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Monday, February 6, 2012

Decrapticons Preparing to Take Over the World. And I Want In



Huffingtonpost.com - Today's robots that fly, jump or roll around must refuel or recharge as does any gadget that runs out of energy. Tomorrow's new generation of self-sustaining robots might keep going nearly forever by grazing on dead insects, rotting plant matter or even human waste...one British lab has already been building on the work of robotics pioneers to create small "EcoBots" that extract energy from leaves and soil in the forest, or even human waste such as urine and feces...it performs the task we design it to do, and at the end of the day, it gets rid of its own waste. It literally craps into its own 'litter' tray.

Well, it's about god damn time if you ask me. As a society we've got the capability to clone sheep, transplant organs, and send wireless HD porn streaming through the air, but for some reason robots running on poop has eluded us for so long.

But now that technology has finally caught up to the American dream of running your toaster solely on your own feces, I'm ready to cash in. This shit, no pun intended, is gonna be the most ridiculously easy money I've ever made. I could seriously run a hedge fund from the shitter at JBS Headquarters and I think it's time I start living my life like a sultan sitting on a hundred Kuwaiti oil fields.

First order of business, build one of those massive mechanical bodies like Krang from the Ninja Turtles and have it tote my huge ass brain around. And of course, It will run entirely on the mini shits that my brain takes.


Now that I've addressed transportation and security issues all that's left is to hire myself a personal assistant. I've already texted Dustin Diamond and asked him to start dusting off Kevin and get going on the conversion process so that he'll run on adorable little Lisa Turtle shits. Done and done.


But I could seriously go on all day. The thing is I really gotta go make a pretty large deposit if you know what I mean. Lady Friend made Mexican tonight and I'm hoping to produce enough inventory to run the JoeyBlueSkies server for a week.

PS - Yeah, I know, poop jokes. What can I tell ya, shit sells.

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