Detroit Red Wings prospect Riley Sheahan, the team’s No. 1 draft pick in 2010, faces a “super-drunk” charge after twice blowing .30 on a breathalyzer test following an Oct. 29 traffic stop in Grand Rapids, Mich., MLive.com reported. Sheahan, who plays for the AHL’s Grand Rapids Griffins, was wearing a purple Teletubby costume when stopped for going down the wrong way of a Grand Rapids street. Sheahan, who has scored three goals and two assists in 15 games of action this season, also was charged with providing false information. He was using 23-year-old teammate Brendan Smith’s ID to get into bars, the 20-year-old Sheahan said, per the police report obtained by MLive. Sheahan failed two sobriety tests and refused to take a breathalyzer at the scene. After being transported to the Kent County Jail, police then administered the breathalyzer test and discovered Sheahan’s real license in his wallet after he kept telling authorities that his name was Riley. Sheahan is in his first professional season after two at Notre Dame. MLive.com says he pleaded not guilty at an arraignment in Nov. 6, and has his next hearing scheduled for Dec. 13. After Sheahan's arrest, Red Wings GM Ken Holland told the Detroit Free Press that the team would handle it internally. Sheahan was arrested for public intoxication and underage drinking as a freshman at Notre Dame. "We're gathering information internally and making decisions on what we can do to help him, if he needs help. Beyond that, I can't really comment. He's going through the court system, the legal system," Holland said "Obviously, Riley made a very poor decision."

Wings Win 23 in a Row Caption Contest: We're Here To Witness History and...

and..."break Kobayashi's hot dog eating record"

What you guys got? Email Lamborghiniliving@gmail.com or leave in the comment section.

Datsyuk Dangles, Scores with 5 Seconds Left to Lift Detroit to 22nd Straight Win at Home

I know I've said this before but as Detroit sports fans we're pretty damn lucky. Most of the major sports cities have a few elite athletes that give them a decent shot at success each year and provide some memorable moments along the way. But very few ever get their hands on a Pavel Datsyuk. Players like this come along once in a lifetime and in Detroit we've already had two in my lifetime. Barry and Pavel both went about their business in such different ways from the status quo that it seemed like they were writing their own rules to the game. This constant innovation allows them to stay a step ahead of everyone else and in the process make it all look real fricken easy. Last night was just another prime example. The guy is flat out the filthiest hockey player to ever play the game. Maybe not the best, but hands down the filthiest.

Sidenote from last nights game - Has Larry Murphy always been a Jehovah's Witness?

How Much Middle School Ass Does This Kid Get?

Take a look at this Andy Dufresne wannabe mother fucker. I mean this is some straight Shawshank shit. Nobody could've seen this coming, nobody. I had this kid pegged as a no potential loser all the way, but then outta nowhere he gives a little lean to the right to make sure the camera is live and BOOOOOOOOOOM! Kid just skeet, skeet, skeets every ounce of swag he has all over a national tv audience. Think I'm gonna need some help picking my jaw up off the floor. It's just like the first time I saw the Warden throw that rock through the Rita Hayworth poster and it clangs off the pipes all the way down the tunnel. Goosebumps for fuckin days.

Someone Get Me This Chicks Name. We Need to be Facebook Friends Like Yesterday

I knew the Wings were gonna win their 20th in a row at home against the Flyers tonight the second I saw this smoke skate out and scoop up that octopus raw dog. Cause if there is anything we all know it's that hot chicks love winners, not losers from Philly. Straight science.

PS - BMase needs to get the hell outta my head. Literally sent me this pic two seconds later.

I'm Pretty Sure Cyndi Lauper is Benjamin Button

I think this chick is straight aging in reverse cause this just doesn't make any fuckin sense. There's no chance I lay a finger on 1984 Cyndi Lauper but somehow 28 years later I wanna give her a money shot more than life itself. Weird.

Maize Rage Might Be the Most Homely Student Section in all of College Basketball

I dare anyone, man or woman, to find a single fuckable person in the entire Maize Rage. Just take a look at this picture, it's like a Where's Waldo book. I mean there's that one bitch in the upper right corner with the low cut shirt who some desperado might put it in after a night at Rick's but I'm guessing she's probably the only person in this entire section that's even had sex before.

Alert the Press: Wabash College Over the Shoulder Shot Goes Down vs Kenyon College

I've got two observations. First off, I was at a middle school basketball game in Denver today and there were seriously more fans in attendance. I don't really care if you're a D-III school you gotta represent way harder than this. I mean my high school football team had more fans downstate this year than the Kenyon/Wabash crowd combined. Side note - I'm hard looking at that powerhouse backfield.


And two, as a coach you have to hate this shot selection. Don't care if the shot clock is running down you still have to pivot and square your shoulders. Maybe that's just me, but I'm all about fundamentals. Probably would've thrown a fire extinguisher at this kid's head in the locker room.

Karl Ravech Tweets Cabrera Has Dropped 25 Pounds

(@karlravechespn)
Alex Avila joins bbtn at 330et says he's working out with Cabrera and that Cabrera has lost 25 pounds and is excited about moving to 3rd

Joeyblueskies.com photographers were fortunate enough to capture this shot of him playing some winter ball in Venezuela last week. Dude looks lean.

Homer Gets Sled from Teammates for 1000th NHL Game

Great gesture by the classiest group of athletes in all of sports. One question though, why a Ski-Doo? Always saw Homer as more of a Polaris man. A Ski-Doo is more of something you'd get this flamer.

Anybody Got $4500 I Can Borrow to Buy this Incredible Hulk Caprice?

I saw this Incredible Hulk themed Caprice in a McDonalds parking lot yesterday and almost came in my pants, again. Cause yeah, like I said, I was in a McDonalds parking lot and had obviously already came once.

PS - Apparently turning into the Hulk is considered a handicap.

Wings Beat Edmonton 4-2 on Way to 18th Straight Home Win

Last night the Wings took down the Oilers and an absolutely red hot Sammy Gagner by a final of 4-2. The win extended the Wings' home win streak to a franchise record 18 games, only 2 short of the NHL record. The bad news is I don't really see this domination at The Joe translating into a huge advantage come playoff time. Here's the main reasons why...

1 - During the Home Winning Streak We've Beat Several Non Playoff Teams

Over the course of the regular season some real shit shows have rolled into The Joe. I mean, I understand that you can't expect every team to make 20 straight playoff appearances but beating the likes of Edmonton doesn't equate to much of anything in my book. When push comes to shove, the fact of the matter is that every playoff team will have at least one decent aspect to their game. Whether it be a powerplay that can put up points, a physical game focused on derailing the talented attack of the Wings, or a tender on straight fucking fire, each team will have something that it brings to the table and there aren't gonna be any off nights at home or on the road during the playoffs.


2 - A Shit Ton of Our Home Wins Came in a Shootout or during the 5 minute, 4 on 4 Overtime



With the overtime rules being different in the playoffs the Wings lose what is a major advantage for them during the regular season. Come April, long gone are the days of the 4 on 4 overtime period and the shootout, which the skilled, puck control game of Detroit has used to their benefit while building this win streak. Don't get me wrong, I still like the Wings' experience to come out in big moments but during the playoffs I think their biggest advantage is a steady attack over the course of 3 regulation periods, not during an infinite overtime where one mistake can end things in a matter of seconds.

Two of the best from this season.





I wish I could fuckin bathe in that Bertuzzi spin-o-rama.


3 - Last Year the Wings Were Way Better on the Road Than at Home (64% vs 50%)

Despite this amazing win streak I still can't say I'm any more confident in their ability to win at home than I was in their ability to on the road last year. And as great as this run has been there hasn't been a tangible change in the environment at The Joe from a year ago when we were merely mediocre. It's hockey, and in the grand scheme of things rinks aren't all that much different from one another. Yeah, the crowd might get a little rowdier during a run like this and there is always something to be said about the springy boards in Joe Louis but it's not like the Packers playing at Lambeau where the weather is a constant factor or the Twins playing in the Metrodome where their speed and small ball mentality gives them a distinct advantage over 90% of teams. And despite Detroit's grand tradition of kicking nonstop ass and all the success they've had at home this year, you have to understand that it's still the same barn that they went .500 in last year.

Budweiser Goes All Out For Beer League Hockey Teams

I wanna know how many of these dudes didn't go home to their wives? Bottom line is Bud Heavy + puck sluts = adultery. Greatest night in the history of pond rockets everywhere.

Verlander Lands Cover of MLB 2k12

Great commercial but probably the worst promotional idea in the history of ideas. I mean who the fuck plays video games to rack up quality starts and throw complete games? Fuckin nobody, that's who. It's the reason when you played RBI Baseball 2 as a kid you weren't allowed to throw anything but a fastball from the middle of the rubber. There was basically an unwritten rule that you got one "accidental" junk pitch over the course of the game and if it happened twice your opponent got to throw a haymaker at your dome, no questions asked. And the reason for that unwritten rule is cause pitching is flat out the worst part of any baseball video game. Keep your million dollar grand prize 2k12. JBS likes the long ball.

Chris Brown Beating Miami Like Rihanna

Since ESPN treats college hockey like the red headed stepchild I thought I'd post this. Probably the filthiest college goal you never would've seen all year. Fuckin love Chris Brown too. Busting out the "Are you not entertained?" move was showtime as shit.

PS - Was gonna tell you to watch this on mute but the dude's commentary might actually be better than the goal. I'm gonna copyright-fuck the shit outta that "move over Mario" line.

Decrapticons Preparing to Take Over the World. And I Want In

Huffingtonpost.com - Today's robots that fly, jump or roll around must refuel or recharge as does any gadget that runs out of energy. Tomorrow's new generation of self-sustaining robots might keep going nearly forever by grazing on dead insects, rotting plant matter or even human waste...one British lab has already been building on the work of robotics pioneers to create small "EcoBots" that extract energy from leaves and soil in the forest, or even human waste such as urine and feces...it performs the task we design it to do, and at the end of the day, it gets rid of its own waste. It literally craps into its own 'litter' tray.

Well, it's about god damn time if you ask me. As a society we've got the capability to clone sheep, transplant organs, and send wireless HD porn streaming through the air, but for some reason robots running on poop has eluded us for so long.

But now that technology has finally caught up to the American dream of running your toaster solely on your own feces, I'm ready to cash in. This shit, no pun intended, is gonna be the most ridiculously easy money I've ever made. I could seriously run a hedge fund from the shitter at JBS Headquarters and I think it's time I start living my life like a sultan sitting on a hundred Kuwaiti oil fields.

First order of business, build one of those massive mechanical bodies like Krang from the Ninja Turtles and have it tote my huge ass brain around. And of course, It will run entirely on the mini shits that my brain takes.


Now that I've addressed transportation and security issues all that's left is to hire myself a personal assistant. I've already texted Dustin Diamond and asked him to start dusting off Kevin and get going on the conversion process so that he'll run on adorable little Lisa Turtle shits. Done and done.


But I could seriously go on all day. The thing is I really gotta go make a pretty large deposit if you know what I mean. Lady Friend made Mexican tonight and I'm hoping to produce enough inventory to run the JoeyBlueSkies server for a week.

PS - Yeah, I know, poop jokes. What can I tell ya, shit sells.

Imported From Detroit Superbowl Commercial

Uhhh, lame. Where the fuck was Suh?

Kid Got Played

(Herald) – As if we didn’t know, even with all the festivities, this is a business. And we just got another reminder. A mere 24 hours before the Super Bowl, the Patriots made their final transaction in a year full of them. In one of the coldest moves ever, the Patriots released WR Tiquan Underwood and promoted DE Alex Silvestro. This all but guarantees that WR Chad Ochocinco will be active. And while you have to feel for Underwood, who must be devastated, he will almost certainly get a ring if they win the Super Bowl. I am told there were not disciplinary reasons for the move. Underwood did not do anything wrong, and I expect him to be back next year. But perhaps they wanted another defensive linemen on the field.

I bet when Belichick delivered the news to Tiquan he busted out the "I don't give a damn if Marvin Gaye 'gonna be there, you wont!" line from House Party.

Brooks Orpik Freight Trains Daniel Paille

Man, I had this golden line all loaded in the chamber about how I didn't think Penguins could fly but just as I'm about to post I fuckin realize that Daniel Paille is on the Bruins. Fuckin amateur hour. Sometimes it's such a fine line between stupid and clever.

PS - Is there a bigger bunch of lame duck douchebags in the NHL than the Pittsburgh Penguins? Take a look at their bench after the biggest hit they'll see all year. Fuckin statues.

Pistons Hit A New Low With That Vanilla Ice Halftime Show Tonight

Despite a win tonight over the Bogutless Bucks it's still glaringly obvious that the Pistons organization is slamming off rock bottom harder than a crawler harness in the Detroit River. Quite the turn of events for a once proud franchise that had made 6 straight Eastern Conference finals as recently as '08 and packed The Palace every time they took the floor. Now Joe D and company are so desperate to put asses in the seats that they're rolling out the red carpet for Rob Van Winkle whose only major accomplishment in the past 20 years was making a Trishelle sandwich with Ron Jeremy on the Surreal Life.


What a total gong show. The NBA could seriously fall off the face of the Earth tomorrow and I wouldn't even notice.