to Eagle, CO or grabbing a handful of Iguodala's balls. Turns out he chose the latter.

Bmase's Wet Dream

I always feel kinda bad for Chris Osgood having to be the redheaded stepchild of the Redwings' goalie rotation. Dude is always around just pitching playoff shutouts but no matter what he does he can't get any love. If the Wings had come out and blown the Pens outta the water like they were supposed to we would be sitting here talking about Osgood's place at the right hand of the lord but instead he is seated to the right hand of all the defenseman at the end of the bench. Funny how things work out sometimes.

But then I saw Ozzie's backyard hockey setup and fuck him. This is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Here I am feeling bad for him and he has a miniature version of the Mystery Alaska rink in his backyard. Look at that fuckin scoreboard. If I was a neighborhood kid you would have to hire a pack of doberman pinchers to keep me off that ice cause I would be climbing fences with my skate guards on at like 2 in the morning for a chance to rip slappers at the shooter tutor.

Plus you always have the chance of being that lucky kid who Ozzie takes inside the cabin for a little hot cocoa and inappropriate touching. Get in line behind Bmase.