Chris Brown Beating Miami Like Rihanna

Since ESPN treats college hockey like the red headed stepchild I thought I'd post this. Probably the filthiest college goal you never would've seen all year. Fuckin love Chris Brown too. Busting out the "Are you not entertained?" move was showtime as shit.

PS - Was gonna tell you to watch this on mute but the dude's commentary might actually be better than the goal. I'm gonna copyright-fuck the shit outta that "move over Mario" line.

Decrapticons Preparing to Take Over the World. And I Want In

Huffingtonpost.com - Today's robots that fly, jump or roll around must refuel or recharge as does any gadget that runs out of energy. Tomorrow's new generation of self-sustaining robots might keep going nearly forever by grazing on dead insects, rotting plant matter or even human waste...one British lab has already been building on the work of robotics pioneers to create small "EcoBots" that extract energy from leaves and soil in the forest, or even human waste such as urine and feces...it performs the task we design it to do, and at the end of the day, it gets rid of its own waste. It literally craps into its own 'litter' tray.

Well, it's about god damn time if you ask me. As a society we've got the capability to clone sheep, transplant organs, and send wireless HD porn streaming through the air, but for some reason robots running on poop has eluded us for so long.

But now that technology has finally caught up to the American dream of running your toaster solely on your own feces, I'm ready to cash in. This shit, no pun intended, is gonna be the most ridiculously easy money I've ever made. I could seriously run a hedge fund from the shitter at JBS Headquarters and I think it's time I start living my life like a sultan sitting on a hundred Kuwaiti oil fields.

First order of business, build one of those massive mechanical bodies like Krang from the Ninja Turtles and have it tote my huge ass brain around. And of course, It will run entirely on the mini shits that my brain takes.


Now that I've addressed transportation and security issues all that's left is to hire myself a personal assistant. I've already texted Dustin Diamond and asked him to start dusting off Kevin and get going on the conversion process so that he'll run on adorable little Lisa Turtle shits. Done and done.


But I could seriously go on all day. The thing is I really gotta go make a pretty large deposit if you know what I mean. Lady Friend made Mexican tonight and I'm hoping to produce enough inventory to run the JoeyBlueSkies server for a week.

PS - Yeah, I know, poop jokes. What can I tell ya, shit sells.

Imported From Detroit Superbowl Commercial

Uhhh, lame. Where the fuck was Suh?

Kid Got Played

(Herald) – As if we didn’t know, even with all the festivities, this is a business. And we just got another reminder. A mere 24 hours before the Super Bowl, the Patriots made their final transaction in a year full of them. In one of the coldest moves ever, the Patriots released WR Tiquan Underwood and promoted DE Alex Silvestro. This all but guarantees that WR Chad Ochocinco will be active. And while you have to feel for Underwood, who must be devastated, he will almost certainly get a ring if they win the Super Bowl. I am told there were not disciplinary reasons for the move. Underwood did not do anything wrong, and I expect him to be back next year. But perhaps they wanted another defensive linemen on the field.

I bet when Belichick delivered the news to Tiquan he busted out the "I don't give a damn if Marvin Gaye 'gonna be there, you wont!" line from House Party.

Brooks Orpik Freight Trains Daniel Paille

Man, I had this golden line all loaded in the chamber about how I didn't think Penguins could fly but just as I'm about to post I fuckin realize that Daniel Paille is on the Bruins. Fuckin amateur hour. Sometimes it's such a fine line between stupid and clever.

PS - Is there a bigger bunch of lame duck douchebags in the NHL than the Pittsburgh Penguins? Take a look at their bench after the biggest hit they'll see all year. Fuckin statues.

Pistons Hit A New Low With That Vanilla Ice Halftime Show Tonight

Despite a win tonight over the Bogutless Bucks it's still glaringly obvious that the Pistons organization is slamming off rock bottom harder than a crawler harness in the Detroit River. Quite the turn of events for a once proud franchise that had made 6 straight Eastern Conference finals as recently as '08 and packed The Palace every time they took the floor. Now Joe D and company are so desperate to put asses in the seats that they're rolling out the red carpet for Rob Van Winkle whose only major accomplishment in the past 20 years was making a Trishelle sandwich with Ron Jeremy on the Surreal Life.


What a total gong show. The NBA could seriously fall off the face of the Earth tomorrow and I wouldn't even notice.

Adios Carlos

Bleacherreport.com - Former Detroit Tiger Carlos Guillen is returning to Seattle after agreeing to a minor league contract with the Mariners. The 36-year-old spent the past eight seasons in Detroit, where he was a three-time All-Star and hit .308 with the Tigers, playing five positions: leftfield, third base, shortstop, second base and first base. Guillen started his career with the Mariners in 1998-03, playing in 488 games in Seattle. Guillen is likely to compete for a reserve utility role with the Mariners. Seattle announced the deal on February 2nd 2012.

Yesterday brought the inevitable news that long time Tiger and fan favorite Carlos Guillen will no longer be with the squad next year. With his aging legs and constant injuries it was a necessary evil but it still hurts to see Carlos go. The guy has done nothing but deliver for the Tigers over the past 8 years and has done so in grand fashion. Most notably when he fist fucked Jered Weaver into losing his god damn mind.

Flat out stone cold pimpin.