Build-a-Cobra with the Once Missing But Now Found Bronx Zoo Cobra

Build-a-Broad sliding puzzle game » sliding block puzzle

I like that Boom Boom Pow! Them Chickens Jackin' my Style! They try copy my Swagger! I'm on that Next Shit Now!

Dude says he didn't bet on baseball and then he rolls up to a game wearing a coat made from the Saved By The Bell logo. Whatever bra, you're losing your credibility with every stinkin minute you sit there in that thing. We all know that shit must've cost a fortune.


PS - I didn't see the rest of the game but I'm guessing Pete went full blown rally cap with that hat cause the Reds scored 4 in the bottom of the 9th to win it. Looks like my only National League interest, the Brew Crew, is gonna suck this year too.

Casey Abrams and Haley Reinhart are an American Idol Couple. Bwwhhhaaaaat!?

Haley is dating Casey? Yeah right, next you'll tell me the Lions won their final 4 games last year. Ha!

Now, I know that being a successful musician sometimes trumps being an athlete when it comes to getting laid but this is straight outta left field. I mean there are a ton of other better looking dudes right there on Idol for her to bone. Yet she's still with this dude? The math just doesn't add up. Only thing I can think of is that she must be a beard man and according to the transitive property (A=B, and B=C, then A=C) then if A, Haley, will bone B, Casey, and B, Casey, equals C, Me (see beard below), then A, Haley will in fact bone C, me. Trust me folks, it makes a lot of sense if you don't think about it.

Is Steven Tyler wearing women's clothes tonight?

Top 3 from this week in my opinion...

1. Pia Toscano
2. Lauren Alaina
3. Haley Reinhart

Worst 3 in my opinion this week...

1. Naima Adedapo
2. Thia Megia
3. Stefano Langone

Factoring in previous weeks, my two guesses for the double elim today would be Naima and Stefano.

Someone get Jackie Chiles on the Phone STAT!

Oh that's it. It's on like fricken Donkey Kong! Nobody uses the likeness of JoeyBlueSkies without my expressed written consent amd gets away with it. Or at least not without hooking me up with mad free muffins. But don't worry these Crespella people don't know who they're messing with. The first wave of my plan is to picket these mf'ers harder than Kramer at H&H.


If that fails i'll just hang a "bad muffins" sign out my window. Come get your flapjacks Crespella!

First Ever Monster Truck Backflip

I'm not sure what it was, but for some reason I never really got into monster trucks. But when you think about it, they've actually got a lot of things people like. There are high speed collisions, big time air, and bad ass personas like Bigfoot, The Gravedigger, Snakebite, Pure Adrenaline, Nitrofish, Samson, and The Executioner. It's almost like if the Worldwide Wrestling Foundation had a baby with Rodeo. As an adult I think they're right up my alley, but as a kid I must've been too busy collecting Breyer horses to give a shit.

That's right, I collected Breyer horses. If you got a problem with that you can take a number and come get your flapjacks son!

Wiener Dog Encases Himself in Sweatshirt

Somebody pass the kraut cause it's opening day and I'm in the mood for a dog. I mean little Poncho is looking mighty delicious all encased in that sweatshirt. Just like a dog too, making his owners piss themselves with laughter and then dying a martyr so they have something to eat. Man's best friend on all levels.

I need to hire whoever the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers have doing their promo work

I almost went into sports marketing and you know what? I should've, cause like everyone else in the business I know the way you sell minor league baseball tickets is with musicals, fictional principals, Neil Diamond impersonators, and monkeys riding dogs. Shit is just winning 101. Duh.

You know who else gets it? The Wisconson Timber Rattlers. Check out this fricken lineup of can't miss promotional events they've got lined up for their 2011 baseball season.

GUEST APPEARANCES:

Jersey Boys: Cast members from the show appearing at the Fox Valley PAC are scheduled to be at the Rattlers game on June 8.


Mr. Belding: Dennis Haskins, who played Principal Richard Belding in Saved By the Bell, is coming to the game on June 9 in conjunction with Educator Appreciation Night presented by School House.


Denny Diamond: The Rattlers are
hosting a 70′s night on August 11 and Denny Diamond, a Neil Diamond impersonator will be on hand to bring back the decade.


Team Ghost Riders: What is Team Ghost Riders? Monkeys in cowboy outfits riding dogs. See it on August 25.

Morning Wood with Opening Day Hotties

With the first pitch only an hour and a half away let's pay homage to the girls of summer. Most notably Tigers fan and Miss American 2008 Kirsten Haglund. That's one hell of a palm ball she's got there.

Bad Boy John Salley has major beef with that dude who's Married to Larsa Pippen from Real Housewives of Miami

It has been 23 years since the Chicago Bulls and Detroit Pistons first met up in the first of three playoff series' that pitted Isiah Thomas' nasty Bad Boys versus Michael Jordan's group of soon-to-be-champs. Those Bulls, clearly, are still smarting. The team was everyone's choice to replace the Lakers and Celtics at the top of the NBA's heap, but the Pistons had to go and ruin that narrative, winning two championships in 1989 and 1990.

Pippen was particularly candid about the Pistons in an interview from early in March, telling the Chicago Sun-Times this:

"The Pistons were a nasty team. You always had to expect them to play dirty because, remember, they were the Bad Boys of Motown. They'd go out of their way to be mean and try to hurt you. And because we had better athletes, coach Chuck Daly just let them play the way they had to play to win. Bill Laimbeer was no real athlete. The same for Rick Mahorn and Joe Dumars and James Edwards. We were faster, quicker, more competitive and smarter."

Interviewed over the weekend, former Piston John Salley, wanted no such part of that noise:

"They were more athletic -- and they were younger," Salley said. "But obviously not smarter because we're not talking about him 22 years later. He's talking about us. Guys who said we played dirty couldn't have played in the '80s and the '70s. I watched those games in the '80s and '70s, and it's how I learned to play that hard. You fouled a guy who needs to be fouled. If he's going to the basket, you don't give a knick-knack foul and then argue with the ref. You foul him so he knows, so the next guy coming behind him knows, so his team knows you can't go in the lane. We beat them psychologically, and obviously it's still working."

Chalk up another 20 year old rivalry for the state of Michigan. First Jalen Rose became a statewide hero when he called former Dukie Grant Hill an Uncle Tom and created a media frenzy, which in turn essentially swept his DUI from 3 days prior under the rug. But not to be outdone, Piston legend John Salley got into the old man squabbling game when he caught wind of Scottie Pippen running his mouth about how his Bulls were only beat by the Bad Boys because Chuck Daily allowed his slower and dumber goons to attack the more superior Bulls. But just like Jalen, when it's all said and done, John knows that you don't have to win the most to be the one people remember. I mean we're basically talking Tin Cup 101 right? It's like, "5 years from now no one will remember who won the open but they'll remember your twelve Roy". Alright I'm off on a bit of a tangent. Anyway, Infamy makes you live longer. Belee dat.

PS - Now let's all stare at Scottie Pippen's wife.

Robo Cop Saga Continues in Detroit

I understand what these "artists" are trying to say but all this really proves is that when you ain't got no job to be at, then you end up with way too much time on your hands. Instead of building crappy Robo Cop statues in order to make statements about why we shouldn't build Robo Cop statues, we should probably just focus our energy on actually fixing things like schools, the crime rate, and anything else that would add value to living in a city which has lost 25% of its population in the last 10 years. I mean there are only 4 major sports and once you move the Stones downtown you're basically outta upgrades.

Shipwreck of 1820's Schooner Found in Lake Michigan

HOLLAND — An organization that documents shipwrecks says it’s found the wreck of a 60-foot, single-masted sloop in Lake Michigan that may date back to the 1830s. Michigan Shipwreck Research Associates this week announced that that the wreck was found off southwestern Michigan in water about 250 feet deep between Saugatuck and South Haven. The discovery was made while working with author Clive Cussler and his sonar operator Ralph Wilbanks of the National Underwater & Marine Agency. Holland-based Michigan Shipwreck Research Associates says the vessel sits upright and is in relatively good condition. The group says the sloop’s construction and design are consistent with ships built in the 1820s and 1830s. Video of the wreck is expected to be shown April 16 at an event in Holland.

I smell a songwriting opportunity here. Somebody cue the GL.

NBD Just a Box O' Live Bees

Jmase is still very much into sending me pictures from his fake job, working in fake weather, doing not real types of things. Case in point, today his first duty is to release a giant box of bees. Totallyfuckinbelievable. I'd just be careful handling that thing cause those look like bee sized air holes if you ask me.

PS - Oh and Jmase, if you're looking for a fight I've got 5 words for ya. Come get your flapjacks son!

Groupon Junkie

confession: i am a total groupon whore. every other day i'm purchasing a random service or product that i don't need.
i thought it was bad before, but like MMase and this blog, i'm pretty sure i just hit rock bottom.

today's groupon is for huge canvas paintings/photos for your home and their picture example was this:

isn't it beautiful? who doesn't want a giant fucking blown up picture of their dog and their schmoopy on the wall?
visions of this danced in my head...

groupon- $49.
giant fucking blown up picture of stella and BMOC- priceless.

xoxo,
e$

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

Jamel (2'nd grade) to a boy who was "IT" during a game of tag

"Come get your flapjacks son!"

You better believe I'm gonna be using this constantly from now on.

Tiger Beat: Opening Day Eve

Last season the Tigers finished the season at 81-81. Most Detroit teams at this point would kill for a .500 record (I'm looking at you Pistons... I no longer wish that for the Lions, I'm on a game to game basis with them), but .500 just isn't good enough.

For a team that finished 11th overall in runs and slugging pct, and 5th overall in batting average and 8th overall in obp, I expect more and if we can avoid injuries this season, I think we will be better. Moreover, we need to believe we can win and I, for one, believe we can. We're not perfect, but you don't have to be to win the World Series. You just have to go out, play hard as a team everyday, and never count yourself out. I think the Indiands from Major League is the perfect case in point.

So I ask you to look at this line up and tell me we can't win. If you can do that, know that we're not friends, cus I believe we can and I don't want any haters on this bandwagon. So jump on, catch Tiger fever, and let's have an awesome season!
(I'm going to two of the first three games at Yankee stadium, so expect an indepth report next week on these jokers... I mean winners...WINNING)

TIGERS' OPENING DAY LINEUP
1. Austin Jackson, CF
2. Will Rhymes, 2B
3. Magglio Ordonez, RF
4. Miguel Cabrera, 1B
5. Victor Martinez, DH
6. Ryan Raburn, LF
7. Jhonny Peralta, SS
8. Brandon Inge, 3B
9. Alex Avila, C


Finally read this ridiculous story about Will Rhymes reported yesterday:

“It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience getting to start opening day at Yankee Stadium,” said Rhymes. “It's exciting and I'm looking forward to it.” His father, Keith, is flying in from Houston. His fiancee, Anna Pawlow, is coming from Washington, D.C., and his twin brother, Jonathan, is traveling from Santa Monica, Calif.

“My twin brother read that an Egyptian cobra got loose from the Bronx Zoo,” Rhymes said, “and he is so scared of snakes that it has become a legitimate fear for him. I told him, 'You probably aren't going to run into it.' ”

According to a report, a Bronx Zoo spokesman believes the cobra is on zoo property. It just can't be found.

Ridiculous. Head in the game please. But seriously, if you see a pencil wiggle its way across the floor and you live in the NYC area, watch the fuck out.

By the way, this is the only picture I could find of Will Rhymes and his twin:

Morning Wood with Brooke Burke

Wild on! was like anatomy class for me as an adolescent and Brooke was the teacher. Thankk you ma'am, may I have another?

I think I saw this baby at Alpine Valley last year

Looks like this dude is from the Ungawa school of parenting where Tool cranked to 11 equals a lullaby. Actually I did my research and this isn't Tool, it's a Norwegian black metal band called Satyricon. I listened to their record and I got a two word review. Shit sandwich.

GMAT Prep - Data Suffiency

The other window said "it's my birthday!"

Check out this beauty parked outside the planet fitness in Duluth, GA. I spent my entire workout on the lookout for this fresh 18 year old who was obviously ready to dance. A mild sweat later, no chica. What gives? Then I started to think, oh shit, maybe this girl isn't a huge slut, and maybe she's just 16 and pumped she can finally drive. Or maybe it's a dude! So it's GMAT test time blueskiers...

Is the girl that drives this car, and 18 year old whore?

1) Girls left rear window says "I'm legal Baby!"

2) Girls right rear window says "It's my Birthday!"

A) Statement (1) ALONE is sufficient, but statement (2) alone is not sufficient

B) Statement (2) ALONE is sufficient, but statement (1) alone is not sufficient

C) BOTH statements TOGETHER are sufficient, but NEITHER statements alone is sufficient

D) Each statement ALONE is sufficient

E) Statements (1) and (2) TOGETHER are NOT sufficient

Being the grad school bound individual that I am, I knew how to tackle this problem. First evaluate statement 1 alone. Clearly we can not determine that this slut is 18 years old simply by this statement. As previously stated, she could be 16 and legal to drive. Or maybe she's 35 and legal to run for president. Who fucking knows, but just because I want her to be 18, doesn't make it so.

Knowing that statement one is not sufficient, I can use a trick that all us GMAT prepsters know, that our answer has to be BCorE. See you the fuck later letter D. Now it's time to evaluate the 2nd statement and ignore the first one. Once again, clearly this is not sufficient enough to tell us that an 18 year old is inside planet fitness, getting her GTF on (gym,tan,fuck). Now the answer has to be C or E.

We can now finally evaluate the two statements at the same time. Do both statements together give us enough information to determine if this DTF (down to fuck). Clearly once again the answer is no, and the correct answer is E.

Now lets revise the question and assume today is March 18th and the writing on the car is written in 4 hour lasting paint.

Is the girl that drives this car, and 18 year old whore?

1) Girls left rear window says "I'm legal Baby!"

2) Girls right rear window says "It's not my Golden Birthday!"

A) Statement (1) ALONE is sufficient, but statement (2) alone is not sufficient

B) Statement (2) ALONE is sufficient, but statement (1) alone is not sufficient

C) BOTH statements TOGETHER are sufficient, but NEITHER statements alone is sufficient

D) Each statement ALONE is sufficient

E) Statements (1) and (2) TOGETHER are NOT sufficient

What's the answer boys and girls? You get one guess. Email your answer to masonbr4@gmail.com

First person to get it right gets $3 worth of product at my local goodwill that I get to spend at my discretion.

PS - Last week there was a pat tillman mesh arizona state jersey that I didn't buy. Get after it.

Wings lose 3-2 in OT. Bertuzzi Takes Ryan Johnson's Head Off

Last night the Wings lost to the Hawks in OT in what turned out to be a real exciting game. The Wings' sloppy play in their own zone continued to cost them and they had to battle from behind twice in this one just to force OT. But a real sketchy call on Zetterberg with 3.7 remaining in regulation put the Wings down a man going into the extra session and Hossa who was buzzing the Wings all night ended it early. The win moved Chicago into the 7th spot in the West and if the playoffs started today would pit them against the 2nd ranked Red Wings. I say bring it. Kinda.

Anyway, there were two other interesting happenings in yesterday's game. The first was the play of Red Wing goalie, Joey MacDonald. He played a stellar game and made a lot of saves he had no business making as Chicago outplayed Detroit for most of the game. The Joe even broke out in a "Joey! Joey!" chant in the third. Remind you of another certain backup goalie we've had in Detroit?

But even before Joey had time to stand on his head, Todd Bertuzzi was booted for almost decapitating Ryan Johnson with a vicious elbow. Bertuzzi came at him like a freight train and in real time I thought it had to be Kronwall who blew him up. But as the camera drew in, there was Bert looking like a fat kid with cake all over his face. He was given a 5 minute major and a game misconduct but the league decided to not suspend him any further games which is interesting considering the general managers met a few weeks ago and stressed the need for longer suspensions for illegal head hits, particularly for repeat offenders. Ahem! Bertuzzi. Personally, I don't think this was a vindictive hit and Bertuzzi even went as far as to approach Johnson in the Hawks' locker room and deliver an apology that was accepted. Johnson also came to Bertuzzi's defense and said he didn't think the hit was dirty at all. I beg to differ and actually think the hit was as dirty as they come but Bert got bailed out because it didn't fall under the NHL's new rule against defenseless hits to the head. I'm definitely shocked though that they didn't make an example out of him because of his past. We'll keep you updated as this whole situation moves forward.

Does anyone hate the Can-Am Spyder Roadster more than me?

I've probably seen this commercial close to 10,000 time since March Madness started and like Squints watching Wendy Peffercorn lotioning and oiling I just cant take it no more. Seriously, how much god damn money do these Can-Am people fricken have? I probably would've even given them a pass on the sheer volume if they weren't trying to claim this thing is unlike anything we've ever seen before. Ahhh actually, it's exactly like something I've seen. It's called a fuckin snowmobile.

Men are the worst

"Ladies and Gentlemen,
I woke up this morning after a night of little sleep in a sweat. Since my fever is still peaking I'm going to work from home today. Please call me if you need anything I will have my computer next to me.

Thanks,
Jason"


This email is from the biggest pussy I know, my coworker and office mate Jason. I fucking hate him with the fire of a 1000 burning suns. Sorry, but I do not need to know that you were sweating all night, any more than you need to know that right now my ovaries feel like someone is jackhammering them with a butcher knife and I can hardly sit up straight.

On top of this asshole's email this morning, I then had to put up with a plea request from MMase to keep this blog rolling today.
"Matt: i can't funtion"

Ah yes... you can't spell either.

xoxo,
e$

Ray SLAMS Woman on Boat

Miami (CNN) -- A huge eagle ray weighing as much as 300 pounds landed on top of a woman on a boat in the Florida Keys last week, throwing her to the deck and pinning her underneath it, the captain of the boat told CNN."These eagle rays, they were flying through the air," said Kelly Klein of Two Chicks Charters. Hausch's husband and children watched in horror. "These giant things go out of the water and slam back down.""This is a total one-in-a-million chance...it has a 10-foot tail," she said. "These animals aren't attacking by any means. One theory is these animals jump during mating season."

Isn't there something awfully fishy about this story? Let me draw out some key words and phrases for you.

PINNING
SLAM
WOMAN
BOAT
TWO CHICKS CHARTERS
10 FOOT ...
MATING

Something tells me that this adventurer haver fucking got EXACTLY what she signed up for. Now where do I sign up for the same exact thing, but instead with some Tampa Bay Devil Rays and Florida Marlins?

xoxo,
e$

Morning Wood with Nicky Whelan

Nicky is in that new Hall Pass movie and I'm taking mental photographs.

Lil' Wing Hams It Up

Is EduHookups.com the jam or completely unnecessary?

A few weeks ago, a University of Chicago undergraduate student launched UChicagoHookups.com, which allowed classmates to plan a casual sexual encounter online. After attracting national and international attention, the site is now expanding. According to the site, which is now called EduHookups.com, the media attention to UChicagoHookups piqued the interest of other colleges. So, the URL was changed and the site now welcomes Northwestern University and Columbia College Chicago students to the "no strings attached" social network. The site will also be open to Brown University students starting April 4. The site is similar to the "Casual Encounters" section of Craigslist, but users must have an "edu" email address to register. The updated site allows users to post and browse listings for casual encounters, serious relationships and platonic friendships.

What college student seriously needs this? I mean you can basically walk onto any campus in the country, put a blindfold on, and stumble your dick into a pussy. That's excluding Michigan Tech of course. In fact you don't even have to go looking for it. Just throw a house party, brew up a batch of pink pantie pulldown, and put up a velvet rope outside your bedroom. Boom! Instant V.I.P. section and you'll have drunk 18 year olds banging down your door to get in. So to answer my own question, EduHookups.com is completely unnecessary. Mostly because college chicks are willing to give it up in two seconds as long as you're not a complete skeezball who spends all your time writing ads for casual sexual encounters. Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta find my old umich.edu address and get registered.

Wings v Hawks on Versus

Franzen is back after missing the last four games and Joey MacDonald is looking to prove himself reliable against a Hawks team that is fighting for the 8th playoff spot in the West. Should make for a good one. Go Wings!

Correct Me If I'm Wrong, But Did Follett Just Refer to The Schwartz and Gunther as Satan & his Minions?

ff to 1:08 mark for the rant

We all know Follett is down with JC, no surpise there. And you know what, I'm totally fine with him thumping the Bible as hard as he wants to thump it, but man, I absolutely cringe anytime he mentions the Lions when he's been on the Jesus Juice. You'd just think that after the whole calling Stafford a china doll thing exploded in his face he'd be a bit more careful about when and how he mentions the Lions. I mean the current coaches are the same ones who cut him.

CJ Undresses for Acura Commercial

CJ is an interesting choice for this commercial. I'd venture to say that only about 10 percent of the population could even pick him out of a lineup.

U of M takes down C.C. 2-1. Advances to the Frozen Four for 24th Time

Red Berenson produced another Frozen Four for Michigan on the same slab of ice where he was honored by the St. Louis Blues earlier this month. Scooter Vaughan's end-to-end rush gave Michigan the lead on the game's first shot and the Wolverines bottled up Colorado College throughout, earning a spot in the Frozen Four with a 2-1 victory in the NCAA West Regional final Saturday night. Lee Moffie had a goal and an assist in the first period for Michigan (28-10-4), which has won 11 of 12 and will face Denver or North Dakota in the national semifinals April 7 in St. Paul, Minn. It's the 24th Frozen Four and first since 2008 for a school that leads the nation with nine national titles and has made 21 consecutive NCAA tournament appearances under Berenson.

Michigan jumped out to an early lead in the first, scoring just a few minutes into the game, and by the time I boarded the party trolley for Dom's birthday they were up by two goals and had it all but in the bag. Oh, and if you're ever in NYC with a large group of people I highly recommend checking out Molly the Trolley. Shit, it was one of the best things I've ever been apart of. You get to booze cruise all over Manhattan and Dom invited so many Hooters girls that it was like a mobile strip club. Here's one hanging upside down from the ceiling of the moving trolly.

Nice Look Rickie Fowler

When did the PGA tour turn into Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory? I mean this Rickie Fowler kid should be doing frontside nosegrinds, not putting for par on the 18th at Augusta.

PS - His Freddy Couples Halloween costume was the jam though.