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Thursday, September 30, 2010

A.O.L. - Unintentional Double


This was an accidental double A.O.L. shot by yours truly. Life can be pretty cool sometimes.

The ass in the black dress was pretty banging and besides those linebacker shoulders this chick had it going on. My buddy Dom always says "free hockey" any time a game goes into OT so this "free ass" is for him. Score - 8.5

This pic was taken on a crowded street and I had to shroud it in mystery. Still managed to come out with more ass than I bargained for. I don't wanna toot my own horn, but beep, fuckin beep. Score - 9.0

Animal Hoarders



I've watched this video like 10 times and it just keeps getting better and better. Look at those fuckers come gushing down the stairs like someone just opened the flood gates at the Hoover Dam. Hilarious.

PS - I've always said I'm gonna get a hunting dog when I get older. I wonder if the Lady Friend would be down with 100?

Fat Dude Gets Knocked The Fuck Out By Pip Squeak


Knocked Out Cold Exchanging Punches - Watch more Funny Videos

I can't tell you how many parties I was at in high school that were exactly like this. I mean every detail is perfect right down to the pint of Captain in his pocket and the take your shoes off at the door rule. I usually steered clear of any physical contact though cause I'd have a hard time explaining a broken jaw to my mom when I stumbled in the door at 2 am.

Is This Wings/Hawks Wedding Intro Cool?



Before we get started, was this dude's name Scott Homo? If so, buy this guy a beer cause he's had a rough childhood. Anygay, this is a pretty creative idea but has me wondering who wears the pants in this newly formed family? Chick was throwing elbows and had his sweater over his head before the ink even dried on the marriage certificate. Have fun cooking dinner and fetching beers for this brute as she watches the game. Jeez.

Like A Whorey Neighbor, Gaylene Hoar Is There


You think she added the "lene"?

-Jose

I Made A Serious Mistake Not Going To ASU



How many fuckin bombshells are there at ASU? Jesus, my dick almost had a heart attack during this video. Plus it looks like they're down with post grad, old man balls which is great news for me. Might have to convince the Lady Friend to let me get a masters at ASU.

The best part about this whole thing is that a few seconds into it everyone is over his whole routine and just trying so hard to ignore him. But then all of a sudden he busts out the stanky leg at the 1:56 mark and TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF! Black bikini top comes flying outta nowhere and once she starts grinding her ass all over him every other chick goes vagina mad with jealously. Oh, and pretending to spill that beer was a brilliant move by the old man. She felt so bad that it's pretty much a given he's gonna get some compensatory head later, but just in case he gets her warmed up with some motorboating at the 5:05 mark.

PS - Matthew McConaughey with the golf shoes can just cool it with "the jerk". Is this his only move? Seriously, fuck off dude and get outta the way so I can watch hotties grind on grandpa like every other Saturday.

Morning Wood with Anna Faris


Anna always has that "Hey I'm drunk and I'll bone you look" which makes my nether regions straight tingly.

PS - Someone needs to tell Tim McGraw to take a picture, it'll last longer













Wednesday, September 29, 2010

JBS Movie Night - Detroit Lives: Part 3 of 3



This entire series has made me appreciate Johnny Knoxville a whole lot more because he had no real reason for doing it and now I'm probably gonna go see Jackass 3D just because of it. It's been a nice ride thus far so lets finish this one out and Ill get on something sweet for next week. I'm thinking we might need a little reminder of how Detroit can fuckin dominate the sports scene. Rip nailing every jumper he takes should do the trick. Yes Sirrrrrrrrrrr!

Stafford To Start Throwing This Week & Burleson Looks To Play On Sunday


Freep - Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford will take an important step this week in his recovery from a shoulder injury, and he could be closer to returning to action. Stafford was not available to reporters Monday, but he said during his weekly appearance on Mitch Albom’s radio show on WJR-AM (760) on Monday that he plans to begin throwing a football on the advice of medical staff. “They’ve told me that I need to try to do some light throwing this week and see how it feels, and I’ll kind of take it from there,” Stafford said. “I’ll throw a little bit probably tomorrow or the next day and see how it feels.”

Nate Burleson bought a personal oxygen chamber last off-season on the advice of his new teammates, Calvin and Bryant Johnson. After seeing how the chamber helped speed his recovery from a sprained ankle, he’s glad he did. Burleson, the Lions’ No. 2 receiver, said he’ll test his injured ankle this week and hopes to play Sunday against the Packers. “I’m not looking to dress in street clothes on Sunday,” Burleson said. “I plan on actually being out there.”


Having Burleson back will be nice but I don't see it kickstarting this offense at all. Shaun Hill is still Shaun Hill and if the Schwartz doesn't trust him to throw the ball down the field then we can plan on seeing a steady string of dump offs to the likes of Pettigrew, Scheffler, B. Johnson, Maurice, Logan, and Best if he's healthy. Getting Burleson back will just give us another name to put on that list because these days it look like The Schwartz is seriously not interested in taking downfield shots.

I mean I hate to revisit it, but that decision to let the clock run down and kick the field goal before half, instead of taking a few shots at the endzone is starting to piss me off more and more. I'm one of the people that actually thinks this team is better and has a shot at being decent if they make some good decisions, but why is it that this team refuses to take chances? Seriously what do we have to lose? What? We might end up with another road loss? Ohhhhh, I'm so scared...who gives a shit, we've lost 40 of 43 games and we're playing for 3 points instead of 6 because we're worried that Shaun Hill might throw a pick in the endzone. We're better than we've been in 10 years and we still don't have a coach who believes in his offensive coordinator and the pieces he has on the field. Meanwhile every team we play agaisnt gets in their 2 minute offense and we make them look like the 2007 Patriots.

And I understand that it's not Stafford out there, but The Schwartz said he would've made the same call with Stafford or even Joe Montana out there. Really, Joe Montana? Man, The Schwartz's stubbornness is fuckin disgusting sometimes. If Joe Montana was your quarterback he would've ran up there and spiked the ball without even looking in your direction, cause that was the right play in that situation. I'd like to think Stafford has the guts and moxie to do the same thing. I need The Schwartz to stop pretending that he made the right call when obviously he didn't. I have his back for now because I feel like he's fighting out there, but when youre 2-17 in your first 19 games the leash starts to get shorter and shorter until people have a stranglehold on your throat. You better get a grip on things before the Lions faithful starts calling for your head.

But everyone needs to chill for a second and realize the sky isn't falling. Anyone who wants him to get canned now is a straight lunatic. Yeah this team has lost 3 games but they've also been competitive in 3 games. Now that we're at that level The Schwartz has to teach them to pull it out in the end. That's what she said.

I Think I Was Stuck Behind This Asshole Last Time I Drove Through The U.P.



Next passing lane in 54 miles.

Inge Becomes Tigers All Time Strikeout Leader


I hope this is the tipping point and people finally start believing me when I say that Brandon Inge is worthless. When you surpass the Tigers previous strikeout king, Lou Whitaker in basically half as many at bats (4,314 to 8,570) then you've really done something. Check out this clusterfuck of a stat, when Brandon came up to bat he struck out 25.5% of the time. 25%! That's ghastly. Yet, even at the beginning of this year I still had people trying to tell me how great he was. Well, after another miserable performance this year I bet we won't be seeing Brandon in a Tigers uniform come next spring and it's about damn time. I just can't believe we didn't trade him at the All-Star break in '09 when he had 21 jacks. Instead we paid him 6.6 million to have the honor of watching him set the worst record in Tigers history.

Should The Lions Be Interested In A Disgruntled A.J. Hawk?

Question of the Day: A.J. Hawk


The Killer and his stutter are usually considered gospel when it comes to insider information in Detroit and if he says it isn't gonna happen then it most likely ain't. Not even really sure if I'd want him anyway. Sure he's better than what we got but the dude is overpaid and certainly isn't the second coming of Brian Urlacher like everyone thought he would be.

PS - Look at Killer's library of old Detroit Lion playbooks and mustache grooming guides. Fuckin paradise.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

While doing gymnastics


"I can't do summersaults. This is a new haircut.

Sadat - 7 years old

The Bucks Are Pressing Pretty Hard With This Seniorgee Thing. You Want Fans? Try Winning Some Games



MILWAUKEE -- Clad in a sparkly headband, black leggings and a megawatt smile powerful enough to light all of southeastern Wisconsin, Marlene Russell is like any other Milwaukee Bucks cheerleader as she struts her stuff on the dance floor. Except, of course, that she is 78 years young. And she has great-great-grandchildren. Russell was among more than 30 aspiring dancers ages 60 and older who spent a September Saturday afternoon at the Wisconsin Athletic Club auditioning for the 20 spots on the Bucks' Seniorgee! squad. The group performs at five home games each season -- the first of which will be Nov. 27, when the Bucks host Charlotte. During the tryout, Koepke puts her charges through the paces. "We're gonna shake it down your body and shake, shake, shake," Koepke told them.

Well I think I just solved the mystery of why Jmase loves Wisconsin sports so much. Christ, at halftime of a Bucks game you can grab a MGD, pound a Johnsonville brat, and watch a senior citizen orgy. That's what I call FANtastic. I'm starting to think that the "Detroit Pride" ain't looking so bad these days.

PS - #69 looks fiesty.

PSS - What's up with that dude being out there? I think it's time to put Grandpa down if he starts asking to be a cheerleader at Bucks games.

Morning Wood with Angie Everhart

A hot redhead is far and few between and Angie is definitely one of my favorites. Except for the fact that she dated Howard Stern. I'm not sure how many roofies you'd have to slip in my drink to sleep with that fawkward anorexic Kramer knock off.







Tuesday, September 28, 2010

When Did Jmase Become A Packers Fan?


Jarett Mason: Go Pack Go!
19 hours ago via Facebook for iPhone · Comment ·Like/Unlike
Write a comment...


Is this some sick joke? C'mon Red, if I asked you to name a current Lions player you'd probably say Barry Sanders and now all of a sudden you're watching the NFL and cheering for the Packers? Just don't expect me to let you back on the bandwagon when I'm pouring down tears and hugging my first born child, Matthew Stafford Mason after the Lions win the Superbowl. You're basically dead to me now.

PS - That's right, I'll have a child before the Lions win the Super Bowl

Somebody Get This Husky On Glee



Holy shit, does anyone else think this dog sounds just like Cher? Seriously on the real, if I was a record producer shopping these songs around to artists I would pick Mishka over Cher 100 times out of 100 no questions asked. Lets ignore the fact that she looks like she absolutely hates doing this and might rip your face off at any second, I'd still rather go on tour with Mishka than an old dried up Cher any day. I'd just have to get rid of her owner cause this dude is one pushy stage mom. This whole "Sing Mishka, sing!" shit has to stop. Chillaxe dude, you're gonna have this pup getting plastic surgery until she's white and snorting painkillers if you don't quit it with this Joe Jackson shit.

In the end this is just another reason why dogs rule and cats drool. Could you imagine asking Sassy from Homeward bound to do this? She would look you straight in the eyes and tell you to go fuck yourself.


PS - This is also just another reason why my dog Lucy ain't good for nothing. I've been trying to teach her Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald for months now and she keeps fucking up the lyrics.

KC Chief, Shaun Smith, Busted For Minding The Stepchildren Once Again



PFT.com - We previously noted that 49ers offensive tackle Anthony Davis accused Chiefs defensive tackle Shaun Smith of grabbing his genitals during Sunday's game. Now video of the incident has emerged. The video appears to back up Davis's account of what happened: That Smith grabbed his crotch, Davis reacted by slugging Smith, and the officials gave Davis a 15-yard penalty for retaliating without ever seeing what Smith had done to provoke the retaliation. Davis is the second opponent this season to accuse Smith of grabbing his junk; Browns center Alex Mack Mack also said Smith grabbed his genitals. Smith didn't receive any league discipline after Mack made his accusation. But now that there's a second accusation, along with video evidence, it's time for the league office to come down hard on Smith.

Wah wah wah. Cry me a fuckin river Anthony Davis. "Oh I got my genitals grabbed during a football game!", Jesus, act like you've been there before. I remember crushin nuts at the bottom of piles when I was in Pop Warner and I never saw anyone get this upset. It's part of the game. It's like the Brandon Spikes' eye gouge...



Or the Jonas brother Mouton's sucker punch he threw in the Notre Dame game last year.



Redwing great, Vladimir Konstantinov always said , "If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying" and I've always tried to live my life by that standard. The only difference between Vladi and Shaun Smith is that Vladi never got caught. Getting busted twice in 4 weeks for fondling nuts means Shaun should probably start watching some straight porn with the Mrs. to deflect some attention before he gets charged with a hate crime.

Dez Byrant Picks Up $54,896 Dinner Tab


PFT.com - It's been a great week for Dallas receiver Roy Williams. He had his best statistical day as a member of the Cowboys on Sunday, then he got revenge on rookie wideout Dez Bryant for that whole pads-carrying training camp incident. At the time, Williams said it was no big deal Bryant just had to take the team out to dinner. Bryant ultimately offered to bring the offense to Pappas Bros. Steakhouse on Monday night, according to Calvin Watkins of ESPNDallas.com. Williams decided to invite the defense as well. With all the extra mouths to feed and some take home bottles of wine, the bill came to $54,896. "They got the young fella," Bryant's adviser David Wells said. "What could he say? He had to pay it unless he wanted to wash dishes for a month."

Man, Roy Williams is such a douche bag. He spends 90% of his mental energy coming up with first down celebrations and ways to haze rookies, then come Sunday the dude is running the wrong routes and can't hold onto anything they throw his way. I'm thinking he should carry his own shoulder pads during training camp next year cause he sure can't hold onto the ball when it matters. And then when Dez stood up to him he starts crying and demands that Dez buy the whole team dinner. Fuck that. I just hope Dez had the waiter take a dump in Roy's spaghetti and meatballs.

PS - Don't forget this $54,000 dinner was courtesy of the same Roy Williams who openly admitted that he doesn't tip pizza delivery guys. Dude needs to get a grip on reality.

X-Games Chump Eats Shit



Come on duder. That was the weakest wheelie attempt in the history of Schwinn Predators. Jesus, get even half an inch of lift off that truck bed and you'd land this thing no problem and be making out with every chick on the block instead of needing headgear for the rest of your life cause the ground just made you underbite your entire face off.

PS - How bad ass was the Schwinn Predator?

"Whatch You Talking About Rabbi?"



Blueskier Kimberlee is absolutely killing it this week. Shit, first that A.O.L. to end all A.O.L.s and now she sends me this Jewish episode of Different Strokes and wants to know if it's racist. Man, if she keeps this up I'm gonna have to put her next to e$ on the imaginary payroll pretty soon. But getting back to the question, I usually steer clear of racial commentary because anything my cracker ass says would come off racist but for some reason I'm gonna go against my better judgement and throw my two cents into the ring. The quick answer here is that this isn't racist at all, because I don't think of Jews as being a different race. They're white. Game over. While at U of M I couldn't even tell you who was Jewish and who wasn't unless they had on a North Face coat and were eating a gyro at Mr Greeks. Anyone making fun of Jews just seems like their making fun of religion rather than race. I grew up catholic so call me Irish and slap a pint in my hand. I mean I totally get that the 4000 years of persecution were kind of a big deal but I guarantee you every Jew I know was cracking up at the 1:20 mark when the redhead calls the yamaka a yamaha.

So the survey saaaays... Not racist.

Denard Will Start, At Least Until He Decides To Take Another Unnecessary Hit At Midfield Against An Inferior Opponent. Then He's Probably Out Again.


Love you Denard, really do, but for fuck's sake get the hell outta bounds when you have the chance. These clowns want to lay a hand on you so bad you can probably induce 3 late hit calls per game too. But for real son, get your ass outta bounds cause I can't watch much more of this backup QB carousel bullshit between the wannabe Terrelle Pryor, Devin Gardner and Tate Forcier, the poor man's Jeff Garcia.

"Shit Kids In Brooklyn Say"

I keep finding myself starting stories with the same creepy, "so I was in the woods with my kids the other day" line and people keep calling me out on it. But such is the life of an elementary gym teacher. Here's another "shit kids in Brooklyn say" gem from our trip to the low ropes course in the Sleepy Hollow wilderness.


"I love nature, like when animals chase each other on tv and they put it to music."

Zaire - 11 years old

"You ever seen battle at Kruger?"

Mr. Mason - 26 years old

Morning Wood with Last Nights Epic A.O.L.


Look at this chicks hot dinosaur spine. I want her to rip me limb from limb. Thanks to Kimberlee for the pic. Here's some more of the great A.O.L.s. Enjoy.









A.O.L. - Ripped Jeans


Jesus, Mary and Joseph wearing Def Leppard jeans! I can now die a happy man cause this is the mother of all A.O.L.s. Do people actually go out dressed like this? And if so, where? I mean I run my ass all over the biggest city in the US day after day and I've never in my wildest dreams ever come across anything like this. That little bit of butt crack she's showing is lethal. Only thing that would turn me on more is if she had a tramp stamp of the Lions logo. Maybe e$ can photoshop that shit for the next JBS banner.

This ass belongs in an ass museum. It's a fuckin Picasso and just one of the absolute greats that's too sexy to even fuck with. I mean if I ever found myself tangled with this ass I'd have a hard time not exploding into every one of the holes she has in those jeans. Ass Score - 10.0

Bagging monster ass like this is all about opportunity and when you see a 10 point ass walk out in front of you, it's real easy to get ass fever. Keeping a steady aim on this ain't easy. Nice huntin. Pic score - 9.5

Monday, September 27, 2010

Is This The Mugshot Of A Dude Who Got Tricked Into Getting A 93.5 Tat On His Forehead


When a deejay offered six figures for a forehead tattoo, David Jonathan Winkelman did it—and then everyone laughed at him and said it was a joke. Now he has to relive the humiliation with a mugshot gone viral. Winkelman became a human billboard for the radio station KORB in late-2000 after a disc jockey offered listeners a six-figure payout if they tattooed the FM station's call letters and logo on their forehead. Winkelman and his stepson, Richard Goddard, went to a local tattoo parlor and each emerged with forehead ink promoting "93 Rock," the "Quad City Rocker." Of course, when the men came calling for the cash, station brass explained that the offer was a practical joke, just a wacky radio stunt. Winkelman and his relative sued, claiming that the station sought to have listeners permanently marked so that they "could be publicly scorned and ridiculed for their greed and lack of common good sense." Both complaints were eventually dismissed. KORB has since switched to an "adult contemporary" format and has changed its call letters to KQCS, or "Star 93.5: Today's Best Variety." Arrested last week for failing to appear in court over a misdemeanor charge for operating a motor vehicle without the owner's consent, Winkelman's awkward mug shot reawakened his decade-old humiliation of yore.

So yeah this story is like 10 years old, but any time this guy gets arrested for the rest of his life I'm gonna bring this shit back up. Cause I don't care how redneck you are, you need to do a little more research into the payment method before you go getting branded square in the face with some dick jockey's logo. And how is it that this dude's lawyer couldn't milk a dime outta this thing. You best believe I'd be bringing in Jackie Chiles and I'd come outta this one with at least 5 million for my discomfort. But besides getting no money for any of this, the worst part about this whole thing is that 93.5 switched to some adult contemporary bullshit and lost this guys street cred forever. Have fun getting hit on by Kenny G fans the rest of your life.

Delmas Said It Best


Best getting hurt, refs bending us over, Peterson running for 80 yards at a pop. Just Lions football at its finest.

Lions Confined By A Combination of Terrible Officiating, Constant Injuries, and Poor Execution


What a freakin nightmare. And I don't mean the way the Lions are playing these days. No, I'm talking about the way that absolutely nothing can go right. The amount of injuries to key guys is absolutely absurd. I mean you aren't gonna win many games when you throw two critical redzone picks and give up an 80 yard touchdown run, but their isn't a team in the league that could compete without their starting quarterback, their starting middle linebacker, their starting outside linebacker, without their #2 wideout, an injured running back, and a dinged up starting safety? Plus you pile on the excruciatingly terrible officiating that we've had thus far and it's the perfect storm of shit.

And as much as people are gonna want to call Lions fans a bunch of whining bitches, it ain't gonna keep me from bitching. Ed Hochuli should be wearing a big red nose and huge ass shoes out there cause the guy is a fuckin clown. He should've handed over his paycheck when this one was done because he let Brett Favre control that entire game. I mean I knew Favre was the quarterback and the coach of the Vikings, but when did they start letting him referee too? That shit was embarrassing. Favre would throw an incomplete pass and then just point at the play and the refs couldn't get their flags out fast enough. And not only was Favre getting absolutely any call that was close, the Lions were having first down conversions in the redzone brought back on phantom holding calls. The one backwards pass that Favre threw and they called incomplete was so beyond egregious. Had that been the Lions, they would've 100% continued on with the play and checked on it after the fact but since it was Favre it was immediately blown dead. I mean if we go out there and lose on our own lack of skill and execution I'm fine with that, but for fuck's sake, stop stealing shit from us.

Now, the Lions themselves played pretty bad and regardless of the officiating they would've lost in the end. You can't muff punts and expect to win. You can't blow tackles and expect to win. And you can't lackluster play calling and terrible clock management and expect to win. Seriously WTF was up with them not spiking the ball so they could get another shot or two at the endzone before half? That shit isn't difficult, in fact it's coaching 101. Sometimes it even seemed like the Lions conceded the ball as soon as they got it. A couple of those 3 and outs took 20 something seconds off the clock. It's getting fuckin brutal to watch.

But on the bright side, I was impressed with the offensive line as they only allowed one sack against the Vikings which is something to hang your hat on. Not to mention they came to the aid of Hill when Ed Hochuli completely lost control and let the Vikings start throwing punches in between plays. Mid game I even found myself raving about how the Lions had kept Peterson in check all day and then he busted that one for 80 yards. Spoke a little too soon on that one.

Bottom line is that the Lions would only be 1-2 at this point anyway so being 0-3 isn't that shocking. What's more shocking to me is that with everyone healthy, I think we actually would've had a shot at being 3-0. I was a 5 win guy all along and I was never thinking playoffs like some of the slappys out there. So take this season for what its worth. As much as karma continues to fuck us, we're not the "same old Lions". This team can play defense, sort of. This team can run the ball, sort of. And this team has leaders who know the game, sort of. It's just extremely frustrating to have to wait another season to see these young guys grow up. I don't have many more seasons like this left in me.

Be Patient...It's coming.



I don't have a freakin clue what these homies are doing but I can't believe BMOC and I didn't' get into this shit when we were young. Had I known about this growing up there would've been craters up and down 38th ave. I mean it looks like they're just taping giant sidewalk chalk to the end of sludge hammers and then smashing it. Fuckin science man. Pretty awesome shit. Well, at least until you use way too much chalk and rip both your arms off. That's when science kinda sucks.

Morning Wood with Grace Park


I'm in the mood for some Chinese this morning. Grace is a 36 year old actress who's best work came when she played an Asian dancer in the movie Romeo Must Die. Oh, and she's also in the new Hawaii Five-O remake. Enjoy















Friday, September 24, 2010

Waste of Life






I wish Teresa Lewis and Lindsay Lohan pulled a Freaky Friday before Teresa's execution.