Lord, please help the Lions win this week.

That's it. Stella and Lucy have officially become the most useless dogs on the planet compared to all these other viral pets.
Stella's latest cool trick is ripping out all the padding and underwire out of my bras and tearing off the buttons on my pants. WHATTABITCH.
But girlfriend can sure rock some Lions gear.
which leads me to the only thing I did at work today:Being a Cubs fan, I was easily converted into a Lions fan by BMOC. Cuz like an abused woman, I like the way it hurts. Having said that, I want to see Suh absolutely demolish Favre this weekend. I'm talking rip his arms off and spike them on the field. I want him to run that fucker into the ground and make him wish he never retired/unretired/texted his retirement/whatever the shit he pulled this year.


Goodnight sweet prince.

ps. that guy's laugh in the video makes my skin crawl. i can't imagine the other creepy things he taught his dog to do. its definitely his only friend.

Your Last Meal EVER

First Woman Executed by Virginia In 100 Years

41-year-old Teresa Lewis died tonight by lethal injection in Virginia. She offered sex and money to two men in exchange for killing her husband and stepson, though her defense attorney claimed she was borderline mentally-disabled. For her last meal, she requested "two fried chicken breasts, sweet peas with butter, a piece of German cake or apple pie for dessert, and a Dr. Pepper.

I don't know about you but this makes me fucking nauseous...and by this I mean the picture above. Choosing your last meal ever, for ever ever, for ever ever, has to be the biggest if not most important decision one will ever make. I'm not mad at Teresa's last meal by any means...except I would never order fried chicken breasts, way too hard to eat (I'm the kid at the family party that sneaks into the kitchen far before everyone else makes a plate and steals all the drumsticks)

All this had me thinking, what would my last meal be? The kicker is, you can't request booze. How fucking bogus is that?

What would your last meal be? Post below.

Sesame Street goes Red Light District

All over the world Dads' dreams were squashed and their boners deflated when their prude wives joined together to ban Katy Perry's appearance on Sesame Street.

When I watched it for the first time, I couldn't even take my eyes off her boobs, but I highly doubt that any 5 year old watching this is thinking BOOBS. What I don't get is why SHE thought it would be appropriate to look like a complete slut on a kid's program. At least she didn't look like this..

It's hard for me to take this hypocritical bitch seriously when she claims to be a total Bible humper and yet there she is practically motorboating Elmo on national TV.


xoxo,
e$

Morning Wood with Elisha Cuthbert

Usually I'm Excited To Find A Roach, At Least One I Can Smoke That Is

So last night I decided that I was gonna make dinner, which is about as rare an occasion as the Lady Friend coming home and seeing Julia Child cooking away in her kitchen. But as I'm half way through pan searing some talapia, and just about to fry up some asparagus, I look down and saw a massive cockroach scurrying across the kitchen floor. Now, I'm not about to freak out over one bug but after the infestation we had last month I was definitely concerned. So I squash the mother fucker and continue getting down with my inner Gordon Ramsey. No more than 30 seconds after I kill the first guy, another one comes flying out from under the fridge. As I'm cursing him out and reaching for my shoe, two more come busting out like they're in a 100 yard dash for Olympic gold. I shit you not, I killed 10 more of these prehistoric bitches in a matter of minutes and was about to lose my shit. Like, I understand this is NYC and you're gonna encounter some critters every now and again but I was fuckin under attack like Braveheart at the battle of Falkirk. After wielding my shoe and destroying a shit ton of these things the Lady Friend walks in just so excited to see me cooking. As she started walking into the kitchen I told her she wouldn't want to come in here and then I look up and a huge roach is on the ceiling and falls straight down missing her face by about 2 inches. Obviously she flips her shit and jumps on a chair, cause that's her "we have roaches" move and now I have another fire to put out in addition to our unwanted visitors.

All in all I killed 32 roaches in a matter of an hour and I started to think, it just didn't make sense that after only seeing 1 since our last infestation over a month ago, we now have almost 3 dozen busting out of every nook and cranny of our kitchen. This is a pic of about a dozen or so.


So the Lady Friend heads down stairs to the first floor and it turns out they they're renovating a bagel shop and just dropped a roach bomb fit for Nagasaki on these mother fuckers and they're getting out any way they can. Totallyfuckinbelievable. Note to self, don't go to the new bagel shop taking it's place.

PS - Anyone who wants to come visit is totally welcome.

Mmase College Football Picks: 1-3 Last Week, 4-3 Overall

So after an amazing 3-0 start in week 1 and a bye week the following Saturday, I pretty much hit rock bottom in week 3. Going 1-3 for the blueskiers is just inexcusable and I didn't even come close in that Western over Toledo pick. I'm pretty much done with the MAC after my golden goose, Dan LeFevour left for the NFL. But look at the bright side, we're still above 50% and if you're betting even money on each game your heads above water. Here are four absolute lay-ups to get you back on track in week 4.

Duke (-6.0) vs Army


Duke can put up points in a hurry and will outscore Army by 6 no matter how terrible the Blue Devil defense plays. Plus Army's only other road game was at Eastern and they almost gave Ron English his first ever head coaching win. Bahahahaha. Duke's a lock in this one.

Bowling Green + (25.5) @ University of Michigan


This game is what we in the business call a snaggletooth. You're not sure if you should do it, but by the end of the night you're balls deep in Bowling Green +25.5 and it ends up being a good decision. Put in just the tip and see how it feels Blueskiers. You won't be disappointed cause the Michigan defense can't cover 25.5 to save their life.


Fresno State (+3.0) @ Ole Miss


This line doesn't make a lick of sense to me. Ole Miss just lost to Vanderbilt and now they're favored against a real good Fresno St. team just cause their at home. They were at home against Vandy too and that sure didn't keep them from losing by 2 touchdowns as an 11.5 point favorite. Not to mention that all Fresno St. does is go on the road and pump BCS contenders so this one might even be a candidate to take straight money line, but I'm sticking with the points for now.

Arizona (-7) vs Cal


Zona stomped all over me last week by dominating Iowa for three quarters and holding on to win against a tough Iowa team that they made look like shit. I knew the wildcats could score points but what impressed me was the defensive front that hounded Stanzi all day and stopped Iowa from mounting that huge comeback with 4 straight sacks to end the game. Cal has owned this series recently but Arizona's new found defensive prowess should make it difficult for the golden bears. Plus Arizona is the new "toughest place to play" in the country.

Follett Concussed & Not Practicing. Pretty Sure I'm Next On The Depth Chart

Freep - Zack Follett of the Lions knew something was wrong when he stumbled to his feet after delivering a big hit on a kickoff in the first half of Sunday's loss to the Eagles, but he wasn't about to take himself out of the game. "My whole family was down visiting from California, so the last thing I was trying to do was get out of that game," he said. "I just kept on playing, do what I had to do."

Follett suffered a concussion and was held out of practice Wednesday because he "didn't do so hot" on a brain activity test he took Tuesday. He said he passed concussion tests like counting backward on the sideline Sunday, but played the second half "in kind of a dream." "I was able to play and get through it," he said. "But it was kind of after the game when the headaches and stuff kind of set in." Follett said he never had a concussion previously and wasn't worried about the long-term effects of playing through an injury. "I'll deal with it when the time comes," he said. "I'm not too worried about it. It's in God's hands, not mine."

Coach Jim Schwartz said Follett "wasn't exhibiting any signs of" a concussion Sunday, although he was noticeably woozy when he got up from the play and attended to immediately by trainers. "He stumbles around a lot anyway," Schwartz said. "When he makes a hit, he does that sort of stagger away from it. He did it a bunch last year. It's hard to read too much in, but we'll err on the side of caution with those, we'll get him all checked out, and we're not going to put a guy out there that doesn't know what to do or doesn't have all his cognitive senses." Follett must pass concussion testing before he can play.

I'm a little upset that Zack didn't mention that I was watching the game and that was the real reason he played through the concussion, but whatever. Truth be told, this whole thing sucks hard. Just when we're down to our last breath at linebacker, we lose one of the guys we could count on to go 100% on every play. I mean Follett isn't some athletic wonder and he'd be the first to tell you that, but having guys who don't ever quit on a play and who are willing to stick their head in a meat grinder are the type of guys you want on your defense. I just really hope that this is a minor thing and it doesn't linger week after week because with Follett's propencity to make and take big hits this seems like it could be the type of thing that gets serious in a hurry. But then again the guy is a warrior who'll play through anything if he can pass that NFL concussion test. Get better soon Z and if you can't go this weekend we should consider picking up JP off of waivers and have her carry your ass around to make tackles.



PS - Don't know of too many teams that have starting linebackers on kickoff coverage. I'm just saying.