Wings Win 23 in a Row Caption Contest: We're Here To Witness History and...

and..."break Kobayashi's hot dog eating record"

What you guys got? Email Lamborghiniliving@gmail.com or leave in the comment section.

Datsyuk Dangles, Scores with 5 Seconds Left to Lift Detroit to 22nd Straight Win at Home

I know I've said this before but as Detroit sports fans we're pretty damn lucky. Most of the major sports cities have a few elite athletes that give them a decent shot at success each year and provide some memorable moments along the way. But very few ever get their hands on a Pavel Datsyuk. Players like this come along once in a lifetime and in Detroit we've already had two in my lifetime. Barry and Pavel both went about their business in such different ways from the status quo that it seemed like they were writing their own rules to the game. This constant innovation allows them to stay a step ahead of everyone else and in the process make it all look real fricken easy. Last night was just another prime example. The guy is flat out the filthiest hockey player to ever play the game. Maybe not the best, but hands down the filthiest.

Sidenote from last nights game - Has Larry Murphy always been a Jehovah's Witness?

How Much Middle School Ass Does This Kid Get?

Take a look at this Andy Dufresne wannabe mother fucker. I mean this is some straight Shawshank shit. Nobody could've seen this coming, nobody. I had this kid pegged as a no potential loser all the way, but then outta nowhere he gives a little lean to the right to make sure the camera is live and BOOOOOOOOOOM! Kid just skeet, skeet, skeets every ounce of swag he has all over a national tv audience. Think I'm gonna need some help picking my jaw up off the floor. It's just like the first time I saw the Warden throw that rock through the Rita Hayworth poster and it clangs off the pipes all the way down the tunnel. Goosebumps for fuckin days.

Someone Get Me This Chicks Name. We Need to be Facebook Friends Like Yesterday

I knew the Wings were gonna win their 20th in a row at home against the Flyers tonight the second I saw this smoke skate out and scoop up that octopus raw dog. Cause if there is anything we all know it's that hot chicks love winners, not losers from Philly. Straight science.

PS - BMase needs to get the hell outta my head. Literally sent me this pic two seconds later.

I'm Pretty Sure Cyndi Lauper is Benjamin Button

I think this chick is straight aging in reverse cause this just doesn't make any fuckin sense. There's no chance I lay a finger on 1984 Cyndi Lauper but somehow 28 years later I wanna give her a money shot more than life itself. Weird.

Maize Rage Might Be the Most Homely Student Section in all of College Basketball

I dare anyone, man or woman, to find a single fuckable person in the entire Maize Rage. Just take a look at this picture, it's like a Where's Waldo book. I mean there's that one bitch in the upper right corner with the low cut shirt who some desperado might put it in after a night at Rick's but I'm guessing she's probably the only person in this entire section that's even had sex before.

Alert the Press: Wabash College Over the Shoulder Shot Goes Down vs Kenyon College

I've got two observations. First off, I was at a middle school basketball game in Denver today and there were seriously more fans in attendance. I don't really care if you're a D-III school you gotta represent way harder than this. I mean my high school football team had more fans downstate this year than the Kenyon/Wabash crowd combined. Side note - I'm hard looking at that powerhouse backfield.


And two, as a coach you have to hate this shot selection. Don't care if the shot clock is running down you still have to pivot and square your shoulders. Maybe that's just me, but I'm all about fundamentals. Probably would've thrown a fire extinguisher at this kid's head in the locker room.

Karl Ravech Tweets Cabrera Has Dropped 25 Pounds

(@karlravechespn)
Alex Avila joins bbtn at 330et says he's working out with Cabrera and that Cabrera has lost 25 pounds and is excited about moving to 3rd

Joeyblueskies.com photographers were fortunate enough to capture this shot of him playing some winter ball in Venezuela last week. Dude looks lean.

Homer Gets Sled from Teammates for 1000th NHL Game

Great gesture by the classiest group of athletes in all of sports. One question though, why a Ski-Doo? Always saw Homer as more of a Polaris man. A Ski-Doo is more of something you'd get this flamer.

Anybody Got $4500 I Can Borrow to Buy this Incredible Hulk Caprice?

I saw this Incredible Hulk themed Caprice in a McDonalds parking lot yesterday and almost came in my pants, again. Cause yeah, like I said, I was in a McDonalds parking lot and had obviously already came once.

PS - Apparently turning into the Hulk is considered a handicap.

Wings Beat Edmonton 4-2 on Way to 18th Straight Home Win

Last night the Wings took down the Oilers and an absolutely red hot Sammy Gagner by a final of 4-2. The win extended the Wings' home win streak to a franchise record 18 games, only 2 short of the NHL record. The bad news is I don't really see this domination at The Joe translating into a huge advantage come playoff time. Here's the main reasons why...

1 - During the Home Winning Streak We've Beat Several Non Playoff Teams

Over the course of the regular season some real shit shows have rolled into The Joe. I mean, I understand that you can't expect every team to make 20 straight playoff appearances but beating the likes of Edmonton doesn't equate to much of anything in my book. When push comes to shove, the fact of the matter is that every playoff team will have at least one decent aspect to their game. Whether it be a powerplay that can put up points, a physical game focused on derailing the talented attack of the Wings, or a tender on straight fucking fire, each team will have something that it brings to the table and there aren't gonna be any off nights at home or on the road during the playoffs.


2 - A Shit Ton of Our Home Wins Came in a Shootout or during the 5 minute, 4 on 4 Overtime



With the overtime rules being different in the playoffs the Wings lose what is a major advantage for them during the regular season. Come April, long gone are the days of the 4 on 4 overtime period and the shootout, which the skilled, puck control game of Detroit has used to their benefit while building this win streak. Don't get me wrong, I still like the Wings' experience to come out in big moments but during the playoffs I think their biggest advantage is a steady attack over the course of 3 regulation periods, not during an infinite overtime where one mistake can end things in a matter of seconds.

Two of the best from this season.





I wish I could fuckin bathe in that Bertuzzi spin-o-rama.


3 - Last Year the Wings Were Way Better on the Road Than at Home (64% vs 50%)

Despite this amazing win streak I still can't say I'm any more confident in their ability to win at home than I was in their ability to on the road last year. And as great as this run has been there hasn't been a tangible change in the environment at The Joe from a year ago when we were merely mediocre. It's hockey, and in the grand scheme of things rinks aren't all that much different from one another. Yeah, the crowd might get a little rowdier during a run like this and there is always something to be said about the springy boards in Joe Louis but it's not like the Packers playing at Lambeau where the weather is a constant factor or the Twins playing in the Metrodome where their speed and small ball mentality gives them a distinct advantage over 90% of teams. And despite Detroit's grand tradition of kicking nonstop ass and all the success they've had at home this year, you have to understand that it's still the same barn that they went .500 in last year.

Budweiser Goes All Out For Beer League Hockey Teams

I wanna know how many of these dudes didn't go home to their wives? Bottom line is Bud Heavy + puck sluts = adultery. Greatest night in the history of pond rockets everywhere.

Verlander Lands Cover of MLB 2k12

Great commercial but probably the worst promotional idea in the history of ideas. I mean who the fuck plays video games to rack up quality starts and throw complete games? Fuckin nobody, that's who. It's the reason when you played RBI Baseball 2 as a kid you weren't allowed to throw anything but a fastball from the middle of the rubber. There was basically an unwritten rule that you got one "accidental" junk pitch over the course of the game and if it happened twice your opponent got to throw a haymaker at your dome, no questions asked. And the reason for that unwritten rule is cause pitching is flat out the worst part of any baseball video game. Keep your million dollar grand prize 2k12. JBS likes the long ball.

Chris Brown Beating Miami Like Rihanna

Since ESPN treats college hockey like the red headed stepchild I thought I'd post this. Probably the filthiest college goal you never would've seen all year. Fuckin love Chris Brown too. Busting out the "Are you not entertained?" move was showtime as shit.

PS - Was gonna tell you to watch this on mute but the dude's commentary might actually be better than the goal. I'm gonna copyright-fuck the shit outta that "move over Mario" line.

Decrapticons Preparing to Take Over the World. And I Want In

Huffingtonpost.com - Today's robots that fly, jump or roll around must refuel or recharge as does any gadget that runs out of energy. Tomorrow's new generation of self-sustaining robots might keep going nearly forever by grazing on dead insects, rotting plant matter or even human waste...one British lab has already been building on the work of robotics pioneers to create small "EcoBots" that extract energy from leaves and soil in the forest, or even human waste such as urine and feces...it performs the task we design it to do, and at the end of the day, it gets rid of its own waste. It literally craps into its own 'litter' tray.

Well, it's about god damn time if you ask me. As a society we've got the capability to clone sheep, transplant organs, and send wireless HD porn streaming through the air, but for some reason robots running on poop has eluded us for so long.

But now that technology has finally caught up to the American dream of running your toaster solely on your own feces, I'm ready to cash in. This shit, no pun intended, is gonna be the most ridiculously easy money I've ever made. I could seriously run a hedge fund from the shitter at JBS Headquarters and I think it's time I start living my life like a sultan sitting on a hundred Kuwaiti oil fields.

First order of business, build one of those massive mechanical bodies like Krang from the Ninja Turtles and have it tote my huge ass brain around. And of course, It will run entirely on the mini shits that my brain takes.


Now that I've addressed transportation and security issues all that's left is to hire myself a personal assistant. I've already texted Dustin Diamond and asked him to start dusting off Kevin and get going on the conversion process so that he'll run on adorable little Lisa Turtle shits. Done and done.


But I could seriously go on all day. The thing is I really gotta go make a pretty large deposit if you know what I mean. Lady Friend made Mexican tonight and I'm hoping to produce enough inventory to run the JoeyBlueSkies server for a week.

PS - Yeah, I know, poop jokes. What can I tell ya, shit sells.

Imported From Detroit Superbowl Commercial

Uhhh, lame. Where the fuck was Suh?

Kid Got Played

(Herald) – As if we didn’t know, even with all the festivities, this is a business. And we just got another reminder. A mere 24 hours before the Super Bowl, the Patriots made their final transaction in a year full of them. In one of the coldest moves ever, the Patriots released WR Tiquan Underwood and promoted DE Alex Silvestro. This all but guarantees that WR Chad Ochocinco will be active. And while you have to feel for Underwood, who must be devastated, he will almost certainly get a ring if they win the Super Bowl. I am told there were not disciplinary reasons for the move. Underwood did not do anything wrong, and I expect him to be back next year. But perhaps they wanted another defensive linemen on the field.

I bet when Belichick delivered the news to Tiquan he busted out the "I don't give a damn if Marvin Gaye 'gonna be there, you wont!" line from House Party.

Brooks Orpik Freight Trains Daniel Paille

Man, I had this golden line all loaded in the chamber about how I didn't think Penguins could fly but just as I'm about to post I fuckin realize that Daniel Paille is on the Bruins. Fuckin amateur hour. Sometimes it's such a fine line between stupid and clever.

PS - Is there a bigger bunch of lame duck douchebags in the NHL than the Pittsburgh Penguins? Take a look at their bench after the biggest hit they'll see all year. Fuckin statues.

Pistons Hit A New Low With That Vanilla Ice Halftime Show Tonight

Despite a win tonight over the Bogutless Bucks it's still glaringly obvious that the Pistons organization is slamming off rock bottom harder than a crawler harness in the Detroit River. Quite the turn of events for a once proud franchise that had made 6 straight Eastern Conference finals as recently as '08 and packed The Palace every time they took the floor. Now Joe D and company are so desperate to put asses in the seats that they're rolling out the red carpet for Rob Van Winkle whose only major accomplishment in the past 20 years was making a Trishelle sandwich with Ron Jeremy on the Surreal Life.


What a total gong show. The NBA could seriously fall off the face of the Earth tomorrow and I wouldn't even notice.

Adios Carlos

Bleacherreport.com - Former Detroit Tiger Carlos Guillen is returning to Seattle after agreeing to a minor league contract with the Mariners. The 36-year-old spent the past eight seasons in Detroit, where he was a three-time All-Star and hit .308 with the Tigers, playing five positions: leftfield, third base, shortstop, second base and first base. Guillen started his career with the Mariners in 1998-03, playing in 488 games in Seattle. Guillen is likely to compete for a reserve utility role with the Mariners. Seattle announced the deal on February 2nd 2012.

Yesterday brought the inevitable news that long time Tiger and fan favorite Carlos Guillen will no longer be with the squad next year. With his aging legs and constant injuries it was a necessary evil but it still hurts to see Carlos go. The guy has done nothing but deliver for the Tigers over the past 8 years and has done so in grand fashion. Most notably when he fist fucked Jered Weaver into losing his god damn mind.

Flat out stone cold pimpin.

Jimmy Howard Breaks Finger in 3rd Period of 4-3 Win Over Vancouver

Freep - Howard is out at least the next two games -- Saturday at Edmonton and Monday at Phoenix -- after getting hurt during Thursday's 4-3 shoot-out victory at the Vancouver Canucks. "I happened about four minutes into the third last night," Howard said today. "Went blocker down, took everything away down low, and when (Maxim) Lapierre spun and shot it, it missed my blocker and caught me right on the finger." Howard is to be re-evaluated Tuesday, after the Wings return to Detroit. The Wings recalled Joey MacDonald from the minors to serve as Ty Conklin's backup for the rest of the trip. Howard has been a rock for the Wings all season, going 32-11-1 with a .924 save percentage and 2.03 goals-against average.

Well, it appears that after a bit of a scare late last night Jimmy Howard and his uncircumcised penis of a finger will be just fine. You kinda knew this was the type of injury, that although painful, is something you just play through. But it's really great to actually hear from his mouth that he'll only be out a week or so.

Still, this injury brings to light major concern about the backup tender situation in general. Ty Conklin and his 3.20 GAA offer about as much protection to the Wings' back end as a consistent policy of pulling out and with the trade deadline looming in late February a much more serious injury to Jimmy has to be on Ken Holland's mind. The question becomes does he use a chunk of the bountiful salary cap space the Wings possess to acquire an upgrade at the backup spot or does he focuses all his resources on getting a top notch defenseman or a skilled, physical forward? Either way, I think a move is imminent and I ain't worried cause there isn't a guy in sports I trust more than Ken Holland. The Wings are rolling and Kenny knows how to keep it that way.

Where the hell are my white gloves?

Chick Blames Gigantic Rack for DUI

Huffingtonpost.com - A Florida woman arrested Sunday for driving under the influence told police that she would have passed a sobriety test -- if not for her "big boobies," according to a Martin County Sheriff's Office report. Marueen Raymond, 49, allegedly drove her grey Toyota Camry over 50 mph through a 35 mph zone near Jenson Beach, swerving over a double yellow line twice before parking her car across two spaces in a nearby Walgreen's lot. Cops responded to the reckless vehicle notice and found Raymond in the driver's seat, reeking of alcohol and slurring her speech, the report explains.

"When I told her we were going to do some roadside tasks she told me that I needed to understand that she is big chested and if I asked her to close her eyes and balance she is not going to balance well," the officer wrote. "She told me 'Big breast you don't balance well.'" Asked if she had any injuries, Raymond told the officer that she had "big breasts" and whiplash, according to the report.

Asked to walk a straight line, Raymond began to dance. "When I told her she had to keep her hands at her side she stated 'hell no, not with these.' Telling me again she can't do it, not with her big boobies," the officer added. The report also explains that Raymond "began to take her clothes off to show me her breast and I stopped her."

How the hell is Huffington Post gonna run this story and not even give us one shot of her tits? It's straight up journalistically irresponsible. You can't come out and tell me she's got melons the size of bowling balls and is dancing all over the street offering to whip them out and then just give me a fricken mug shot.

Now I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs trying to picture how big this ugly ass old broad's jugs are. Waste of a fucking day. But seriously, how big we talking you think?

PS - Next time I'm too drunk to stand I'm 100% using the "my balls are too huge" excuse.

How Did I Not Notice Barry in the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl Last Year?

This has gotta be some sick, twisted joke right? We go 31-81 over a 7 year span, the worst run in NFL history mind you, and you can't even find the fricken guy. Face of the franchise just up and vanishes like a fart in the wind with nothing more than a fax to the Wichita Eagle saying, "peace bitches, I'm out". And through it all, all the losing, all the unqualified head coaches, all the quarterbacks, all the wideouts, oh fuckin hell the wideouts, not even a whiff of Barry. I kinda just figured he was off on some desert island sipping mai tais with Bobby Fischer, Tupac, and the Easter Bunny.

But oh no. Turns out the son of a bitch has been living in West Bloomfield the entire time. Just sitting back waiting for us to get good again so he can reemerge and lather himself up in all the butter The Schwartz has been baking our cornbread in. Well guess what buddy? Seats fuckin takin'. If anyone's getting back in the door it's gonna be Herman Moore. Dude could probably still play opposite Calvin today. Can't teach 6'4"

PS - I love how he decided to pick the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl as the vessel for his glorious return. Christ, Eli Manning was his coach and had him playing fucking defense. Greatest running back to ever walk the planet and I honestly don't think he touched the ball one time the entire game. Just sat back and got picked apart by Turtle from Entourage like he was Wes Welker or something.

PSS - Just spent about an hour of my snow day watching the replay of this game so I could get a decent picture of Barry. Probably took a dozen shots and there's not one where he's not creepin on some hottie. Look at him straight spanking that bitch with his eyes.

Is this Guy Who Called in the Bomb Threat When the Lions Went Down by Two Scores Against the Saint the Greatest Lions Fan of All Time?

FREEP.COM - A Jackson man, who coincidentally shares the name of the New Orleans Saints head coach, admitted to calling in a bomb threat and another hostile phone call to the Superdome during the Lions' loss on Jan. 7, according to the Times-Picayune. Shawn Payton, 34, admitted to an FBI agent on Monday that he indeed made at least two phone calls as the game was getting away from Detroit. When Jimmy Graham scored a touchdown to put the Saints up by 10, a man called the Superdome and said "I will blow your building up," according to an affidavit filed in federal court. About an hour later, another message was left, saying: "Hi, I want ot relay a message to the sideline. If your stupid Southern team keeps winning, there will be reper ... severe consequences. OK?"

The Times-Picayune was able to reach Payton for comment and he said that between his near-fatal car accident three years ago and his custody battle with his daughter's mother in Alabama, he's long-past frustrated. "I don't drink, and I don't do drugs. From time to time, I do get frustrated and go off without meaning it," he said. "I let some words fly out of my mouth, and I sincerely apologize. I will never ever, ever, ever do anything like that again."

Aaaaaand this is exactly why the Lady Friend confiscates my phone prior to kickoff. She straight up knows that if I had been allowed social media capabilities this season I would've threatened to blow up the Metrodome, Jerry's World, Soldier Field, the Superdome, Lambeau Field, and probably even Ford Field a couple of times. I mean this year was fucking straight bonkers if you were a Lions fan. A lot of ins, ya know, a lot of outs, a shit ton of what have yous.

But still, I can't really condone what Shawn did here. I mean I give him bonus points for having the same name as the coach of the team he was threatening to murder, that's a nice touch, but c'mon we all lived through the Millenium. We've all got scars and I can't really bring myself to care that your "wife divorced you and took your kid", or that you were in a "near fatal car accident 3 years ago". And you better just go ahead and get the fuck outta here with the whole "long past frustrated" story cause we all bleed Honolulu Blue my friend. It's like you're that guy trying to steal Costanza's apartment from the tenant board cause he's an Andrea Doria survivor. Cry me a river dude. Like 51 people died. That's it. What do you lose on a normal cruise? 30, 40?

Anygay, if all it takes is a little suffering to get bomb threat immunity then, well, maybe I'll tell you the "Astonishing Tales of JoeyBlueSkies". I mean, my body of work in this field is pretty much unparalleled. Bottom line is, I appreciate the passion, I really do, but for reals Shawn, rope that shit back in. You're making us all look bad. You don't see Packer fans taking headers off the Tower Drive Bridge now do you.

Morning Wood with Hayden Panettiere

Rise and shine Blueskiers. I know it's been awhile but I've been blessed with a snow day this morning and being the great guy that I am thought I'd throw some smut your way to get you through the day. I'd like you to meet Hayden Panettiere, or as you might remember her, Sherly Yoast from Remember the Titans. Yup, that's right, this well built back porch is that same little girl that knew more about the cover 2 at age 7 than BMOC ever will.

But seriously it's amazing what 12 years can do to a person, eh? She somehow comes outta the cocoon as this kick-fuckin-ass monarch butterfly that the whole world wants to bang and all I've managed to do since then is develop an unshakable Newport habit and gain about 25 pounds. Life can be kinda cruel sometimes. Anyway, drool on.