Jimmy Howard Breaks Finger in 3rd Period of 4-3 Win Over Vancouver

Freep - Howard is out at least the next two games -- Saturday at Edmonton and Monday at Phoenix -- after getting hurt during Thursday's 4-3 shoot-out victory at the Vancouver Canucks. "I happened about four minutes into the third last night," Howard said today. "Went blocker down, took everything away down low, and when (Maxim) Lapierre spun and shot it, it missed my blocker and caught me right on the finger." Howard is to be re-evaluated Tuesday, after the Wings return to Detroit. The Wings recalled Joey MacDonald from the minors to serve as Ty Conklin's backup for the rest of the trip. Howard has been a rock for the Wings all season, going 32-11-1 with a .924 save percentage and 2.03 goals-against average.

Well, it appears that after a bit of a scare late last night Jimmy Howard and his uncircumcised penis of a finger will be just fine. You kinda knew this was the type of injury, that although painful, is something you just play through. But it's really great to actually hear from his mouth that he'll only be out a week or so.

Still, this injury brings to light major concern about the backup tender situation in general. Ty Conklin and his 3.20 GAA offer about as much protection to the Wings' back end as a consistent policy of pulling out and with the trade deadline looming in late February a much more serious injury to Jimmy has to be on Ken Holland's mind. The question becomes does he use a chunk of the bountiful salary cap space the Wings possess to acquire an upgrade at the backup spot or does he focuses all his resources on getting a top notch defenseman or a skilled, physical forward? Either way, I think a move is imminent and I ain't worried cause there isn't a guy in sports I trust more than Ken Holland. The Wings are rolling and Kenny knows how to keep it that way.

Where the hell are my white gloves?

Chick Blames Gigantic Rack for DUI

Huffingtonpost.com - A Florida woman arrested Sunday for driving under the influence told police that she would have passed a sobriety test -- if not for her "big boobies," according to a Martin County Sheriff's Office report. Marueen Raymond, 49, allegedly drove her grey Toyota Camry over 50 mph through a 35 mph zone near Jenson Beach, swerving over a double yellow line twice before parking her car across two spaces in a nearby Walgreen's lot. Cops responded to the reckless vehicle notice and found Raymond in the driver's seat, reeking of alcohol and slurring her speech, the report explains.

"When I told her we were going to do some roadside tasks she told me that I needed to understand that she is big chested and if I asked her to close her eyes and balance she is not going to balance well," the officer wrote. "She told me 'Big breast you don't balance well.'" Asked if she had any injuries, Raymond told the officer that she had "big breasts" and whiplash, according to the report.

Asked to walk a straight line, Raymond began to dance. "When I told her she had to keep her hands at her side she stated 'hell no, not with these.' Telling me again she can't do it, not with her big boobies," the officer added. The report also explains that Raymond "began to take her clothes off to show me her breast and I stopped her."

How the hell is Huffington Post gonna run this story and not even give us one shot of her tits? It's straight up journalistically irresponsible. You can't come out and tell me she's got melons the size of bowling balls and is dancing all over the street offering to whip them out and then just give me a fricken mug shot.

Now I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs trying to picture how big this ugly ass old broad's jugs are. Waste of a fucking day. But seriously, how big we talking you think?

PS - Next time I'm too drunk to stand I'm 100% using the "my balls are too huge" excuse.

How Did I Not Notice Barry in the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl Last Year?

This has gotta be some sick, twisted joke right? We go 31-81 over a 7 year span, the worst run in NFL history mind you, and you can't even find the fricken guy. Face of the franchise just up and vanishes like a fart in the wind with nothing more than a fax to the Wichita Eagle saying, "peace bitches, I'm out". And through it all, all the losing, all the unqualified head coaches, all the quarterbacks, all the wideouts, oh fuckin hell the wideouts, not even a whiff of Barry. I kinda just figured he was off on some desert island sipping mai tais with Bobby Fischer, Tupac, and the Easter Bunny.

But oh no. Turns out the son of a bitch has been living in West Bloomfield the entire time. Just sitting back waiting for us to get good again so he can reemerge and lather himself up in all the butter The Schwartz has been baking our cornbread in. Well guess what buddy? Seats fuckin takin'. If anyone's getting back in the door it's gonna be Herman Moore. Dude could probably still play opposite Calvin today. Can't teach 6'4"

PS - I love how he decided to pick the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl as the vessel for his glorious return. Christ, Eli Manning was his coach and had him playing fucking defense. Greatest running back to ever walk the planet and I honestly don't think he touched the ball one time the entire game. Just sat back and got picked apart by Turtle from Entourage like he was Wes Welker or something.

PSS - Just spent about an hour of my snow day watching the replay of this game so I could get a decent picture of Barry. Probably took a dozen shots and there's not one where he's not creepin on some hottie. Look at him straight spanking that bitch with his eyes.

Is this Guy Who Called in the Bomb Threat When the Lions Went Down by Two Scores Against the Saint the Greatest Lions Fan of All Time?

FREEP.COM - A Jackson man, who coincidentally shares the name of the New Orleans Saints head coach, admitted to calling in a bomb threat and another hostile phone call to the Superdome during the Lions' loss on Jan. 7, according to the Times-Picayune. Shawn Payton, 34, admitted to an FBI agent on Monday that he indeed made at least two phone calls as the game was getting away from Detroit. When Jimmy Graham scored a touchdown to put the Saints up by 10, a man called the Superdome and said "I will blow your building up," according to an affidavit filed in federal court. About an hour later, another message was left, saying: "Hi, I want ot relay a message to the sideline. If your stupid Southern team keeps winning, there will be reper ... severe consequences. OK?"

The Times-Picayune was able to reach Payton for comment and he said that between his near-fatal car accident three years ago and his custody battle with his daughter's mother in Alabama, he's long-past frustrated. "I don't drink, and I don't do drugs. From time to time, I do get frustrated and go off without meaning it," he said. "I let some words fly out of my mouth, and I sincerely apologize. I will never ever, ever, ever do anything like that again."

Aaaaaand this is exactly why the Lady Friend confiscates my phone prior to kickoff. She straight up knows that if I had been allowed social media capabilities this season I would've threatened to blow up the Metrodome, Jerry's World, Soldier Field, the Superdome, Lambeau Field, and probably even Ford Field a couple of times. I mean this year was fucking straight bonkers if you were a Lions fan. A lot of ins, ya know, a lot of outs, a shit ton of what have yous.

But still, I can't really condone what Shawn did here. I mean I give him bonus points for having the same name as the coach of the team he was threatening to murder, that's a nice touch, but c'mon we all lived through the Millenium. We've all got scars and I can't really bring myself to care that your "wife divorced you and took your kid", or that you were in a "near fatal car accident 3 years ago". And you better just go ahead and get the fuck outta here with the whole "long past frustrated" story cause we all bleed Honolulu Blue my friend. It's like you're that guy trying to steal Costanza's apartment from the tenant board cause he's an Andrea Doria survivor. Cry me a river dude. Like 51 people died. That's it. What do you lose on a normal cruise? 30, 40?

Anygay, if all it takes is a little suffering to get bomb threat immunity then, well, maybe I'll tell you the "Astonishing Tales of JoeyBlueSkies". I mean, my body of work in this field is pretty much unparalleled. Bottom line is, I appreciate the passion, I really do, but for reals Shawn, rope that shit back in. You're making us all look bad. You don't see Packer fans taking headers off the Tower Drive Bridge now do you.

Morning Wood with Hayden Panettiere

Rise and shine Blueskiers. I know it's been awhile but I've been blessed with a snow day this morning and being the great guy that I am thought I'd throw some smut your way to get you through the day. I'd like you to meet Hayden Panettiere, or as you might remember her, Sherly Yoast from Remember the Titans. Yup, that's right, this well built back porch is that same little girl that knew more about the cover 2 at age 7 than BMOC ever will.

But seriously it's amazing what 12 years can do to a person, eh? She somehow comes outta the cocoon as this kick-fuckin-ass monarch butterfly that the whole world wants to bang and all I've managed to do since then is develop an unshakable Newport habit and gain about 25 pounds. Life can be kinda cruel sometimes. Anyway, drool on.

Crosby Fan Crying - Just like Crosby

I want kids and I want them now. I had no idea that it was okay to pyschologically break them down for your own enjoyment. And this was just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine the kids reaction when the dad tells him that Sidney is a pussy.

Career Advice w/ BMOC

Turns out a million beers on Thursday fucks up your Friday #wheresthepukebucket