To commemorate the infamous Jim Joyce "safe" call during Armando Galarragga's perfect game, Joeyblueskies.com has created the best Detroit sports shirt of all time. My brother Kyle drew up the design, I had a drunken' bartender/apparel guy from Menominee produce them, and now yours truly is selling them so if you are interested in supporting the Michigan economy this motherfucker is Michigan through and through.
Whether you love the Tigers, hate Jim Joyce, or just wanna support Joeyblueskies.com you should buy one of these shirts. I know the Tigers season is winding down but just imagine walking into Comerica with one of these bad boys on next season and being the toast of your section. You'll literally need to wear your "only the lord saves more than Todd Jones" cutoff underneath this bitch cause people will be willing to buy the shirt off your back when they see how bad ass this thing is.
You better act fast cause I have a seriously limited quantity and once they're gone, they're gone. I have a few mediums for any chicks or guys without a ponch who like a little tighter shirt and wanna show off the guns, but in all honesty I think the large will be the big seller for the common folk like myself. It actually hides my beer gut surprisingly well. And for anyone needing XL's I got those too, don't feel ashamed, if I keep drinking bud heavys like I do then I'm on my way.
Point be made, order a ton cause Christmas is around the corner and any Tigers fan will blow their load over these. Plus I need to eat. So here's the deal. Send lamborghiniliving@gmail.com a note with number of shirts and the sizes and they'll be to you in no time. It's only 15 bucks plus shipping which means your order will be around 19 dollars (no additional shipping for extra shirts) once it's all said and done. I will email you back an invoice and where to send the check or you can PayPal the money to me directly with the address I send you.
PS - The logo is very orange, not like it shows in the last photo
My co-worker Teddy was neglecting work so hard today that I literally don't know how he managed to find this youtube clip between the 25 naps he took. Dude was sound asleep snoring in the office by 9:30 this morning and he didn't even have to teach today. I'm slightly concerned that he's gonna fall asleep at the wheel this year and have 7th graders dunking kindergartners through the 8 foot hoop. But that's another story entirely.
I'm just glad he sent this my way cause it makes me realize what a complete dud of a dog I have. Lucy is great at laying around and eating shit that is important to me, last year it was the remote control, but she rarely finds time to learn sweet dance routines. When I tried to teach her the stanky leg last year she looked at me like I was fuckin retarded and went into the kitchen and yacked on the floor. Fuckin bitch. No seriously that is the preferred nomenclature.
Everyone knows that dogs are for getting laid and since I was already dating the Lady Friend when I got her, I don't think Lucy has ever really gotten me some action. In actuality, shes destroyed the mood way more by jumping on the bed just when I've tricked the Lady Friend into getting down. "Just the tip" is my go to move. Lucy better just watch her ass because if this salsa dancing dog ends up on craiglist, Lucy is going straight to the pound.
PS - Stella, you're super fucked cause Lucy is twice as cool as you. Boom roasted
PFT.com - Running back Tatum Bell, a one-time 1,000-yard rusher who's nevertheless best known for swiping Rudi Johnson's bags after the Lions signed Johnson and cut Bell, has plenty of experience in getting released by NFL teams. But he'd never previously been dumped by a lesser pro football league. Until today. The UFL has issued its daily transaction report, and the report states that Bell has been cut by the Florida Tuskers.
I need to get ahold of some folks back home cause I'm pretty sure the next step after getting cut by the Florida Tuskers is playing for the Menominee-Marinette Timberjacks of the MSFL. Gonna have to beat out Drew Buyarski for the starting spot though.
Freep - The Detroit Lions signed veteran linebacker Rocky Boiman this afternoon to provide depth at a position beset by injuries. Boiman worked out for the Lions last month and previously played under Lions coach Jim Schwartz and defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham in Tennessee and Kansas City. At 6-feet-4 and 240 pounds, he can play either inside or outside linebacker and has been a regular contributor on special teams. Lions coach Jim Schwartz said starting middle linebacker DeAndre Levy suffered a groin injury on the first play of Saturday's exhibition win. Levy's backup, Jordon Dizon, was lost for the season to a knee injury earlier this month.
I read about this whole tp'ing the cracks of the stall phenomenon a month or so back and sure as shit a Blueskier came across it the other day and sent it my way. I didn't believe it till I saw it but it brings up the question, who the hell are these fuckin psychos who think people are creeping into the men's room to stare at their junk while they're taking a monster shit? Like don't flatter yourself dude, I'm pretty sure if gay dudes wanna see cock they just watch some porn and don't go trolling for trouser trout in the bathroom of the local Applebees. Plus if you ever catch someone peeking into the stall while you're taking a dump you just wipe up real quick and go kick their ass without washing your hands. Justice served.
BALTIMORE -- A city police officer who gained national attention after his rant toward a teen skateboarder was posted on YouTube has been fired, but the issue isn't closed. Officer Salvatore Rivieri, a 19-year veteran, is no longer with the department, officials said in confirming the dismissal. The video, apparently shot in the summer of 2007, shows Rivieri putting the youth, Eric Bush, into a headlock and pushing him to the ground. Bush was 14 at the time. The clip received millions of views on YouTube and was picked up by national news channels. Rivieri was suspended and sent back on the streets in November 2008. Earlier this month, the city police trial board dismissed the most serious charges against him but found him guilty of failure to submit a police report and recommended a six-day suspension without pay; however, days later, Police Commissioner Fred Bealefeld overruled that decision and fired him. Rivieri was one year away from getting his full pension.
I'll find any excuse I can to show Officer Rivieri laying into this Tony Hawk bitch. And getting fired 3 years after the fact is as good a reason as any. I mean it's gotta be pretty rough spending your entire career chasing after 14 year olds doing kick flips on the pier and then when you finally catch their leader his mom puts the video on youtube and you get canned three years later. I'm just glad none of my students are old enough to own video cameras cause when kindergartners call me dude I lose it every time.
Huffpost - According to a new report from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, most students feel accountable for inebriated friends. In a hypothetical scenario used in the study, "Jane" is about to go home with an acquaintance. Both players are drunk. When questioned as to what they would do in the given situation if Jane were a friend, more than 39 percent of students said they would "Try to persuade her not to go by reminding her she may regret it." Another 39 percent said they would "make sure Jane gets home safely." Twenty-one percent said they would "wish Jane a fun time." The Washington Post reports that the students who attempted to persuade Jane not to leave used three methods: either they would tell Jane she would regret her decision, deceive her or confront her.
I think Jane needs to get some new friends asap. Seriously, if 78% of your friends are vag blocking you whenever you're trying to get some dick then you're destined to die an old, shriveled up virgin. I guess this explains a lot though. I mean when I was in college all I did was get chicks drunk and hope they'd sleep with me. I just never knew I was battling an army of lobbyists on her vagina's behalf. I mean I can play one on one, but I've got no chance against the zone.
Motay was crawling around on all fours last week after a brutal Blursday and just as he was about to give up and sleep in the gutter, he looked up and saw his guardian angel leading him home. Don't worry Blueskiers, I got your back.
PS - I'll give somebody the keys to JBS for a week if they bring me this sign.
Just when you think Stafford couldn't be more of a man, he goes and ends childhood obesity. Is there anything this guy can't do? I bet Chuck Norris has a Matt Stafford jersey. Hit the music.
Jahvid finally hit on the big play that I was looking for tonight and I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever been more excited about an offensive player than Best. The new hottness in the NFL is the blazing fast 5 footer who slips through holes and can't be seen until it's too late and he's already past you and for once we're on the cutting edge of what works in the NFL and not just trying to hit on fads that have already come and gone, ahem...the cover 2. Best did leave after the first series with some tightness in his legs but Schwartz reassured us that it was a precautionary measure, but I think what really happened was that Schwartz saw how effective Best could be and after the first three plays resulting in a touchdown, he took that golden goose and found a nice safe spot for him on the sideline. So much of this year will be determined based on who can stay healthy and there is zero reason to risk Jahvid's health in the preseason. We already know he is special. It was also great to see Stafford find another Johnson, this time Bryant, in the endzone. It was just another pitch and catch that looked real easy for the Lions. He also hit Calvin for a long 3rd down conversion and he hooked up with Burleson for a big gain but the play was negated due to a Gosder holding penalty. All in all the offense looked pretty good again and the only real concern I had was the Kevin Smith fumble.
The Defense not so much. The Browns marched up and down the field with relative ease in the first half and the roughing the passer penalties kept multiple scoring drives alive for Cleveland. I did love it though when Suh facemasked the shit outta Delhomme and then almost ripped his head off when he threw him to the ground. That is NFC North football and pretty much sums up the defensive mindset I think this team needs to have. People should fear that front four.
"JBS Likie" - The strong play of rookie DE Willie Young continues to impress me. The guy is getting to the quarterback and has a nose for making plays. I just wanna see him get some time against a starting O-line and see if the production stays up. This guy could end up being a late round gem. Plus he loves to run his mouth which is how you get my attention.
"Hmm...hm. Seems like a nice guy" - A story that is finally starting to get some attention is the Lions' decision to move early third round draft pick Amari Spievey from corner to safety. Most people aren't making a big deal about this but I actually am. I think it's a huge deal when you go after a player at a position of major need and then before the first regular season game you switch him to an entirely new position. I understand that the Lions could definitely use more help at the safety position but the corner situation is a gaping wound right now and admitting that your third pick in the draft can't play the position you drafted him to play is concerning. When they chose to take Spievey, a hard hitting, instinctive guy over a lot of the better cover corners that were left in the draft, I just assumed the Lions new something I didn't and that this guy had the tools to adjust to the corner in the NFL. Well, as of now it looks like I was wrong and so were the Lions. Spievey doesn't seem to have the quickness or as douchebags in the business say "hip turning" ability to stay with NFL caliber guys and it looks like he has made the move to safety permanently.
I do think that once Amari figures out the nuances of the safety position he'll be a good one in the NFL, but now you have to look at the predicament that this puts our corners in. This is debatebly the worse group of corners in the league and other teams know it. You can expect our defense to be decent against the run but there will really be no reason for other teams to stop throwing the ball when they can get whatever they want whenever they need it. Maybe i'm making too much outta this, but I'm just concerned because moving Spievey to safety reminds me a lot of when they demoted Big Mike Williams from wide receiver to tight end.
"And...we're fucked" - No word yet on whether DeAndre Levy's pulled groin is serious and will cause him to miss any real time during the regular season. Levy came out after one play last night and I seriously hope this isn't a nagging injury that causes him to miss snaps, because our linebacker situation is boarder line embarrassing right now. After Jordan Dizon went down for the year earlier in the preseason, the linebacking corp was in rough shape and now if Levy, our second best defensive player from last year, can't play then we're looking at Vinny Ciurciu as our starting middle linebacker and just typing that sentence made me throw up in my mouth. I seriously think opposing fullbacks might laugh in our face when they get in their three point stance and see Julian Peterson, Zack Follett, and Vinny Ciurciu staring back at them. I mean I love these guys and they're all we got so go get 'em boys, but shit. No DeAndre means no chance of being decent at stopping the run like I mentioned above. The big guys up front will take care of the O-line but Levy is the hole filler that makes it all work. Without him we'll be watching a lot of 100 yard rushers on Sunday. Unfortunately they'll be playing for the other team.
This song is great and shit like this is basically the only ammo that people from Ohio have against Lebron now that he's bounced to Miami. But the real thing that makes this for me isn't the lyrics or catchy hook, it's this dudes' mustache. That thing is fuckin choice and just screams fuck you Lebron. I'm gonna show this video to the Lady Friend and after she gets all hot and bothered by this dude she'll hopefully let me have a mustache more than one day a year at the Mustache & Turtleneck Party.
I love how these guys weren't even remotely concerned about destroying this chicks face. The "and we're done" line will go down in history like "where's the beef" as one of the greats and has found a forever place in my daily vocabulary. I just wanna know how these people weren't cast for the second season of Jersey Shore cause this is what I need to be watching, not "The Situation" dropping chicken all over the fuckin floor.
I'm not totally sure but judging on how big of a perv the dude who sent me this A.O.L. shot is, I'm guessing he knew what he was doing here. Trust me, double whammys are fuckin tough. It's kind of like the perfect storm, where ass meets opportunity and you just happen to be standing there with a camera.
I'm giving these asses a combined score of 15.5 cause they're both nice but i'm guessing the closer one is nicer than that skirt lets on. The picture is top shelf as well. Score - 8.0
e$ just sent me the sweetest validation key of all time. Google isn't even trying to pretend that they're not fuckin with you on this one. Pretty soon they're gonna have us typing jizzonmyface in order to prove that we're a real person. F off Google. I'm switching to Bing. Who am I kidding, I love google. It runs my life.
Mlive.com -GRAND RAPIDS -- The online sex solicitation featuring nude and uniformed photos of Kent County Sheriff's Deputy Patrick Stewart were an instant hit on craigslist.com, generating a slew of calls to the officer's cell phone. Stewart, however, did not post the ad. In an interview with investigators, Stewart said he was being harassed by texts and voice mails spawned by the free online classified site. Investigators found a Web trail by tracking the IP address, obtained under a search warrant. It led back to Dewey Spicer, a 29-year-old Caledonia man whose former girlfriend left him for Stewart. Spicer admitted, as a form of retribution, publicizing Stewart's alleged desire for a relationship with another man along with the deputy's personal information. "It was a stupid, drunk, middle-of-the-night thing," Spicer said. "What I've learned is that I would have been better off jumping him and, basically, that you don't mess with cops because they'll get you." Stephanie Frey, the former girlfriend of Stewart and Spicer, said in court records she suspects Spicer hacked into her computer and took the photos of Stewart she stored in her e-mail.
Before I get started I just wanna say that I'm a big, big fan of the gays. Love em. Would even be one if I wasn't straight and after reading this story I've come to the conclusion that although weak wristed, they can still serve a purpose. You see, Stewart should just quit his bitching and be flattered that these knob slobbers were busting down doors to get at his cock. I mean it could've been worse right? You could've had this ad posted with zero responses or imagine if you only had a bunch of fat, hairy dudes gettin at you? I view it as kind of like an attractiveness barometer (it's pronounced thermometer)that lets you know how good looking you are in relation to the general public. I'm actually interested to see what kinda man ass I'd pull if I tried this. I bet emo hipsters would be all over the unkempt lumberjack look I've been pulling off for the last 10 years.
Anygay, I'm off topic. I really just wanna know what you guys think of this as a type of revenge. I mean it's pretty good right? You know the first few calls he got for phone sex at 3 in the morning had to be pretty confusing and then he probably had to change his number too cause it's scribbled all over the bathroom stall at the Hairy Hole Bar & Grill downtown. The only real buzzkill is the felony impersonation charge that he got which carries a minimum of 2 years. Other than that, this is gold.
Joe Paquette is a mother fuckin beast. Homeboy just walked 425 miles from his house in the U.P. to the Lions training facility in Allen Park and within seconds is rubbing elbows with Stafford. Christ, if I knew it was this easy to get to Stafford I would've bought some Shape-Ups and started walking towards Detroit weeks ago.
PS - Someone needs to call security asap cause Joe Paquette looks an awful lot like Rod Marinelli with a tan. Get him away from Matt! Not to mention his pick is sharp and his will is outstanding.
The answer to this is no. Chicks love dogs and chicks love tats but chicks don't like tats of dogs. I've actually thought about tatting my pit bull Lucy on my body once she eventually kicks the bucket but then I realized that I'd just have this reminder of all the times I picked up her shit and bought new shoes after she ate mine. No chick wants to think about that. They want to play with a puppy and that's about it. So I think my new gameplan is to just get a new puppy every two months and once that thing starts getting too big you just sell it on Craigslist and get a new one. That way you stay ahead of the curve. So no tats of dogs. Unless it's Lassie. That would be badass.
PS - Did anyone else notice that this picture is basically an A.O.L too? Amazing photography. Ass gets a 6.5 but doubling up on a "does this get him ass" and an "A.O.L." gets you a 10.0 in the photography department.
The 22-year-old former starting cornerback for the Michigan Wolverines, already serving significant prison time in three thefts and an attempted robbery in Washtenaw County, allegedly assaulted three county prison guards on July 31, Chief Assistant County Prosecutor Joseph Burke confirmed.
Coach Rich Rodriguez kicked Cissoko off the team in October, citing unspecified team violations. Cissoko has admitted that five months later, on March 13, he stole money from two food deliverymen in Ann Arbor and a taxicab driver in Ypsilanti. He also admitted that on April 18 he pointed a pellet gun at a cab driver, attempting to rob him. He told Washtenaw Circuit Judge Archie Brown that when he saw the fear in the cab driver's face, he fled the scene. Cissoko is to serve a minimum of 19 months and maximum of 15 years for three counts of larceny from a person and an assault with intent to rob.
Cissoko once ranked as high a fourth nationally at the cornerback position as he graduated from Detroit Cass Tech High. He was recruited under former U-M coach Lloyd Carr.
Man, this mother fucker is on a roll. About a month or so back BMOC reported about him holding up delivery guys at gun point and now it looks like he's climbing the criminal ladder in a hurry. Last year the guy is roaming the halls of West Quad and a few short months later he's jumping prison guards in cell block 8 cause they didn't smuggle him in the right afro gel.
PS - Anyone notice the last line of this story? Boubacar is a Lloyd car boy.
Coral was such a huge bitch that I never really noticed the fact that she had absolutely massive melons. Quite a feat. It's hard to camouflage bowling balls on your chest.
My world is crashing down. This isn't seriously Syrus from Real World Boston is it? Just no fuckin way. How could Sy go from bringing home white chicks for threesomes at two in the morning, to this? This is like watching a used car salesman in some Jihad terrorism video. Now I can't stop thinking about how my life is better than Syrus. It definitely is, right? I just never thought I'd have a better life than anyone from the Real World. Except of course for that fat bitch Beth.
PS - I was so caught up in Syrus' fall from grace that I almost missed the fact that the chick with him is Shauvon from Real World Sydney. Chick is a blond Snooki
No questions asked, Terrico White is my favorite Piston. When he was still available in last years draft and the Stones were on the clock with the 36th pick, I wanted them to pull the trigger but thought it wasn't gonna happen cause he's a shooting guard and we have roughly 85 shooting guards on the roster already. But sure as shit Joe D snatched him up and now we'll have the pleasure of watching him win D league slam dunk contests for years to come. And after watching this dunk contest there is no way you can look me in the eye and tell me anyone on last years team is more showtime than Terrico. Time to trade Rip.
PS - As sweet as his 360 between the legs dunk was at the end, I liked the 2nd one where he palms the pass and then throws down a 2 hand reverse dunk way better. Shit was mean.
Mary Bale, 45, was caught on CCTV petting four-year-old tabby cat Lola before picking her up, tossing her into a trash can and closing the lid. When Lola's owners posted the clip online, it sparked a terse reaction from animal lovers and advocates which allegedly culminated in a series of death threats against Bale, an unmarried banker and resident of Coventry, England. "I want to take this opportunity to apologize profusely for the upset and distress that my actions have caused," she told the Daily Mail. "I certainly did not intend to cause any distress to Lola or her owners." Still, Bale felt the outcry had been blown out of proportion. "I don't know what the fuss is about. It's just a cat," the Mail reported her as saying. "I did it as a joke because I thought it would be funny. I never thought it would be trapped. I expected it to wriggle out." She later retracted those comments, as seen in the video below.
Everybody needs to take a chill pill and leave poor Mary alone here cause this prank is fuckin hilarious! She should be on Last Comic Standing with this cat in the trash routine. Like how do you not laugh at this? Comedic gold if you ask me and besides, that cat was totally asking for it. I hate when cats start brushing all up on me when I wanna be left alone. I don't wanna pet you so get the hell away from me cat. Like what other animal can brush up against people without asking and get away with it? Everyone throws a god damn hissy fit when I try that shit on the subway. Does having whiskers and shitting in a box in the laundry room change that somehow? Cause if it does, I can grow my beard back out and start using an empty thirty pack for all my shitting needs.
Oh and don't sleep on Mary's point about how the cat should've been able to wriggle out. Any self respecting animal would've been able to use it's wrigglin skills to lift up that little lid and get the hell outta there in about 2 seconds. But just like a typical cat this thing bitched out and curled up with some lasagna instead of putting together a game plan.
Had this been a dog you know it would've gone apeshit in there until it either tipped over and he was able to stroll out, or some passerby stopped to investigate the barking trash can. Boom, problem solved and Mary's hilarious prank goes down in history as one of the greats instead of causing a worldwide uproar. Fuckin cats.
Don't look now but the Tigers have won five straight games and are up 3-0 in the 5th inning against KC right now. Looks like the Tigs might make the playoffs after all. BAHAHAHAHA!!!
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JOEYBLUESKIES.COM DICTIONARY
Joey Blueskies-A derogatory nickname for Detroit Lions' quarterback, Joey Harrington which came about as fans realized that, no matter how badly he played, Harrington always characterized his performances, and the situation in general, in an extremely positive or "blueskies" manner. Lions Bumaya!- translates to English as "Lions kill him!" and is the rallying cry of any true Lions fan. "Ali Bumaye" was the local's chant before and during the "rumble in the jungle" fight between Mohammed Ali and George Foreman in Zaire in 1974.
Totallyfuckinbelievable- my life sucks so bad that this bullshit is totally fucking believable, hence it's totallyfuckinbelievable. From the root, unfuckinbelievable.
Eating the Cornbread- the undying and undeserved optimism Detroit Lions fans bring to the beginning of each season. If you think the Lions are winning more than 6 games this year you're eating the cornbread.
Rap Videoing- The act of pouring or spraying an alcoholic beverage onto the head or chest of a friend in a celebratory fashion, all the while yelling "Rap Video!".
Lions Sisu!- translates to "Lions need strength of will, determination, perseverance and to act rationally in the face of adversity." Joe Paquette brought the Finnish message with him when he walked from the U.P. to Detroit in order to tell the Lions they need Sisu.
A.O.L.- asses on location. Whenever a blueskier sees a smoking hot ass walking down the street, as a readers fee, it's their responsibility to take a photo of said ass and send it to me at which point I will post it and grade it.
Blursday - drinking so much on a Thursday night that it becomes blurry.
Michigander- the preferred nomanclature when referring to anyone from Michigan. Beat out Michiganian in our official jbs.com poll
