I Got "Roary" Drunk Today, Sorry

I've been on mid-winter break all week and it has been either feast or famine at Joeyballgame. My apologies. Today was definitely a famine day cause I got pretty toasted last night and didn't wake up until the Lady Friend started making bacon at noon. I wrapped up those fuckers in some pancakes and ate the shit out of them. After that I took Lucy for a jaunt to the park and then housed some bloody marys at the bar. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty trashed now and I'm feeling guilty about letting all the working ballgamers down.

So I thought I should make it up to you with this clip. Been sitting on it for awhile but I just can't deny it any longer. Roary is straight shitcanned and pulls off the best Ford Field move i've seen since the "Hire Millen" sign. If you don't know ask Jhof and Snoot. You better believe i'm pulling this off the next time i'm there.

Enjoy



Thanks to Mallard for the clip

Shuster Should Stick To Bartending

Written Thursday night by Jmase in a rage:

Holy Shit. C'mon Shu, I wanna root for you and your guys more than
anything right now. I mean, hell, I lost sleep in anticipation of
televised curling - I've waited to cancel my cable until after the
Olympics. I love the team you've put together - young, able dudes and
the token old-timer (he's only 40) to make it look like you've got
experience and are not just a bunch of boozehounds with a cool hobby; but shit, you're gonna need a team of yoked oxen to drag around your dead weight. Man, watching you blow your first two games on last-rock gimme draws made me sick to my stomach, and last night's encore performance made me lose all hope in US Curling. I really thought things were turning around - after coming back from an early 4-0 deficit and taking a 6-4 lead over the Swiss, everything was gravy; but then there you go and take your foot off their fuckin' throats! Jeezus, those guys were in submission. It was a comeback for the ages, an announcer's wet dream - all the other matches even finished up early to give you guys center stage....couldn't have been scripted any better. I'm not mad that you let them send it to the extra end - that's made-for-TV-drama at its best, but COME ON...there are times when you need to rise to the challenge and do what you do best - and in case you forgot, it's not fuckin' bartending! Enough of this amateur hour bullshit - don't even know if you brought your "A game," but if you did, time to dig through your suitcase and unpack it. What happened to this shit - beating teams so badly that they concede and then celebrating with Dasani and bananas? DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD OLYMPIC BANANAS TASTE, JOHN? DO YOU?

skip to the :45 mark to see Shu and his teammates enjoying their victory meal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sii-YCKh72M

Shit...I didn't even watch today's game against Denmark, but heard you tanked in the extra end...again. Totallyfuckinbelievable.

Jmase

Dutch Speedskater Has Inferiority Complex

Huffingtonpost.com - Dutch speedskater Sven Kramer won a gold medal on the first full day of the Vancouver Olympics. Afterwards, he wasn't too happy about a request from a reporter. In the below clip, a reporter asks Kramer, "If you can say your name and your country and what you just won here." Kramer quickly interjects: "Are you stupid? Hell no I'm not going to do that." Speaking later in a Dutch interview, Kramer explains: "Come on, this is ridiculous. You've just become Olympic gold medal winner. She was there when it happened and then you have to sum up your whole biography, etc. She's crazy." (Note: this translation is taken from the text in the video below.)

Is this guy serious? He expects to be on US television and not have to introduce himself. Even Ryan Seacrest has to do an intro at the beginning of American Idol and this Dutchman gets all pissy when an American reporter gives him the opportunity to let the free world know who he is. Well here is whats up dude, nobody in America, also known as the World, will ever give a shit what you did anyway so you should've used this opportunity to do a song and dance or be as gay as possible like Johhny Weir in order to get your own reality show. This was a blown opportunity in my mind. I was totally picturing a new reality show where this dude goes to live with Bruce Jenner and the Kardasians and gets into all sorts of hijinks. I guess it was just a pipe dream. Have fun going back to Denmark and being a dog sledding mailman nobody for the rest of your life dude.

I mean c'mon man, use your head. Do you want to be on Dancing With The Stars or not?

PS - The Dutch speak hella fast

Which US Gold Medalist Is Hotter? You Decide

VS


Well, Lindsey Vonn is sponsored by Head, so I'm going with her.

How Is Surfing Not An Olympic Sport?

This has been pissing me off a lot lately and I have been in a shit ton of arguements over whether or not judged sports are real sports. But if you are gonna give Shaun White a Gold Medal then you gotta give one to Kelly Slater for this shit, eh?

And I know people are gonna bring up the fact that you can't surf in London in 2012 but that holds no weight for me. Send them to Hawaii or Australia and have them compete from there or build a giant wave machine inside of Big Ben for all I care. Just get this done cause it is definitely as much of a sport as snowboarding, and unlike snowboarding if you fuck up you don't just slide to a stop, you end up in a 4 story high washing machine that just fucks the shit out of you.

USA! USA! USA!

I missed most of the USA dominated Olympic coverage last night cause I was at the Knicks game and throwing back Old Fashions at Brooklyn Social but I heard we kicked ass and are now in the Gold Medal lead. I also heard about Shuster and the US curling team shitting the bed again which outweighs the three olympic golds in my mind. Dude has had the hammer and a chance to win in his first three matches and blown them all. I honestly think with a years worth of practice the Mason brothers could take over the US curling team and win at least two of those first three matches. Straight bushleague.

The real test for me today is our hockey game against Norway. The Canadians beat Norway 8-0 and if we don't have at least a 4 goal win today than i'm guessing we have no shot at beating Canada down the road. But anything can happen on any given day so stay tuned.

Text Time

Got this text from Jmase last night...

"How bad is your backup goalie if you don't pull your starter til the score is 10-0? Lady Canada is up 11-0 on Sweden halfway thru the 2nd!"

Well Jmase, the anwser to your question is "Bmase Bad"